My "whine moment today." What's yours?

I think we should all just go back to bed and try again in the morning :)

Waiting seems to be how we spend half our lives. We always wait an hour or so at the doctor's office, because they are overscheduled. Saturday I spent the day waiting for the vet to do some things for my rabbit. I took him in, then went home. I waited the rest of the day for the things to be done. But then I was grateful, because the vet had to work the rabbit into the busy day. Still, by the end of the day I was worn out from waiting. To make matters worse, on the way home I got stuck in stop and go traffic. Everyone was going to the mall and it backed traffic up for miles. Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Well, while that solves the phone issue, it does not solve the whole issue of how the last three weeks the aid who used to be here almost like clockwork seems to be off on a tear of her own...I'm coming at 8:00, she gets here at 10:00...I'm coming late today, she gets here at 9:00, I am sick of it. We need the nurse and I can understand the nurse getting called out because a patient has taken a turn, but I will just say I am not going to be held hostage by an aid who can't let me know at least roughly what time she is going to come and then stick to it. This morning once 10:45 rolled around I went ahead and bathed Mama and told her not to come....she then texted me and said wait don't do it I will be there by 11:00...I was already going to be done by that time...No...I am getting on with my day...That is what I HATE about home health and hospice, the day they are coming is always spent waiting on them....the aid is here for all of an hour, the nurse for about 30 minutes and yet combined with the time I keep having to watch the phone, watch the phone and the minute I sit down to finally eat my lunch because I am about to pass out...maybe around 3:00 because they weren't here at noon like they said they would be because they were running late...THEN they show up....I had Mama all settled down, fed, dressed bathed...spent all morning doing something that normally would have just taken me one hour to get the routine handled...and THEN she calls and leaves me a voice mail that she will come and sit with Mama and let me go somewhere for an hour if I would like...pardon my french but I am not ready to go anywhere I have been busy doing YOUR job and no you are not coming by and sit on your butt for an hour and get paid for it...Yall don't fuss at me please, I am tired and the bath EARLY as planned as it used to be is about the only real break I get...I would rather not even look for someone to be here at all and just do it myself than to keep going through this he!!...and if it was because a patient had an emergency again it is one thing...but even in the past if I have not caught the phone she has come ahead and to text me five minutes BEFORE she is supposed to be here and tell me she will much later is NOT going to fly with me anymore

Well, it seem it's a good morning for whines!! CM, love the word "git". Yup, got 3 of em.

A few days ago mom developed a tiny sore on her upper gums... her teeth were bothering her. I've been putting campho stuff on it several times a day but it doesn't seem to be helping. This means her top teeth are out and feeding her is a challenge. She drinks 3 - 4 ensure's a day so I'm hoping she won't doesn't lose too much body mass. PB n J's, oatmeal, jello and anything she can gum is what she's eating... and ice cream. Hope this heals up soon... it's not helping at all !

Oh, I can add another whine... any sort of change in our routine changes mom's behavior as well. Everything goes whacko even more. Now add the extra stuff to do since we have a guest here and ... well, visits are nice but it's nice when things go back to that some ole routine. It's peaceful LOL!!

Hope, there is an easy solution. Keep your phone with you on bathing aid mornings. It's easy to do now, since we're not tethered to the wall with a cord. :)

Now for my whine of the day -- I have a day full of tasks that need to be done, some for me, some for my mother. And I thought about how much harder I work now than ever before. Then I thought about the old rhyme, "A man works til set of sun, but a woman's work is never done." I thought how true it is. People at my age are normally slowing down. For me it seems to just get more and more. Golden years, my foot!

Well, a small whine....our bathing aid texted me this am to let me know she was coming out if that was ok as she was leaving the office..this would have been AWESOME as they KNOW I like for them to come on early...BUT I don't sit on the phone and they know that and when I didn't tell her "OK"...she texted me again and said since she didn't hear from me she was going on to her next one and so would be running late to our house....This is getting to be more and more common with her and it is so disappointing..what disappoints me most is that until I started telling her she was awesome, she was always prompt and on schedule..now it is like because I told her she was great, she does pretty much what she wants to do...it happens every time...why is that? when someone told me I was doing a great job, it made me want to do an even BETTER job...but it seems like any time I let someone know I think they do a great job these days, they start thinking they've got me wrapped around their finger and so it's now their way or the highway...I don't get it...anyway, it has inconvenienced me...again....I almost told her not to come but I was kind of needing that little 45 minute break so I will let her come on...but I am not pleased.

