My "whine moment today." What's yours?

I am going to whine.. about paperwork after dad;s passing. Today I got up and had to take mom and paperwork for stocks to the bank to get them notorized and "sealed", then to the dentist for both of us.. then home to deal with paperwork for an anuity that was 18 pages long, and very hard to understand for me... so how do they expect elders/low education people to figure this crap out. Even a dang form from homeland security act! And as far as I can tell this is not a gigantic account! There is no Prudential agent in our area, so I had to call thier agent in Pa,, who was very helpful... but even he asked if I could"bring it by the office"... heck no, I live hours away! Now to PO tomorrow to send it off certified... my stress level is not low today! hope it;s all correct or I guess they will send it back.... Still no checks from the insurance companies.. Mom askes every day about this stuff, and it is very stressful for me. I will be glad when all the paperwork is OVER! and mom settles down. Believe me she will not starve ...

Jeanette, I keep wondering how in the world do you do what you do for your Mom. I couldn't do a fraction of your daily routine. Try to grab a cat nap whenever you can.

Oh, Jeanette...soooo sorry for the pain your mom and you are going through.

malloryg8r, you mentioned your Mom sometimes has issues trying to open the refrigerator door.... was thinking if the refrigerator has door handles where you could loop a long thin towel through it, tie the ends, or use something similar, maybe your Mom could open it that way using her arms through the towel.

((((hugs))) Jeanette. I'm sorry it's so painful for both of you right now.

WARNING!

Major whine, pity party and failing...

Mom is bed bound now. It hurts her too much to even move these days...I struggle with putting those depends on her without assistance, she can't roll to the side so I use the transfer pad thing and roll her but then she's too weak to hold the rail... I use so much butt balm that her bum's turning orange.... I change her as frequently as I possibly can and STILL she's got two skin tears....Hospice has me giving her 4 Senna's a day to combat the constipation she went through.... good Lord have mercy but how does one have that much in them?...took me two hours to get her clean this morning, NOW they want to start Miralax. I don't think so... the only thing that saved me this morning is I have a full blown head cold and can't breathe.

Yesterday, however, was a great day... she had a big appetite and ate all day (It's all gone now though)... I was taking her to bed using her transfer chair, now I roll her backwards since it seems easier on her, well.... she dug her heels in and slid right down to the floor, it was a slow graceful fall. Called Hospice as instructed, they sent the paramedics over to help me get her into the bed. That slow slide out of her chair pulled the skin off a few spots on her arms... her skin is that thin and frail. I can't take the chance of anything anymore. She's literally falling apart before my eyes and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Before I go to change her/clean her up I now have to give her the pain meds. Breaks my heart to do it but it's even more heartbreaking seeing the pain she's in.

Just an awful two days... awful. Me trying to clean her up while blubbering like a baby and soaking her with my tears. She's resting now and all I want to do is go back to bed and cry some more.

countrymouse, I have supplied my mom with heat packs, ice packs, Blue-Emu cream, lavender essential oil (to put in the room as a soothing smell), and she keeps her legs elevated on a footstool. I also rub in coconut oil and other lotions, but if she is in too much pain she refuses that.
She cannot have any NSAID, so Tylenol extra strength is all she can take.
we have an appointment later on today, and I will try to pin them down with "there has to be something more you can do". but I suspect she cannot take the opiate-type painkillers since she is too frail/falling risk.
oh yes I also bought her one of those swirling foot-bath devices, and that helps a little bit, but she cannot handle filling it up with water herself, so she can't use it without someone there. and I can't be there every day (I have a job too).
I am about to quit my job and go make her my job, but then again, that might be a bad idea (I'm only self-employed so there is no issue with pensions).

thank you jessiebelle, it is hard to watch our moms suffer. I do suspect my mom's swelling is circulation related. all she does is sit & watch TV, because she cannot use her hands much anymore, even gets a bit hard for her to turn on faucet or open the frigerator. some days are better, of course, but basically she is housebound. I do get her out to the store, church, noontime concerts & such as much as I can, but even these are getting increasingly more difficult. She could hardly get out of the car yesterday--I have to almost lift her and I am cautious of hurting my back so I don't want to do anything more than just hold steady and let her grab onto me.
my mom has a rolling walker thing, with a seat, but refuses to use it! she walks around the house holding onto the walls & furniture instead.
if she were all demeted and doing crazy things, I would check her into a nursing home.....but she is not mentally unstable, so that makes it worse, almost.

