My "whine moment today." What's yours?

captain, please produce where I had said such things. I believe you have me confused with someone else, or you had misread the intent.

Add me to the "tired of cooking and serving" list. Tired of the "food fights", when what I cook doesn't suit Dad. Tired of him throwing out food because he's "eaten all I possibly can" and 30 min later hear him getting ice cream.

Last night we grilled steak, which he claims to love. Ate about 25% of the very small portion I served him. I saved the rest and he's getting it back tonight, while my partner and I enjoy something "too spicy" for him.

Veronica91, I am going to soak this injury for a long time in regard to my parents... maybe then they will realize I am also in my age related decline :P

Thanks Jeanette. Funny you should mention "the disease" - I was about to post a little whine about that.

Mom has a home care nurse right now who has been awesome about getting things set up for us that Mom needs. She's even going to check into the possibility of getting respite care through the county Commission on Aging. Their website says they only allow 1 hour of free respite per week, but the nurse thinks more is available if you make a donation. She knows someone getting TWENTY HOURS a week. OMG. Angels would sing and monkeys may just fly out of my butt if that were even remotely possible. (pardon the expression, but that tells you just how impossibly wonderful that would be....)

Anyway, Mom seemed far more fatigued today than she should have been, all things considered. She got to a point today where she didn't even want to walk to the bathroom, because she was too tired, just wanted to lay down. (I knew where that was headed...) and just as I thought, she laid there playing cricket with her feet because she had to pee...and popped back up 10 minutes later to go to the bathroom. Her O2 level was lower than it should be too, so I called the homecare agency and ended up talking to a different nurse, because ours wasn't available. She proceeded to explain congestive heart failure to me in the most basic terms (yes I get it, the heart is a muscle, gets enlarged when it works too hard, etc). Then she went on to ask how old Mom is (almost 75) and to tell me that I should take care of myself because I have the same genes and will likely DIE of this same disease, and I should enjoy every moment I have with Mom, because her mother died at age 76 of the same thing.

Um...gee thanks, Lady. I KNOW my mother is not a well woman. I KNOW she could have something serious go wrong at any moment and pass away. I KNOW how tenuous her hold on life is right now. But do you have to be so blunt about it? Didn't really need to hear that tonight. Kind of cast a pall over what was a fairly decent day - guess who's tired, stressed and depressed NOW?

I would recommend doing just that Susan, at least you'll be able to get out all the wonderful things without being clouded by the horror of the disease at the end.

Capt have you got PMS today?

Jeanette, Mom will love what you've written. I have long considered writing mom's in advance, or at least the framework and having my siblings fill in the rest with their own points of view - because I know when the time comes, my mind will go blank on the things that I want most to say about her.

Cap, what the heck was that??? Go easy, would you? You have no right to treat anyone here that way. No one has targeted *you* with such hatred...

sorry , i read a post of FF not long ago that painted men as stupid and wholely inferior to women . thats sick and i havent forgotten it . equality means we are of equal abilities albeit in our own ways.

Yeah well, I will not comment or give that post one more second of thought nor engage in ugliness like that. IGNORE HIM!

Spent all day today watching it rain and write mom's obituary. I hope she like's it.

Captain what was that all about? Give your head a shake. This is a nice, supportive forum. If you have nothing nice to say don't say nothing at all.

ff, i cant forget a post you made about a month ago where you foolishly considered men as being inferior to you . dont assume that every intelligent , problem resolving man is . i try to give intelligent females room to operate , you regard men as inferior and innefective.

