My "whine moment today." What's yours?

CM at least the clarinet is taking your mind off other things and probably his too.

Jeanette give those horses a good grooming their winter coats must be coming out in hand fulls by now and they itch like crazy. Get the shedding blade to those fat rumps and your peace will last forever.

CM, you can't seriously mean your SO is actually prancing about the house playing the clarinet? HAHAHA!!! hehe, sounds like a triple helmet day :D

Agreed Veronica, Jude does seem to have an interesting hectic life!

Yesterday I mentioned my brother coming over to have the "talk". After mullin it over, his request isn't that unreasonable. Basically they wanted about 25 % of what's left of the money that was provided for moms care. There wasn't a huge amount left anyway. They tried to include the absent brother in another state but that one I will not budge about. He wrote mom off as dead 2 years ago. Besides, he's 52 and retired on 6 figures a year. The house is mine, it's contents as well as daddy's jeep. I feel confident that dad and mom be more than okay with this. This will proved me enough to take some time off before plunging back into the workforce. It was the parent's wish to get me back home to Oregon to be with my brothers. They had always said once they go we probably wouldn't be around each other as they were the tie that bound us.

Now, if I could just get out of my routine of not wanting to move until late afternoon it will all be ok. Haha, it's 2:30 and I'm just now going to take both dogs out for a ride and maybe splash in the river, then I will stop by my brothers house and scratch his horses :) He's said we'd start going horseback riding now... his horses are way too chubby :) ah... please let this feeling of peace last longer than a few days.

Cheers!

Veronica91, love that show. My favorite was when Hyacinth and Richard when to an estate sale at a castle... she bid on the Dowager Lady Ursula's homemade gooseberry wine, and had a few sips of the wine.

Veronica I just had a pretty grim childhood and didnt do a lot to improve in fact I locked a lot of it away for over 30 years now it is coming back to bite me on the arse I guess. Perhaps caring for mum is my way of assuaging the guilt I feel about my life - who knows what goes on in our brains?

I am having moving problems not the house all seems to be going along at the right pace... I mean about mum moving stuff - I go in and it takes me 5 minutes or a lot longer to find things she has squirreled away. Now I know to look in the fridge but now I am finding things in her commode and I do mean in her commode, She puts the weirdest things in the wierdest places handkerchiefs are in the bin dirty tissues in her pocket, face cream in her handbag her purse in her make up bag and of course SHE has never touched any of them!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek

Clarinet practice is hotting up as ex-SO rediscovers his embouchure: we're onto "when all the saints" now. Mercy... (sob!)

Jude you live such an interesting life!
Mrs Bucket would have sent hubby out to deal with that.
The best one I saw was Hyacinth being run away on a horse panicking but showing she was a very expeienced horsewoman while poor Emmet was practically being held on by his sister

OMG - my mother has taken to telephoning me sobbing and wanting to die from her top level excellent nursing home! Hers is an attention-wanting neediness that NO HUMAN can ever fill. The calling tantrums are a symptom of stuffed anger for their aging challenges. In a more aware moment, my mother said that she will be going through things that neither I or my husband can help with. We, in turn, have and will have our own - you too! One life to a customer in reality and you need to protect yours cause she'll just turn and find another 'ventee'. God Bless - perhaps you can call her first and change this pattern.

Sorry this is so distressing for you Shilo but as you realize Mom no longer has the ability to to know what she is saying or recognize who she is speaking to. If you find when she calls for one of your sisters and she has a genuine need try not to let it bother you. I know that is hard but so many caregivers have no support from family even when they live next door. I do not have an explanation for that so continue to vent. I would keep them in the loop about Mom's condition but not expect a reply. You know you are doing your best and that is what matters. Take advantage of any respite available in your area and don't be afraid to use Mom's money for necessary equipment and supplies she needs just keep a good record. The vultures will circle when Mom dies if there is money involved.

