My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Jeanette I think Mom will be fine in the living room as long as there are not people in and out all the time. I think as long as she still dozes of when she wants to and you keep srong smells like cooking out of her area and no smoking she will be content. If she isn't you can move her back to her room. dying people certainly withdraw from the world and contact with others but that does not mean they need to be isolated. You are a great comfort to her. She does not need to be cheered up and encourage to take an interest in things. you two have spent many nights sitting together watching the TV so keep the same routine.

Welcome aboard CaringforTwo!

For me it was the blackberry jam that was everywhere!..

Veronica, trust me friend, I DID have hospice show me how to move mom. I do help them out, wait, they now send 2 people for the bathing since it's so difficult to move her about... I just have me :/ it's all good though, I am getting better at it. The Senna we've cut down to 2 a day vs the 4. She does take the morphine before bathing and cleaning, it just hurts her too much to even think about tuffing it out.

I did have her hospital bed moved out to the living room. now she can look at all the flowers and tree's blooming. Yes, it may be a bit more livelier out here than her quiet bedroom but I honestly think she'll enjoy it more. I have the recliner right next to her bed so it's as if we are cuddled up together watching tv. My carer, Lisa, didn't think it was such a good idea to move her... she feels that a dying person needs solitary quiet. It's not loud out here..it IS more alive out here though. She'll be just fine out here... just fine.

Cinben, how are you coping with the loss? Thanks for the pull sheet tip, it was the first thing Hospice gave me and it does help!

Uhm Veronica, you chewed a valium? LOL That's hardcore little lady! Sure hope it all works out for you so you don't have to go through this again.

Well, since others have mentioned the weather, I might as well brag also... it was 75 yesterday and will be 68 today!! Perfect weather. It's just hard to imagine some of y'all are still getting snow!!

Dee, I feel your lack of sleep girl... it quadruples everyday life ailments. Sadly, I no longer have to worry about those all nighter's. It's just a habit for me to lay awake and "listen" for mom to call/fall or other catastrophe's

Seems like my head cold from hell is moving into my chest. The coughing until I pass out has started and I can hear my lungs making a wheezing sound. I wonder what will be next?

Hey, a heartfelt "Thank You" for the prayers and well wishes. Both mom and I sincerely appreciate your kindness and support.

ive had it with winter . we tried to work one day early last week and the 12 mph wind blew thru our clothes like we were naked . cant handle it like i used to .
dee, im all about cheaper detergent . i buy dollar store crap that wouldnt work if you used a quart of it . are washing soda and baking soda the same product ?

hi we found putting a "slider "sheet under mom helped alot with turning her,etc-the hospice nurse taught us that

I have a friend who also washes her hands with the Fels Naptha soap once after working in the garden to keep poison ivy at bay. It also stops the itching once you have poison ivy.
Dee, I like your detergent recipe! Laundry detergent is so expensive anymore! I I also find a lot of old products in the Vermont Country Store catalog.
It seems like Winter is never going to end here and I am on some sort of a tape loop doing the same things over and over and......

Great homemade laundry soap recipe from my aunt, pennies per load, clothes are clean and fresh. Grate 1/3 bar fels naptha or ivory soap and mix with 1 cup washing soda and 1 cup 20 mule team borax. Use 2 tablespoonsful per load - that's all you need - seriously. You can find everything in stores and online. I make big batches and give some to my kids.

It seems it was a short time, 2 whole months of mom sleeping at least 6-7 straight hours at night most nights. Well Mom has started in again, banging on her bed again, yelling out, wanting to get up. May need to increase her seroquel because I can not go back to getting up 3-5 times every freaking night like I did for 5-1/2 years. She's yellng "get me out of here! Why am I in the garage?" After I have told her multiple times she is in her own bed, in her room at home. I can feel my stress level kicking into high gear again. 3rd night this week. I just want to cry thinking about starting in with being up all night again.

Hope, ah ha, found it on-line... yikes, it is pricey.... and Ivory Snow is no longer in that blue and white box that I was so familiar with from yesteryear... now the color of the container is pink with other pastels.

Does anybody remember a powder called Lan-O-Sheen? Came in a box.. my mom used to use it on wood floors.

FF...you can still get the Ivory Snow flakes online...both the flakes and also liquid...it is kinda pricey, but it's on there :)

FF this weather here was wonderful! Sorry about your 'smell issue' LOL Can you get any other unsented detergent? Mom and I went to the Amish market in Hagerstown and had a great day. they are calling for a colder week ahead..I am tired of hearing about snow flurries!

Friends just dying left and rhght recently. Last week a longtime family friend, then a lady at dads AL and a couple of days ago my sister's former landlord and current neighbor- husband passed away.

