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This man has been abusive and created much family grief over the years before abandoning my friend. Now he wants to come "home" because he has lung cancer. My friend doesn't have her own home, but lives with a sister who allowed him to be brought in while medical appointments and hospital visits were coordinated.
This man is still verbally abusive although this kindness was given to him. My friend cannot care for him as she has post polio syndrome and is very frail, in her 70s and could not withstand the hardship, nor is her sister willing to let him stay in her home. The man is currently in the hospital receiving treatment. My friend is beside herself with fear that she will be held responsible for any debt or caregiving responsibility. He simply cannot come back to stay with them. He's been living several states away in a van with is now uninhabitable. What can she do to protect herself from this burden? He is not a veteran and has gone through all his money, though he does receive social security. That's it.

Catch a Taxi Mate!

To wherewhere you like.
I won't be picking you up.
You can't come to my place.
Number blocked.
End of.

Harsh but fair.
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Reply to Beatty
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Are they actually divorced? If not then she's his next of kin. Either way though she's not responsible to be his caregiver or provide him with a place to live. She lives at her sister's house and the sister has no obligation to him.
If your friend and her sister are letting him stay with them, that's their choice. If they tolerate him being verbally abusive, once again their choice. Neither of them have to do anything for the guy.
If it was me, I wouldn't even have picked him up at the airport.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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Simple remedy. Assume no responsibility. He is not allowed to use your address or phone and turn responsibility over to hospital social worker.
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Reply to Ginnyssister
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The more I think about this situation, the more concerned I am growing, not so much about your friend, but about your friend's sister, who will be the REAL loser if your friend agrees to allow her ex to move in during his convalescence: because if your friend is not in good health - as you mentioned - then it's going to become her sister's s**t-show when she ends up having to take care of BOTH of them, especially once he HAS established residency and refuses to leave.

Your friend has to have NOTHING more to do with this man; not even make phone calls on his behalf, because each thing that she does for him just further cements it in everyone's minds that she is willing to take on responsibility for his care taking. If not for her sake, then for her sister's!
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Reply to notgoodenough
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JoAnn29 Jul 26, 2021
Its the Sister's house, not the friends. The friend cannot make the decision to let her ex live there. Thats why I said the Sister has to tell the SW its her home and she is not letting him back in.
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ITRR,

You are right. If the abandoned wife and SIL start asking questions with social workers that's admitting to having taken some responsibility for him. They shouldn't do it. Once social workers and social services get a bit like that between their teeth, they'll use all the tactics available to them to make these people take him back.
They will promise all kinds of help and support which no one ever gets. They will even make threats about them having a legal responsibility to care for him and how they can get in trouble if they don't.
It's all a big crock and these women should not go asking around with social workers.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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If they are not married or are legally divorced and she had not co signed a loan for him she has no responsibilities for any debts he incurs. Her sister doesn't have to let him stay her home. In fact, even all the particulars in this case she should not have him stay in her residence.

If I were your friend, I would contact the social worker at the hospital and advise them he can not be discharged to her sister's residence. If they think they will try (as has occasionally occurred) to drop him off, advise them that two calls will be made one to the police depart and the other to the local news station.

Personally, I would have run like a track star the other way and would never have allowed him back but that is me. I don't like getting burned twice.
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Reply to geddyupgo
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Give him a link to AirBNB website or the number for Social Services.
Don’t answer his calls and don’t open the door.
Straight up narcissist, who needs it?
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Reply to KristineB
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Have to ask why no divorce..but that is water under the bridge.
When it comes to discharging him both your friend and her sister HAVE to say that they can not care for him. He is not their responsibility. If they are asked to pick him they are to refuse.
I hope your friend did not sign any paperwork indicating that she is responsible in any way for this man.
It will be up to the Social Worker to find a facility for him and work on getting Medicaid started if he already does not have Medicaid.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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It seems they're still married and depending upon state rules there could possibly be some legal issues. Other than that this plain and simple is NOT her concern and his phone calls should be ignored. First and foremost how can she bring someone into a home that is not hers? Secondly, how can she care for someone when she's elderly and ailing herself. The answer is absolutely NO! He needs to call his family members and/or whoever he's spent his life with when he abandoned her. Also get the divorce that should have happened years ago so she can be free of all legal obligations providing there are any at this point. Or give power of attorney to someone who cares and she needs to take care of herself in the time she has left. However, my best answer to any and everyone is always: DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO because ultimately that is what you're going to do. Be blessed.
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Reply to MsHana1958
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Abuser is not living there and she is not responsible for him. Don't let his mail come to your house either it could establish residency.

Yas she needs to file for divorce based on abandonment. Might be able to get one of those non profit lawyers to do it for free.
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Reply to sp19690
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BurntCaregiver Jul 29, 2021
sp19690,

That's right about not letting his mail come to the house. That's counted as residency in most states and they'd have to do an eviction process.
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