My "whine moment today." What's yours?

people and their offers of help are often just disguised criticism . i had two different female friends offer to help me organize my equiptment and junk at my moms house . they had no plans of helping anyone do anything , just voicing their distaste with my junk . another gal offered to help with mom if id repair her brakes . i repaired her brakes then her conditions of 12 bucks an hour were divulged .
cracky was moms hospice aid . i worked on her car three times in exchange for some respite time but was denied both times i asked . shes working with me again and ive told her at least 5 times already that im just not interested in trying to keep her truck running .
im sitting alone on v - day for a reason -- people suck .
i figure i have one pretty good friend but damm if she didnt back out on my last request for a driver for my colonoscopy and i almost went to jail for dui over that crap .
im not losing sleep over any of those people . now im like an armed military guard .
( at gunpoint )
advance to be recognized.
place your id card on the ground and retreat 10 steps .
what is todays password ?
lol

Jeanette, I need one of those guys!! Maybe I'll go talk to the high school office sometime soon and see if they know of a responsible teen (with no problems!) that will come and do things like that around the house.

OMG is it COLD here today. 5-7 degrees above 0, but windchills 15-25 below and winds up to 45 mph. Ugh.

Happy Valentine's Day to all you loving caring people!

hope, cheer up sweetie... I know some days are just so dang hard it feels like you just wanna curl up and sleep for a very long time. This does zap you from energy. Our pets? Yeah, thankfully they do make us get up and keep going.

Not much going around here today... oh, the young man the helped me all last summer is back around. He's going to come by today, wash my Mitsu inside and out and whatever else I might need him to do. I'm thinking he can do all the windows as well. He's 6'7 and doesn't need a ladder like I do!! Mom loves his company ... he calls her "fancy pants" and keeps her entertained so that's another plus.

Ah well, another day in paradise!

Making a pot of my favorite coffee and going to fix myself a little brunch...trying my best to pull myself out of this funk I have worked myself into...

Got that right Captain...people don't get it...period....We have a huge yard here too and Mama always kept it looking like Bellingrath Gardens....but as hard as I try..and I do try, I just don't have time to do it to her level of perfection AND take care of her needs AND take care of all my pets AND a huge house..AND find a place to put all my crap from my house when her house is already filled to the max. I have decided I am not going to get rid of my stuff. There is no point in keeping a houseful of her clothes that she can no longer wear and throw away mine. I had a woman come here...my brothers ex mother in law...aka..the "B": and she was always telling me...I am going to come down here and get these yards looking good...I am going to come down here and get this mess cleared up...I finally told her on one of my not so good days..."Look, this is MY house and you aren't doing $***....on top of that..I don't give a $ about the yards right now...I am taking care of Mama....that took care of that....I have no female friends who have done the physical labor I have done all my life...Even as a teenager I helped Daddy do clearing of trees on our lake property, literally hauled logs that some men would not lift....more recently...cleared away THREE downed trees because the only way I could afford to have it done was to do the clean up myself...did it all on my own...could barely walk for a while after that...dang it this body is tired. I'm not that old...but I am so worn out..when I was much younger Mama even told me, don't start doing all that stuff ....they will expect it of you and you'll end up doing it all your life...and she did...and now I am....I'm always amazed at how many people can't even operate basic lawn equipment, let alone repair plumbing, do their own roof repairs...etc. I have always done it, and thank God I can because it has saved me a ton of money...but dang I am tired. sorry...I guess I need to fade away and cool off.....but Captain I do understand....

Well, not to be a downer on Valentine's Day so feel free to scroll on past this, but as I sit here I am crying. I am in so much physical pain from my shoulder and Mama had made a huge mess...as always...and it is hard enough when I feel physically good but when one of my arms/shoulder's is pretty much useless, I almost can't do it...and then there's the face that never changes when she's back in "the zone"....the whole time I'm cleaning her she is soiling herself and me all over again..again I know she can't help it...and the saddest part of all is I don't think that's what is hurting...and holidays and especially Valentine's Day should not phase me, and actually never has...I guess the big difference is that I always made it fun for Mama and she enjoyed it...This year I can tell she doesn't know what I'm talking about. I do have her a card...and I know I will still do something..probably get her some pretty azaleas that I can put in the yard to always remind me of her forever, but dang it, I feel so alone. I had bought a pile of valentine cards to send out and then I didn't get those done and last night I thought..so what???? since when do any of them ever do that for you??? yes, it's time to put on the pity party hat...but (cover your ears) DAMN IT! Does anyone remember that I am here alone????? In my head and my heart I cannot imagine in my wildest of imaginations that if my brother were here doing this and I was out in the big wide world living it up because my brother was here....I would be planning something so grand for him to let him know I actually appreciate him....I would also be doing that all the time and he would never feel abandoned....I am so damn hurt and so damn angry....and so damn sick of it all. I always loved this day because I always got to be part of it and doing fun surprises for folks...now the only surprise I am in for is getting soiled as fast as I can clean her up..God forgive me, God forgive me....I am exhausted.....I remember one time I read an article ..it has been a long time ago...but a woman was writing about the loss of her mother...She loved her, it was obvious..and she had gone through this with her....she was tired...her Mother passed and at the end of the article she said...I finally felt like I might actually have a life of my own...it hit me as a little odd then..but I kind of knew what she was trying to say...I totally understand it now....God forgive me.

