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Jeanette....hoping you are embarking on five days of R & R....I remember when I had to put Mama in respite and was so scared..you remember that.....they took great care of her and I could not have gotten things settled at my other property without being able to do it...I will be doing it again soon myself...While I think there is always that feeling of "I feel guilty doing this"..I also have finally learned if we don't get a break now and then, it will be a different kind of break we experience...so better care of yourself equals better care for our loved ones...imo....enjoy your "me" time.. :)
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This is probably not a whine but I just read that scientists have reversed memory loss in a sea snail's brain cell.
Good news for anyone careing for a sea snail.
Negative posters please ignore this information, while true the post is a joke.
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Yes, insomnia isn't a nice thing at all.
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Insomnia sucks. That is all.
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Oh Jeanette, my heart goes out to you and your mom! I hope that you get the rest you need!
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Thanks, Katie. Boni, yes I will. Jeanette hope you can unwind and reconnect with yourself. I read somewhere that it takes a person about 3 days into a vacation to start relaxing/benefitting from it, so if you don't relax right away don't worry...you'll find your groove.
p.s. was taking my mom to an orthopedist to get her knees injected. moms legs gave out during the transfer. I couldn't hold her up and get the chair repositioned underneath her at the same time so I lowered her to the ground. I could not lift her myself to get her back into the chair. just at that moment an angel of a nurse who was just leaving her shift saw us and came over and helped me get my man back in her chair. She saw that my mom had her shins and knees scraped up and recommended that we have the doctor take a look at them. So i take mom inside to the doc to get those same skinned knees injected. I felt so guilty. I explained what happened and Doc checked her out and said wow, her knees really got banged up! He cleaned them up. Luckily no skin broken where he needed to do the injections. I felt so bad.
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Wow! Very helpful FF!
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Dee, I was assuming my chest pain was anxiety until the massive heart attack that almost killed me last September. PLEASE go get checked out again! Don't be an "ass" like I was!

Jeanette PLEASE use this time to get lots of sleep and to do something fun. (NOT the pool boy!)

Katie, I did that last week with a diaper. Lesson sooooo learned!
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This isn't a whine but an ah ha moment for "Add your comment" box where we write our posting. Look at the bottom right corner of this box and you will see some very tiny dots.... now put the Mouse on those dots and then two arrows will show up... now left click and pull down... it makes the box larger, thus easier when writing a longer posting. Now I don't know if this will work on all devices, I am using a desk top computer.
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Also stupidly and tiredly forgot to check the sheets for kleenex and of course one got into washer...then washed a pair of black jeans without seeing the kleenex exploded in there....ugh, what a mess.
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dee, I hope you feel better soon. Take some deep breaths, relax, and stay hydrated.
Mom went to hospital today...just spent 5 hours in the ER and she is in at least overnight. Testing for infections. I am exhausted as I was up all last night while she woke up every 45 min. talking and seeing things that were not there. This is not characteristic of her. It feels strange that she is not in her room though...I am soooo tired and going to try to catch up on sleep, if just for one night.
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Jeanette sounds like you need to sleep for those five days respite. Mom will be fine in the hospice house, she can just as well sleep all day there as at home and the staff are experienced in end of life care so won't upset her - much better than hospital or N/H respite Don't forget to get out and get your hair done and buy some new clothes and a decent meal.
Next time mom falls call hospice to come and hel[p you. If they cant't get her up they can call the EMTs to help. they won't transport her anywhere unless she is hurt and the nurse will direct that. You can back up the nurse if the EMTs give her a hard time and want to do IVs or anything. keep a copy of her DNR posted where everyone can see it and one in your purse. Relax and enjoy the respite you have permission to garden. No risk of that in the frozen NE yet.
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Been having chest discomfort for the past 2-3 days. I've had this before. Feel more tired than usual. I had pericardial effusion a few years ago. It resolved on it's own. Symptoms came back a year ago and I went to ER - they said no heart attack and was probably my anxiety or depression. So now feeling the same symptoms. Really can't afford another $2800.00 ER visit. Praying I feel better soon or I'll have to go pay doc to tell me I'm stressed. Ugh.
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Well, mom is all packed and ready to go to "Hospice House" for 5 days. Me, I'm blubbering like a d*mn baby.

