My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Susan do try to stand firm darling - I know its hsrd but YOU have to have some time too so you can recharge your batteries xxx You're so much better than I am

Jessie, indeed!

Susan, you are a 5 gold-star daughter.

Well, Round 3 of the fight to keep mom in the NH until she regains her strength occurred today, and this time, I caved. I told her I would talk to the physical therapist tomorrow and see how close she is to getting released, and if at all possible, we would see about getting her home and continuing therapy there, since they said they would release her with 3 weeks of home therapy.

My big concern is making sure we don't get her discharged against doctor's orders, because that will lead to a huge mess with her new doctor and Medicare. The last thing we need is a huge NH bill to pay because we pulled her out against doctor's orders - I would assume that Medicare might refuse to pay if we did that. So I told Mom that if the doctor and therapist are not ready to release her to go home yet, I will start spending my days up there with her and will just bring my laptop so I can work while I'm there.

Just when I thought things were going fairly smoothly....

Thank-you Countrymouse. Sometimes just typing my thoughts on here is enough for me. A form of purging you might say.

I'm sorry, Gershun, how depressing. I got roundly told off by a friend of mine today for being critical of my brother - she said he had to deal with things in his own way and it wasn't for me to say what he should do. Actually I nearly hung up on her - but then I realised that she was clumsily trying to stop me feeling upset about it, so I let it go. I suppose there is half a point, there. But I still think we're entitled to be unimpressed that our siblings can't even shift themselves to sort out proper respects.

Well, if no one else is going to come up with some sensible ideas at least you should get a free hand to do what you know your mother would appreciate. And you do know best, after all. Silver lining? Hugs.

Well folks you don't realize how dysfunctional your family is until someone dies and you are forced to try on be on the same page about ANYTHING!!!!!!!!

Should we do an obituary? Should we not? Its not illegal anymore here to not do one so no one seems to care one way or the other (except me) but what do I know? I composed it, e-mailed to everyone (imagine crickets)
No, no one cares, or should I say no one wants to make a decision.

We decided on a nice plaque for a park bench for my Mom. Guess who composed what that would say?

I guess I should not be surprised. But it saddens me. I thought for a stupid second that maybe my Moms death would unite us all, angels would sing, harps would sound........ Who was I kidding.

ive been watching some one gallon cans of jalapeno peppers at the sav a lot that were marked down to 5.89 . of course id like some to can with beets later on . stopped by this evening and those one gallon cans were 2 . 79 . sh*t fire ( literally ) . im the proud owner of 5 gallons of pickled jalapenos . i figure one pepper would be good flavor in about anything a person could can up . tomatoes ? potatoes ? green beans ? beef ? beets ?
thinkin bout giving the crew of mexican bricklayers out at the farm a gallon of em but theres no way they wouldnt think i was being a sarcastic a** . thats the problem with being a sarcastic a** . nobody takes you seriously when you try to be nice ONE time .

Katie, mom has had 3 known UTI's in the past 2 years. They where doozies!! I've been researching around as well as talking to her Hospice nurse. Sleeping for 24 hours isn't that unusual... every morning when I wake up I have a pit in my stomach.... wondering :/

Susan :( I hate this time of life also... does your mother know this lady passed away (bless her soul)? Personally, I wouldn't like the idea of mom close to people who may not be there in the morning... it would scare the bejesus out of me and I would be plotting my escape in fear I would never get to leave there!! (((hugs)))

Veronica!!!! LOL Your comment is exactly what I meant ... you are such a witty young lady! Don't think I would actually drown her but I'd love to BOP her in the head with a stick. In all his life I have never seen him act this way. Normally he's a womanizer who could care less if they came or went. This girl has turned everything around and not the good way. Really, this has me quite concerned but I simply cannot take on another form of stress right now, not if I want to make it through this alive.