my youngest sis chose a living flower for me at moms funeral . i tried 3 different ways to tell her i didnt care to " husband " a freaking house plant . finally my youngest son got her to understand that i really do not want a house plant .
trying to live with the fatigue caused by hepc for most of my life and of course working in masonry , ive learned to make every physical action produce results .
thats kinda why i retired the 51 chevy truck . it drove nicely but after a hard workday it was still manual labor to drive the old monster home .
my mom developed ocd in her last few years and just couldnt understand why everybody wasnt hustling to make her home and lawn perfect . people who dont do hard physical labor do not understand the toll it takes on you .
cracky and i just laid stone for about 3 weeks . i have no problem with taking a week off to heal a bit .

I know what you mean, hope. My rabbits are the light of my life, but there are days I wish I didn't have to clean them. There are days I want to sleep late, but make myself get up to give them breakfast. I should be grateful to them for keeping me on schedule.

As much as I love my cats...and I do love them or I would never have gone through what I have for them, but to be honest, having all these cats on top of trying to care for someone who is totally and completely and I do mean completely bedfast in every single meaning of the word is just getting to be way more than I can deal with . I think one or two pets is always wonderful...and yall know I will never do anything but continue to care for them all..and I do love them, but to say my nerves are shot to heck and back is an understatement...I am seeing that not only have I put everyone else ahead of myself, I have even put my cats health about my own and on mornings that have started out like this one (and you don't want to know the details believe me) I am having one of those walk off into the hills and disappear moments.....must regroup...and quickly....

I made some cookies and brought them to dad's AL yesterday for happy hour. Dad usually sits in same spot but he was sharing a small sofa with the newest male resident. Dad looked at me then turned to the other guy and asked if he knew who I was. I took this as Dad did not recognize me. As with many happy hours at times he seemed agitated. Asked me about going home, where his truck is, what time is supper. This was a bit more than usual. Many times when I go to happy hour he asks about going home. Earlier this week when I was there he was talking about how much he likes where he is. That first sentence though really stuck with me. Despite it being only 5 outside windchill -15 we are taking a drive to a Garden Expo and then doing my valentines day present of stopping at Trader Joes. Picking up some flowers and will get some for dad and stop in late this afternoon when we get back.

I used that very same sentence a few months ago... "It's my God given right". Let's just say I will not say it again. Least no to the local law enforcement :)

glad, same here... must be the moon or even the date... she's been a firecracker all day and lookin like all night. Never heard of those medications? I agree... their brain can shut out almost any medication when they're on a roll they are on a roll.

horrible cold snap here in indiana . i thought we might work tomorrow but the wind chill drops all day long . by 1 pm id say mortar would probably freeze in the mixer . the framing carpenter has been battling the cold and wind all winter BUT he just bought a 2015 camaro , i did no such thing . cracky aint gonna like it but i dont plan to leave the house tomorrow .
i dont need a car but if i ever decided i did , i have a 63 falcon futura sitting out back that could be made to run like new for probably 5 k . it is one year too old to require seat belts and in fact never had any in it even when it was new . back then if i wanted to hit a tree and fly thru my windshield , by god , it was my face and my windshield .
all this high tech crap is beginning to annoy people . cleveland motorcycle works has begun building replicas of ancient american motorcycles with no electronic gadgetry and british enfield is doing the same thing . when i drive thru a mudhole i expect the ignition to drown out and the old drum brakes to work like crap for the next 30 minutes -- just like the old days . when the carb pisses down my leg , its my god given right to have fire dammit !!

Geez!!! She has been up six times in three hours and into the bathroom! I guess I should be thankful in some ways. Taking her to urogynecologist on Monday, talk about another med that should reduce the frequency and help her sleep better. So far, we have tried toviaz and mybetriq and they are not cheap. I really think that the brain just does not process drugs correctly, or as anticipated.

Honestly... it sounded magical.

Those are the moments that makes this easier.