It's the other brother, Veronica. The one who has more or less dropped off mother's radar, though I haven't the heart to say so to either of them. I shouldn't be blaming him because of the four of us he's got the most serious "issues" as they say - unaddressed, of course; but for heaven's sake. Could he not at least act normal, if that's what he insists he is?

hell,
yahoo mail is on its face this am and i cant communicate with crack - y .

CM if brother stays home so does SIL so be thankful for small mercies. Enjoy the visit with your cousins sounds as though they will bring some fresh air with them.

I am going to award myself a good, thorough, totally unreasonable whine before I shlep off to the rehab centre for Round 50 of the battle to make mother drink more. That's not the whine, though. The whine is that tomorrow my cousins are coming to visit mother. Cousin-ess P works for a global hotel chain that cuts her very little slack considering that she has a mother in the late stages of Parkinson's and spends at least as much time running around about it as I do. Cousin J is an airline pilot with two teenage children and therefore a pretty heavy schedule of his own, not even counting regular visits to see his mother. So if these two people can manage to drive over 100 miles just to spend half an hour with their aunt, HOW COME MY BROTHER CAN'T? Useless git.

On the other hand, at least it will be fun spending the morning with them.

I am going to whine about something different today!
I have known abour the luminosity brain games for a while but it popped up on my screen last night so I decided to give it a try. Boy what a shock. My scores were in the teenage range which i would have expected to be the highest rather than the lowest. Part of the problem is that I am on a laptop and can't move the curser fast enough but that is no excuse for being unable to remember all the patterns. Ah well onward and upwards, brain training is in my future when things are slow on A/C

Lu, let him who is the caregiver throw the first stone. What I mean is, who is giving you and your mother a hard time for putting your father into temporary respite care so that the two of you can get a night's sleep? Tell them to take a running jump, while you sort out more support for all the caregiving. Best of luck to you, what you're doing is absolutely the right thing - for your father too.

edna was a very innovative cook . she used to make cornbread with crushed up spicy pork rinds ( chips ) in the batter . it made for some pretty crunchy / spicy cornbread . she considered homemaking her " job " and she was incredibly good at it .
my mother didnt care to do much cooking but she was a great educator . as a kid i used to fantacize about being their hero in a post apolocolyptic setting or something similar . its been an honor to be each of thems closest companion at or near their end of life .
they will live on for generations hopefully . both my sons have been taught their frugality and ability to innovate . most of the females in the family consider mom and aunt to be backwards and ignorant . they are dead wrong and as unaccomplished as you would expect from such narrowmindedness .

Captain...I like apples cooked on the stove top too. I'm guessing Miss Edna put the red hots in with them then while they were cooking..and what a yummy scent wafting through the house!! I was going to make some spiced apples today but will wait now til my blueberry pound cake is gone... :)

Hi Lu..bless your heart. I don't know the severity of your Father's illness, but do you all qualify for home health or hospice? When Mama started getting more and more frail, I called one of the Home Health Care Agencies and they are more than happy to come out and talk to you and see if you qualify...And as Freqflyer suggested your local Council on Aging could give you information.

I understand your needing respite care in order for you to get some rest...I think all of us understand that here....Please let us know more information and welcome here.... (((hugs)))

LuMartinez, best thing to do is contact your local Council on Aging. Or ask at the convalescent home if they know of anyone you can hire to help at home.