Mallory go and give those doctors a good kick on the shins from me (if only so that they understand better how your mother might feel). What *are* they doing about pain relief for your poor mother, then, if they're sure there's no underlying new disease? Never mind expensive, highfalutin' and, as you say, temporary ideas; how about their concentrating their little minds on getting her pain-free? Grrrrrrr. Having grumbled, I know it's not easy - my mother can't have any NSAIDs because she bleeds, tramadol makes her anorexic, codeine makes her nauseous and oxycodone makes her hallucinate. But how about heat packs? Ice packs? Something! It must make you wring your hands when they come up with nada.

Jessie, if I'm convinced of anything by now it's that egging our mothers on to exert themselves is counterproductive at best, and arguably actually harmful. If they want to throw in the towel, who are we to argue? Comfort and reassurance come first.

I actually came on to whine frivolously about the cruel trick being played on the innocent chocolate-consuming public of salted caramel, possibly the worst idea in the long and colourful history of bad-idea foodie fads. You can't say you don't like it if you've never tried it? - well now I have, and I wish I hadn't. Yeuch yeuch yeuch and how long will it take to get this vile and unnatural taste out of my mouth?

Nothing worth whining about today. Who cares, anyway..... that's life in a nutshell today.

mallory, my mother has severe arthritis and stenosis along her spine. She is also in pain. It hurts her to walk. It is a difficult thing, because they need to walk to keep the circulation going, but it hurts too bad to walk. For years she would fight the pain and make herself walk around the neighborhood, using her rollator. She doesn't do that anymore. She doesn't want to leave the house anymore except to go to church. I encourage her to walk around the house, but I know it hurts to walk. It's hard to know if we should keep encouraging or if we should let them sit in peace. I've been letting her sit in peace mostly this past year, because I didn't want my nagging to make her miserable. If I am doing the right thing, I have no idea. I guess there is really no right thing when something can't be fixed. I know that walking is not going to cure her and will just make her life more uncomfortable. Her time left on earth is short and, with dementia, it is already uncomfortable enough.

I'm new to this whine subject. Just spent about 4 hrs with mom tonite. She is very frail, no dementia, just frail, lots of arthritis everywhere, and lately lots of foot pain & swelling. We did go to Urgent care last month, but doc said just arthritis (no clots). Her foot doc concurred. They tried cortisone shot, caused more pain than cured (well its temp anyhow ). I'm just whining because there is no cure for her extreme pain, and general old age. She even says she just wants to die (92 almost 93). And it is so sad, I can hardly stand it, there is nothing I can do to alleviate her suffering. I can just be with her and try to distract her for awhile is all. She lives alone, and doesn't want to go to AL, she says she would still be in pain, and can't do any activities (hand arthritis is really bad too). Plus she has trouble walking down long hallways. She is happy at home she says. I am there 3-5 x per week and another lady is there 1-3 x per week. I am glad.i found this website, has been very helpful & illuminating. But there is just not any solution for.extreme arthritis pain all over the body.

OScarlett, that would be something if it did help. I've heard that diseased teeth can poison the brain and other organs. Fingers crossed for your mother.

I am sorry to hear of your brother. I hope he is in that special place for caregivers I hope is up there. It is the place where we're forgiven of all the bad talk that goes through our minds on the tough days. The long walks sound like a very good idea.