Well, we got through today relatively unscathed. Mom was up, showered and dressed by 8am (so was I), just in time for her Valentine's surprise - a caravan of about 5 vehicles pulled up in front of our house, and 10 Barbershoppers trooped into the house to sing her 3 beautifully-harmonized songs and present her with a rose and small box of chocolates. Totally worth the $30 it cost me. She was SO happy. My dad was a Barbershopper for about 20 years, until he couldn't stand during the concerts any longer. We still have his suit, black dress shoes, white spats for the shoes and his flat-top straw hat. Mom was just grinning from ear to ear the whole time.

Mom did feel up to going to the funeral, so that was good - it was important for her to be there, since this was her sister's husband that passed. She didn't feel up to going to the meal, though, so we just went home after the funeral. It was COLD out there today, wind chills in the single digits and sometimes dipping below zero, so it's better that we just came home. She slept most of the rest of the day away. Stuff like this just wears her out anymore.

I bought ma a yellow rose plant (her favorite), some chocolates and gum, and her favorite KFC. I said, 56 years ago tomorrow you became a mom. So that led to asking/talking about all her kids and she thought my oldest brother died, I said no that was the youngest. Oh, God. Broke her heart all over again. I can usually dodge the subject but couldn't this time. That led to asking if her folks were gone. Told her they were all together in Jesus's arms and we'll see them again some day. Turns out my plans to spoil her for the night went horribly wrong. I've got to learn to deal better. Poor mom. I thought my heart was going to break watching hers break all over again. I gave her dinner and some chocolate. She told me I was good like her mom. I told her I was honored she thought so. She told me I was the love of her life. Oh gosh, I love her so much. Later I'll read her James Herriot's book and try to end the night on a more positive vibe.

dee....My birthday is October too!! No good news about my truck...turns out the job I anticipated to cost between $300 and $350 is going to be $1,750....I almost passed out...I also decided that I am not going to do it right now, so I called the tow driver to come and get it. This is a man who our hospice aid does business with and he told me that he does this type of work as well and he will give me an estimate..he is licensed and bonded so why not give him a chance..couldn't hurt....so now will just focus on getting the car in and getting the motor handled and that is all I know....Shoot, had my hair all fluffed up and even threw on some makeup today..all ready to go get my little truck when the bad news came....but who knows...maybe the bad news will turn out to be good news in disguise...

It sure is getting cold...And cold weather makes me crave something spicy and so I am thinking I may just order out tonight. I deserve it today...Mama is pretty non responsive today and it has been hard. My right shoulder almost feels separated and it is almost impossible to change Mama using my left side...I know it will not but right now it feels like it is killing me..can't lift an arm, can move, can't do anything but just lie there and stare that sad sad look back...that is when it is hard....she's back tonight to not seeming to know who I am .....what a day....but to quote Mama, this too shall pass......

November!! LOL! Close enough!

Jeanette, yes, very small world! October's my birth month.

Good luck looloo, sure hope everything goes much smoother for you and your mother! Everything is high tech now... hehe, except most of my stuff ;)

dee... isn't it amazing how small this giant world really is? Is your birth month in November? LOL, I'd probably fall over if it was! My 2nd oldest just turned 57 and then there's that other one, he's 52.

So, apparently the Governor of Oregon resigned and the local news is ALL over it. Mom used to be a news junkie, way back when... she's listening to it and started telling the dog to "shut up, just shut up and listen to me you stupid SOB"! LOL!

Thanks, Katie. Still no appointment set, but it ain't over yet :)
I think kitchen appliances have way too many bells and whistles now, and are too expensive, and aren't made to last. I can't believe how high-tech refrigerators are now! I just need something to keep my food cold.

looloo, good luck with the doctor's appointments. All that should not be such a battle for us with all else we have to worry about! I have been there with specialists and there is so much red tape to cut through and I believe they make things harder than it need be.
One more comment about cars...freqflyer, you are so right about the kids in back nowadays. I used to love to look out the window when going shopping with Mom or visiting etc., that I could tell you pretty much where a certain house was in the neighborhood or even across town when I saw a picture of it. I have to wonder if kids today will even be able to find their way to the corner store or home from there when they do get their driver's license because they never look out the car windows anymore as they are watching DVDs or on an Ipad! I guess that is what GPS is for nowadays....sure glad I had to use my brain as a kid! What if the power grid ever goes down someday?!!

I refuse to buy a newer vehicle mainly because I don't want to have to learn where everything is in the car :P

Dee, I agree, give me a vehicle with a simple dashboard... I don't need GPS because I can read a map.... I don't need Bluethooth because I refuse to use a cell type phone while driving.... I don't need Pandora music or whatever that is, I am not in the vehicle long enough to listen to more than 2 or 3 songs.... forget the moon or sun roof, those tend to break down, nothing like having the roof open and you can't close it [that's happened to me] :P

If the auto markers want to give me something fancy, give me a self-cleaning car !!