Hello my name is Lu please help my fellow cara givers I'm going through hell getting stones thrown at me about my father put in a convalescent home just for five days so we can get some rest just me my mom after him suffering a stroke almost 2 years ago that list his eating ability and has continues to struggle with respiratory pneumonia he is putting the blame on us for respite which is required for us to get rest because it can become overbearing and his family cannot understand but he does not want to be caregiver no longer by neither me or my mother that have been there from day one but it's okay I understand his sickness and what he's going through please help me if you guys know any caregivers that can come home Health aide nurse assistant what ever contact me ASAP that has experience in gastric G-tube feeding gravity ASAP please help I live in San Fernando Valley California please sincerely
Lu

hope, edna always simmered her apples on the stovetop . if you like cooked apples with a bit of a glaze on them you toss in a couple of tablespoons of cold water mixed with corn starch near the end of the cooking cycle . this makes them a little more like pie filling .
i dont have much to fuss about today . things are going well . if we can get our stonework moving briskly enough i think were going to do the brickwork on mikes house too . i dont like to lay brick but i dont want to see a half million dollar home slopped up either .
took edna her apple rice tonight and heather bought me some pork and a couple bags of beans . i dont think she has plans of leaving my one horse operation . not just every job out there right now is paying 12 bucks an hour . of course my friend betsy is jealous as hell . she thinks shes the best stone jointer in the world . lol
theyre both pretty good helpers and theyre usually as tickled as i am with the finished products . things are looking good around here . i bought a 1000 . 00 gas powered concrete saw ( tax writeoff ) today . thats how self employment works . either buy s*it or give the money to the irs .

Oh my goodness Jeanette...Like many of us here, I imagine you just have so much on your mind it is impossible to keep a lot of stuff straight. But your son is home and indeed, all is well now...So glad yall get to have a nice visit.

The sun is beautiful here today. Brother came by and I decided to just tell him what a mess I have been and so I got all that out and he was very nice and very concerned and told me that I could call him anytime when I got that way ...he also brought me a fried chicken dinner and some blueberry pound cake! So we had a great visit...Mama acknowleged him being here which made him very happy too. What a nice day...Mama is sleeping well and seems to feel better still today. got her a good hot bath and trying to do that for her whenever she seems to need some pampering...I can tell she loves them. I imagine the good wamr washcloths feel relaxing to her tired self..Lord bless her....so thankful I have gotten hold of myself too...hope it stays that way...

All this food!! Haha, I gained ten pounds just reading about it all !

Yesterday was the morning from HELL!! We both went to bed early so we'd be fresh for the ride to the airport. Somewhere along ... let's say 1:30 a.m. ish I hear a noise, get up to investigate, yup, mom had fallen and really bumped her head a good one. Blood everywhere... had to shampoo her carpet at 2:00 in the morning... she also scraped her arm a good one. Got her her all cleaned up, ice bagged her head... bandaged her arm tucked her back in the bed... she was up moving around again by 6:00 a.m. so we just stayed up... sigh. Left here around 10:00 to drive the 90 miles to Portland Airport. Guess what? I don't think the freaking airport is even IN PORTLAND! I'm not sure where it's at... after getting there over an hour late to scoop my son up I was totally mind exhausted. 90 miles in the pouring rain and fog... circling Portland a starving vulture looking for the damn airport... no signs that said Airport next left... I don't recall but seeing ONE sign for the airport and it lead me somewhere... not sure where... I WAS SO LOST! Finally had my son talk me through how to make my phone give me step by step directions but... the weather was so crappy I'd lose reception... and be lost again, finally an English speaking gas attendant said, turn right on 181st and keep going.... keep going meant another 20 miles? I swear, I don't know how I found it and couldn't begin to tell you where it is. Nope. A giant rain/fog blur... BUT my son is here and that alone made the hellish nightmare worth it.

Captain, I know you have elaborated on it somewhere in thread but does Edna cook the apples on the stove or bake them with the red hots and spices and such? If you think of it I'd love to know...

Captain, you sure have some precious memories ......I think you might be a teddy bear in reality.. :) I started to make some kind of spicy apple concoction last night and was sitting beside Mama with my blanket and the next thing I knew I woke up and it was midnight...needless to say the apples are still sitting in there waiting on me to do something with them. Red hots...now that's a great idea! I've had apple juice and apple cider spiced with those red hots but never even thought of it in the baked or cooked apples...think I'll put red hots on my shopping list today....