Gershun, i had a tattoo done aftwr my Mom died. She was 59, I was 43. It was that of a Hummingbird. Part of my grieving process. No, i was no teenagers, the tatto is on my hip. Since I'm waaaayyyy past by bikini years, the only people who see it are the ones I show it to. I say GO FOR IT! The tattoo is all about Mom, and it's only for me.

Absoluely echo that Lourdes

Jeanette, its a Blessing to have been thwrw with her when she passed. I know, i was with my Mom. I actually crawled into bed with her and held her head whispering in her ear that it was time, that i would be alright. It was time for her ro go home. She released her last breath in my arms. She and I were borh at peace. God is good. Now step out ther and LIVE. No matter what anyone says, you did right by her. YOU KNOW THAT. GO AND LIVE YOUR LIFE.

Oh gosh how the vultures seem to be circling around this weekend. Isn't enough that we do the care all week and hope to have a tiny break of maybe 20 mins or so at the weekend when the 'family' and I use that term very loosely decide they want to throw in their 2 pennorth into the mix.

Just to let you see what I mean Mum has gone to church this morning and they have a luncheon - all care is on hand to support her and I thought fantastic I have 2 hours to me....WRONG. My erstwhile brother who is not allowed within a mile of my mum has obviously been watching the house and has turned up about 5 mins after she had gone demanding to come in. now bearing in mind there was a situation shall we call it that happened between us when I was 11 there wasn't a chance in hell he was getting through especially as he was drunk and half past ten in the morning for heavens sake. A slight row ensued with him constantly ringing the bell (took the battery out ...now ring that you $%^&) so then he started hammering on the door. Of course I stayed calm NOT. IN the end I picked up the phoned and opened the door ...he wasn't to know I hadnt dialled 911 (999 over here). I said into the phone police please....... waitied and then before I could utter another word he ran out of the front gate and cycled off. What happened to my calm day? It just got blown out of the water but a least he knows now that I wont take any crap from him either

oops clicked too soon

So, I have written our "meeting" up in wordpad and will post it tomorrow. Mainly because I, one day might like to look back on this or....even better, have them actually read my life the past 2 years.

Shilo, sad as it is, it is not your mother's fault...my mom actually said my name once in the past 3 years. As far as she knew I was daddy's new girlfriend coming aboard to replace her....

Veronica, once again I bow to your knowledge and never ending compassion. He is angry, however, his anger stems from his selfishness. No Veronica, I can't turn him away. sigh, we shall see, I am getting awfully tired ya know?

Good point you touched on, those 2 choices we have now that all is said and done... I CHOOSE to live and be happy. I don't like darkness and I especially do not like being so sad for so long. Whenever I feel like it's safe to crawl out from under my rock... I get pushed back. Earlier today I got a call from 2nd oldest bro... said he was coming by to see how I was and that he wanted to talk about "stuff". Well, we all know stuff means money. Just to give you a glimpse into our long conversation, I started it with "how dare you be so selfish and insensitive to even think of talking about that, OUR mother has been gone 3 days. SHAME on you".!! He had the somewhat decency to look ashamed...

Well all I have to say is I am glad I don't have kids. My sister has been having the same problem with her kids. One is addicted to oxycontin, the other married a woman who had three kids from three different men and is old enough to be his mother.

Countrymouse I am glad that I didn't have to go through my Mom's things. We did all that when we transitioned her into the nursing home. So there wasn't much to go through when she passed.

I am thinking of getting a tattoo of my Mom and Dad from a picture of them when they were on their honeymoon. I am a little old to be getting a tattoo but I think it would give me some kind of strange comfort to have my mom tattooed on my body for life. Am I weird? Oh well if I am who cares. It would be my very first tattoo.

CM, Jeanette and Lourdes - we are all in somewhat of the same boat, regarding our kids. I've told my kids many times, "you know, it's my job to love you - and I always will - but that doesn't mean I have to LIKE you." - and right now, I don't like my son. I still love him, but I don't like who he has become.

