A friend's husband abandoned her years ago. He called her to say he has lung cancer and asked her to pick him up from the airport. Advice?

It seems they're still married and depending upon state rules there could possibly be some legal issues. Other than that this plain and simple is NOT her concern and his phone calls should be ignored. First and foremost how can she bring someone into a home that is not hers? Secondly, how can she care for someone when she's elderly and ailing herself. The answer is absolutely NO! He needs to call his family members and/or whoever he's spent his life with when he abandoned her. Also get the divorce that should have happened years ago so she can be free of all legal obligations providing there are any at this point. Or give power of attorney to someone who cares and she needs to take care of herself in the time she has left. However, my best answer to any and everyone is always: DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO because ultimately that is what you're going to do. Be blessed.

If they are not married or are legally divorced and she had not co signed a loan for him she has no responsibilities for any debts he incurs. Her sister doesn't have to let him stay her home. In fact, even all the particulars in this case she should not have him stay in her residence.

If I were your friend, I would contact the social worker at the hospital and advise them he can not be discharged to her sister's residence. If they think they will try (as has occasionally occurred) to drop him off, advise them that two calls will be made one to the police depart and the other to the local news station.

Personally, I would have run like a track star the other way and would never have allowed him back but that is me. I don't like getting burned twice.

Are they actually divorced? If not then she's his next of kin. Either way though she's not responsible to be his caregiver or provide him with a place to live. She lives at her sister's house and the sister has no obligation to him.
If your friend and her sister are letting him stay with them, that's their choice. If they tolerate him being verbally abusive, once again their choice. Neither of them have to do anything for the guy.
If it was me, I wouldn't even have picked him up at the airport.

If he begins pushing her, or harassing her to accommodate him, she can request that a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) be issued by the local Circuit Court.  She should also file for divorce, and ask for  permanent restraining order.   That'll keep him away, as he could be subject to police removal if he violates the order.

Her sister also has a right to refuse him to move in.    If he does push the issue of moving in, she too could file for injunctive relief.  

IMHO, injunctions are the most thorough and legal way to keep him away from the sisters.

Catch a Taxi Mate!

To wherewhere you like.
I won't be picking you up.
You can't come to my place.
Number blocked.
End of.

Harsh but fair.

The more I think about this situation, the more concerned I am growing, not so much about your friend, but about your friend's sister, who will be the REAL loser if your friend agrees to allow her ex to move in during his convalescence: because if your friend is not in good health - as you mentioned - then it's going to become her sister's s**t-show when she ends up having to take care of BOTH of them, especially once he HAS established residency and refuses to leave.

Your friend has to have NOTHING more to do with this man; not even make phone calls on his behalf, because each thing that she does for him just further cements it in everyone's minds that she is willing to take on responsibility for his care taking. If not for her sake, then for her sister's!

I'd be touching base ASAP with hospital staff/discharge person to make the situation known, and if funds are available would definitely invest in the opinion of a certified elder law attorney. As much as I have been unhappy with some of the care we've received via hospice, it might be a helpful resource. I suspect it is possible that he is feeling frightened and alone and wants what little comes close to being his "family" to be around. wishing all the best....

How does a van one is living in become uninhabitable? Genuinely curious.

Sister needs to be the one to inform the Social Worker now that the man cannot return to her home. Explaining he was a guest and has worn out his welcome. That she is caring for a sister and refuses to care for a virtual stranger. Tell them not to allow them to intimidate her. Its Sisters home and not your friends. The Social Worker can call Social Services and get him a room at a motel until further accommodations can be found for him. He will get vouchers for food. If he needs home care it can be done at the motel room. If he goes to rehab, they need to do a "safe discharge". If needed, he can become a ward of the State. Tell your friend to except no responsibility for him. He left her high and dry without a backward glance. She is not obligated to care for him. To me their marriage ended when he walked out of the door. She just should have just done something about it legally years ago. Even now she may want to put an ad in the paper saying she cannot be held legally responsible for any debts he incurs.

I suggest she consult with a lawyer. She may not even need the husbands signature to divorce him since he walked out on her. If money is a problem, then call Office of Aging and see if they have a number for Legal Aid.

Tell friend and Sister do not allow him into the house. If he has personal property there, pack it up and drop it off at the hospital or rehab. Have a receipt ready "I ______ have dropped off all personal belongings to ________ Hospital/rehab for _________ on this date _______. Sign and then have the person receiving the pkg/suitcase sign too. Make sure his name is on the box or tag on his suitcase and a room # if possible.

I personally would not have picked him up. I would have said sorry.
They did a good deed and now maybe punished for it. Your friend owed him nothing.

I would recommend telling your friend to call him and tell him to not come back to her sisters, he is not welcome as he has overstayed his VISIT.

Then if he shows up at the door to tell him that he is not welcome and he is trespassing and needs to leave now. If he doesn't call the police.

Hopefully, she has been filling taxes that reflect their separated status. This will be her proof that they were not cohabiting as husband and wife and in fact were separated.

Tell her that she is no longer his doormat and she should not lay down for his abuse. So what he has cancer. He didn't care about her well-being all these years. He walked away from any rights to her help in his hour of need. This is what social services was created for.

Even if the OP and sister both call the hospital to say not to discharge him to her house, it still seems like he would be capable of getting himself an Uber and show up there, since he is of sound mind. I don't know what happens next, but I would not allow him into the house. Refer him to a weekly rate hotel or call a charity or contact social services for advice and after that stop answering his calls. I would actually call social services right away to see what the options are, if any, so that you are not blind-sided and having to make decisions in a panic.

If sister gets any mail with his name on it, she should not open it, but write "Not living at this address, return to sender" and put it back in the mailbox. Wishing you much wisdom and success in getting a final divorce.

Personally I think this situation calls for contacting a divorce attorney immediately for initial advice specifically regarding the discharge, even if she has to pay for it. This would be the most air-tight pathway forward.

Abuser is not living there and she is not responsible for him. Don't let his mail come to your house either it could establish residency.

Yas she needs to file for divorce based on abandonment. Might be able to get one of those non profit lawyers to do it for free.

If they are still legally married, then she should get herself to a divorce attorney ASAP and begin proceedings to formally dissolve the marriage. It should be fairly easy if he abandoned her, most states have a divorce provision for that very thing. Hopefully they haven't been continuing to file their taxes together all this time, which might muddy the financial waters, so to speak...

If she lives under her sister's roof, then that's pretty easy, considering it's not her home in which to invite him, and her sister certainly has no legal obligation to take him in.

Where has he been living all of this time? That's his legal residence, not with his estranged wife. Her mistake was to allow him to come to live with her and her sister in the first place, even for the short term; it has put the idea in his head that she's willing to take him back and nurse him through his illness.

Any calls she gets regarding his future care should just be answered with a simple "He does not live here, he lives (his address); he only stayed with me a short while to coordinate his hospital stay. I don't know what his plans for his after care is; we have been separated for (XXX) years and I have no plans to get back together with him to undertake his care."

But the divorce should go through, to keep any creditors from being able to attach any debt he incurs from his caretaking as "marital debt."

Have to ask why no divorce..but that is water under the bridge.
When it comes to discharging him both your friend and her sister HAVE to say that they can not care for him. He is not their responsibility. If they are asked to pick him they are to refuse.
I hope your friend did not sign any paperwork indicating that she is responsible in any way for this man.
It will be up to the Social Worker to find a facility for him and work on getting Medicaid started if he already does not have Medicaid.