Lucky lo definitely not funny. A quick call to her supervisor should stop her in her tracks.
Sorry about your shaking FF. you will feel the pain when you get the bill for your ambulance ride. We now have a $150 copay on our Medicare PPO for that and it is only a few miles down the road. hope the xrays look good but don't tell Mom and Dad. That shoulder has to stop you driving for at least the next year and maybe they will get the message. M.ake sure you tell them how bad the vertigo is too

Crazy day... started off with me waking up at 4:30a with vertigo, yep my own private earthquake... quickly found some anti-vert meds... half hour later I was shaking so bad I needed to wake my sig other... ok, we will go to the ER... on the way down the stairs sig other slipped, got up and walked to the hallway and I heard a loud thud... I got to him and told him do not move... so he preceded to get up and walk to the kitchen where he passed out again onto the floor...

I am on the phone with 911 and within minutes they were at the house.. of course my sig other claims he is fine so he declines going to the ER... the paramedics are now tending to me because I can barely stand from the vertigo and shaking like a leaf... since I have heart issues they didn't want to take any chances so I had my first ride in an ambulance... I felt like I was on an episode of "Emergency".

Sig other has had similar episodes of blacking out when he uses Ambian for sleep... hope this time he finally realizes he can't take that stuff.

This afternoon had a new set of x-rays taken for my broken shoulder... ouch that was pretty painful. Keeping my fingers crossed that it is healing correctly... will see Orthopedist on Thursday.

Good heavens, I've been to the ER for myself as many times as my Dad and here he is 93.

My whine for the day....can't get connected to wifi to use my Kindle. Turns out the wifi box is not from Comcast so they can't reset it. UGH!!

oh well . savalot had 20 lbs of giant potatoes tonight for 4.99 . ill be canning potatoes , onion , green beans , lean pork loin , jalapenos till midnight . the last potatoes i canned went quickly , they were freakn delicious . i have plans of not only surviving but thriving up here , regardless of what the economy and social structure throw out there . i dont consider it a fools economy , i consider it a survivalist technique .
its only begun . pears , apples and cherries are right around the corner . i think my peach trees will bear strongly this year . it isnt a joke to me , ive always felt secure with 2 yrs sterile food stored back , not to mention my rainwater supply .
i have plans of surviving whatever transpires , fk the naive risk takers .

Ff, how is your shoulder doing?

tgengine, my sig other does the same thing as your Dad... I could be pulling the pizza out of the oven and he will walk through the kitchen to go sit in front of the TV... heaven forbid he should miss 10 seconds of whatever sports he was watching.... he will re-enter the kitchen when I noisily rummage, on purpose, through the drawer looking for the pizza cutter. Takes him weeks to do his chores then complains that I am too anal :P

Yep, he was spoiled by his Mother, and probably by his late wife.

Luckylu, you can tell hospice you don't want her back. It's that simple! One hospice nurse fell asleep at my mom's, i had to kick the recliner to sit her up and get to my mom, who at this point was SCREAMING with pain. Just asked them NOT to send her back!

Lucky lu I wouldn't stand for that formal complain and refuse to allow her back in... you don't need more stress than you already have

My whine moment that is still bugging me a week later is our Hospice nurse who makes the rudest comments and then walks out the door.She said'I had one family that wanted me to tie Grandpa in a chair so he would be with everyone at Thanksgiving dinner and then he had to be carried out in the chair because rigamortis had set in".HOW INAPPROPRIATE!!!She also said "my mother wants to be buried,but IIm getting her cremated and throwing her in the lake"SICK!!!She ofcourse thought it was funny,but not to us .Also,we re in survival mode and she says 'So,do you all have big plans for the weekend?"Our goal is to live through the weekend......anyway,this bugs me...luckylu

Is not going to whine today is going to brag. I have had a call from a third party charity acting on behalf of my brother. He has been diagnosed with alcohol induced dementia and at the moment is in very temporary accommodation and they were wondering if I could give him a home. I asked why they hadn't contacted his children ...they had.

I was now very aware of why he had come calling on Sunday BUT some things can never be forgiven and that is one step too far (well about 51 years too far to be fair). I even kept my cool. I said no I couldn't possibly as a) we were moving to a 2 bed bungalow and b) there wouldn't be room and c) I wouldn't have him in the same house as my mother and definitely not in the same house as me under any circumstance.

