My "whine moment today." What's yours?

My parents have their 2nd appointment with the Elder Law attorney on Monday. She gave them paperwork to fill out. I've been asking Dad how is that coming along... is the paperwork completed? Dad would say he started on it but got too busy to finish. Too busy???? Now tell me, what would two 90 something old be doing that would make them be too busy.... [sigh]. Bet it is napping :P

Regarding my boss, he is back pedaling. Guess I scared him when I said I should quit since I am not recovering quick enough for him. Oops. Now he is calling me updating me with what is going on in the office. Working makes a great excuse for me for not doing something for my parents.... "nope, can't do that, I'm working".

My Dad thinks because my Mom loves staying home baking cookies, making sure she has the whitest sheets on the block, and the house passes the white glove test, that all women are that way..... NOT.... I am not that person, housework is like a project but you get to redo that project week after week for the rest of your life. Not like at work, a project has a start and finish, and you never see it again. Wait a minute, when do housewives retire?

Jeanette, I SO wish we could post pictures here. I think we'd all love to see you in those PJ's!

Juddha...sorry to hear your Dad didn't recognize your voice. We dealt with that with my grandmother for years. With her hearing aid full blast, she couldn't hear us sitting across the table from her. But she swore up and down she could hear her bird saying "S.O.B!" in the next room. (Dementia in action right there...bird didn't talk, much less say something like THAT.)

FF - keep us posted on the job situation.

I *think* I might have finally gotten myself out of the doldrums. I feel a little perkier today, more like doing things. Still getting annoyed at little things that I shouldn't, but trying to grin and bear it. I'm sure I'll feel better when Christmas is over and done with. It just seems like so much work anymore.

How sad. I just called my Dad and he didn't recognize my voice or hear who I was!
Profound hearing loss.

FF I guess my question is "Do you want to keep on working?" If the money is helpful and you could not easily find other freelance work then the answer is no.
i would certainly not become a slave to the parents. It will be hard but tell them ahead of time you are going to quit driving them arount. They can't get into you jeep and you feel it is too dangerous for you to drive their monstrosity. i am sure you could find plenty of volunteer work to fill your time and make yourself unavailable.
Jeanette just tell your brother what you have told us. You and Mom are going to relax on Christmas and if they want to celebrate something bring the turkey over on New Years Eve and don't forget the champayne and you expect the good stuff not a Walmart special offer

Freq Flyer - I've had this problem and I've always dealt with it by putting the phone on 'speaker'. Then I explain to her before the call that when I say "yes" she has to say "yes". You can also explain that to the person on the phone that your mom is hard of hearing and you're going to help her. I've had great results with most of the people I speak with (they are customer reps and this really doesn't bother them, most of them are so young, they're still in diapers :)

Don't know if you all celebrate Christmas, but I do, so I'm going to say Merry Christmas while I'm commenting on this one.

Just finished watching 'Fade to Blank" on this website and it was immensely helpful to see those diagnosed with cognitive decline/Alzheimer's are hopeful. One of those diagnosed blogs on this website. If you watched it in the past, try watching it again. It's a great read and the videos are nice to hear.

My mom is still in rehab. She has good days, bad days. But she loves the Bingo and has won five coins! The other day, she was at Church Service (the denomination is changed on a weekly basis). She was given a bag with a gift inside which I helped her open. She was so excited, thinking it was chocolate and was going to put it into her mouth when I said to her, Hey, it's a statue of Mary and Jesus, don't put that in your mouth!

She said, "Oh" and pointed to the bureau indicating she wanted it 'up there'.

Ha ha....anyway, Merry Christmas, guys.

Christmas Miracles do happen Susan. Hoping you get one this year :)

Guess what Wal-Mart had? Big furry Scrooge pj's. Guess who bought a pair?
This girl! Guess who isn't getting out of them all day Christmas? Yip. This Girl!

I was speaking with my Dad this evening and he was telling me he needs to change his secondary insurance, which he gets free as part of a retiree benefit. The company he worked for has changed insurance carriers.

Dad signed up this morning but there is a problem having my Mom sign up because she is so hard of hearing.... the secondary insurance company needs to speak to my Mom directly asking her certain questions and she needs to answer.... it's difficult for my Mom to use the telephone.

Dad thinks getting a LOUDER phone will work... I've tried to explain to Dad that talking louder isn't the cure as Mom has trouble understanding many words as the brain isn't processing the words correctly. As we get older this is normal part of aging, I know sometimes I misunderstand a word because my ear isn't hearing it correctly. Otherwise my Mom is very sharp.