I'm taking a walk more frequently throughout the day when tbe hurtful attacks begin. I hate this disease of negativity, criticism and zero gratitude.
We lossed my brother to cancer 10 weeks ago. He lived with Mom as her caregiver & best friend. Mom's memory is getting worse. The house is up for sale and she's not sure where she wants to go.
I'm the child who pays many bills and showers her with gifts & attention. Still trying to win her over.
63 years of criticism and even with my brother's death it's just not happening. How sad. Im staying with her part time until house sells . My dentist discovered she has dental disease. A renowned oral surgeon consults this Thursday. Many studies connect early onset dementia with infections.
Holding a candle the correction with reverse her memory and mood issues.

These are the days that try caregivers' souls. My mother has been so disrespectful, angry, and nasty all day. If I hear one more time how much I owe her for being raised I am going to scream. There's no talking or reasoning with a sick mind, so all we can do is hold up our shield and try to keep all the arrows from penetrating. I told her she was being disrespectful this evening, but that got turned on me, too. Tired of being treated like a cross between a slave and a punching bag.

took aunt edna a piece of pie tonight and she was sitting in the lunchroom nodding out . i still sat with her for a while . she knows i was there and i still feel like our time together was personal and of quality . words dont have to be spoken . she isnt alone and in fact she comforts me . i always leave the nh feeling better than when i arrived .

FF maybe you should get a second one to keep in your car.

After work I stopped at the drug store to pick up Dad's medicine... thank goodness he now uses a drug store that is seconds away from my office, in fact I transferred my prescriptions there as it is so much easier.

Anyway, I dropped off the pills at my parents house... then Mom said "where are my pills?".... I said "I didn't know you had pills waiting there".... apparently Dad didn't tell me because he wanted to wait until April 1st when their new Rx plan kicks into effect.... apparently my Mom had been without these pills for the past 2 months.

Ok, Dad, what is more important, you saving a few dollars or Mom having her pills? Jeeze, my parents could afford to pay full price.

I think I left my helmet in my blanket fort :P

Bablou, this synagogue has levels of membership, so I'll pay the basic one. I try to do what my mother would do, so that's what I think she would do :)
CM, I KNOW!!! Since it was an email, I had plenty of freedom to roll my eyes and make gagging gestures, lol!

She's a dear, Looloo, is she. Uh-huh. Well! - isn't that lovely?

I don't know about you but I quite often have to stop myself wondering if we're talking about the same little old lady when people tell me how marvellous my mother is. Mind you, she probably feels exactly the same when they tell her what a wonderful job I'm doing of caring for her, of course. What? - that mean cross-patch crabby girl?

Looloo, if you ask, most synagogues will gladly keep an infirm member on their rolls for a very reduced amount of dues. Ask the executive director or the rabbi for information about that.

Saturday was so good with Dad but today a step back. He was sitting in living room when I arrived. I had an item to drop off for activities then quick sweep of his room before heading back. Dad commented that the guy sitting in the love seat across the room well he was watching him as he had on the same green shirt, tan pants and white socks that dad had, he said slippers and belt were a little different. I told him those are pretty common clothes and hey let's go to your room as those are not your clothes. I showed dad his similar clothes in his closet but needed to get back in living room to watch that guy. *sigh*....... I wasn't going to visit until Thursday as I am putting on a presentation but maybe should stop before work? Then I found out one of the original residents (AL opened last June) passed away early this morning. I knew her health was failing but saw her Friday as they had a special event for Happy hour. She was funny, kooky and loved to dance a bit during Happy hour and will be missed.

