My "whine moment today." What's yours?

I'm seriously thinking of doing just that, Dee....even if it's only to be able to work uninterrupted for a few hours, though I'd like to use the time to get out of the house. The nature of my work means the only day I could possibly do that is Sunday, and even then, it's unpredictable, so I might have to come back and work for an hour or so.

Mom finally got up and I got her in the shower - it's just the resistance and refusal to do it that's so frustrating. I want so badly to get her on a schedule, but she fights me tooth and nail on that. (Not literally or physically, of course. It's more a battle of wills - mine vs hers.)

Susan...same here. Uncanny! Though for myself I started paying extra for 3 hours on saturdays. I really need the recharge time to go for a nice long walk. Once it warms up and i can play in the dirt i won't need to because i bring mom outside with me while i garden. Last year it was hard. She wanted to go inside and lay down but didn't want to be alone so I didn't get much done. Looking into an outdoor recliner for her. Gardening is my therapy.

....and leave it to fate to give me a wake up call. Just discussing another relative's situation and his daughter is his caregiver. He is in so much worse shape than Mom and may not make it much longer. I need to stop whining and be happy Mom is still here. It's just so hard to do that some days.

Jessie, hang in there....I know what you mean. Some days it's an all-out battle between my mind and my tongue, not to snap at Mom when she resists showering, refuses to get up and walk to keep her legs moving, and insists that I do everything for her. We have to walk a fine line with them. ((hugs))

Oh CM....that's awful. Hope your day gets better.

Mine has not started out all that great. I know it's a "me" thing, something I need to get over, but it irritates the hell out of me when I get up, take care of the pets, start laundry, start dishes or other housework, get a few emails done for my client, then gather all my stuff and take it into the bathroom to take a shower....only to have Mom pop up out of bed like a champagne cork at that precise moment, needing the bathroom - which means I might as well give up taking a shower for another hour or two, because she's going to sit in there for 20 minutes, by which time I might as well have made breakfast, and then I'll have *more* emails to do for my client. GRRRRRRRR. She has this uncanny ability to awaken just as I am either sitting down to do some work or about to get in the shower - and *that's* when she will wake up and need something. Some days, she's up and down every 10-20 minutes - those are the days that drive me batty.

We have one bathroom, and short of when I go to bed, it's the only place in the whole house I can go to be alone with my thoughts. And many times, I can't even get that. I guess I'm just reacting to being back from a few days away and realizing just how much I was putting up with before I left. It's a harsh reality to come back to. I keep hoping that one day I will be able to afford the $100 a week it would cost to have the caregiver come in for a couple of hours each day to take care of Mom in the morning or the evening so I can have some down time. Not sure it will ever happen, but it's a nice dream to have....

So while I've done all this now, and at 10:05 am, still sitting here in my nightgown, I tell her she needs to shower, because I won't be able to get in there for a while until I get these emails done....she looks at me with glazed eyes and says, "yeah." And I know what's coming. She's going to want to lay back down again, after only being up for 30 minutes - long enough to eat and go to the bathroom. And that's *exactly* what happened.

I guess I'm being selfish in wanting just 15 minutes of uninterrupted time in the shower, without having to re-dress myself after I've started undressing and having to delay my shower for more than an hour because she's up again.....the small things like this are maddening. Guess that's my whine for the day. I just want to run away and never come back on days like this. Yeah, right.....

So ashamed of myself. My mother was telling me something again last evening. I was irritable and said, I know. You've told me 500 times already. That hurt her and I felt so bad. I normally just listen, but last night I was snarky. I'm going to have to not do that again. She didn't deserve it.

Classic mother. Lovely Kate, the wonderful Liz's relief HCA, came this morning; we got mother up, toileted, washed, dressed, back to bed, easy-peasy; I saw Kate out; ten minutes after she'd gone mother vomited all down her front. Ugh. Start again…

I'm not going to panic over one puke. But if she does it again..? She won't. She'd better not.

I've been energetically online on this site writing on various threads all night long and still feel energized. I've even eaten breakfast which is unusual for me and taken my morning meds much earlier than normal for me. I think i will try going back to bed. I will probably pay for this all nighter dearly.

I have ato add that on my first ward (teenage boys) the charge nurse (male) always gave the instruction "hot,high and a hell of a lot" when giving an enema. none of those discrete plastic "Fleets" in those days. The set was chipped enamal containter with a hook on the top and a length of red rubber tubing with a glass - yes I did say glass - the stuff that breaks to which you attached a red rubber catheter of suitable size - your choice ho ho. After use the nurse was required to wash the equipment in the sink and hang it up to dry ready for the next victim who dared admit to constipation or was due for surgery. No gloves or disposables in the late 50s
When equipment was deemed to be past it's prime it was collected by one of the super religeous and packed up to be sent out to the missionaries. And it had to be very well past it's prime. Duct tape had not been invented but if it had we would have made good use of it.