Today we had warm weather up in the 70's which is unusual for my area... anyway, that warm weather brought up smells that had me feeling like I was a blood hound looking for something that had gone bad. I was even looking into the side attics on the house to see if something had made itself at home with a nest, etc. but that was all clear, no critters.

Found the culprit, scented liquid laundry detergent that my sig other likes to use, he has his own closets and the odor was that side of the house. Next time he travels, I plan to get those t-shirts and slacks [which are packed tightly and can't breathe because there are soooo many t-shirts, like 50] and wash them in non-scented detergent and see if that helps.

Wish I could find old fashioned Ivory Flakes in a liquid form.

There are hills to climb everyday in this caregiving business. messiness is easy to deal with. It is the passive agressive that's so much harder and where the boundries come into play.

Little whine today.
Yesterday i had some injections on my back for the pain from O/A and shingles. the proceedure was not too bad and when i yelped he stopped and put more local in so that part was OK. it was the nurse prepping me that was the problem. perfectly nice caring woman but she did not know how to use the moniter to check my pro time. Two sticks for that and she did not get.
1 stab at the IV then she had to get someone else to do both. i asked about the vallium for pre-med and she said it had not been ordered and eventually got it so hubby suggested I chew it because there were only a few minutes before I went in. Yuck but it did not taste that bad and I washed it down well. Boy did that work fast I almost fell over walking into the room so had to be frog marched with one on each side.
Full relief comes in 4-6 weeks I am told and last 6 -12 months so we will see.
However much pain some of peoples elders may be in you do need to be in reasonable shape to go through this.Age is not really the problem it is body mass and the ability to tolerate lying on your face for up to an hour. It is quite an intensive proceedure. But so far i say for the youngsters out there who need it go for it. Whine over. Today I am battling the low B/P that seems to go with and proceedure I have. Hubby is agravated so am not getting any TLC

Hugs to you, Concerned.
I think this may be similar. I try hard to keep my comments to my hubby light and be patient with his slow movements. It feels like I have withheld 5000 times, and the one time I allow myself to express frustration or impatience, that is what is remembered and colors the rest of the day. Sometimes it feels all uphill to me.

(Thanks, CountryMouse and JessieBelle! LOL!)

I'm tired of never doing enough or doing anything right. Makes me wonder why I try.

They can be like Pig Pen in Peanuts, leaving bits of food and garbage here and there. Don't you love those moments when you freeze in your tracks and think, "What did I just step in?"

Talking about stepping in wet stuff, I have to go clean the kitchen.

Caring, mayonnaise is good. Or, it could be worse anyway. But I do feel for you - I hate random stickiness too. Daughter is coming to visit next week and I mostly can't wait; except that, for an incredibly neat and organised young woman, she has one besetting sin - the Marmite puddles on the kitchen counters when she makes herself a snack. Be grateful you don't have Marmite in the States! (And it could be worse than that too!!! :P )

I just joined, this is my first post. Everyone here is so caring and supportive. This site was recommended to me by someone in my Parkinsons group. I'll make my first 'whine' a tiny little 'mew!' My PD hubby tries to be as active as he can, for which I am grateful. But when he makes sandwiches LOL I am wiping up mayonnaise from the faucet handle, door knobs, the outside of the jar of course and anywhere he touches while furniture crawling. Ick.
I hope everyone is having as good a day as possible! :)
~Janet

Jeanette make those lovely Hospice people show you have to change Mom. i expect you help the aides when they are there to bathe her. Well don't sit down with a cup of coffe and a big bottle of tylenol and sigh a lot and rub your back even get a heating pad.
As far as giving Mom tlenol before moving her that should be part of your regime at least 1/2 hour before you begin. If she has trouble with pills get the liquid or ask hospice because it will be more expensive. Get the senna sorted ASAP she does not need that much if she has diarrhea. Stay away from the miralax if other things work. Once she is regular again or you are able to do whatever you did before respite try that again. Good idea to move the bed where she can see the animals.
it sounds as though it may be time to move to a stronger pain med even if it does knock her out. If you start small, less than a .25ml dose of liguid Morphine at 20mg per ml and see how she does. peole do develope a tolerence so the complete zonked out may only last a little while. Any of the narcotic/tylenol pills will be as big as the tylenol. it is best not to mix the morphine with anything so you can be sure the whole dose goes into her mout. She can have a juice chaser. You are so devoted it is unbelievable. God Bless you for all you do.