Anyway, Dad said it was so frustrating that he and Mom are deciding not to get secondary health insurance for her.... SAY WHAT???.... I told Dad one serious illness could wipe out their whole estate. Ask the secondary insurance company what do they suggest. I am sure they have dealt with deaf clients in the past.

Thanks Jeanette and Jessie -

my daughter doesn't drive - her FIL was driving the car. She said at first that someone pulled out in front of them, but it turns out her FIL was at-fault in the accident. Not a good situation. However, she says he has full coverage on the vehicle...so at least there's that. They are ok and the kids were not with them, so we have things to be thankful for. It could have been far worse. The car is totalled, but it's just a car, and can be replaced.

I would like to think my son might surprise me and show up out of the blue on some holiday or something...but somehow, I don't think it will happen.

Susan, so happy your daughter is okay! The care can be replaced, she can't. Hoping a Christmas Miracle happens with your son and he finds his way out of that darkness and comes home to his family. Have fun with the gingerbread house.

looloo, I am an Independent Contractor, and my boss is the owner of the business, so that makes it a bit complicated. Wish there was an HR.

Now I am finding he has been the town crier telling everyone why I am out. Hello, that is personal and no one's business. But why am I surprised, he's always been a big gossiper..... [sigh].

I like going to the office, it keeps my sanity, plus it is less than a mile from my home. If I resign, my parents will automatically think I have all the time in the world for them. Yeah right, I can't wait to sit in a house that is 85 degrees and watch my parents nap :P

I don't want to click "like" because I don't. I'm glad your daughter is okay. Was she driving her own car?

Ugh, Jeanette, I feel for you! I used to love doing big meals for the family when I had my kids at home, and I'd have relatives come over for cookouts, etc. I just can't seem to get the joy out of it anymore. It's just drudgery and work and stress.

I'll be glad when Christmas is over this year. It's just been so hard to get into the Christmas spirit. I feel good about it one day and think I'm getting in the mood for it, and it's gone the next when Mom has a bad day and I spend all day cleaning up after her and doing laundry. I'm trying, though. I bought a gingerbread house kit and we're going to work on that today. I figure it's something she can do while she's sitting.

I think a lot of my problem this year is dealing with my son's situation - my oldest son. He's vanished on us again, no one knows where he is. We're almost 100% certain he's doing some hard drugs, and the law is after him for unpaid child support. He told his ex he doesn't want to be around his son because he's "a terrible person" (my son said this about himself, not the baby). He won't talk to me by phone, text or facebook anymore, and has pretty much vanished. He quit his job and his car was repossessed. All I can think is that I'm going to get a phone call one day with very bad news about him....or worse, I won't get that call - I'll just never see him again and never know what happened. The worst part is that he's an adult, so if he chooses to simply walk away from his entire family and be so self destructive that he ends his life, there's nothing any of us can do about it. We don't know where he is, so we can't even try to help him get straightened out (again).

Crap. Daughter just called and was in a car accident with her father in law. They're ok, but the car is totalled. And the hits just keep on comin'......

FF, does your company have an official Human Resources person or department? I suggest calling them, and not "ratting" on your boss, but informing HR that he called you. Also let them know exactly what he said. If you have HR, they will be pretty freaked out at this -- it's a huge recipe for potential lawsuits (not that you would do that), and they should know to be extremely careful to prevent these things from happening.

huh? it submitted all on it's own!

Like I was saying before i was interrupted ...you are doing an awesome job with your mother. I cringe even thinking of what is ahead.... just don't want to do it again with mom. Daddy passing was terrifying to me...

No, oldest bro's wife probably isn't happy at all that she will have to cook a turkey. Far as I can tell she never cooks. I don't want a turkey... I don't want them bringing a turkey. NO DAMN TURKEY! meh... now I feel like I need to get them something... a gift well I need to just let that silly thought fly the hell out of my head because I am not doing it. Did I mention that I don't want a turkey? Great. I can see it now. Dry turkey and a slice of yummy pizza. meh... if they're lucky I may slice a damn tomato for the pizza. Oh... dixie plate goes straight to recycle. No dishes.

