Abuse of caregiver. Advice?

Take your cats to the Vet. Worry about the bill in a few days. Tell them to board them and what your plan is. Then Just go to any ER and now they will have to take you. Explain your circumstances and they will be forced to call the police then file your report and they should be able to get you in a place for a night or two. Maybe more. If you have Facebook friends maybe private message them to see if you could stay with them. Heck I’d love to have a live in caregiver. Advertise on FB CareLinx. Com. You will be scooped up in no time.

I didn't follow the whole thread but I had to respond as an abuse survivor myself. I didn't know this person may not have taken the advice but what I think also could've happened is the possibility that the OP may have tried to get out but was too scared or maybe they did get out and we don't know what the situation is. I know when I was rescued, I was unable to follow up with people I knew from my school because I was taken pretty far away where there was no way I could walk back to school given the very long distance. I wanted to tell my friends where I was and how everything went when I was called to the school office but because of the circumstances that unfolded, I didn't get that chance and I thought I would be able to come back from the school office and finish my day and just go with the CPS to a new location and just come to school from that location. Little did I know is this would never happen either. Hopefully the right authorities are reading this and will start explaining to people there rescuing that they may never see their friends or family again. Don't leave rescue ease in the dark, it causes more problems than you realize.

Regarding the OP, we don't know what the situation is. If this person had to relocate, we don't know what may have happened to their computer or if they were on a library computer. If they moved to safety at some point, perhaps they may have lost their login info to log into their account. These are just some possibilities to remember because when you must leave a violent situation, you may end up losing some things in the process and in some cases you may only come out with the clothes on your back. Don't judge, you just never know what someone else may be going through and I'm speaking from experience. When I was rescued by CPS from my dangerous parents, I was only able to come out with the clothes on my back. I wasn't able to really take anything with me. The CPS went out to the house and my abusers wouldn't even turn over no clothes for me at the group home. It wasn't until the sheriff came out and threatened my abusers with arrest if they didn't comply and turn over some clothes to the CPS for me at the group home. I don't know what happened to the OP, I never followed the thread but hopefully the situation is resolved and the OP is safe

I want to share my support for Jeanne's thoughts. I know of others who thought this was a hoax, and I still think so. In fact I'm really surprised others who've read the whole thread haven't caught the inconsistencies, except for Bookworm who really called the shots as she sees them.

This is another one of those fake posters who just went on and on and on, pretending to want to escape but always finding reasons not to. He or she is probably now on some other forum playing the same games.

Jeanne, thanks for clueing in the newer posters.

This post is more than 2 years old, and there was suspicion (after many posts) that the whole thing might have been a hoax.

The OP did not take advice when she (allegedly) had the problem 2 years ago. They are not likely to still be reading this.

Can we just put this one to bed?

As this may be hard to hear, it sounds like you may have to just leave with just the clothes on your back. I had to do this at age 13 when I was rescued by CPS and taken right out of school and to a group home. If you can't get your cats, just leave by yourself with just the clothes on your back.

As an abuse survivor myself, I can tell you that it usually ends in death. I know what I'm talking about, I lost my only bio sister. I don't know if you've ever seen on Facebook the children's wall of tears, but you would be surprised at all the children who have also died from abuse at the hands of their abusers and caregivers. What would make you think your abuser won't kill you? From what you're describing, this person really needs to have charges pressed against him and not just the cops called only for them to leave you in that situation. They're not doing their job by leaving you in that situation. You say you have nowhere to go but actually if you think about it, yes, you do! There are plenty of churches, battered women's shelters and you can even sleep under a bridge if the shelters are full. What you need to do is go somewhere safe and call the cops and press charges.