She was up for a few hours yesterday, but mostly in bed, asleep. She said she was tired. She slipped from under me when transferring her... we camped out on the floor until my oldest arrived to assist. Man he made good time! Basically, she's now sleeping all the time. Refuses most food, drinks a small amount. My heart is breaking and I am so damn tired. Scared to send her to Hospice House, scared to keep going cuz I will drop any second now.

Thankfully, my carer's and hospice workers have been my Godsend, including Lisa the lady who has been with us for 8 months now.

Is it bedtime yet?
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CM I think you can rightly inform the supervisor for these caregives that they have been late and/or early. Give exact times of arrival and departure. These can then be compared with the times they put on their time sheets. You don't need to mention your supicions about the drinking unless asked about their general demeanor. then you can mention whatever clues you observed again without making any direct assumptions. Chances are ther have been other complaints about these two.
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Mama has been chattering like a magpie today..Wow, most of it has been pretty coherent! I have been a happy camper today!!! So thankful for this very very precious time with her..
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cinbin...hoping and praying everything goes well for your Mom. I know when Daddy had a transfusion many years ago, it did take a while, but it really helped him a lot. praying the same for your Mom...stay strong.. ((hugs))
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The other thing squirrels don't have their spiritual understanding adulterated by is the irresistible desire to tell other squirrels how to go about their lives, JessieBelle, don't you think?

But I digress. My big whine - Debo, I can cap you! - is that caregiver A was late for my respite and had to leave early, and caregiver B, who's supposed to be here at 6pm for one hour to give mother her supper, was fifteen minutes late and, um, drunk. I think. I couldn't quite believe it. My guess is that she clean forgot she was meant to be here, went to the pub, remembered, thought ohmygod and hared over here as fast as her wobbly legs would carry her.

I don't know what to do. I mean, she wasn't actually reeling and hiccuping, but there were those faint fumes in the room that you can't think where they're coming from, and she was more garrulous than usual, and flustered. It's not the kind of thing you can ask the agency to investigate without causing really serious repercussions. And I'm not quite sure enough that she had been drinking. She'll be here again on Sunday: if there's any repeat I'll ask her straight out.

Quite honestly I was more concerned anyway with mother, who's been floppy most of the time and argumentative the rest of it. And she won't stop scratching her eye so I've had to start the chloramphenicol ointment our GP prescribed last week, which means four battles a day for a week while mother squeals and wriggles and I pin her head down and strong-arm the stuff into her eye. It's not as abusive as it sounds, but it's not fun either. I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Debo, with luck you will find at least one respite caregiver who's as lovely and helpful as some of the ones we've met. Teething troubles, merely - keep chasing the agency and they'll soon get it sorted.
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cinben, I had a friend with leukemia who used to get blood whenever he became too weak. It helped him so much. Do they know what type of anemia your mother has?
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I'm sorry to hear of the poor experiences with hospice. They were wonderful for my step-mother. I hope things improve.
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cinben, My Mom had a blood transfusion a few years back and it was a good thing, but just took some time to do. She looked and felt like a whole new person afterward. I am hoping this will be the case for your Mom too!
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I would have probably loved a good hair shirt/sack cloth comment. :) That's what my wardrobe is starting to look like since I've been here. I seriously need some new clothes.
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Jessie I was going to write something smart about hair suites and sack cloth and ashes but did not think you would appreciate it. I do totally agree with your sentiments. These highly compensated fire breathers get little respect from me.

