Abuse of caregiver. Advice?

.....but I'm learning.

And, in case you haven't guessed it, mature, responsible decision-making doesn't come easily to me. I dont know if I have EVER made a really good decision. I have my doubts.

You know what? Why dont you put yourself in my shoes for just a moment. I'm trying to do the right thing. Yes,I feel like the devil is toying with me every day--go, stay, watch me play..... It seems sick and perverse to me. But I stayed up all night last night trying to figure out what to do, and i was so tired today from all the stress I couldn't think straight. So I just chilled. I want SO BADLY to walk out the door, but I need a place to go, and the police station wont help me. I realm wonder when people suggest things like that if they actually mean it. What good would going to the police station do me? Anyway, the shelters are full. I check daily. I m very unsure about what to do, and it seems to me that enduring another day here is smarter than getting in a uhaul and sleeping in it, but I'm not sure of ANYTHING. That's why I ask for advice. I listen to all suggestions and keep them in my mind as options/paths to take. I know it must seem like I'm stalling/avoiding, but, again, put yourself in my place. I have to DO SOMETHING, and if I can avoid making a mistake....well, I'm just saying maybe tomorrow, when my thinking is clearer, hopefully, something will seem more appropriate. I need some money when I leave here,and there ought to be a way to persuade him to give me some.but obviously I haven't fared too well on that front. Just praying for wisdom, guidance, and a windfall. I appreciate everything y'all have said, and i respect your opinions a great deal. Please believe that. I realm do appreciate the time and effort you've taken to help me. Im not ignoring any of it.

Quit negotiating with him!

LEAVE!!

I'm outta here ...

Rocknrobin: Agreed! Pack up your babies in cat carriers you could borrow from your local SPCA!

Lady, I really don't know what to tell you. You won't go because of the cats, but to stay is torture. You can't have it both ways. You are underpaid, a prisoner, treated like dirt day after day after day but yet you stay. Pack up those cats in borrowed cat carriers and get the heck out of there! Now! We can give you the best advice in the world, but if you don't take it, what good does it do? Pack a bag, call a cab and go to the police station. You can do this.

Surprise!! I dont have to save today, I've been told. He's not paying me the nrmal weekly salary, however. He says that's all the money he has and that he had to give money to the lawyer to evict me. Sounds silly, I know. It's almost like he doesn't really want me to leave. I told him it would be very difficult for me to go ANYWHERE without ANY MONEY. In the past week (2 paydays), he's given me $300 which translates to $150/wk. Hard to do much with that.

Jeanne: I, too, suggested that she GET OUT NOW.

Lawyers don't enforce evictions. Sheriffs do. It does not "cost more" on Sunday. Sounds like this guy is just jerking you around again.

My advice in my first response to you is my advice tonight: Get Out! If he kindly "gives " you another week, don't take it. Get Out.

Rent that u-haul, rent a storage unit, put your stuff in storage, put the cats in a no-kill shelter, return the truck, present yourself at a homeless shelter.

Just Get Out.

And i still have no idea what I'm going to do come Monday, other than load up a rental van and drive off......

I'm so sorry that son of you find my story fraudulent. I could not make this stuff up. This is the way it has happened. It doesn't make sense to you, and it most certainly doesn't make sense to me. I have been in a state of shock for the longest time....thats one reason I want to tell my story--I would never have believed it could even happen, especially in an upscale neighborhood of the "elite." I walked around with my mouth dropped open for months, especially when he would be in a rage episode and start beating on me. I just couldn't imagine it was realm happening. I guess I don't blame you for doubting, but every word I say is true.....