What you can do is visit the nearest business and tell one of the workers to call the cops and tell them why and that you live nearby if the police station is too far away. If you live near a fire station, hospital or the local human services, you can't even show up at one of them and have them get you some help. If all of those are too far away, just show up at the nearest business. If this is out in the country, just get out on the road and start walking toward town. Stay in plain view as much as possible. If your abuser chases you down, try to stop passersby if this is out in the country. If no one is around and you're out in the country, hop a fence and run through a field and hopefully to the nearest house for help but screaming along the way. If you have a phone, call 911 (if he hasn't taken away your phone). There is a lot you can do. You may have to leave with whatever clothes you have on your back and if you must leave in your underwear, someone will notice somethings off and will call authorities, especially if you must leave naked. This is the biggest red flag somethings wrong but you're not likely to get in trouble for indecent exposure or if you had to leave naked in order to save your life. There are other police reports on file according to you so this should help you. Call your local Bar Association and get a domestic violence lawyer who helps in this area and who can also recover money owed to you for your work.

If he happens to be out and you're home alone and there happens to be a car that happens to be running, I don't condone stealing cars but if this car is an extra car belonging to him or if he's sleeping, grab the keys if you know which ones they are and run out the door, into the car and lock the door behind you. Start up and get the heck out of there as fast as you can and speed up the road as fast as you can but do it safely. Go to the police department but take the keys with you. If you're stopped on the way, just tell them you were just abused again, and had to flee. Explain that you're not going back and that you need to go somewhere safe. Also see who can retrieve your cats but don't be surprised if the abuser hurts or kills them, make this known when you make the police report that if anything happens to your cats you're pressing more charges besides the abuse against you, but also for the cats. Have him arrested and then have someone help you get a lawyer. When they go for charges, the judge can order payment and even garnish his bank account and the bank accounts of anyone else who may have been involved in the abuse against you. Those who knew about the abuse and did nothing are probably accessories and they're just as bad as the abuser by doing nothing. You said they have resources, see how much your lawyer can get you.

Since there's an elder in the home where you're being abused, you also need to call the APS. If you've been abused as you say, then chances are this other person may have also been abused at one time and chances are there are probably others. This person really needs to be stopped and locked up, especially if there are children in this home

I think protecting her beloved animals is the problem. I'd talk to a shelter person and see if anyone would be willing to foster her pets until she gets on her feet and can take them back. Pets really limit a lot of possibilities.

I believe her

Go to abused women shelter today

You mention financial abuse against you. Do you carry cash? If so, go to the bank and sock it away into an account and  don't give your abuser any more money, not one more dime. If you have an ATM card, tell the bank what's going on and have them put a stop on that card. See if you can get a safety deposit box and put your new card in there along with anything else of value. Definitely speak to the bank manager if you can and tell them you're being financially abused and tell them exactly what you told us here. They may also help you get in contact with the right channels for your area. If you can take someone you trust with you, do it and get a restraining order against the abuser. You don't have to put up with this. Have you been to the hospital for any specific injuries from the abuser? If not and you have abuse related injuries, go now and tell the hospital exactly what's going on. Tell them everything, don't leave out nothing. When your examined, have your nurse put you in contact with somewhere safe to go on your discharge and tell them you're not going back into the house of an abuser. Explain to them you don't want to care for this elder anymore. Also ask your nurse to make a police report of your injuries when you tell her what happened and how you got the injuries. Ask that they make a police report and photographs all the bruises and other injuries. 

It sounds like you must be caring for someone of a different race or they wouldn't call you "white trash". What you need to do is still keep calling the police department and even start looking for a lawyer and go for what you deserve in pay. It would also be a good idea to contact the APS and to get the heck out of there. What would help is if you had someway to record all of the activity going on in that house and send copies to proper authorities. You're better off in a homeless shelter right now then you are where you are being abused.

I get it...now some greedy person is supposed to read all this an s say, "wow, the name dropping, new job, possible link to an inheritance....sure, I'll cash your check for more than the amount."

Where do I sign up for the Nigerian scam? Bruce from NY/NJ aka "Crispin," whatever your name is nowadays, is that you?

