My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Had a wonderful surprise from two of my clients today - one sent a large cash bonus, and the other sent a $50 Amazon gift card. I was thrilled, until I realized that I probably need to use that $50 gift card to buy more washable bed/chair pads for Mom....and the $250 should probably go to pay bills. Thankful for the nice bonuses - money I wouldn't have had otherwise - but annoyed because I need to do the "right thing" with it and take care of things that aren't so fun. Sucks to be an adult sometimes, doesn't it. LOL

Mom has a grand total of 4 of those chair/bed pads and it's simply not enough. I can't keep them washed up fast enough to keep up with her. Tonight she kept refusing to get up and go to the bathroom. When I finally got her to get out of her chair, she headed straight for the bed. I told her to hit the bathroom first, but she moaned and groaned about how tired she was and continued to the bed, saying she'd be up in 2 minutes anyway, she'd go then - that she didn't have to go now. Ok...1) If you're going to be up in 2 minutes, why even lay down?!? ... 2) Know why she didn't have to go? Because she peed all over the chair pad already. ... and that "I'll be up in 2 minutes"? That was over an hour ago. Her mobility is steadily decreasing, because she simply won't get up and move when she should, and just sits all day. I make her get up and walk around several times a day, but some days, I'm just so tired of fighting her on this. She finally just woke back up and I headed her straight to the bathroom. Then we had "the talk" AGAIN - about how she needs to go to the bathroom when I ask her to - that I'm not doing this to be bossy or mean, but it's for her own good.

I need to get things in order for the attorney this week so that the house, will and all other info is up-to-date and the Ladybird deed is in place. Every time Mom has a day like this where she proves just how far she has declined, I remind myself that the day is coming, sooner rather than later, when I won't be able to care for her anymore. With her mobility declining, it's not going to be much longer (1 year? 2, maybe?) before I can't take care of her, because she won't be able to walk, and I won't be able to lift her. I'm dreading that day, but I need to be realistic about it and prepare for it.

Caregiving most certainly ages you...lots. I'm afraid even a facial isn't going to erase some of these lines I have achieved in the past two years.

I have been filling a 5 gallon bucket with change since I arrived here 2 years 2 months and 8 days ago. Hopefully when all is said and done here, I will have saved enough for a quick trip to the plastic surgeon for one of those new rejuvenating face lifts. First step towards whatever is left of my life.

When it comes to caregiving, I really wish people wouldn't assume that everyone has siblings who could help [many of us are only children]....

or assume that we ourselves have children that can help [some of us were never blessed with children]....

or assume that we have relatives who live nearby who can help [some of us don't have relatives that live in the same city much less the same State or even on the same coast line or even in the same County].....

or assume we have neighbors or friends who can help [I can't ask my neighbors or friends to help care for MY parents]....

or assume we can call our church to help out [not everyone is religious and belongs to a church/temple].

i never heard anything from my sons today . i dont care . while they party im engineering a root cellar and a bedroom on the side of my bunker . old dad is a stick in the mud - no wait , those are footers in the mud , whats this ? block walls ? shelves ? enough canned food to sustain the red army ? an income producing spare room ? chrism's ASS , my brain never rests ..

CM, I'm so proud of you! One of the nurses at my mom's SNF recently asked if mom and I are sisters. Mom is 91, I'm 61 and I should add that my mom still has beautiful skin. I chose to take this as a compliment to my mom. But I got a facial the next week, just to be safe!

I got a good lesson in not taking offence where it isn't intended today. Lunch at my sister's house (lots of history between us. She's never been my biggest fan and it was mutual. But we're doing our best and getting somewhere, and I expect we're both having to sweat blood for it) and her husband's elderly aunt was with us. She's a very sweet lady in her seventies or eighties, garrulous but warm-hearted; and making conversation with my niece, she asked which of us was the older, me or my sister. My niece explained that my sister was, and her great aunt then went on at some length about how astonished she was to hear that, she would have thought my sister was much younger, surely it couldn't be, etc etc etc.

Excuse me??? I was sitting right there, in her plain view! So what could I do but see the funny side - but in any case the comforting thought was that the aunt meant to pay a compliment to my sister, she wasn't setting out to be rude to me. As a matter of plain fact I am eight years younger, too, it's not even close. Ah well. That's lack of sleep and caregiving for you. I am a crone before my time, apparently.