Abusers CAN BE VERY KIND. That's how they maintain control. Abusive husbands tell their wives how much they love them and that no one will ever love them as much as they do....that's how the husband maintains control over his wife. In between bouts of abuse, he makes her feel good, which makes it harder for her to leave. My boss, at times, would B VERY kind to me....he used to call me "Princess," and buy me things, like a $100 pair of reading glasses. But then, the rage would take over, and he would turn violently against me again. But he has justified his behavior now by convincing himself that he has been helping me for the past 2.5 yrs--keeping me sheltered and not homeless. He forgets that when first moved in, I was hired as a companion/aide for his mother. Before I moved in, I worked for $10/hr on weekends caring for his dying father and his ailing mother who was recovering from a stroke. His father died, and hence I moved in to care for his mother. He now treats me as a nuisance-)just a needy person who takes advantage of HIS kindness and generosity. I don't argue with him anymore. I just need to leave. He gets angry with me because I'm not more grateful, never stopping to think of the peace of mind he has because of my presence--I have been here, in tho house, every single day for the past 2.5 years.

So, Dallas, what are you going to do Monday?

VERY INTERESTING......in Friday's Dallas Morning News North Dallas supplemental neighborhood magazine, there's a section called "Sounding Off" where people in those neighborhoods express opinions about a topic. This week, it was "Domestic Violence." A common opinion expressed was the shortage of shelters/temp living for abused women and their children. Apparently, the mayor has recently released a report detailing the city's ineffectiveness regarding tho issue, and over 600 injured parties were denied safe lodging due to lack of available shelter space. People were upset about the report and most stated that the city needed to step up all aspects of help available for victims of domestic violence.

Today, he came to me and asked if I'd figured anything out yet, especially for my cats. I told him no, and he said that, although he was not official granting me more time or anything like that, he would not call the lawyer and ask him to enforce the eviction because it would cost double on the weekend, and he wasn't going to do that, effectively granting me a reprieve until Monday.

So what is happening today, Dallas?

Now, let me remind you....these are upper middle class people who trace in very elite circles, and this family of four brothers went to all the same schools I did!! I actually went to school with his brother from first grade through high school!

Another abusive act: The closet I my too has a roof leak that has been active for the 2.5 years I've been here, never repaired. For a while, I thought I was getting sick from it (mold, mildew, etc) because I had all kinds of infections. Last spring when we had so much rain, it was really awful. So I have had no closet to put things in, and coupled with the fact that I've been threatened to leave so many times, I've lived out of boxes. That seems to B what delights my abuser the most--to make my daily life as difficult as possible: Not enough money, no way to get organized, no privileges. On the day I first called police, he removed all televisions (except mom's), denied me further computer access (I was free to use their laptop until then--I also had my own, but it died), ....he even told me I could no longer use their ice!! Daily, he would tell me something I could no longer do. One day in a rage, he forced me to transfer 90% of my belongings to storage, leaving me with just a few small boxes and son clothes --making it so difficult to find things. He also put 8 old, broken dining room chairs in my room for storage (further de-emphasizing any importance I thought I might have) and removed the bed I had slept on. He later put just the mattress back in, so now my room look like a storage shed with a mattress thrown on the floor in the corner for me to sleep on. No lamps, tables, anything.....and my closet I a cesspool of standing water I have to collect in buckets.....if I didn't, I guess everything would be flooded......oh, and the times everything has flooded, I was the entire cleanup crew.....now,that's mental illness, if you ask me. One day as he was toss in me around and pulling my hair,sticking his fist in my mouth, etc, he called me white trash and i made a remark about ...oh, and THIS is what the high-class white people do. Right? BEAT ON THEIR HELP!!!!