CM Lucky you they were still using enemas when I had my kids!!!

Alison, I am hoarse tonight from yelling and I have a headache. I will take up your suggestion with the district nurse on Monday morning - for my own sake!

Veronica I vividly remember my first encounter with a suppository. The nurse handed me this little pot with something the size of a large broad bean in it, and I said "what, you just - ?" making kind of under and up gestures and she said "yes, just like that." Like it was nothing! But in the pregnancy years I don't know what I'd have done without haemorrhoid remedies and am now much less squeamish. Come to think of it, I think once you've had a baby you stop worrying about most indignities, don't you?

And all the nappy changing techniques are coming back to me, too, like riding a bike I suppose. You're right, we'll get there somehow. Thank you!

This isn't a "whine," and you guys don't need me to tell you this, but...

I was AMAZED at the difference ear wax cleaning did for both my grandmother and my father. It was a big difference in their ability to hear. For my grandmother, I used the drops over a period of time. For my dad, I took him to ENT appointment and they cleaned out with an instrument plus gave a regimen of drops to loosen the rest. It makes such a difference not having to YELL ALL THE TIME and also not having to deal with TV/radio turned way up in volume. I still used hearing aids for my grandmother, but my dad didn't need them at all and I was shocked about that... he just had so much blockage in his ears he appeared to have severe hearing loss.

My point - even if they fuss about it, keep after it. It's worth it for them and you. :)

CM guilty as charged. desperate situations make for desperate measures. Anything can be made into a suppository but you have to find a pharnmacist willing to do it and I doubt your local Boots will oblige.

!!!!!!!!!! Veronica!

I meant, are they available as suppositories?!

Please tell me you haven't encountered people sticking oral meds in places they were never intended for??? Oh BOY!

Mind you, the number of holiday makers who come back from France complaining that the French pharmacies had given them tablets the size of hippopotamus pills and they could barely swallow them… Now that's funny :)

CM you will be told by everyone that you can not give oral medications PR. In pracice in hospice if it would not go in one end we put it up the other if it was really necessary like pain meds. just make sure the rectum is not full of poop and you get it up as far as your finger will go - sorry Mum. lubricate well. Looked at all the side effects and I would not touch it with a ten foot pole but if Mum needs it so be it. If this is new to her the main thing she may complain of is a headache but the literature says that may go away as she gets use to it. the main caution seems to be not to give it with Viagra!!! Ask the Dr if she really needs it. hospitals tend to send people home with a whole pharmacy and quality of life has to be weighed against what will keep her comfy. When the Dr gets there have all the bottles laid out and see what can be discontinued. Also ask about hospice. They don't usually like to admit with a stroke diagnosis but it would get you some extra help. Get brother to let loose with the purse strings so you can hire enough help. Neither of you will like the N/H option but you can't do it alone that is for sure.
As far as the aspiration is concerned that of course is a real danger so make sure she is sitting up straight when she is eating and drinking and only small mouthfuls of whatever they have suggested. If she does choke you may have to do the heimlick manouver. If it is just a little liquid lie her on her face and cup your hands and softly bang on her back up and down the rib cage and it should run out of her nose by gravity. if you are careful it should not happen so just figure out what to do and then file it away
my gosh a tax lady called Ruth it makes a change from Mrs Heavenhelpyou of Miss Imissedtheboat with the accent on the Miss. You"ll get by CM once you get into a routine with Mum things will settle down and you can go out and check the crocus aand snow drops. We are getting minus 10 f tonight so no going out for hubby's birthday dinner. I'd pop round and give you a hand if I lived closer.

It is sad to read about situations where an adult child or adult children who have been made Durable POA for a parent are so eager to get their hands on the parent's money and once they do, they take a big chunk out of it for themselves. There needs to be some kind of financial accountability factors built into Durable POAs. Well, I guess that would make it a guardianship.

I can't keep this up, that's for sure. There's just the one of me, and just the 24 hours in the day. So far so good with mother - touch wood and everything else - her skin integrity's improving, continence is more miss than hit but we've had modest successes with the bed pan and the commode so who knows, maybe that'll improve too; I've lost count of the number of people who are scuttling around trying to help behind the scenes; but the plain fact is that we need more hands to the pump and they just don't seem to exist. I feel like I'm after unicorns. I'll give it a couple of weeks to give the agencies a chance to twiddle their staffing schedules; but unless we can get HCAs in at least twice a day we'll have no option but a nursing home. It's not only me I'm worried about - if I get tired enough I'll start making dangerous mistakes as well as just silly ones, and I can't risk it.

