My "whine moment today." What's yours?

I saw it also on several threads. I detest "trolls". Anywhere else and I would be having some fun with P but I dont think this is the place. Bummer. : /

I just sent a message to admin about Patriciafrt 's messages. If this is a real person your message is inappropriate for this forum and please go else where,all the women on here have already gone thru menopause.

Has anyone noticed the message from Patriciafrt on this thread,she has left several messages about getting pregnant that have nothing to do with this thread and I believe is a scammer whose first language isn't English.I am going to try alert the admin about this,very annoying.What's funny, is most women on this forum are way beyond child bearing years.I just don't like someone doing this stuff on a board where emotionally vulnerable people come for relief and support,just predatory.

None of my 4 siblings bothered to phone our parents on Christmas Eve or Day. This is after they didn't bother to call on Thanksgiving either. One of them sent a rather generic Christmas card, and only signed their names (not even "Love, ...." but just their names. So sad. As usual my family was there, brought all the food, enjoyed the meal, took photos, sat around the fireplace drinking coffee and balancing plates of pie & ice cream, opened our few gifts and chased the cats away from tree. It was when I was hand-washing the silver flatware and china that I realized, "I've been washing this same china and silver for 32 years, with zero help from 4 siblings, at my parents sink, yet this china and silver is promised to my siblings, not me....." and I feel so guilty for thinking that maybe I should drop the whole stack of plates. I did NOT do that, but boy, was I tempted. I should have just taken a video of my hands in the sink with THEIR china anr THEIR silver and put it on a CD and popped it in their mail. Wonder if it could be any more clear who is doing All the WORK.

I can see those as being caregiver games, but I am thinking more of the games that caregivers play to keep from seeing the simplest solution or from following through with the simplest solution.

hope, you have a valid reason to be angry and or annoyed. The valuable lesson I'm learning is being angry does nothing but make me ill, physically and mentally. Funny how you're doing the exact same thing I did concerning my brothers coming over on Christmas. I was so bothered about it... I didn't want them to come over and disturb my day, nor did I ask them to. They decided all on their own they'd bless up with their presence. Guess what? They never stopped by, didn't call, nada, zip zilcho. Guess what? I was ANGRY at that too! LOL It's just downright rude on their part. Look at it this way. You were upset God heard your plea and made them drive right on by you. Your sweet mama doesn't need any nonsense in her house at this time. Neither does mine. Look at it as a blessing in disguise. Besides, both our mothers don't even realize no one stopped by... we do and it probably hurts our feelings more than it does our mothers. This is why I choose not to ask or rely on them for help. It is easier on myself and mom either alone or with our carer. My mental space is used up with mom and has no room for their stupid sh*t.

The Roscoe thread(s) always seem to creep me out. Boggles my mind how one can be so obsessed with a BM or lack of one and how it's a mother/son relationship. I recall watching an episode of Criminal Minds that reminded me of Roscoe and his mother... my son would not deal with that issue in that capacity. He most certainly would call someone in!! LOL he can't even pick up dog poop much less hear about my issues... hehe

Caregiver Games? Are these the games we make up in our head to pass time, convince our loved one to go to bed, eat, pee or be a big girl and stop arguing with the TV?

Isn't there a saying like the simplest solution is the hardest to see? or something like that... my motto these days is to keep things as simple and easy as possible. Everyday things change and it's going to get worse... but if I keep things simple hopefully I can handle it.

uh oh... I hear mom snoring! yay! She's been talking to the walls for hours now. Took her for a long ride along the river, up to the dam and back down the mountain. She slept most of the way but was so confused when she woke up it flipped on the negative switch and I thought it was gonna turn into an all night plight. Guess not! Bedtime!

Sleep well everyone!

I found it. The author was Eric Berne. The game I see a lot here is "Yeah, but..." That is a game that makes sure we keep ourselves painted in the corner and is employed so often by caregivers, including myself. We cut off all our exits.

Nope, I don't know who wrote that book. Yes, we do see a lot of games being played. One the most frequent one that I see is the 'playing the victim game' where the person just keeps offering themselves as a victim for someone's abuse. Another game that I see is "the little child game" where they think if they just show someone enough love that they will suddenly be the parent or grandparent, etc. that they never were when that person was a child. I am sure there are more games that others could list, but those are a couple that catch my eye. Maybe we should start a new thread called "The Games Caregivers Play"

So many things we see on here have "The Games People Play" in them. Do you remember who wrote that book, cmag? I thought that book was a great one, because the games are ones we see every day. Sometimes the solutions are so simple, but the person keeps themselves painted in the corner with the things they are doing.