For those of you following my "pool adventures", well, Houston we have a problem. Seems like the truck broke down around Denver, CO. They've been trying to find another trucker to "rescue" it for several days now. Customer Service has no idea how long this could take. She mentioned I could call the shipper and put in a claim... what does that mean???? I asked her if it meant my pool wasn't ever going to show up or it would be several more days? She had ZERO clue..... Waaaaahhhhh

Jessie and fregflyer. Glad to know its not just me. Also good idea, maybe I will start diluting the liquid and switching out the fabric sheets same box different sheets. I already hide the all natural dish soap. She thinks if there's no bubbles you have to keep pouring. I have also stopped trying to explain the concept of high efficiency machines and concentrated soap.

Veronica I did want to say there we are then which is an acronym for TWAT funnily enough we will be seeing him next tuesday and I did enjoy saying See you next tuesday then and nmo I am not about to explain that it is far too vulgar xx

Jeanette I though you were putting that pool in.for your son's wedding so you
could drown the bride.

Jude you got it wrong. "Dr I am positive you are a very annoying person"
To the caregiver with catheters or at least with loved ones that have. Sometimes irrigating the bladder with Ascetic Acid helps keep the UTI's at bay. now before you rush out to the pharmacy it has to be prescribed and made up as a sterile solution by a pharmacist. so a call to the PCP is in order.

Jude, Thanks. some good ideas in there. I think I will look into paying someone to do some of the household jobs that take up so much time, then I can spend it with Mum myself rather than paying someone to sit with her.
I have only managed to get out of the house on my own three times since Mum came and they were to sort out POA etc. Sometimes I'd like my peaceful life back and I have a scream or a cry or a rant but most of the time I feel O.K
As for Josh Groban, and that song, sometimes I'm wringing out the hankie and sometimes ready to take anyone on. Love to know other peoples inspiring music choices.

Oh you didnt do that right did you first you tell them you dont have a computer that is working and cant afford to get it fixed because you dont get paid for looking after mum. Ok OK so its a lie - do you think they dont lie to you?
As you missed that trick (bet you remember it next time though) you tell them that you cannot understand the myriad of informaiton that is posted there and can they guide you through it so you can bookmark it for ease of reference next time you need it. Ask them what physical support emotional support and financial support is out there and are there any grants or charities that support your particular area - if you dont ask .....you wont get that is for sure.

If she/he is offish with you ask for an appointment to speak with someone who is more knowledgable about your needs or who is more confident in guiding you - it's a bit like saying listen you moron I am more than capable of looking at a website if was arranged in any intelligble order but given what you've told me I imagine you devised it - but without actually being that rude.

Above all be persistent we use a term called cracked record over here I imagine you may too - it's like when you are listen to your fave record and it starts Goodbye Norma Jean I never knew I never knew I never knew - just keep repeating exactly the same words - NEVER say sorry I dont understand say you are not being clear I dont understand - ALWAYS put the blame in their court.

You can always ask to speak to a complaints manager or ask them how you go about registering a formal complaint regarding the service you are receiving - that means they will have a host of paperwork to do reports etc on why they left you unsupported....in the end they give in because it is quicker to actually give you the information you need.

Remember this ...I use it now and again and it is effective - I know you use it regularly so it may be simple FOR YOU but I am struggling and my mother's support needs are so great I dont have time to go into every tab/link/external link/advert so please help me, before I just walk out of the door and leave it all to you while I write to the (name the biggest most influential local press office) telling them exactly how difficult YOU make it for ME to care for my mum's complex needs

I have just phoned social services to see what help might be available for my Mum, who has been living with us for the last 8 months. After being on hold just long enough to raise my blood pressure, I was told everything is on the web-site go and look at that. I politely said I had already done that without adding I found it excruciating in it's abysmal layout and infuriating, in it's lack of information and self congratulatory tone. Wish I had spent the time having a quiet coffee, even repeatedly poking myself in the eye would have been less annoying.
Sorry more of a rant than a whine. Normal service resumed.
Just dried Mum's tears and settled her back to bed for an afternoon nap.

:-(

I really, really hate this time of life for our elders.

While Mom was in the hospital, I discovered that an old neighbor of mine was in the next room in the ICU unit. I talked with his son, and found out that his mom was in another hospital about 40 miles away, and the kids were spending all day, every day running back and forth between hospitals. When my mom was moved to the NH for therapy, I discovered that both the husband and wife had been moved to the same NH and were in the same room - right next to Mom! So I visit them for a few minutes whenever I go see Mom now.

