My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Love it! "Lay my ears back" is my new favorite phrase. :)

Mom's bed is new. That's another tale of woe. She didn't like her old bed and wanted a new big bed. Then she wanted to return it and didn't like the headboard and wanted to keep the mattress pad off of her smaller bed. All that and she sleeps on the sofa most of the night. She has a nighttime ritual where she'll make up the sofa like a bed, then go to her bedroom and sit on the side of her real bed for about an hour. Then she'll get in bed to sleep an hour or two. Finally she'll get up and go to the sofa for the rest of the night. It's just a habit she has. And of course, she leaves both "beds" for me to either deal with or ignore. Double the work or double the ignoring.

I remember TV ads back in the 1950's and 1960's where it was like a contest among the wives to see who had the whitest sheets and whitest white socks in the neighborhood. And that darn *ring around the collar* and how the wives were blamed if hubby's collar wasn't the whitest. Oh good heavens !!

FF my mother hasn't changed (I don't think JessieBelle's has either) - I honestly, without being mean about her, cannot recall ever seeing her cleaning anything. She was a tight-lipped cook. Good about dishes and ironing, but anything else domestic? As I say, I can't remember ever having seen it. She once painted a front door. And she was a world expert on buying things that would do the job for her - she is the definitive target audience for all the marketing gurus who flog us products that will "love the jobs we hate" (without explaining, of course, how the oven cleaner is going to get itself out of the cupboard, onto the shelves and rinsed off again four hours later without our active intervention).

I think you're okay if you enjoy it, or at the other extreme if, like my late aunt with cookery, you loathe it and unapologetically refuse to get involved. As with many things, it's us in the middle who feel we "ought" to do things we don't enjoy who are in trouble!

JessieBelle, what you describe is exactly what I deal with. Neither aunt nor uncle think anything of leaving dishes, empty wrappers, what have you, laying around. Same with the dishcloths, dirty underwear, etc. Really grosses me out. They both have been messy & lazy all their lives, too. Like your mom, my aunt will tell me I shouldn't be cleaning so much...because "we're not that kind of people" whatever that means! This house would be a pigsty if I didn't stay on top of things. She never cleaned house in years past. I remember when her son was in diapers (cloth ones...no Pampers back then). She changed his diaper & then just put it down on the carpet and leave it there. ICK.

I'm with you on the clothes. Ugh! With my mother, I got heavy and sorted the lot into piles. (This was a two-fisted day's work, btw). Anything that was frayed, holey, shrunk, perished (knicker elastic, hoarded spare tights, waistbands in skirts and trousers) or literally moth-eaten I put in bags for disposal, ruthlessly, without asking. The HEAPS that just didn't fit any more I put in bags for "storage". A very few items of sentimental value I hung in proper covers. I restocked her wardrobe and chests of drawers with what she did wear, then wrung my hands over the rest, stuffed them into more bags, and still haven't decided what to do with them two years later. Is that the charity shops I hear calling me..? As the ultimate in compromise, I have left her vile godawful at least three sizes too big for her ohmygod how I detest it polar zip-up fleece hanging prominently on the coat rack and lay my ears back at it every time I pass by.

While all this was going on I was on tenterhooks because we'd already had so many tears before bedtime about clutter, but in the event she actually didn't deign to notice what I was doing. I don't know what had made the difference, why she couldn't be bothered to put up a fight. What do you suppose would happen if things just made their way magically, bit by bit, or rather box by box, out of your mother's house? - how would she react?

The bed is really difficult, too - we all like our beds how we like them, it's very hard to justify changing it willy-nilly, and very expensive I expect to buy properly fitting equivalents. How old is her bed? I'm just wondering if you'd get anywhere with that back-protecting theory about how it's absolutely crucial to change your mattress every seven years or whatever it is.

When it comes to cleaning, for myself I just don't get the pride that some women get when cleaning... to me it's a *project* that has to get done by weeks end.... whew, all done... oops, got to do that *project* all over again.... every week for the rest of your life !!!

Men get to retire from their full-time work, and go onto enjoying things. A woman still cooks, clean, laundry day after day.... hey, when will we retire???