Ladies, beware. State and federal authorities have been looking for an abusive man who owes lots of child support to several women who poses as a caregiver and preys on lonely women on caregiving, dating, and other sites. He tries to sound super spiritual, sweet, helpful, and an animal lover. He bothered some ladies around here but is thankfully long gone from our area; unfortunately, he conned a church into giving him money to go to California and he jumped off the bus in, yes, Texas for yet another "job opportunity."

The internet is full of Bruces, men and women and when they aren't living off their mothers and girlfriends they are trying to live of food of your hard earned money.

P.T. Barnum said, "A sucker is born every minute." Don't be one of them. Unfortunately for caregiver types, they tend to be taken in more than average on internet scams and you can lose more than just your money. There are identity scams, kidnappers, perverts, and if you haven't seen the interview with the woman whose boyfriend was murdered brutally by the man that abducted her and her boyfriend after keeping them in a shopping container after bragging about his intentions on Amazon reviews, maybe you should get out more and not be so trusting of people you "meet" on the internet.

This troll is an amateur but the next one might not be. This one isn't even female. Be more discerning, ladies (and gents, if you are there).

God bless.

Signing with my real name because I have a prayer for you and a bullet with your name on it if you stalk or disturb my family again,

Michelle

May God Bless you through your struggles. I'm so sorry you are going through this. God always finds a way, when there seems to be no way. I know you have tried hard, and see no way out. There is. Call the police or a friend and ask them to take you to a battered woman shelter for protection, but first find those rescue agencies that have foster people for the cats. They are awesome animal lovers. friends/family is involved in that, Raleigh NC, "Paw Prints", mostly dogs but they know other ones. The "Women's Centers are good at helping you find a job and place to live too. God Bless you and good luck. Hopefully a friend can help you or take you in till you get your next job.God Bless you and good luck.

Well thank you for yet one more negative post about my honesty and intentions. I don't know if you've thought about this, but none of the organizations that you listed take cats, to the best of my knowledge. They take children, yes, but not cats. Anyway, I have moved on now, and I'm not here illegally. That's a new one. As to what I'm afraid of-- I was afraid of not having a place to live with MY children--my cats. They ARE easier to take care of than kids, but not as acceptable into most homes of any kind. Especially not when you have several of them. And I'm still shocked at the negativity on this forum. This is supposed to be an understanding, compassionate place for caregivers, right? Is there something I'm missing here?

I have been reading this and im wondering if your maybe here illegally, because even if you are there is help out there, i was a victim of domestic violence for 6 years and that was 30 years ago when it was alot harder to get help.. i know there's alot of mental anguish and anxiety from abuse and it tears down your self-esteem but i feel something isn't rite or you would have snuck out of there along time ago and until you decide your ready to go nothing anyone tells you will work. I had two children and im sorry but there alot harder to raise and take care of than cats and i stayed hidden for over a year. Im going to reread these posts and if im wrong I appologize but something isnt right for no hospital or organization ,battered womens foundations, shelters and the salvation army is a big advocate for helping people in need especially battered women, so what is it that your afraid of ?

Yea! I too am glad that things are going well for you! You are a very good writer, so hopefully this will be a good match for you! I know that you are angry about some of the negative posts, but you did come across a bit flaky and did always seem to have a reason why you couldn't leave, and it did become strange and oppositional. But I am very happy for you, and proud that you are putting one food in front of the other and getting your life back on track! Good luck to you in your new ventures! I really mean that!

Glad things are looking up!

I am SO EXCITED!! Just found out I passed required testing to become transcriptionist remotely, via computer. I am sooo hopeful that this is start of new life for me! Ladies, I thank you for all your help and advice, I'm sorry that you felt the negativity towards me, and I am hopeful making the biggest change EVER in my life! Although I did not LIKE the fact that you doubted my motive and intentions, I appreciate all your comments because it ALL adds up to character building and a deeper understanding of the world. Thank you! I have to go to court tomorrow to answer to the eviction proceedings against me that I told you about. My boss did that just to be mean. But a lawyer is supposed to meet me there, and since things are really looking up for me, I'm confident that all will go well! Our God is an AWESOME God!! I can only stay where I am two more weeks, but it just might B enough!! I need to figure out how to get computer, so if any of you have any connections for computers, please let me know! I PROMISE I'm not trolling!! Just trying to make things right and realm thankful to you for all your help!!