My whine...recently my mother has been calling out her other children's names. A couple times she has asked for help and said one of her other daughter's names, not mine. In over 15 years not one of her other children have helped when she has needed it. Why she is calling out their name is beyond me. (She may not want to bother me and think it is their turn to help out.) It hurts and angers me when she càlls out for one of her other daughters. It would be easier if she called out someones name that I didn't know or another daughter that helped out once in a while. I say it hurts because I know it is the disease doing its damage. I say it angers me because it brings up the fact there are other family members...nowhere in site. We have no one to help us, no one to lean on during this time. Whine over for now anyway as my mom needs help.

FF do you have someone you can go and stay with for the next month. Sounds as though parents and SO need sometime without you. You did not fall down and break your shoulder on purpose so let them get over it. If they want to see you they can call a cab and come visit. They want to be independent so let them be.

I am just sorry I do not have any comfort for those who are so sad tonight.Those who have passed had loving people to care for them which is a wish I have for everyone.
Tears are good not for your swollen eyes but they do help to wash away the pain.Life goes on and things do get better. There are two choices, come out and face the world when you are ready or spend the rest of your life living in depression under a rock. There is no way to speed up grief, it is different for everyone. Do not do anything in a hurry if you don't have to.
Jeanette your son is very angry right now and he is chaneling that anger towards you paroting whatever new wife is putting into his head. These women just want to be taken care of with money. He can't do that because you have always bailed him out. When she is gone can you turn him away when he comes knocking on the door? by all means help him but don't let him become a leach.

I have been finding things of my Mom's for a long time since she has been completely in my care. Things that remind me of holidays, of vacations, of when she was able to do things and walk. It made me sad at first...but then I realize that the restaurant menus, vacation pictures etc. all show that she had a good life before she got so sick, and I am glad for all those reminders that it was not always bad. It is just sad that those good things have to end for everyone. I have learned to appreciate the little things in life so much more now.

Mom is having delirium again today. Strange,.. yesterday I was able to carry on a conversation with her and today she was talking about people not there and could hardly focus on me. Her eyes look so sunken in like she is sort of in another world. It seems to come and go every other day.
I am going to go have bowl of ice cream and try to get some rest. She will be home from the nh with hospice on Monday, so I had better get rest to be ready for whatever I must do.

Ok. Here i go. Until now, I've only chimed in a few times. My MIL although 98, has been healthy til now. This last week she waa hospitalized with pneumonia. She has ages 10 years in a week. Home now, i become her primary care giver. she says she wants to die, she's been saying this for about a year.
My husband, her son, only child wants his vacation. HIS vacation. I now need to have the tough conversation of whether she wants to get better or give up. My daughter lives in Australia. My pride and joy. My son married Satan's spawn, and has a little girl age 7 that I have never met. Go figure, you raise 2 kids, same household, same rules one is happy and healthy, the other goes out of his way to control everyone in his life. Since he can't control me, he controls my granddaughters relationships, or lack of. At this point my MIL says she's tired and wants to die. I'm all there is, and i have to figure out how to handle her, the house, the animals and still hang on to my massages and my Yoga. I refuse to lose myself in the process. I almost did that when Mom got sick. She was 59 when she died, she and i were the only 2 people in the Universe for months at a Time. Ok. That may make sense or not. But i have ranted. Oh yeah, did i mention that i was diagnosed with MS? I'm good, knowing im Doing the best I can.

Shilo8, my sig other should be helping me in between his work and going to the gym :P Its Mars vs Venus.

Sig other is finally learning how to put on a fitted sheet so it doesn't spring off one corner after the bed is made.... next class will be Towel Folding 101 along with Toilet Paper Roll Installation 102.... class 101 is finding the extra rolls.

LOL, thanks everyone for some more good ideas for bandaging up myself :) Think I will also add some dark grey eyeshadow under my eyes.