CM, perhaps I judged too quickly, because I did email a response to them this morning and re-explained the situation. I didn't inquire if a ride could be provided, since no transportation was offered last time, but she emailed me back and said they'd be happy to drive her, that she's a "dear" and they really want to include her.
I responded again that that was wonderful to hear, and so we'll see. I do appreciate any good will that's out there, but the cynical side of me will not rest! I'll make sure to submit their annual dues this week, not just because it's only fair, but because I don't want them possibly discussing those matters with her. They wouldn't be the first people to behave that way, and so I will continue to keep my jaded eyes open :)

Looloo you've reminded me that I meant to respond to an appeal from a care home that I was hoping mother might take to a while back. Since it never came to anything I think they've got a bit of a cheek approaching me for a donation! - but charity's charity, and it's a wonderful place, and a good cause. I just can't help suspecting that everybody there has a heck of a lot more money than I've got :(

Took my parents to the Elder Law attorney to sign all the legal documents... there was just one laying back of ears moment when Dad couldn't find his driver's license as the firm needed to make a copy of it, I asked Dad before we even got into the car if he had his license, he said yes.... Mom had her's.... but the firm said I could scan it and email it to them.... whew !! All papers were signed, now I can mark thought the old will and POA's saying they have been replaced.

Now Dad has to start looking for his drivers license... that will be a chore as Dad has piles of papers everywhere :P

Veronica, I will do just that! They're emails, so I'll reply via email instead of calling again. Thank you! :)

Looloo I might be tempted to just return mail to the synagog unopen with "return to sender" written on the front

I monitor my mother's email account (she's not online anymore) to make sure she hasn't somehow done something I might need to know about (scheduled a dr's appt, ordered something, or become a target of a scam). This morning, there was a confirmation email about an upcoming Passover eve dinner that her synagogue was coordinating. I spoke to the person organizing this event LAST YEAR, and informed her that my mother has dementia, cannot drive, and so on, so if transportation was provided, that would be great -- otherwise, my mother is not able to attend events anymore. I hoped someone might volunteer to drive her, but it didn't happen, and my mother didn't seem to remember anyway, so that was that.
But now, I have to call this person AGAIN, explain again, and expect that no one will volunteer to drive her.
I don't really expect a whole lot -- my mother was never particularly involved -- but organizations like these are supposed to make you feel a little LESS ignored and isolated, right? Oh-- and the kicker was that right after that email, came another one from the synagogue with an invoice for annual member dues. They must be joking.

Day 10 of this rotten cold. No rest this weekend as I had to clean up the yard and the house. Saturday was Mom's 76th birthday. Sister and hubby and their youngest came out to visit with Mom for a while...my little sis has MS and it's hard on her. They live 40 minutes away so I was glad for Mom they came, but sis looked done in. My brother who is also Mom's POA and lives 1/2 mile away stopped in with his girlfriend for an hour and brought Mom dinner. I took advantage of that hour to clean the front yard. Got all the beds uncovered and the driveway cleaned up, then it snowed 4" this morning. I couldn't find the darn snow shovel so I had to leave it and will try to run home on my lunch break to get it shoveled. For Mom's birthday I repainted her bedroom in a robin's egg blue to match a bedspread my daughter bought her last year. Got Mom some new sheets, mattress pad and pillow for her bed. Had to take down a wallpaper border, scrub off the glue, etc. It looks really nice, but now the trim looks shabby so I'll have to touch that up. I'm going to get some pretty farm prints to hang in there and a nice rubber backed rug. I'm glad I got a lot done, but really could have used some rest to get over this rotten cold. I was so overtired I kept waking up last night - weird, huh? I'm falling asleep at my desk at work. Muscles I haven't used in a long time are letting me know they worked overtime. Feels good to get outside and work, but goodness I'm tired.

Things with my mom went as I anticipated, despite my request on the way to my house to please keep things positve and upbeat. The litany of woes started when I was busy in the kitchen, but I caught words and interrupted before she went full drama. It was still a lovely birthday brunch for my FIL, and I was able to shake it off by taking the new pooch for a walk while venting to my sister on the phone. I'm sure my husband is pleased I'm over it and he didn't have to listen to me kvetch,