Veronica, the District Nurse said mother was "beautifully" cared for :-D !!! So that perked me up. Never mind that my hair is in rats' tails, I've had the same clothes on since I don't know when and I broke down in hysterics on the phone to the tax people this morning - would you believe my return is due tomorrow and the STUPID online service is asking me the STUPIDEST questions you ever heard and I don't know what it's talking about and my mother's had a stroke and I can't cope boo-hoo-hoo… Anyway, the very nice tax lady, Ruth - aren't they pally these days? It must be some new government initiative - shared my year of birth and we bonded over it. She can't stop them fining me £100 if I don't meet the deadline but she's put a note on my file so if I have to appeal they will look on it kindly. Can't say fairer than that.

The GP called and he's coming round to see her on Tuesday. I'm sure this is unconnected with his also having heard rumours that our pub has recently opened an Indian restaurant (not bad, either, considering). My big neurosis at the moment is aspiration pneumonia but I'm going to have to calm down about it. If it happens, it happens. She can't not eat or drink.

Oh bugger - I forgot to ask the GP about two drugs you can't crush and she's started spitting out sideways, cat-style. I hope there are liquid versions because otherwise it'll be suppositories. Heaven help us. Can you give mononitrate p.r.?

I'm rambling - off to see to lunch and then A NAP. For both of us!

CM, please, please figure out how to get enough sleep, or you'll wind up in care yourself!

CM have I missed it or have you not updated how you and Mum are doing. Won't ask about your other invalid!!!!!!! hugs

Cheep cheep Jessie? But what I object to is siblings who seem to think we're baby cuckoos. Though now that things are getting more lurid I am getting less back-chat from mine, to be fair.

I'm starting to feel like a fat, unlaunched chick squatting in the nest. :(

My whine moment today is about grown children who never leave home and the parents who either fail to launch them out of the nest or purposely keep them at home so that they become their live in caregiver with no means of caring for themselves in their old age. That's my whine!

Liz is a true blessing. Wish I could give her a hug from here. I'll bet you're easy to work with, CM. You're always looking up.

FF I threatened mother with a megaphone today. Repeating every single thing I say to her is wearing enough, but when she also wants to know every single word exchanged with the carer, the nurse, the dog… ugh.

I'm trying to forgive myself for being crabby and horrible all evening and tonight. I have had six hours in bed since Monday night, I am doing seven of the eight care shifts cited as mother's 'essential care needs' and if the wonderful Liz (who's supposed to be my respite carer on Monday afternoons only) hadn't stepped up three days running to do the eighth I would probably be properly psychotic. State regulation requires mother to have 2 x carers, 4 x per day for 1-2 hours per visit to cover washing, dressing, transferring, toileting, feeding, turning, medications etc etc etc. If only the State would also be so kind as to tell our social worker where she is supposed to find these people? Oddly, there seem to be very few intelligent, capable, patient, gentle, experienced professionals prepared to work for just a squeak over minimum wage at an exhausting, smelly and hugely underrated job. I count my blessings that Liz either doesn't know or (more likely) doesn't care what her work is actually worth.

Today was a tiring day. Mom is in nonsense mode again, with all these symptoms. She needs to see the doctors. We need to get someone in to make the floors stop bouncing. I need to clean the swing in the front yard -- she hasn't used it in a year, but doesn't remember she hasn't. We need to call the yardman to get him to replace some sick bushes. I need to start going to Sunday school to meet some people. She thought by now I would have started a life of my own. Don't I feel the floors bouncing under my feet? We need to get someone to see about the floors...

ACK! Ack, ack, ack. I'm tired.

Veronica91, that type of new hearing aid is the newest technology but not recommended for those who have a serious hearing lost, like what my Mom has.... works great for someone who is just starting to loose their hearing.

katnmouse, I wonder what the neighbors would say?? Finding the right undees is a biggy. No more starting the morning off by washing the linens. Woohoo! You go, girl.

My whine is I'm so tired and i have no real life i work and then I'm at home with mom i try to make plans w friends but they have kids husbands etc i have no children divorced have two dogs one is handicapped. .....

Susan, that's one for the "you know you're a caregiver if" discussion...you know you're a caregiver if you carry spare underwear for your loved one in your purse. Hope, have fun with your cousin! Think of it like a long slumber party! You will have plenty of time to clean or whatever once she goes home. Enjoy yourselves!

Veronica do you have horses?! I have always loved them and wish i had learned how to ride and take care of them. They are such beautiful animals. Maybe some day...