Debby I do agree with Jessie that volunteers can be unreliable. Not all the time but sometimes think it does not matter because they have not been in a caregiving situation and they can come another day. Others are totally dedicated and go way beyond what they are assigned to do.
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my whine is my angel mom had to be admitted to the hospital today :-( it turns out that shes anemic and has to have a blood transfusion
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Debo, what a disappointment. I wonder if they depend on volunteers for respite time for caregivers. Volunteers are wonderful, but sometimes are no dependable. I do hope they are able to set you up with someone more dependable who will give you scheduled breaks every week. You need that for you and for your mother.
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Hi everyone, my name is Debby and I have been reading this post daily for a while now. I love you guys and the way in which you help each other. I started a thread on whether or not to put my parents in a skilled facility. I have a whine I would like to share and hopefully become part of your thread. My mom is on hospice. I have been told by hospice they are going to find me someone who can give me an hour or two occasionally so I can have a respite time. So, my respite day and time are set, I get all ready for an hour or so off, maybe I can actually sit down and enjoy a nice, quiet, hot lunch. Get all ready, excited, and guess what they don't show up. I call the hospice company, and they don't know why but they will try to find someone else. UGH!!!
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cmag, I live in an area of the country where it is easy to feel convicted if you don't adhere strictly to the Bible as interpreted by certain people. The county I live in is a bit looser, since it is majority African American. Neighboring counties adhere to the straight and narrow. I've learned to not talk about my own beliefs. I did that a while back and got the convicting sound of crickets before the comeback of what the Bible says. I usually feel like beam me up, Scottie.

Talking of the Bible, I think it cannot even begin to enlighten us to the ways of God. Considering that he knows everything -- all the chemistry and physics, etc, that makes the entire universe works -- how could a little book really show much? God is totally awesome and gave a bit of the spirit to all the things living (and maybe unliving). I learn more about God watching the birds and squirrels than I do listening to a preacher talk the Bible, since the animals have not had their knowledge adulterated by cultural expectations.
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JessieBelle,

That preacher is the very reason I created a thread on how people misuse the Bible when it comes to caregiving. I should have included preachers in the title!
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/parents-manipulate-you-as-a-caregiver-176024.htm

He either does not know his NT Greek very well or was never taught it for the verse about obeying your parents specifically used a word for children that means young children. BTW, that verse is followed by a verse telling parents not to provoke their children to anger. How many of our parents have provoked us to anger before we even became an adult?

We are not little children anymore and don't have to obey our elderly parent like we are still their little child!

I would not listen to any TV or Radio program that had him on. He's out of touch with both the Bible and real life in that particular area. I'd hate to hear him preach on mental illness. I guess he would think it is either all in their heads or means a person lacks enough faith or has some hidden sin they need to confess.

I hope your mother did forget some of the damaging things he said. We don't need that kind of preaching or the begging for money kind of preaching on TV, but that is almost all that is out there.
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I read a bit about the pastor. He has a huge church and a very upscale career, writing books and serving as the president of the Southern Baptists. He has been a very busy person with a lifetime of works.

IOW, I doubt he has any serious hands-on experience with changing an elder's poopy diapers or listening to someone ask him the same question several times. He is too busy for that. This is not criticizing him for being busy, but it is saying not to be critical of others who are also busy. It is easy to tell other people how you think they should live, without taking it to heart for ourselves.

I understand his thinking that we should take care of our parents, but sometimes we can't do it. I do not like at all what he said about still having to obey the elders we care for. It shows lack of understanding of the reversal of roles that caregivers face. I don't think he really had any idea what he was saying, to tell the truth. He probably meant to honor and respect, but he came across as very convicting. I hoped that my mother would quickly forget some of the things he said, since it would be used to strip any power of adulthood from me.
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JessieBelle, It seems like people who have never been an a situation always think they know better than everyone else what is best. I just cannot believe that God would condemn a tiny child that he created, or anyone in some faraway place who isn't fundamentalist to burn for all eternity just because their beliefs are different. Sounds to me like they are judging others and use religion to control people. They really don't get it. I cannot stand to watch or listen to this type of condemnation. Then often we find out that they are doing something really awful in their own private lives but tell others what to do to deflect their own bad behavior.
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