That could be the reason why some elder women don't bother with cleaning like they use to.... it's like enough already... I want to see a TV show all the way through, not in bits and pieces while I am ironing or preparing dinner !!

The worst thing for me about this is that she has made the house almost impossible for me to clean. Even her bed. She has 9 pillows piled up a certain way, with two electric blankets and a partial foam mattress that makes the sheets fit poorly. There's no way to make the bed with the few smooth moves that are normal. Every square inch of wall space is covered with big furniture, with little room to move about. One room is totally hoarded with racks of clothes she hasn't worn in 20 years and won't donate. She has created a housecleaning nightmare. It is a million times better now than when I moved in, but it still takes forever to clean. I would love to take a bulldozer to the house and push all the stuff, including her, out the door just so I could get it clean once. Sometimes I wake up thinking of how dirty something is. Not a good thought first thing in the morning. I'm not a clean freak at all, but there is only a certain amount of squallor I can tolerate.

Jessie, I think my sister feels a bit like that about my mother. There are people who can't rest if there are dishes to be done, and there are people who are blithely oblivious to anything that isn't a clear and present danger, and "ne'er the twain shall meet." I'm a bit schizophrenic about it, having a modicum of house pride in fits and starts but plenty of duvet days given half a chance - admittedly they're pretty few and far these days. I don't think there's anything you can do about it. My daughters are chalk and cheese in this respect, too. Older daughter, unable to stand the thought of the little piglet sty across the landing, blitzed younger daughter's room a few months ago without permission; but it interested me that she was aware that she was intruding - she left a letter on top of a pile of newly organised books explaining where she'd put everything, and carefully omitting any reference to how many Coke cans, laddered nylons, broken shoes and Skips packets she'd carted out of there. I have devoted precious days off to deep-cleaning mother's rooms while she's away, and I don't know why I still half-hope that she'll make some kind of appreciative remark. Never. I think she does actually experience it as an intrusion, possibly even as an implicit criticism, even now that she isn't physically able to clean or dust or polish, and it makes her uncomfortable.

My sister would call it laziness, too. I'd call it indifference. I don't understand how people can be so utterly indifferent to their surroundings, but I'm pretty sure they are. And I'm absolutely sure they ain't going to change!

I made it to Chicago safely , the concert was really good . horseshoe casino venue in Hammond has a great design for sound acoustics . chillin with the son and his gf today making venison chili and rolls on the side . the little break is nice . ive been bustin firewood for a solid year now . not very intellectually stimulating but its been great for rebuilding my strength after the hepc victory .

My mother's laziness is driving me nuts. She has been lazy for as long as I remember, but now she won't do anything. She is very capable of doing many things, but won't. She'll leave garbage around, leave wet dish cloths swimming in crud in the sink, gather dirty plates around. And she sits watching TV from the moment she wakes (late) to the moment she goes to bed. I'll ask her if she will do something and the answer is always "I don't care if it gets done or not." No, it's not depression. It is laziness. I am utterly disgusted with her. She tells me I don't have to clean and do things. I tell her I would be ashamed not to.

Thank you for your responses and I promise my future posts will be shorter :-). Thank you butterfly (that's a cute name) I probably needed compassion and I appreciate it. I appreciate the insight from you all. I got my mom to eat twice and take her medicine today. My husband lost his keys also a few months back and we didn't know how many keys were on the lost key ring so although I searched all the keys in the house he left I couldn't find his key yesterday to open the side door of the garage (it's detached). I never had my own key to it. So we don't have keys to the garage door and only have my one garage opener now, I'm going to call a locksmith this week so this won't happen again. I'm parking on the street now just in case. I think my husband thinks if I wasn't there that my mother would figure it out and has said things along those lines. He doesn't understand people that can't do for themselves. Even though his mother lives with us because she doesn't have a place to go and she's totally healthy, go figure. So he probably just can't empathize with my situation. I'm learning that people just don't see eye to eye. My husband and I talked though about what happened yesterday when I got back home. So now that I'm home I'm going to rest. My mom is 78 deals with slight dementia, depression, stumbles and had a minor stroke, she has good days but when it's bad it's bad. I have a home care worker that comes 3 times a week for 4 hrs each time to help her but when my mom is having a bad day I seem to be the only one willing or persistent enough to help. I was considering having the home care worker come more days but financially that might not work. I'll look into it or what else I can find. My one brother and I take turns with her after we get off work. I have a lot of other siblings, i'm the youngest, but they don't come by no matter how they're asked. I was about to take her to the hospital today because she wouldn't let me feed her today but she started to let me give her the meds and feed her. By the evening she was eating the food I got on her own. My brother that helps said he'll go by to sit with her and help tomorrow and I might take some time this week. I'm feeling better now just have a small headache now. I appreciate talking to people that understand care giving because most of my friends don't have parents my moms age and they don't really understand. So I hope you all have a great night and thanks again.