I woke up to a blissfully clean lawn and it is so pretty. Mama was quite perky this morning and wanted some coffee with me....she even talked a little....when I hear her voice it touches something in me that I just want to hold onto forever...I told her I got her yard all fluffed up the way she always kept it and she smiled....she has always been known for being the "sweet lady who is always in her yard and always has a kind word to say " and so I need to carry on the tradition...Daylight got away from me so I didn't get my little sprouting bulbs put in the pot but I got the pot all ready and have my potting soil so that will be a fun thing today....I'll put them beside the large glass door so she can see them growing....

I'm not sure but I think the hospice folks called my brother the other day when they caught me crying. I am not certain how I feel about that. Now I feel like I can't really talk to or trust them. Brother will come at some point today and I will find out what happened there. Could be they just called him to let him know he needed to check on me because I was having a hard morning...he checked on me..One text.. "u ok??" yep, that was his idea of checking on me. Sadly, as much as I love him, he truly things I am just feeling sorry for myself..so if he thinks I am upset around here his response is to scold me. Hospice is aware of that...so if they did call him I am not going to be real happy about it...oh well...still too pretty of a day to obsess over that...

Excessive pampering is never good for a child.

edna has always loved cooked apples . they were a mainstay on her breakfast , lunch , and dinner table . she spices them with red hots cinnamon candy . the woman has always been an outstanding cook and it isnt to be attributed to recipes because -- edna doesnt read . she quit school at grade school level to help her dad raise food and survive . i dont have much good to say about formal education . sometimes i think it misses the point entirely .

oh man, if ya want a real treat ( and you deserve one ) try some waffles and ice cream . im not sure it gets better than that .
when i stayed with edna for almost a year during my divorce in 2001 , she always kept me a huge bowl of sweet rice in the fridge . i virtually lived on the stuff . interesting thing was - it was always sweetened to absolute perfection . i was sick from hepc chemo meds and barely on my feet but the thought never escaped me that this girl didnt throw together some swill for me . she must have tasted it and adjusted it 10 different times . gonna make her some apple rice right now while my beans are cooking . she loves cold apple rice so dearly that she rations it to herself not realizing that i make a gallon of the crap at a time . lol

I wish I had some of those apples right about now..I have some vanilla ice cream in there and I am thinking of some hot spicy apples right on top of a little blob of nilla ice cream....hmmmm

Keep up the apples Capt. Good to eat and familiar prepared by a loving hand even if it is your dirty knarled fingers.

So true Captain, I love that...."we're going to both walk bravely up to the unknown"...well said... today has been much better by far...and if I am busy being afraid, I could miss out on so many sweet moments...she is cozy tonight and I have my little spot on the sofa right at her feet where I can keep an eye on her...doesn't get any more precious than this....I will be with her now and I will carry her with me forever in my heart...

Frequent, you are so right, there is no excuse not to thank someone especially when you know they went out of their way to pick out something just for them...and I did, I really searched for this item because I knew it was something he would love...I have heard not one peep about it...not wanting pats on the back for it, would just like to have known they got them...I thanked them the NIGHT I got them..which was also the same night they went driving right on past our street...oh how much these kids have missed out on with Mama...their Grand....so sad..and to me, inexcusable...one day they may look back and regret it...I just don't get it...but I am not letting it get in the way of Mama and my fun...I'm going to make this as pleasant as possible...we know what's coming, Mama would not dwell and would not want me to..we're going to enjoy our time together..and maybe one day get to talk it over in heaven...

Book , I do have a smart phone...and it has a semi smart owner :) I love the phone but it took some time getting used to it....

hope,
youre losing your mother a little bit at a time and i think your wise to look ahead at a life without her in it and be kind to her now while you still can . my mother and i drew extremely close in the last few months of her life . it was just her and i - and the bank of fog / confusion , and an occasional hospice or family visitor . it was our journey and i was honored to walk with her .
now its my aunt with late stage dementia facing her end of life . im taking this walk with her and we both know how it ends . were going to both walk bravely up to the unknown . i saw her tonight , we had a lovely and intimate time . shes still eating my cooked apples and ill by god , keep cooking them for her .

Hope, I remember decades ago, the older generation would stop sending gifts to any grandchildren and/or nieces/nephews who never acknowledged a gift via of a hand written thank you note.

You'd think with modern technology in their pockets, that a quick thank you by email would be so easy to do.