You didn't miss much on his "My misery" thread. He's a 55 year old man who evidently has always been dominated by his mother since he was 15 when his dad died and I gather that he has always lived with mom who has never let him have a girlfriend.

The dude, Scott, who will not take his mental health meds nor face taking responsibility for the only things that he can change about his life is not reading the advice people give. I guess that he is going to chose to be homeless. I had hoped for better for him, but it's his choice.

I must have missed the "roscoe" thread

I agree Jessie..I know I'm too angry...but I think it comes from 35 years of seeing my parents be disrespected and any time I tried to stand up and defend them I was the one who got shot down. While my parents were wonderful overly forgiving folks, for me, it has honestly kind of warped me I think. I don't think it's right to allow others to disrespect our parents at any time but especially in their own home. But then again I guess if they could accept it why should it affect me so....nonetheless it has affected me, and not in a good way, but sadly now, it is way too late to change it and Mama is at a point where honestly she couldn't care less...still, it hurts to see a woman who has always been the epitome of forgiveness being disrespected, even now...I guess that is their cross to bear and all I am doing is driving myself crazy....but I do need to let it go....all it's doing is killing me..a day will come when I will not have to deal with them at all and then I will know I did all I could and they will have to live with it for the rest of their lives....ah well.....

I am very frustrated about him also. The whine that I posted a while back was basically over my frustration with him.

FG and Susan. I gave up on that thread after about the third page. Over and over and over.

The main problem I see there is he doesn't want to take his medications, so I bet the family has given up. If they can't help him, I know we can't. He admits he hasn't read the messages written to him, though he does read people's boards. That was a bit odd and made me realize we need to click the private message box if we're saying something we don't want the world to read.

Thanks for the clarification, Jessie - I started reading that one but got sidetracked.

Fligirl, I almost responded a couple of times, but to be honest, I have nothing to offer the OP on that one. I feel for the OP, but I can't deal with the constant obsessing and refusal to accept help.

I agree with you Susan on that thread. I typed out some really rough comments and then erased them because I did not want to feel responsible for something bad happening. Barb

No, it's the angry & frustrated thread. People gave good advice that made sense, but the windows were nailed and it was cold outside. We run into a lot of people painting themselves in the corner here. Roscoe is a great example. Most of us gave up on him long ago.

Now, for Hope I think she is too mad at the family. My brothers and their kids don't pay much attention to my mother. All I do is shrug my shoulders at it. Their relationship is between her and them. It is beyond my control. Hope, I wish you could just shrug things off more. People will drive you crazy if you take them to heart.

Jessie, would that thread involve 300+ comments and someone who won't admit the very obvious problems they have and seek help for them?

That one is driving me insane. I just wish everyone would stop commenting on it and let this person fend for themselves....no one here can help in the way that's needed. The OP won't accept any advice given, just keeps circling back over the same topics and obsessing over them, over and over.

No, it wasn't meant for you. It was actually talking about another thread on the board. This "whine" thread doesn't follow a set path. People come in and out posting different things relevant to themselves at the moment. You and I were posting at the same time above, so it is coincidental that your post was right before mine.

I'm guessing the corner painting comment was meant for me. I guess I'm just tired, or too ignorant to understand how my venting applies...probably I just need to stop venting. Thanks Jessie

VictoriaP, I know what you mean by being an only child, I also didn't have any children of my own. You and I never had the practice of trying to reason with a 3 year old, nor with a 13 year old, thus no skills to deal with a 83 year old. Plus not having siblings to learn to stand our ground, and to learn to share.

I think the bickering you are having with your Mom would be like dealing with a sibling who just moved into your home. You've always been use to being on your own [except for hubby] and you feel your space is being invaded.

Changing direction a bit -- I don't like it when people paint themselves into a corner. When they ask for advice to get out of it, maybe you say that there's a window behind them. Just open it and get out. No, they can't do that, because it has a nail holding it closed. Okay -- you give them a hammer to pry the nail out. No, they can't do that because they might break the window and the air outside is too cold. Okay -- well, they can wait until the paint dries. So you go away for a little while, only to return to see them applying another coat of paint. I think that many people are most comfortable when they're painted in a corner.