Mellie, I think what you need most right now is understanding and compassion. Hope you get well soon.

Countrymouse, I never could remember if it was "spring forward, fall back* or *spring back, fall forward*. Thank goodness our local Realtor sends out postcards twice a year to remind us what to do :)

trying they are...

"Spring forward, fall back" is the clock rule. Doesn't stop me being oh so confused for at least a week afterwards because I never can remember which bloomin' clocks I've changed and which I haven't got round to yet. These things are sent to try us...

You will both survive FF just think of the good meal you can take each other out for afterwards

Poor you, ff. No coffee. I would die.

Battery of medical tests tomorrow for myself and my sig other.... this is something our primary doctor is doing for all her patients.... battery of blood tests, hearing test, eye test, EKG, and whatever else is new on the market for testing.... I like the idea... as usually fasting, thus no food after midnight which is no biggee for me... but now this time also no liquids 4 hour prior to the test, that's something new. Hope I will remember that when I stumble into the bathroom early morning :P

Hang in there, Jeanette! At least you understand the cause and know Mom's not doing it on purpose.

I had a conversation with the daughter of a mom with very rapidly advancing dementia, with a sudden onset brought on (I think) by a recent surgery, which threw her whole system out of whack. It was a knee replacement, but sometimes, with elders who are not quite into their dementia yet, all it takes is a traumatic event like surgery to tip the balance - which seems to be the case here. Daughter is one of those whiny, nagging types who wants everything to be about HER, and when we had breakfast with them this morning at a restaurant, she sat there and talked about her Mom in derogatory terms like she wasn't there. Her mom just sat there and looked at her. I pulled her aside privately later and explained that her mom can't help what's happening to her, but I think it fell on deaf ears. All she did was continue to complain about her mom forgetting how to turn the TV on and something about a window being opened and closed - I have to admit, I kind of tuned her out after a while, because she just doesn't "get it". Her mom is entering a facility soon, and I think the sooner the better, because this daughter is her caregiver until she does - and I don't think the level of care is at all what her mom needs right now. Breakfast with them was a real eye-opener and reminder to treat my own mom with kid gloves, so to speak. I'd hate to be in her mom's position, having my daughter sit there and talk about me in a mean fashion, like I'm not even there.

I bet your mom's glad to have you there instead of someone like that....

oh no..... I just realized.... clocks went back....dark earlier...which means....

sundowners starts earlier and lasts an hour longer... lovely poor mom knows what's she's doing isn't quite right, but says she simply can't help it.

Most garages have a side door even if they are detached and once you are in the garage you can maunually open the door. There is a cord hanging down just in front of the motor. Pull hard on that and it will detach the gears and you can then put up the door by hand.
I agree with FF time to make other arrangements for Mom and start talking to your hubby it's not his fault you feel like sh*t. Why not take a sick day tomorrow and get better.

ff, yes I can imagine getting little kids ready and sending them off in the dark. LOL, after living in Alaska for 25 years, that is exactly what my son had to do, well, him and alllll the rest of the kiddo's. They go to school in the dark and get out in the dark. You had to worry about the moose more than anything... ahhhh fun times :/

Yep, when it get's dark, my body thinks like yours. Hunker down time!! Gonna try and do something about that this winter... load up on vitamin D and force myself to keep moving.... least until 8:00 p.m.!!