I was taking Christmas day off ya know. Both mom and I were going to wear our fuzzy pj's all day, lounge and watch old movies.

ff, my ears are laid so far back I had to turn around to pull them forward and my eyeballs hurt from rolling them all day.... I DO NOT want to entertain them. I need to find some scrooge pajama's and wear em all day Christmas. Wonder if they'll get the hint.

cm, you are just too sweet! How's your mother? It is such a scary thought... I just don't think I will be able to handle it with the grace you

I don't think it's you who needs the attitude adjustment, Jeanette. I hate the way they think they can waltz in and take over and THEN EXPECT YOU TO BE GRATEFUL. Can't imagine his wife's that thrilled, either. And why do they never, ever get that it's not just the getting the food, spending silly amounts of money and slogging through all the cooking when you're short of time to start with - it's the faff, and the trouble, and the clearing up afterwards; and the plain and simple fact that right now you have other priorities. And anyway who doesn't like pizza? Ugh. Who does he think he's doing a favour?

well guess who stopped by. maybe it's just me but i really detest when they just stop by. especially the little crab ass brother. why he even comes here is beyond me. he just sits and looks... with a scowl on his face. he got up and went outside and I don't think he even said goodbye to mom.... just went out. i get it's hard for them to visit mom... do they think it's a walk in the park for me? grrr oldest brother gave me the great news that him and his wife are going to grace us with their presence on Christmas. Poor fellow's jaw dropped open when I told him it was Papa Murphy's Pizza for dinner. hmph. He said his company gave him a turkey for the Holidays and he'd have his wife cook it and bring it. they totally messed up my pleasant afternoon AND I lost an entire hour of outdoor time staying here with moms carer. I didn't want to leave her alone with them. grrrr

i need to adjust my attitude I think.

FF, keep us posted....sounds like changes are in the wind. Your boss sounds like a class-A jerk, by the way. I worked with more than one of those over the years. One actually told me upon hiring me that he expected "everyone to perform with ZERO DEFECTS". He was a total egomaniac and control freak. We didn't work long together. *OF COURSE* everyone wants to do their job well, but mistakes can happen to the best of us! Making people feel like they're committing an unpardonable crime before they even start is *not* a great way to instill confidence in your staff - nor endear yourself to them.

My whine is with my boss.... I need to decide whether to give notice of resigning. As some of you know I had surgery back on the 11th and after that had to rush to the ER with complications and was re-hospitalized. I am lucky I can even type this as I still have brain fog from the surgery and all the meds.

My boss, who returned yesterday from a week away playing golf, called today wondering if I will ever come back to the office or if I was quitting.... say what?.... what part of *I am in recovery from surgery* doesn't he understand?

Right now my ears are laying way back as I am so upset regarding his attitude !! If it wasn't for the complications I would have been back to work, I mean, stuff happens.

My whine moment is the letter I received which I thought was acknowledgment of cancellation of Dad's supplemental insurance and part D coverage as I changed him to a different company part D only. Well no it was confirmation of supplemental only coverage. What the........
This is new to me so tomorrow I call to see if I can get that changed as its a waste of dad's money and evidently it's automatic enrollment? Well at least I took him off direct debit!

My parents are a bit upset because I personally didn't go to their house to get their grocery list... I had sent my sig other. Guess they think because I was home that I am 100% well.... NOT... this is a very slow recovery, the older you get the longer it takes.

The grocery list is typed out and copies made. It's made up according to the floor plan of the grocery store which made it easy for my Mom to check off what she wants as she knows the floor plan by heart. Well, since Mom can't read anymore, she is having Dad check off the list... of course he never paid any attention to the floor plan back when he and Mom did their own grocery shopping.

Some items I can't get from the on-line grocery service and the list makes note of that (in store only). What did my parents do, they checked off all the in store items.... ok, who's going into the store?.... did they forget I am still house bound? I'm not letting my sig other go inside the store as he's exhausted helping me with my chores plus him going to work. My parents can go without certain items. They don't need Little Debbie Christmas tree cakes.

Of course Dad commented maybe it is time for him to start driving again.... HELMET TIME !!!