Would y'all PLEASE cut me some slack here?? Rainmom, I ordered the cat carriers from Amazon because I had gift cards there that I earned online doing surveys and such. They were delivered--they are soft-sided/collapsible. Staceyb, I had right to go through papers because she asked me to. I would be searching for something for her--she was quite disorganized, causing me to have to look through files, drawers, boxes, etc....i became familiar with just about everything in her house, plus she and her son both used to tell me everything related to family. I was her secretary, aide, companion, maid, yardgirl, nurse, slave, etc.....yes, I had the right. But she and her son told me all about the inheritance, income, family, etc. Yes, y'all were kind and helpful and offered me many suggestions, none of which I refused. The shelters are always full, the Police were useless and uncooperative to me (maybe they see this domestic violence-type situation often and dont have much to offer as remedy? I don't know). But try were quite clear in expressing their viewpoint--that I should just leave. And where I am now? I met a nice man about 6 months ago at the grocery store who was the piano player for Al Hirt in his younger days (y'all remember Al Hirt?). A really colorful guy--REAL PEOPLE, if you know what i mean. Unfortunately, he died recently, and his roommate took me in (they had shared an apartment very close to where I was living). If not for the cats, I could probably stay here indefinitely, but the cats cause a problem, of course. He loves them, though, and is an extremely kind, good soul. Yesterday, I used his laptop and applied/tested for a remote transcriptionist job online. Computers, typing, and English are my strongest talents (apparently not caregiving-lol), and i was a secretary working my way into IT work when I started to take care of my father full-time in late 1990s, so I'm hoping I passed and can receive assignments from them and earn some money that way. I'm really kind of depending on that because it could help me immensely to get back on my feet, so I'm thinking REAL positive about that becoming reality.

You said you had every right to go through this women's Personal Paperwork? I Highly doubt that! Not to the degree that you indicated that you could could have SOME WAY, to CHANGE the way that ABUSIVE Man, collecys on His Inheritance. Or did you forget that you wrote that? Als, after over 100 posts on people reaching out to you with suggestions to escape this horrible situation, you fail to announce exactly where you ended up. Are you in a shelter, with family, a friend? After so many, myself included, showed you compassion and caring, you don't even say where you went? This forum is a two way street, you ask for advice, then you should show the courtesy in telling people how you are doing and where you ended up going!

How did you get four cat carriers home? Never mind - I don't really care

I never thought that i would be attacked by my own kind. But, I dont beleve I want to continue being a caregiver. Shocking, I know. So, you ladies helped me with that decision. Thank you so much!! You helped, even though that wasn't what you intended to do. You were more interested in bashing me than helping me, or so it seemed.

I agree, midkid58!

Rainmom, I was able to purchase four cat carriers because I do things like surveys/market research online and earn Amazon gift cards. I felt compelled to get something to put my cats in rather than risk losing them, so the gift cards were a real blessing. So. Maybe not as crazy as you thought. Gardenartist, maybe someday you can explain to me why I would use fictitious names and "troll" various sites. What would I gain? I'm at a loss as to why someone would do that.....Staceyb, several points for you....i had EVERY RIGHT to see legal/personal papers of my patient. I was asked to, for various reasons, such as locating specific documents, addresses, dates, etc. . I was her companion/aide/secretary for awhile. ..yes, I would like to receive my back wages. If you think I'm looking for money HERE, on tho sure, surely you are joking. I doubt i will ever receive the money that I legitimately earned.I was asked if I wanted Midkid to call her friend in Dallas. I pmed her and asked her what she thought I should do. I just wasn't sure. I NEVER turned ANY offers of help down. The police did not take me seriously and were not willing to help me. They blamed me for not being gone even though Dallas shelters turn down 150women every this is NOT a group I would expect to be wealthy. . I came to this site for help, advice, understanding, same as everyone else. I got seriously criticized. Oh well, I'm now gone from the abusive household. Before I left, I was told he might give me some money if I signed hold harmless agreements and recanted my statement to police that he had injured my back. I have retained a lawyer to help me through the fraudulent eviction proceedings he set in motion against me. I moved out in the night ahead of my expected move-out date, so that I would not encounter his wrath and his rage as I left. I am free of him at last, and I thank you ladies for making me angry and determined to get out. I dont believe you were justified in the horrible accusations you made of me, and i don't understand why. But it doesn't matter. Thank you for reiterating to me how mean people can be and how they're not usually my friends. But i did find a friend, and I'm really happy about that. They don't accuse me. Judge me. Or do anything but let me be and are kind. I feel very blessed. Midkid, how can you say I REFUSED when you know that's NOT TRUE??? I dont get that.