FF - So so sorry. I did not realize the extent of your injuries from the fall. Have you considered getting a temporary caregiver to drive you around, make meals for you, bath you, cater to you hand and foot? Now I know you are trying to do it all yourself but really that is the trouble with us carers, we try to do everything ourselves without asking for help or so I have heard. Please don't forget your helmet when you leave your house.
(p.s. I really hope you are getting around better.)

FF sending you some plaster of paris so you can cast your leg!

Me too CM but I am no longer surprised by the actions of the next generation, just very glad they wont be caring for me when I get old - made that very clear in an advanced directive. My sons is selfish beyond belief and WONT LISTEN TO REASON and hes not a kid hes 40 my daughter is so money orientated its scary and me? Im just trudging along doing my thing, the house is like a new pin tand up for sale and I have seen a bungalow I like but my daughter who is also POA wont approve the spend on it and I can do zip about it. I think I will take her for a walk down my road one of these fine days and push her in the river. What she cant grasp is I dont care if we have to spend an additional 7k to get the bungalow I need to care for mum till she passes. What I am not prepared to do is move to one and have to live in the same room as Mum, as it is I will be living in one room thats sleeping living etc - I cannot and will not have my free time in the same room as mum because then it not free time its can you get this that and the other, having to watch trash on tv and at a volume that only the seriously hard of hearing need and if push comes to shove I will simply refuse to do the care and go back to work. Im going on strike!!!!!! WHine over and if I wasnt tea total it would now be wine time

FF I think before you go to your parents you could add an eye patch and a bunch of bandaides all around your fingers. Maybe gauze wrapped around your head and wear a cap so its a more dramtic entrance when you take the cap off.

The crying is awful, Jeanette, isn't it? You end up with howling sinuses and no one but yourself to blame for them. I was doing really well, motoring through those boxes of photos like nobody's business reciting "it's paper and ink, it's paper and ink" and trotting back and forth to the mini-dumpster we've hired, and then came across a card from my parents' favourite little local restaurant, near my mother's old house. Whaaaaa…!!! Both my parents are dead and I feel very small and alone. And they were real people who had a favourite restaurant, not just names on a family tree.

I'm not helping, am I? Sorry.

Your son has a lot of growing up to do. Give it time. I love my son dearly but there have been occasions when I've felt like saying 'be civil or sod off' - on the other hand, he hasn't ever pulled a stunt in that league, not even close. I'm still breathtaken.

It saddens me that he has let this person turn him into someone I don't know nor want to know. I sent him a text saying he got married the same day my mother died, I will never have that date as a happy one ya know? His reply sorry about your mom but I don't feel guilty one bit :O

Ha, Susan, yeah at least he still talks to me... I'd rather he didn't since he's become a uncaring unfeeling selfish self entitled brat. If he would talk to me as an adult without the hatred in his voice and tell me his plans I would be fine with it... somehow this person has set it in his head that I wanted to "Keep him under my thumb". Yup, he said that. Now Josh would NEVER use those kind of words. Probably cuz he knows that's the farthest from the truth. Heck, I've been trying to get him off my coat tails and out of my house for 10 years. Finally I had to move across the Untied States for that to happen. OH, now don't y'all think if I wanted him under my thumb I'd of let both their dumbasses move here? Shoot, I'm so happy I don't have to take care of him anymore.... no more money, no more fixing his work van. WHEW!

I was listening to a voice message this morning from a dear long friend of my parent's from back in the day when they snowbirded in Arizona... this woman's voice was trembling with sadness, which sent me straight to sobbing again as I envisioned mom bouncing around the park with her sparkly sun visor on playing shuffleboard, Pokino, Hearts, heck, she did it all and was the belle of the park there...I have to keep that thought of her vs how she looked the past few months. My poor baby girl, why couldn't she have been one of those sweet old ladies who lived to the spry old age of 90+ she never drank or smoked. She could power walk faster and farther than I could....oh God, now I've worked myself into a bawling mess again. :( I hate that disease.... I need to start thinking about my son again and change my emotions, I'd rather be mad/annoyed that sick with heartbreak.