I hear that, Jessie! My mom has not slept in her/Dad's bedroom in decades (long story), but has slept on a bed in the living room instead. I would dearly *love* to actually have a REAL living room with a couch, chairs, etc - but instead, we have a bed in here. So while I sit at my desk and work, she's behind me snoring, farting, etc.....sounds real professional when I'm on the phone with clients, which I try not to do when she's sleeping. I've talked about moving my desk into another room, but she doesn't like that idea, wants me out here with her all the time. I get it - she doesn't want to be alone. Unfortunately, I *do* want some alone time....but not going to happen anytime soon. I have to keep reminding myself that at some point in the future, I will have all the alone time I can handle, and I need to be grateful that she's still here. Very hard to do some days, though - like today, when I'm trying to work, ship packages, get the *very late* Christmas cards out and clean house - while she's sleeping for all of about 5 minutes and then popping back up again, which gets on my last nerve.....if she'd just *stay down* for more than a few minutes at a time, maybe I could regain some of my sanity....

I wish I could get my mother to sleep only in her bed. She spends half the night in her bed, then goes to the living room couch to sleep. She stays in bed (on couch) all morning now. I can't get a thing done without bothering her. It is like she is occupying the whole house all day every day. It may be what she is doing. Tired of walking on eggshells. If the vacuum bothers her, it is too bad.

CM, sending prayers. I wish I could do more.

Visited my grandkids yesterday, had a really nice visit with them. Was worried about Mom the whole time, though. Got home to find older sis had come over and made cookies with her - surprise, surprise. Glad she did, but I guess I'm too picky and like to have notice when people are coming by - the house was a wreck because I didn't have time to clean before I left. Oh well. I'm just glad someone was here with Mom so she wasn't alone.

CM so sorry this has happened. my prayers are for you and Mum. I know you will make the right decisions for Mum whatever they may be. Hold her hand and tell her you love her as many times as you need to. Don't be afraid to take her home if you feel that is the best place for her to be. you will know when that is right. It will be a heavy nursing burden so arrange help and get enough sleep. Whatever you decide don't let anyone else second guess you. Changing your mind is always an option and I mean option not a failure. Refuse any investigations if they will not lead to her comfort or are distressing to perform. Focus on comfort not recovery that is in God's hands. Prayers and Hugs. Take this time to thank her for all the good things she has put in your life and forgive her for anything you did not appreciate as much. Also G has been a part of her life too for many years so don't exclude him if he wants to be included. Give him the chance of a few minutes alone (sudden visit to the loo) he may have things he wants to share with her as well. This is not to say the end is close but it will be if not now at some time. She's just as likely to be home for Christmas lugging the cat around and tripping over her walker or learning the ropes of her new life.

Very quickly because I'm just off out, but thank you thank you all so much. Internal voice is saying "you are the strongest person I know and you can do this. Now stop snivelling like a wet rag and kindly engage your brain." Got to love your inner self, eh.

CM, I didn't know your mother was back in the hospital until now. Wish I could give you a big hug. I understand what you mean about not knowing what is best. There comes a time when there doesn't seem to be a best. I remember when my father reached that point I sat outside, feeling horrible from everything going on, and realized I had to put it all in God's hands. It took it off my shoulders. There was no way I could fix anything. Let us know what is happening with you. I have a lot of prayers to spare for your mother and for you, too.

Veronica, I know how you feel about their seeing the whole picture. Nothing reassures me more than seeing a doctor sit back, look at the screen and say nothing for several minutes while s/he takes it all in - apart from anything else, it's so nice to know that a) they can read and b) they can just about concede that other specialties are not staffed entirely by idiots.

The ones who stride around being 'decisive' scare the bejasus out of me. Mother's on an acute stroke ward - don't know her consultant, but at least he's a geriatrician instead of the fat-headed neurologist she had last time. The people taking care of her yesterday were wonderful to a man and woman. I'm not whining about this, though - too frightened. Prayers would be lovely if anyone has any to spare, I'm asking for whatever is best for her because I just don't know what that is.

Well, for the record... I felt like the walls were caving in when I took my "thank you" next door. There were several people there, plus dogs and babies. I felt like all eyes were on me...and what the heck did I do.... what I always do... cried. No longer apparently, can I handle other's kindness. Tears rolled down and my voice choked up.... I am more comfortable with my mother, my dogs and my mind. It is ok. There is zero reason to feel bad. Did I just write this for the world to see ? man...

I no longer know what the real world is. :) My real world is one that I build in my head, where people live ideally. They all care about each other and no one is selfish on my side of the fence. The selfish people are on the other side. Then I go into the REAL real world and realize that most people live in their own worlds, rarely giving anyone else a thought. Sometimes we are lucky to have good friends and neighbors. And sometimes I feel they are better to us than we are back to them. That makes me feel bad.