It’s been a while since I posted. I’ve been busy trying to work things out here, and trying to take care of myself and my health as this living situation has been a nightmare. I do have an update. And please don’t judge, I feel bad enough as it is how things have turned out.

I’m unable to get these two out as was recommended here, because my mother took my name off of the house, and so far she refuses to put my name back on the house (both of our names have been on the house up until 4 years ago). It’s a very long story, and I’m not sure if it makes a difference to tell the whole story (?)

I put all all of my time, energy, money, and resources into this house. Her companion has been here almost the entire time. He is a mess, he’s verbally and emotionally abusive, showers once every 1-2 weeks (see my first post a few months ago for more info). Every year she tells me she will get rid of him in one year’s time. I’ve been hearing that for 30 years now. He is legally disabled and handicapped, he has many health problems, he is on many medications.

I’ve lost 30 years that I’ll never get back, I’ve run out of money and resources, I’ve lost most of my friends, relationships, and I’ve run out of options. My mother has turned my entire family against me, and she blames me for everything she’s done wrong in life.

I’ve wanted to leave this situation many times, even though I’ve put everything into this house, but my mother is very manipulative and cunning. She’s managed to block my every exit via very serious threats. She has a lot of friends and allies.

Since I’ve lost pretty much everybody and she’s turned my entire family against me, I have nowhere to go. And I have multiple senior dogs, so I can’t rent in most areas. I have considered buying an inexpensive camper van/van conversion, or travel trailer. Someone suggested that here, and I’ve heard it elsewhere. That way I could travel and live fairly comfortably AND take my dogs with me. I found several possibilities and I have a handyman who will help me. I’ve seen pictures on Instagram of traveling nurses living very happily and comfortably with their multiple pets in travel trailers. I told my mother about my idea. She threatened me again, said if I left her “alone” here, she’d sell the house and move into a senior apartment, and whatever was left over, she’d put into the trust. Which is sad, because this is a beautiful house, it’s always been my dream house, all of the renovations and upgrades and solar have been made. And it’s paid for. It’s my only nest egg after tolerating YEARS of this BS! I’ve been denied a normal life because of these two, and it’s NOT for lack of trying. The entire family has ganged up on me. Nobody has helped me ever, my family makes fun of me, calls me names, talks behind my back. I’ve tried everything to make my brothers share responsibilities because I am EXHAUSTED, and so far nothing has worked.

I have begged her to put my name back on the house, so far she refuses. I don’t want her to sell the house, and I see my brothers circling like vultures wanting it, so I need my name put back ASAP. She spent thousands of dollars building a tiny house for her companion in the back yard in order to keep him living here, and she blames me for that, even though HE wanted it built. So now she owes money and is in debt AGAIN and threatens me to pay for it if she gets rid of him.

I don’t want to spend the rest of what’s left of my life living in this situation, and caregiving for her AND HIM (whether it’s emotionally, physically, ER visits, cooking for her and him, reminding them, problem solving, entertaining her, helping her with her health issues, etc). But the latest threats of selling this beautiful house (which she paid off with her ex husband’s money and her parents’ inheritance) if I take my dogs and leave, either temporarily for an extended vacation, or permanently for my own sanity and peace, is sad. And I would lose everything, including all of my investment over the 30 years. She’s been dangling this over my head. And I have no one to talk to about it anymore. Meanwhile my aunt has been texting my mother all kinds of ways to torment me even more, and make my life worse.

I don’t have much money left. Everything I had I put into this house (and now she’s asking for receipts, when a large part of it was giving her cash for whatever she needed). I barely have a small amount for medical emergencies, veterinary emergencies, and a small amount for a used camper van or similar. The van conversion is my only way out now. But she won’t let me leave in peace without more piles of legal threats, stalling, the family ganging up on me and threatening to take the house from me when they’ve done NOTHING to help. She refuses to pay me back my share of what I put in, and she refuses to pay for all the caregiving off and on all of these years. I’ve asked.

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I don’t know your whole story, but from I read here it doesn’t sound at all like you’re ever getting the house or anything for your efforts. You think you have so much to lose by walking away after all these years of caring, and being rewarded with abuse, but in truth I don’t think you have anything to lose. I’m truly sorry your mom has done this to you, but no amount of begging or caring is going to change it. I hope you’ll gather the strength to leave and reclaim the rest of your life, make it a good one, and leave behind this toxic mess that’s only sucking you dry

Actually, I’ve seen her binder (will). This house and everything in it goes to ME when she “dies” (her words, not mine). Only thing that changed was she removed my name from the house at my request TEMPORARILY (yes, I know, big mistake, but long story). And I’m trying to renegotiate that when she’s in a better mood.

And at at this point, the only way out is buying an inexpensive camper van, taking my elderly dogs, and living in it, which I have been ridiculed for by my entire family.

I posted my story several months back here. It took a lot of digging to get all of the info, stress, plus I have a job and responsibilities, some health issues due to the stress. When I posted about my situation, I was asked to come back here and update the situation. Which I have.

I hope to hear constructive advice on how to proceed.

The thing about the will:  How do you know that this is actually the valid will?  That there is not another one superseding it and disinheriting you?  I've found the hard way that you cannot play in the same sandbox as a narcissist.  With that kind of person, you have to be hyper-vigilant at all times - what on earth makes that worthwhile?  The house?  You have NO guarantees there.  You have put so much down a dry hole and temptation is to keep putting money and effort in because you can't bear to admit it was all a waste.  But the reality is what it is, and the thing you have to do is to stop digging yourself in deeper. I'm puzzled why you discussed the camper with your mother?   I'd be careful to share NO important or personal information with such a person.  I wouldn't worry for a moment about what your mother, your relatives, etc. thought. They are just trying to trap you.  If you left, they might have to deal with Mom.  The camper idea is not stupid - it is the new reality in an economy where people have to move where work is available and housing is not available on a realistic cost basis.  Don't give up and don't believe what your mom tells you.  You can trust her about as far as you can toss the Brooklyn Bridge.  Remember, nowadays inheritance is not what it once was.  Oftentimes all assets are spent down to cover aging parent's health care and there is nothing left.

Yes to the suggestions above (LEAVE!). Just think how much angrier you will be if you invest yet more years in this toxic mess, only to be left with nothing when your mother dies. The way it's going, you could die before she does (caregivers often die before the ones they are taking care of). And in your case, you have double the stress, because you are also apparently subject to your mother's live-in companion.

While there is the child caregiver exemption to losing the house to Medicaid, it's harder to do in some states than in others. Have you researched this? And, most importantly, is it worth it for the price of your mental and physical health?

If you have a job, you can even purchase a really inexpensive house and do work on it as you can. Very cheap foreclosures are out there for less than $50K. Maybe you can use the camper money for a down payment. At least you will gain equity vs a depreciating camper.
I agree that you should leave and reclaim your life and sanity. You will be happier. Don't let anyone make a fool of you by using stuff to manipulate you. God bless.

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