Let me see if i can clarify. You have been receiving fragments because it's too long to write in one message. So maybe that hasn't helped understanding. But a lot of the abuse stems from fact that they know I have nowhere to go. They know that's the way to upset me. A long time ago, she i first moved in, they set up this manipulative game which I fell for where she would accuse me of stealing or something like that and order me to leave, then recant and beg me to stay. This happened many, many times. Then the son figured out that leaving was my weakness, because I brought fear to me, so every time he flew into a rage (often), he told me to leave, then recanted. All during this time, I consistently cared for his mother, and that never changed, but I changed. I fell into deep depression, and that gave him power. So he continuously browbeat me, harassed me, calling me names like white trash, and I would beg him to stop. He controlled me, at least in his eyes, and the abuse escalated......yes, I'm being treated for depression, but i think I'm okay. He underpaid me, I needed to go to Dr and begged him to help financially, and he refused. Over and over. But at times, he would be very nice and helpful, giving me extra money for this and that, and telling me I could stay until whenever.....round and round we went. Pretty soon, it became his game, and he would hit me. When i finally called police on him, everything changed. He became hostile. And it went downhill....he said he wanted me to leave, I said I wanted to leave....and I've been trying to work it all out until the other day when he posted eviction notice on my door. That's why, when I first started posting this, he hadn't evicted me yet. On one of the occasions she police were summoned, he slammed me hard into a cabinet, injuring my back further, it seemed (I already had pain, but it worsened). When I say I can't walk, I mean my legs start spasming severely after a few steps and i have to bend over and preferably sit down to alleviate. I've been seen 3 times with no real results yet. Everything I've told y'all is true.. .it probably just didn't make sense because it was so fragmented. At least I HOPE I'm not as mentally ill as you think I am.

Without any insurance, and disability takes a long time to get, the only way is to go to the ER and say you are a danger to self or others. That gains admittance. But, don't know for how long. It is a tough situation to be in No relatives? Family? Friend? Anyone? Maybe through one of the organizations mentioned? Problem is many of the mentally ill are homeless.

I suspect that you have some mental health issues. Perhaps that is what is in your background that is getting your way ... ?

We have been trying to help you regarding your cats. We have been trying to help you regarding a place to stay temporarily.

But maybe the help you really need is about mental health issues. Is that the situation? You don't have to hide that from us.

Have you been treated for a mental health problem in the past? Can you contact the clinic or program that helped you? Do you need help finding resources for counseling and medicines? Are you on disability? Do you need help finding out how to apply for that?

Maybe we should start all over, but with all the cards on the table about your real needs. You can see that many people here would like to help you.

You story doesn't really hang together coherently. But that would be understandable if you are dealing with mental illness, and especially if you are trying to avoid explaining that.

Coming from a lifestyle of abuse. This is a highly dangerous station if you are not well how can you care for your cats. My heart goes out to you. I will pray that he gets stopped he is sick. I will also pray that a door opens for you to leave with her cats.

I've called Genesis frequently. Always full

Tomorrow I have to be out. He posted eviction notice on my door. But I've known this was coming. It's time for me to leave. He has actually been bugging me about WHAT EXACT TIME I will be leaving, and i told him to leave me alone, I didn't even know where I was going yet!! He's so rude. I guess I'm going to rent a uhaul van, load up my stuff and my cats, and just get the heck out of here! That's what's got to be done immediately.

Call these folks:

http://www.genesisshelter.org/

I am so sorry that y'all find my story suspicious or shady. Maybe it's panic setting in on my part. I do tend to get upset, but I'm trying hard to stay calm and clear-headed as possible. But I'm scared--no doubt about it. I'm alone, and just that fact is scary enough. I dont have any family left to stand by me or support me. That's hard!! Thank you, gladimhere, for that Dept of Labor suggestion. I was thinking along those lines, too, but have had to prioritize and try to find a place to go instead. I'll call them next week, hopefully. Btw, y'all, I've been making a little money here, and that's why I have a smartphone. It's Metropcs, and it costs $45 per month, not unlimited data usage,but I've been using their wifi.

I am surprised nobody has suggested contacting the Department of Labor and Dallas need a Labor Law attorney. These "employers" are illegally employing her. Slavery was aboloished years ago! If this story is true this case could be worth alot of money! Though it is an incredible story that has evolved from having no place to go to she has to get out.

Yes, I am in Dallas.

You only have to find that one caring person or place to help you. I know it would be difficult...also I needed to find a home for 2 nice kitties and placed an ad on Craig's List; lo and behold they were adopted within a week by a very nice couple....perhaps you could them a foster family this way.

Dallas are you located in Texas? Because here in NY they have been the biggest help to many....Have you checked with any veternarians if they could direct you to people or organizations (some are small and private) who could be able to foster your cats.