P.S. I weigh about twenty five pounds less and she has cellulite. Ha!

Merry Christmas everyone !

Susan, no news is good news, right? I get the worrying part... that is something I am going to be working on getting rid of this New Year. No one worries about me/us so I shall stop worrying about them. I do hope he is okay and just trying to find his way back to healthy life ...

It's been a quiet day here... mom enjoyed her new Christmas PJ's and she will enjoy the baby wipe warmer she received from Lisa, our carer. Have I mentioned lately that I love that woman! So far, she is the only person to have given mom and I a gift of any sort. Which is fine.

You know, I didn't ask my brother to come over here today nor did I ask them to bring or cook anything. HE is the one that said he was coming by and having his wife prepare a turkey. Guess what? It's almost 4:00 p.m. and we've heard nothing from them. Nothing. Good thing we are not depending on them for food. I am heating the oven up, popping our scrumptious pizza in and pigging out. Mom and I are both hungry... and at this point, they can stay the h*ll away from us. We would have been just fine... just fine without them, but now mom has been asking if they are coming... f'in asshats.

My son called me weeks ago and asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him I didn't need anything but a card would be nice. Did I get one. No. Also I told him what I wanted for Christmas was for him to give me the dates he was coming to visit us. HE was the one that told me he was coming and that HE had already told his boss. Guess what? I have not heard another word mentioned about him visiting either. Ha... not as if he had to pay for his trip either. I did get a text from him early early this morning. Merry Christmas. Nice right? My nasty side wants to put a stop payment on the Christmas check I sent him.

I am starting to get a huge complex about all of this.

If I were to treat people like they treat me, I would be called every nasty name in the book. Perhaps it is also time to treat as is treated and become selfish with nothing but my own interest in mind. Oh, I've already decided to have zero expectations from anyone.

Cap, thanks - love the goat analogy. I just worry about him - but that's what parents do. I don't chase after him anymore, just occasionally try to reach him. When I couldn't reach him by phone today to say Merry Christmas, I just left a simple "Merry Christmas, Love You" in a Facebook message. Nothing more I can do.

We hate to see our kids make terrible choices, knowing how much they will regret them down the road, but in the end, it's *their* choice, not ours. In about 20 years, he will *really* regret what he's doing right now...if he makes it that far. I'm truly concerned that he is putting himself in danger and may not make it.

susan,
my oldest son never answered my occasional email for 3-4 years . finally i decided he was hurting my feeling deliberately and it was giving him power over me . i just simply never wrote to him again . the spell was broken . last summer i recieved a very lengthy apology from him and an invitation to come up and get involved with his kids during the summer . i think he just needed a few years space to try his wings out and find himself . when he had found himself i think he found that him and i were pretty similar people and i wasnt the enemy . my dad used to visit my family like clockwork every sunday of our lives . we eventually found ourselves having to abandon our house every sunday just to break that monotonous cycle . it was usually our only day of the week to do nothing but what we wanted to do .
your case and mind remind me of a young goat i brought home one time . he broke free and the whole family chased him until our hearts about blew . i hate to give the ex credit but she came up with the idea of abandoning chase and all of us just walking back to the house to see what the goat would do . would you believe he followed right thru the front door of the house ? he ended up the main ingredient in 75 lbs of link sausage so i guess thats a pretty crappy analogy but an incident ive never forgotten anyway .

My Mother is the same way. It is hard to keep her fed and she has started gaining weight which makes it hard to assist her. If I ate the way she does I would be 500 lbs. I think she forgets she just ate. Also she thinks she has to eat every time anyone else eats including feeding the 2 dogs.
She was very poor growing up and I also believe that she has reverted back to feeling that she must eat when food is available.
I must admit that at times I find the gluttony a bit repulsive.

Jessie, you did the RIGHT thing. Mom will just have to deal with it. Unfortunately, being a caregiver, we have to wear the "bad guy" hat an awful lot. I feel like I'm doing it all the time lately.

Jeanette - ha! Trust me, I had *lots* of words yesterday. Most of them were muttered under my breath so she couldn't hear me. Said a few more this morning when I had *just* finished cleaning the bathroom and toilet and she went in and used it. Fortunately, this time, she wiped. Unfortunately, she wiped...but also wiped it all over the toilet seat. And didn't flush. Again. She assured me she changed her incontinence pad when she came out (I was busy and didn't watch her - silly me to have more than one thing going on a time, right?!?) - I went in to check, and NO, she didn't change it, because there's nothing in the trash. That's when I discovered that lovely gift she left me in - and on - the toilet. (sigh) Pull out the cleaning stuff and clean it - again.