Jeanette, Sending love and big hugs your way! You are amazing and have a wonderful attitude! Your mom is so lucky to have you!!! Take care of yourself too, if possible!! Get some rest when you can!

no matter how much I do or don't do, it's never enough. I feel like I get verbally "beat up" every time I talk to Mom or take her to her many appointments. She doesn't seem to appreciate anything and nothing I do is ever enough. I feel guilty when I don't visit or call her multiple times a day. She tells me one thing and my family the opposite. I feel drained mentally and often physically much of the time.her

Mallory you are in such a difficult and heartbreaking situation. Many people who have given up their jobs to become full time caregivers have rethought their decisions. I can also see it from Mom's point of view. She feels as long as she can still get from A to B and gets what she needs she will not move. i can see it from mom's point of view and see if i live hat long I may become in her situation. For me the journey is only starting but I want to remain in charge of my own destinary.
I feel for Mom but I aslo see your needs Mallory and much as you love Mom it is essential that you first preserve your health and independence. Mom seems to be able to accept outside help could this be increased so she does not even for eample need to walk to the kitchen to open the fridge. Think of things that would save steps. Maybe hot or cold drinks of her choice left at the chair side. Flasks or a cooler come to mind. If i go back and check I will loose the post so can't remember if you said she refused a walker and probably would not use a walker. i will use a rollator outside but my hands are still good but indoors steady myself on walls and furniture. A walker is inconvenient to manouver and makes it impossible to carry things. (Cups of coffe don't do well in a bag on the walker) would it be possible to have her use a an office chair with wheels and scoot around propelling with her feet. are things like beside comodes in place, grab bars etc. Take your time and think this through with mom's input. Blessings

I think whatever you want to do is a good idea.

Linda, YES!... I'm finding the toileting and cleaning process a huge challenge. Dear hope22 gave me step by step instructions but I just cannot master it. She doesn't bend or twist which makes it doubly difficult. When I could stand her from chair to toilet it was easier but this.... not even all the youtube video's have sunk in.

I'm sorry to hear mom's in this condition myself. You know, she went from mean lady threatening to kill people, to pacing for days lady and now she's just a sweetheart that I want to wrap up and protect vs tossing her out of the car. The emotions just swing....sway and now they've stopped on one thing, keeping her comfortable.

Brothers stopped by yesterday and sat with mom for quite awhile. I could see the pain on the oldest face...as hard as this has been on me, well, it's been hard on them also. Guilt is probably tearing them apart so no need for me to add anything to anything anymore. When I call, they'll be here for whatever it is I need or mom needs.

countrymouse, I can totally relate... except I do not iron her pj's? yeegads, why? My mother is now wearing simple gowns... there is no way I can change/clean her if she has on clothes. None. These hospital beds with all their fluffy cushiony liners are HOT and it makes her sweat at night so there are times when she just has her skivvies strategically places to keep her cool. I guess the most gratifying moment is still to come, least I hope so!

Thanks to all for the prayers and well wishes... we are all hero's as far as I'm concerned. If it wasn't for y'all on here I would have lost it long ago.

My dear Angel fell asleep while I read her a bed time story... I honestly don't remember her ever reading me one, felt good to do it for her though.

OH, I'm having the medical supply guys come out and move her hospital bed into the living room. I feel awful that she's 20 ft away in a room .... maybe she'll feel better being out here it me and the furkids? Is this a good idea or not?

Jeanette, I thought of the good days you and your mother shared when she came home from respite. They seem like a gift now. I think the bad time also have value in helping us to let go. Life can become too painful. I just wish it could be easier. My thoughts and hugs and prayers are with you this evening.

Oo. Mallory. When you say you're *about* to go and make your mother your full-time job… is there a viable Plan B?

I did that. Well, not intentionally. I was self-employed too and thought my little freelance business would fit tidily around my mother, as it did with my children. Um, no. That was coming up for six years ago, when my mother needed looking after but was mainly independent as far as her personal needs went. I hadn't begun to understand how much mental space she would occupy, I suppose; and then her physical needs became much greater, and then - oh wonderful! - she came up with vascular dementia on top. Now I don't even pretend to have time for anything except caring for her.

I'm not saying I regret it, especially on nights like this when I've left her tucked up in bed, wearing freshly ironed pyjamas, with her hair clean and fluffy and all seeming well with her steadily diminishing world. But as patient listeners to my all-too frequent whines will attest, there are less gratifying moments, shall we say. This is a hard slog, and a hugely, hugely, costly one.

I'm not saying don't do it, just don't underestimate it. And get your support lined up NOW. And have a fall-back strategy. And contingency plans in place. Come to think of it, why did I ever think this was a good idea???!!!

Jeanette, I'm sorry to hear your mom is in this condition now. Thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.

J, so sorry things have gotten to this point. You and your Mom are in my thoughts and prayers, daily. You are not just your Moms hero, but mine and many others here too. Your Mother is so blessed.

Jeanette, I am so sorry to hear your Mom is not doing well. My Mom has been bedridden for so many months and I know the cleaning and changing can be so difficult. Please take care of yourself and your cold, try to rest when you can.