Dallas--
I have come to this site with questions myself, and seeking support. Once I have received the support, good ideas or solutions to the situation have been given to me...I don't keep the post "going" for the sake of attention, or whatever. Yes, we all help each other, but you have gotten SOUND advice and TONS of sympathy. Now your story (while it may be true) is ringing a little too false. You've had actual offers, in Dallas, of people who would come GET you. You refused. So you've chosen to stay in this place. If it's all true, my heart does go out to you. If you are having a jolly time scamming all of these kind, caring people, I really feel sorry for you.

And why did you feel it appropriate or even legal to snoop, using Your DETECTIVE SKILLS, through Your Employers Private Paperwork, then make indications that you would somehow use this Information Against them, when you FINALLY GET OUT OF THERE? There is Something Wrong with You! You had No Right to ever Do Such a Thing! I believe that you are after Money, and somehow Think that the Kind and Caring People on this site can help you in this way, but this site is for Advice, Information and the Caregiving, and how we all can help each other. Well you have been given a Tremendous amount of time, understanding information, and even an offering of a place to go, yet you continue to wallow in your own self pity. Take Action, and Move Out! Why would you continue to stay in such Deplorable Conditions? Put your Big Girl Panties On, and Get Out, before Something Really Horrible Happens Again! If the living conditions are as you have admitted to Us, the the Police would have to act on it and do something to help you! No bed, sleeping on the floor, inches of water on the Floor of your bedroom, Flea bombs, with living creatures, in an inclosed room, You coughing and hacking for 1 & 1/2 hours afterwards? Really? Get a Clue and Move Along, You are No Longer Welcome There!

Dallas a/k/a ?????:

"Wow, ladies. Many of you appear to have missed your callings. If I were you. I'd shuck the caregiving gigs and become detectives. "

Doesn't that sound like the former Mousehunter a/k/a PieceofCrap?

This fake identity is probably one of many used by this sicko to provoke responses on various forums. I'm guessing she/he/it is trolling on many forums, testing out different fictitious scenarios to see what reels in the most catches.

What got me early on was the purchase of four cat carriers by; someone with no money, someone who has no transportation, someone who can't walk ... Come on! I've got a great idea; how about we put an end to this crap by no more replies? I know I'm out.

Dallas, do you honestly think that staying in these Terrifying, Horrific, deplorable conditions could Possibly be Better than accepting an offer, even if it IS Only for a few days, from a kindhearted person, offering up some assistance to you? It makes absolutely No Sense! Even a Womens Shelter would be better than where you are living now! Why don't you give us some real idea of what you intend to do? You mentioned living under a bridge, well that obviously will put you in a very dangerous position! You have to figure out a game plan. For God's sake, call or go to Social Services, and demand help! Do it!

Dallas, if you are a troll amusing yourself, Be Gone!

If even 30% of this story is true, please, please, get yourself to a mental health clinic. You need way more help than you can get from an online board.

Dallas, what do you want?

Lady/Man/ whoever, whatever you are, you are blowing it big time. You are very poor at your trolling trade. Seeing right through the bs.