We are doing a non-traditional dinner today, and she wanted to peel the veggies. (I made sure she washed her hands first!!!) Sadly...she got through 4 carrots and 3 potatoes before she had to stop. Her hands just hurt too much. She looked so sad when she realized she just couldn't do it anymore. She tried to cover by saying she "just needed to limber up" her hands.....but I know the truth is that she just can't do that stuff anymore - her arthritis is too bad.

Son's phone is now disconnected. (Where he had my number blocked before, and I got a message saying "caller is unavailable", now I get "number is no longer in service".) Tried calling and leaving a message on facebook. I don't expect a response. I just hoped...maybe. Talked to my daughter earlier and left a message for my other son. Brother and his family are coming later, so I need to get back to work on dinner and cleaning. Mom is laying down, but she's playing "cricket" (rubbing her legs together furiously), so I suspect she'll be up again soon. She went to the bathroom before laying down and took her pills, so not sure why she's restless this time...who knows.

I hope everyone has a wonderful, merry Christmas!

Oh gosh, some day I will need to tell my Godchild's [she's going on 9 years old] Mom that I do not wear bracelets. When I first got one a couple years ago I raved about it, I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Oops. Now that is all she buys for me.

Oh well, for awhile there I was getting tea towels that would need ironing if washed so the towels never have been used.

At least now my sig other's grand-daughters have stopped sending him "Worlds Greatest Grandpa" t-shirts, sweatshirts, and baseball caps. He hated those things, never wore any of them. We must have donated several dozens of those items to the thrift shop. He finally had to tell his daughter no more t-shirts of any type or sweatshirts as he has too many.

Jessie, it's not as if you forced them not to stop by. Isn't it really their choice no matter what you said? You were being kind and giving them an "out"...there is no way your mommy dearest can blame you for this.

Susan, I have no words.... well I do, but I don't think you're ready to hear em yet... unless you'd like to know how to... hehe, never mind ;)

Well, I'm in hot water. I told my newly-married niece that I didn't expect her and hubby to join us for Christmas. I know it's not fun here and they've only been married a little over a week. Well, they're not going to be here, which I think is good. They're still in major honeymoon phase and it should be about each other. Mom says if I hadn't said anything to her, then my niece would be here. I told my mother that it was not about us. She can no longer understand that. I'm just a boogey bear for keeping her niece away. Good grief. The narcissism that comes with old age coupled with dementia is like a huge wall that no logic can penetrate.

Good for my niece and new hubby for spending their first Christmas together as they want to! They won't ever have this first Christmas again, and them being here wouldn't have really meant anything to my mother.

Cap, glad to see you're ok. I feel the same way sometimes and need to take a break. Today was probably one of those times, judging by my earlier posts. lol

Jeanette - no flush, no wipe, no clean the toilet seat, no nothing. Could have been worse, but it was enough. She left all that in there and then went out and laid down. I insisted she get back up to clean up, but nothing doing. I had to cajole, insist and finally take her by the hand and lead her back in to get cleaned up. She cleaned herself up, not wanting me to do it, but just *getting* her in there was like pulling teeth.

I'm glad you showed back up for a bit Cap. Maybe it is a good thing to stay away for short periods here n there. I need to stay away when I get to whining and over emotional. Hmmm, maybe wearing fake hearing aids and saying my batteries are dead will get me out of talking to those whom I choose not to?

Susan, please tell me she just didn't flush?

sorry i disappeared without much of an explanation . i was getting too dam grouchy because of a little snap of depression and figured i should stay away from here if i didnt have anything civil to say . im much better now . sav a lot sold 20 lb bags of last years potatoes for 2.99 a bag so it shouldnt be hard to figure out what ive been doing . i think potatoes can up nicer than about anything i can think of . ive canned 44 quarts so far . i have 7 quarts processing right now with chunked ham in them . been reading a bit about nutrition and realized carbs are lacking in my diet .
edna is actually doing quite well physically but communicating with her has become difficult . she wont wear her hearing aid because she dont really want the hassle of talking to people . at 90 yrs old i s'pect shes heard it all anyway . shes still friendly but a bit aloof .