The garage door opening is always in the other vehicle, along with the umbrella!!

Mellie12, is your garage detached from the house and that is why you are unable to open the garage door from inside the house? I would have a wall remote installed this week just in case the last remote is missing and you need to get into your vehicle for an emergency. I know how it is when there is a garage remote missing, it's always in the vehicle you aren't using :P

Saddly it sounds like your Mom needs another layer of care... time to hire someone to be with her full time. Maybe your hubby is been seeing a pattern here and he's trying tough love to make you see the situation for what it is.

My mom won't eat sometimes unless I help her. One of my brothers helps a lot but if she's being stubborn she won't eat for him either. I went over there friday to spend time with her she seemed alright and she ate without me. Saturday she wouldn't even answer the phone. My brother stopped by and he couldn't get her to eat. I wasn't prepared for this my husband already left to pick up my step son from practice and he took my garage opener as he lost his. I called him and he said they were at the barber shop and he thought he told me he was going there and it'll be an hour. So I wait, 2 hours passed I called back and he stopped to get chicken. I said can you just let me out the garage first he said he already ordered it and has to wait. I hung up. I haven't been speaking to him since yesterday and he's narcissistic and i'm sure he doesn't feel he's done anything wrong. Now I have been sick this weekend before this happened and I haven't been able to rest (25 min drive to her place). Now she's not answering the phone again today and I have to go over there again, i'm still sick, still not talking to my husband and I feel alone. Oh and I have to go back to my demanding job tomorrow where everyone's antagonistic and I haven't gotten a chance to rest or recooperate. That's my whine.

JeanetteB, I also dislike it when it is dark at 5:00 pm. It pretty much stops me in my tracks... all I want to do hunker down with my computer or a good TV show... forget about any household chores after 5:00 pm... I'm lucky I can zap a TV dinner.

But I can understand the need for the time change, otherwise the elementary school kids who catch the bus at 7:15 a.m. would be standing in the dark waiting for the bus. I couldn't imagine trying to get a grade schooler all dress and fed, and out the front door while it still looked like midnight.

wintertime is such a drag . i have to get out and work in the cold , especially this winter with a new farmhouse under construction . the girl helper probably wont hang when it starts getting too cold . not because shes too sensitive to the cold but most likely i wont have steady enough hours to keep her bills paid .

Haha... I WISH the hour was going forward!!

Personally, I think it's awful when it gets dark at 5:00 p.m.

That is without a doubt, a major whine in life, for me.

Crud. My daughter just told me we turn the clocks BACK not forward! Now I have to sneak into her room and turn the clock back two hours, because I turned it up one hour to make it 9:00!

Gees, I'm not doing so well.

na . i might pass for sean connerys reflection in the toilet . bet he cant build you an engine or a new house tho . everything is a tradeoff ..
it looks like nobody is going to PM me for my latest off color jokes so ill try one here that the mods might let slide .
a rich man and poor man were discussing what they planned to get their wives for christmas . the rich guy said hed get his wife a diamond necklace and a maserati . he said if she didnt like the necklace she could use the maserati to return and exchange it . the poor guy said he planned to get his wife a pair of slippers and a sex toy . he figured if she didnt like the slippers she could then go frig herself ..

Well, this is 'new'. Today my mother was looking for '4'. I figured it was the TV station, so I turned on 4. But no, she was still looking for '4'. Turns out she was waiting for 4:00 to take her nap. I'd forgotten about it until just now.

I noticed her going into her bedroom and looking at the clock. Then I heard her say something, so I went in to ask her what she said and she said she was looking for '9'. Also, she had turned from Lawrence Welk which is 3 here to channel 9, which is an advertisement channel. She said she's looking for 9. Well, turns out she was looking for 9:00 so she could go to bed.

This is the first time she's done this. Literally, in circles, looking for '9' tonight. I don't believe she knows about the time change but even if she did, that wouldn't be the 'problem', although I did changed it to 9 because I know there's a time change.