A friend's husband abandoned her years ago. He called her to say he has lung cancer and asked her to pick him up from the airport. Advice?

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A friend's husband abandoned her years ago. He called her to say he has lung cancer and asked her to pick him up from the airport. Advice?

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Leave him where he is and don't pick him up. Use caller ID and don't answer calls from him. No is a good word to practice too if he dose manage to contact her. As for being responsible for his debt I don't know. Other's will have to answer that. Maybe she should get a fast divorce so more cost can be added on?

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She may have had compassion for him as a human being but is smart enough to know that he can’t come back to live with her.

People take taxis or Ubers if no one is there to pick them up. Let’s hope he doesn’t return to her house. I totally agree with NotGoodEnough and Geaton. She needs to speak with her divorce attorney ASAP!

What a sad situation for her to be in.

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Imho, the answer is very clear as this man is STILL abusive to your friend; she does not have to pick him up from the airport - or any other place.

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Yes, definitely talk with the lawyer ASAP. Abandonment used to be a cause for a divorce if he was gone for seven years or more?

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Yes, I knew a woman that her husband went out to buy a pack of cigarettes and never returned home. I was young when my neighbor told our family about it. I think that after seven years she was able to document him as dead instead of a missing person. They didn’t have children. She remained in the same house that she lived in. I assume that she was able to collect his social security after the seventh year.

She didn’t remarry though. Can you imagine going through this? Having your husband say, “Honey, I am going out for cigarettes.” Then as his wife, never seeing him again!

I have heard police say that not all missing person cases are cases of people that are missing. They assume new identities and live as other people.

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Refuse to accept him when it comes to his being discharged. Hand the problem to the State, and make the hospital deal with it. He is nothing to do with your friend or her sister and they should put the responsibility onto the State.

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Please come back and tell us how this works out. You just got to love the nerve of some people. TG my ex didn't turn to my daughter for help. She probably would have given it even though he never had anything to do with her. He died alone, his choice. My friend's ex was different. He called their daughter after years of estrangement wanting to have a relationship, saying he was dying. Daughter's reaction, Oh Well.

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Find your friend a therapist!

Regardless of what she decides to do, she will need therapy.

If she decides to take him back, she needs to set the condition that he attends couples therapy.

If she never divorced, she also needs an attorney. Death is expensive in America and she may be responsible for the medical bills as his wife.

This will be hard no matter what.
It might be unspeakable hard.
Help her build the network she will need to get her thru it

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I would just hang up. Or say "you've got the wrong number". I'm suddenly feeling a little better about my ex. That's at least one thing he didn't do to me.

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She contacts the hospital and tells caseworker/social worker there that he will need to be placed in NH if he meets that criteria by dr order. She can explain her sister allowed him to stay at her home for a short while, but he can not return there. Or have the sister call the hospital. Hospital needs to know his previous home was a van. Hosp and doctor need to help 'their' patient with the living arrangement for him when released from hospital - the can start with rehab to get the paperwork going for nh care. Wife/exwife can just get out gracefully by saying she doesnt even have a home of her own - relies on a sister - so unable to offer any shelter to the guy.

If he has any children or relatives at all - contact all of them and let them know he needs some help. You can give that contact info to the hosp and dr, as well. If hospital happens to call her/her sister when time for discharge, you tell them to call other family members because he has no residence with her.

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Meant to ask - are they still married? Heck of a time to get divorces while he has cancer, but she may need to talk to an atty to get herself totally removed from him as his spouse.

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If she is not divorced, she needs to do that as soon as possible. That would protect her from financial responsibility. I see two different issues here..1) financial responsibility and 2) moral responsibility/obligation. The laws in your state should tell her her financial obligation with him - if she is still married…and her own sense of moral obligation toward caring for him should guide her on whether she wants to care for him during his illness. I personally would divorce ASAP and he would be on his own…as he has been apparently for years.

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The poster has not come back to update.

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Yes, this post is now over 2 weeks old. Would be nice to know what decision was made.

Since the OP has not returned, I think we need to stop posting to this thread.

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I think what you have done for him so far by letting him settle temporarily is more than enough. I hope if he has been released from the hospital that you did not allow him back in your sister's home. It is sad he has no one but the best thing for all concerned is to refuse to pick him up at the hospital. The hospital will have to find a home to take him. If he truly has nothing, he should be covered by Medicaid and his Social Security in most any state. After he is settled and if he behaves with your friend on visits, you could choose to continue visiting and perhaps do some little things for him. That would be a great kindness considering how he has treated your friend in the past. God bless and let us know how it turns out. Take care!

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Bless you, for trying to help your friend out of a situation she should never have put herself in. Are they still married? In some states that makes her the responsible party, especially if he's put his address the same as hers. She should immediately go to the business office at the hospital, tell everyone possible that she is NOT responsible for ANY bills what-so-ever, that will be associated with him. Stress to everyone she will not accept any mail - don't matter what kind- that is delivered anywhere with his name on it. Especially her home address. If possible, try like hell to get this in writing - even if she has to write it out herself. Hospitals have notaries on staff, so get it notarized, handwritten or not. Then call his next of kin, cousin, sister, SOMEONE, to pick him up. DO NOT LET HIM RETURN TO HER HOME.m

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A friend's husband abandoned her years ago. He called her to say he has lung cancer and asked her to pick him up from the airport. Advice?

44 Answers

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