It could be that with his mom no longer here, and Aunt Edna not doing so well, and his own health issues... that the Cap slowed down posting here. Perhaps a HUG of encouragement can lift is spirits. Hmm.... I think I will do just that.

Where's Cap lately?

Thanks Jeanette....although considering what I just found in the bathroom, I'm not sure I want her handling any food items! Ugh. Merry Christmas to me, she left me a nice little present in there.....

fligirl... I love that name. I remember when my son was born, the hospital chaplain came in and thanked me for giving him a biblical name.

tinyblu... good luck girl. You've got more spirit than I do. This year, they all get pizza. I just can't do it all anymore like I used to. No reason.

Susan, same goes for you!! Good job kiddo! I probably would have smashed it, stomped it and tossed it. LOL maybe kept the icing for a midnight snack!

deep breath ladies.... in/out, in/out.... ahhhh

Mom has now decided she wants to do the gingerbread house. Good thing I didn't follow my first irrational and angry instinct and stomp it flat and then trash it.

I had not planned on doing Christmas with the family at all, now I'm running around like a chicken with her head cut off on Christmas eve trying to make the holiday great for everyone else. I don't have the time, energy, or money to do this, and the last thing I want to do is cook all night for a bunch of folks I don't even like! ON TOP OF TAKING CARE OF DAD!!!!!!

Jeannette my sons name is Joshua Samuel Lewis.

And another rant.

If friends/family find it hard to hear bad news and see the loved one with Alzheimer's, just how in the h*ll do they think we feel? THIS is why I would just as soon not talk to anyone anymore about anything. Cept y'all on here of course.

I'd love to drive anywhere and get away for just a little while...

Susan, just keep reminding yourself it's not her, it's the disease... just drill it into your head and keep on truckin'. Why do our siblings feel obligated to visit only during specific date's? To make themselves feel better? Why can't they visit on a non specific date so we can get the hell away from here if only for a little while? WHY?

Hey ff, do you remember the handsome fellow, Joshua Luis on Young and the Restless? haha, I also was hooked on that show.... apparently a lot since I named my son Joshua Luis :)....however, I'd take Ben Cartwright in a heartbeat.

Well I blew it again. I was doing so well being all stoic and non emotional this time of year. Gawddarnit. An old longtime friend of my daddy's just stopped by. He came down from LaGrande (where my grandma and my parent's lived for more years than I can remember)... well, he didn't know daddy had passed... I invited him in for a minute. He said "hi Jeanne" to my mother... of course she has no clue and then he started talking about my dad and I just lost it. You want to have guest leave in a hot minute, well just start bawling like a baby and they our OUT! Now I feel awful... actually mortified at my burst of tears. I try so hard to protect my mom from getting her feelings hurt by her inabilities and confusion I neglect myself and apparently can fall apart in a nano second.

I swear to heaven, if I make it through all this death and sorrow I am going to find me a tiny shack by any ocean and find some joy in life again. Seriously, I think I could walk away from everyone, be alone and be happy.

Jessie, I am rewriting the words to the George Strait son. I hate everything. It won't be about ex wives that's for sure.

On darn, I was wrapping some books to mail to my 9 year old Godchild for her birthday.... what do I do, I wrap it in Christmas wrap.... duh.... I must be really tired. Will try again tomorrow but this time with birthday paper :P

Road trip to Susan's house for cookies.... who's driving? :)

Don't get me wrong - I'm *very* glad sis came in and spent time with Mom, because I'm sure she gets tired of just having ME around all the time - every bit as tired as I get of being here and not having much of a life or any privacy until I go to bed at night. It's just that it's like some huge deal to her when someone else comes to see her and does the very same thing that I had planned to do with her. Then when I try to do something different, since my activity was whisked out from under me, she decides that's not something she wants to do. (sigh)

LOL FF - thank you...you made me smile. I feel childish complaining about something so small and petty, but it just feels like every time I have something special planned or fun for her, she either decides she doesn't want to, or someone else sweeps in and does it for her, leaving me standing there looking like an idiot. (I had actually purchased the ingredients to make a SMALL batch of the very same cookies for her that very day.....but now I won't make them, because we have a boatload of them in the freezer.)