I knew when I stopped by their room last night that the wife didn't have long...she was in very bad shape. This morning when I arrived, she was gone. :-(

Jeanette we need a pool forum now so we can all sit in, have cocktails brought to us by wonderful people of our preferred gender (notice how politically correct I was? - makes a change for me!), and natter about the good things in life.

The doctors at the hospitals were really helpful today (not) they said I needed to be more positive and that I should say something positive every day.

Foolish man asked me to try it there and then - I am positive that I hate caring for Mum - dont think that was quite what he had in mind but he couldnt control the smirk from minorly appearing

Jeanette, I loved reading about your pool. I appreciate professionals so much. They make life so much easier. Hiring them is also a good way to keep cash flowing. People need the work. Since they need the work and we need a break, it is a win-win.

Your pool to me is like a bright spot. We all need those bright spots to keep us from falling into despair. I hope they can get it up quickly so you can enjoy.

Jeanette, My Mom has had almost continual UTIs lately, but she had them even before the catheter. It is possible that for her scar tissue in the bladder from past radiation may be a problem with this. When she gets the UTIs there is often dark blood and sediment in the foley bag. Then there are behavioral changes...she has had delirium several times in the past year. Cranberry juice doesn't seem to do a thing for her.
I hope your Mom is less prone to UTIs. I would watch the urine and any possible behavioral changes, but the first clue I get is blood in the tube and bag. Some people don't get these as much and I hope your Mom does not!

Hi girls!! and of couse, cap'n :) How is everyone?... hopefully hanging in there for all the happier stuff that is still in store for us. positive thought now! hehe, yeah right, one more infomercial on positive thinking I may just chuck my tv out the window!

Susan, awesome on growing that backbone!! LOL! Seriously, the nerve at that guy to rip the bags open?... hmmm, wonder who he is caring for at home ;) Every time I read about your mother my heart breaks a little more... poor dear, she wants to go home... yes I know this is what's best for her but I'm a big woosie lately. Good thing you caught your relative in time and explained to her how hard leaving/returning to the NH it would be for your mom.

Jessie... uhm, I am guilty of using both liquid softener and the sheets. They smell heavenly and seem to keep the old dying scent away. Yeah, I know that may have sounded harsh but there is a certain smell....

Gershun, I hope you are feeling a bit better and coming to terms with the loss of your mother :)

Katie, since your mother has had that catheter does she get more UTI's? I'm kind of worried about that... how can you tell? Ugh...

Veronica, you say such the kindest things at time... you have a wonderful way of explaining some of this awfulness :) I really appreciate it...

So, mom has been sleeping for days now it seems... I'm not sure how to handle this? I take a warm cloth in the mornings and lay it over her face to warm it up
( and loosen eye goobers) which wakes her for a tiny bit... at that time I attempt to get some ensure/water/applesauce/icecream/jello .... just whatever form of nutrients into her... then off to sleep she goes. She doesn't wake when I shift positions on her, or when my crazy old dog barks at a leaf falling... nothing. Just peaceful snoring which is giving me a false sense of everything being OK. Deep down though, I know it isn't ok, not in the way I'd like it to be...I've been struggling to keep the loneliness and depression at bay... days of silence will definitely have you flapping your lips. Weird how mom's mood/day/abilities affect my day... I really think it's affecting my older dog as well. Her and mom where buddies for 2 years, Daphne slept with mom every night and was her guardian... Daphne has turned into a stressed out barking annoying girl!... errrr... or maybe I've turned into that and the dog is acting on my moods? AACK!!

Jude, sometimes I feel it is ok to have a pitty party and sink into a dark oblivion for awhile. Not too long though, just long enough to make you appreciate everything you have once again and start living life.

Oh oh... found a contractor to complete the entire pool process at a very reasonable rate! YAYAYAYAYAY!! I almost cried when he quoted me the price... I've got to stop trying to take on the world man, and just let others have a job helping.

No word from my son... last we spoke was a brief/strained conversation on Mother's Day in which he informed me he was moving to New Mexico?... that new girlfriend of his is frightening. I have never seen him act like he is... he's a grown man though and right now my hands are full with my mother.