Well, the day came and went. After spending the entire Thanksgiving holiday with my brother's ex's family....the nephews again spent the entire day today with the same bunch of folks...and drifted up to see brother late late this afternoon, which means they went right past here, knowing how frail my Mama is. I am done making excuses for their behavior...and I am done with them....My heart hurts so much tonight for Mama I feel like I am unable to breathe....My Mama has loved these boys more than life itself...the other granny, with whom they again spent the holiday, has always criticized absolutely everything about them, from their wives, to their wives housekeeping or lack thereof, to their hair styles...Mama never did anything but love them...and they bypass her knowing in all likelihood, they will never see her again....God forgive me, but I hate them....HATE THEM.

Don't feel awful, Victoria. I don't know many people who haven't felt like that sometimes. What matters is being there when she really needs you. And, by the way, that doesn't necessarily have to mean living with her - have you thought about other options??? :)

My whine for today...My mom lives with me and my husband. I never had kids, I'm an only child and I was never around grandparents (one lived in Hawaii and one passed away before I was born)..I don't think that I'm very good at the whole caregiver thing. It's been about a year since she moved in and we still argue about things that most would think are stupid. My patience with her is so thin....I love her but lots of days I don't like her. I feel awful for saying that and I wish we got along better.

My Whine Moment: My Mother is a very difficult woman. It's the verbal and emotional abuse she hands out that is so hard to ignore. EX: She wanted a Salad for dinner. I asked her what ingredients, etc. Do you want to eat at your chair or at the table? She said, "at the table". On Sunday night Dinner, we all eat where we want. Mom heard my brother say, "I'm going to my room to eat". Well, I was still finishing the kitchen duties and made Mother's place at the table with everything she would need. Got my dinner and my dog Pollis' dinner and said , "I will going to eat in my room also". She went crazy, "nobody wants to eat with me, I quess i'll be eating alone, you don't care, " etc. I reminded her this was Sunday dinner. Didn't matter. So, stupidly I sat down at the table with her. She started on me again. I excused myself and went to my room for dinner. Polli and I loved the time together. My Mom makes me so angry I could spit nails. Thanks for reading my post.

Hope, we got to remember that boys will be boys no matter what the age :) What they think is funny, we think is immature. It's the old Mars vs Venus thing. Just grin and bear it.

As for visiting during the holidays, as Dr. Phil will say "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." You know what is going to happen, so try not to dwell on it.

FrF....yes, I saw it...and while knowing him he probably thought it was funny, it was not to me..and I don't think my brother found it funny either. It is just heartbreaking because my brother has taken such good care of those boys and his ex was one for the books ..she was one of the rudest, most hostile, disrespectful humans I think who was ever born, and while the boys were here locally and my brother was their primary example (they were in college and so were close to him) then they were good kids...but once they both went their own ways and moved away from the area and now their mother (who btw actually LEFT them and ran off with her man of the hour) and whose main focus in life is the almighty dollar has seemingly become their role model..and a disgusting one at that. she controls where they go even though they are well into their adult years..she calls the shots and they let her, just as my brother and my mother let her..and I had to watch it all unfold...now the ugliness has come home to roost and my family is ALWAYS the one who gets left until the end of the visiting and if time has run out, we may get one of those run bys crammed in or they just don't come at all. I feel sad for my brother. He just texted me and has heard not one word from them and they are at the nephews WIFE's house...and they will spend most of their time there...we did not see them at all on Thanksgiving, even though they were local...I am disgusted by them. I wish I could tell the nephew what i thought of his actions, but I know that would just hurt my brother so I just sit here and have to suck it up...but I am so freaking sick and tired of it...it has been a lifetime of seeing my family disrespected by this ex wife's family and now the two boys have taken on this bratty snotty arrogance that is so not the way my brother raised them...what else can I do??? I have no control over them now they are grown..but I'll be danged if they disrespect me any further by just drifting in whenever...if Mama still knew them it would be different....but they let those precious years slip away while they busy being fancy a$$ big shots and all the abundance they have has been largely due to my family doing way too much for them along the way...

I agree I do NOT think FB is a good way to communicate at all..way too much room for hurt feelings...and seeing the ex wife thinking their snotty little comment was "hilarious" knowing she will get her time with them and here is my mother, who more than likely will not be here next Christmas just has to make do with whatever....It is sad...and sickening.

Hope, I assume you saw the grandchild's post on Facebook? Good heavens, how did families communicate prior to the invention of Facebook or MySpace? How many here think it's a good way to communicate? Or it causes too much hard feelings by what relatives are writing?

I never signed up for Facebook, and don't plan to. I believe sometimes what ever is posted could be taken out of context because we aren't physically talking to that person to *read* emotions. Plus nothing is really private, even though we might think it is. My sig other finally got his daughter to take down photos of her grade school aged daughters, you never know who will copy said pictures and put them on inappropriate websites :(