Well, for a Friday the 13th, it's shaping up to be not so bad. Those referrals that had been pending all week are now authorized, PHEW!!! They canceled one of them (the orthopoedist), explaining that the neurosurgeon referral should be enough, so now I just have the surgeon consult and an MRI appt to schedule. Glad I pestered them on the phone all week. Also, another good thing - I thought we'd have to trek out at least 50 miles to see the neurosurgeon, but he practices in my mother's area, so that is going to make things more manageable. I left messages to schedule appts., because of course it can't take just ONE phone call, it's gotta be phone tag. If I can get just 1 appt set up before the weekend, I'll celebrate.

Wow, Jeanette...my oldest brother's birthday is Valentine's Day, too! I'm 51 - he's turning 56 tomorrow.

I really wish we could purchase new autos that are "stripped down" without all that crap in it! I just need it to get me from point A to point B and back again.

HA! Very funny hobbesmom! :D Yeah yeah I noticed the typo (auto correct) by then though, it was too late, yet another reason we need an EDIT button!! As many times as I use the word pibble on here, you'd think auto correct would know by now!.... then again, as a kid I used to rescue pebbles, just the unique shaped ones :)

planes, trains and automobiles... gads, it's always something that needs immediate attention isn't it? I suppose the sooner we get them back on the road again the sooner we can move onto the next catastrophe. Hey FF... I'm pretty sure some of those fancy limo's have microwaves in them and therefore you can make popcorn!! LOL!!

Sally, that is such a touching story... I've been trying to think of something that mom will enjoy and bring a smile to her face and her eyes sparkle. I KNOW what would do it but I doubt I get cooperation. Valentine's Day is also my oldest brothers birthday. He turns 60. A few years ago I would have made him a cake, scrumptious dinner and had a fun li'l party for him... mom enjoyed their teasing and playing with her. Ah well.... times do change.

Freq...love that..."you feel like you are driving the family room down the hallway" hahahaha...pretty accurate....yep, most cars now feel like the cockpit of a jet plane...I remember one time when I first got my car when it was brand new and at the time pretty pricey for a car, but I had to have some minor thing adjusted and it was insane what all had to be moved just to get to that. the man told me then that they did not build these cars to have problems and did not intend for normal folks to be able to work on them..I believe it....and if you do the tiniest little thing wrong, you could blow the whole thing...I leave most of the engine components alone because I know I don't have a clue how to fix them...I can check some things, but no way can I fix most of that...I am just thankful I can still reason well enough how to figure out what I need to do ...the only hurdle that remains is to find a way back to the car repair place when my truck is ready for pickup...I swear I would rather walk there than ask for any help from my acquaintances....and if that didn't mean leaving Mama for too long I'd do it....I think I have found someone who will take me over there for a small pittance...and I'd rather pay them than ask anyone for help..then let them all wonder how on earth I got it all done... and I get to tell them..same way I have done everything all my life..I did it myself...

Katie222, you are so right about the older cars, they were built to last... and so much simpler to use. Back then they were meant for transportation.... today one feels like they are driving the family room down the highway, surprised auto makers haven't found a way to install a popcorn maker :P

I remember if one wanted music in the car you had either AM radio or you had to sing yourself. You wanted a window opened, you use the hand crank, good exercise :) You needed something out of the trunk, you had to go to the back of the car and put in the key to open the trunk.... and to shut the trunk you had to reach up and pull it down yourself, again good exercise :)

As a kid I use to look out the window and soak in the environment... today kids are either watching a movie in the car, or have their necks bent down to use their iPads or Smartphones. Will today's child know the difference between a cow or a deer since they rarely look out the windows of the vehicles?

And long ago you were able to tell one brand of car from the other. Sorry, auto markers, all your sedans and SUV's all look alike now a days.

I agree with the cooking, I'll ask my dad what he wants and he always responds 'whatever you want to fix', then after I lay food out of the freezer will he say how about pasta or something different than what I have taken out of the freezer. I must say he'll eat anything I fix and usually doesn't complain a lot. I have so much to do at home, I wish I could be there more. There's never enough time.

I almost forgot how awesome it feels to be independent...I have lived my entire life having to handle all the messes on my own...The last three years I made the mistake of thinking other folks might pitch it..it never happened..and all it did was delay the inevitable to count on them...So now I remember what an amazing feeling it is to be self sufficient...I LOVE IT...heck no...I don't ever want count on anyone again....