No wonder some people run away and disappear!

capn, your thinking runs a lot like mine. I had some bad things happen back in my livelier youth. I am really surprised that I lived through it all. There were a few times that I must have had a guardian angel with me, and once that a policeman came along at just the right time. Strange how these things happen. I would have probably been killed if the policeman hadn't chanced by.

bout 3 years ago my mom was trying to educate me about fabric softeners . it took me a couple attempts to get her to hear me properly that i use fabric hardeners . then i got the treasured grimace out of her that she was so adept with . " oh yes , of course " she says ..
jude ,
my secret to keeping the blues at bay ;
i check the local newspaper online each evening . if my name isnt in the jail bookings i go check the obituaries . if it isnt there either i figure 'WTH , i guess im doing ok ' ..

Can you tell me please why it is that when your heart is heavy and the darkness seems to envelop you that you do something stupid like listening to the most sad yet inspirational muisic you can find? My choice for today has been Josh Groban's you raise me up.

I have been sitting here bawling my eyes out - it is so so beautiful and although he is long passed, tonight my dad has been to sit a while with me. Love you dad xxx

Jessie, regarding the fabric softener sheets, buy the store brand and hide the Bounce for yourself.... I found with the store brand one has to use 2 to 3 sheets to equal the same softness of one Bounce.

I stopped using the liquid stuff a couple of years ago. An appliance company repairman said the softeners will gum up everything in the washer.

Another idea, try the non-scented Bounce to keep down the flowery smell... maybe your Mom likes the smell of the scented sheets... maybe if there is no scent she might not use them, or will use the whole box :P

Susan take care hun or you're going to burn out sweetheart xxxxxx

Saw dementia first hand today in action. i went to the thrift store and purchased small bag of clothing in their bag sale for $2 and six plates a t 50 cents each. I got out my $5 and 24 cents tax. The lady said that will be $6.43 so i said i had six plates and that is $3 plus the bag so she crossed out her calculation and and counted the plates and indeed there really were six all matching . So after much addition and another volunteer coming over to help she told me $4.24. No I told her now you are shorting yourself. the other lady finally said it was $3 for the plates and $2 for the bag and that's 24 cents tax. "Oh dear" said the first lady who looked well over 80 "my math is not too good today" I guess this must happen a lot because the second volunteer was very patient with her. Not wanting to complicate matters further I handed over the correct change.

Ugh. So much for having a half-decent day. Poor Mom just called me again, crying and saying she has to get out of the NH and come home, it's driving her crazy to be there. I keep reminding her that she needs to stay long enough to get stronger and be able to walk inside the house, or she will fall again and end up right back in the NH again. She's been there 9 days as of today, and the therapy program is 20 days or longer. God help us.

To top it off, both the dog and cat have been barfing today and I have no idea why. So between running to the NH this morning, trying to do my regular work, catch up on dishes and laundry, dealing with Mom's phone calls and convincing her to stay in NH for therapy, cleaning up dog/cat barf, more computer work, and trying to get back up to the NH tonight to see Mom again, I'm about to start flapping my lips with my finger and singing, "I'm a nut!"

Katie no probs hun while we in Britain can see all your wonderful election events, I know the same cant be said for our tiny little country in your fast paced tv slots.
And yes there were pensioners arrested for the raid. ...they took about $390 millions worth of stuff but in realityit could be far far more or less depending on whether you're a cynic or not. Far far more than the estimate would mean someone had stolen good there and didnt want to declare them or has overestimated in order to claim on the insurance - Hatton Garden is the absolute centre of London's diamond trade... Three of the men were deffo too old to even attempt this - 67, 74 and 76. Now I always said I would look for a man who was old and had a weak ticker but rethinking this ... old man with gazillions and unable to spend it and pretty jewellery to wear too ....hmmm tempting

My personal stance is that the 3 pensioners all have been diagnosed with alzheimers and have opted for their end of life care to be in prison. Think about it - they will be safe from harm, free medical treatment, tv in their rooms, no bills to pay and food provided 3 times a day whereas in a nursing home they have lights out at 9 and have to pay for everything. I wonder who gets the best deal out of that sometimes!!!!