The phone went very silent and I could feel guilt (not warranted guilt but nevertheless guilt) creeping up my spine. Then this so sympathetic voice said I do understand he did tell us there was a problem that might result in you saying no.

I became composed and said very quietly back he stole a lot of money from my mum and broke her heart with his lies and his deeds, it is unforgivable ...from me he stole something irreplaceable and I feel exactly the same way so please before you even attempt to say how forgiveness reaps its own reward be warned that thus far I have remained calm - My answer is a very firm no. She thanked me for the call and hung up - I am now quite wobbly but holding on by the fingernails albeit they are scraping down the walls and staying proud that I didn't buckle.

So I am cooking dinner, lunch, breakfast (insert one) and just about done like one more minute, table is set, Dad surveys the kitchen and then walks into his living room and sits down. We have to then call him for dinner or go get him. I mean clearly he can see the set up. I tell my wife not to call him. I usually have to call out to him. He does this for every meal. Its the "i need an invite to eh table" attitude. Then he sits at the table, asks for a dish right in front of him, then proceeds to hold it mid air in eh center until my wife or I have to place it on the table. Where did he get this attitude? Mom coddled him way too much. I generally ignore him and make him do what ever he needs but it is getting on my wife's nerves. Does anyone eases parent do this? how have you corrector it besides being a grumpy person as he tells me I am. He tells me I am OCD and picky. No I just like things put back where they were and I want things done the right way or done when expected not just dropped in the middle of the room and expect everyone one to cater to his whim.

Gershun, my mom died 4 years ago - she had taken antidepressants herself for years after my brother died before his 30th birthday. Mom told me that she would have drowned in grief if she had not been able to get some help, and that she would NEVER have wished that for me. We were speaking at the time about different events and losses, but I've hung onto that thought any time I felt guilty about HOW I grieved. Just as none of us love exactly the same, none of us grieve exactly the same. Just know that we all grieve with you right now and hope that pain shared is pain lessened. (hugs)

My wife tells me a carry too much guilt..... not sure why, I get that from mom, she worried about everyone, dad not so much. Dad has the "everyone will do it for me" mentality and I have the "I will do it myself with out asking you" mentality, "if you offer, OK but if not I am fine". I worry way too much, the rest of the family could care less so it has been laid at my feet. Not sure how to get rid of the guilt.....

Gershun, I understand what you are saying. We can feel guilty if we are not as sad as we think we should be. We can feel guilty if we let a few moments go by without thinking of the one we lost. We can feel guilty if we have a day that we don't feel bad. It's like if we don't feel bad enough that it means we didn't care enough.

I like to think our loved ones ARE looking down from the other side, but what they're thinking is, "Enjoy your life and I'll enjoy mine here until I see you again." There is no blame or bad thoughts for people they loved.

Hey Jeanette, yes I know all about guilt. Guilt is my middle name and my picture is beside that word in the dictionary.

You are probably right about controlling those emotions. I think its either the antidepressant or God is carrying me right now. I don't know if you've heard of that Footprints in the Sand poem about someone asking God how come in the hardest times of his life there was only one set of footprints in the sand and God replied its because it was during those times I was carrying you.

Either way I would probably be in a facility right now if God and the antidepressant wasn't helping me.

You sound like a kindred spirit Jeanette. Its comforting to know I'm not going through this alone. ((((( hugs))))

Donna, I did the same thing. Started those antidepressants a month before arriving here. Somewhere during that time I took time off from them, all I can say is HOLY H*LL did I turn into a psycho or what? There was just too much stress in life and it made a huge difference. Guess what I'm getting at is it's nicer all the way around to have more control over your emotions, even if it's a slightly detached way. Oddly I felt the same way as you, up until I read your post. I've read how hard this has been on you and it has been hard for a long time. I certainly don't think your mom would want you falling apart all the time. She knows you need to be happy again and live your life just as my mother would have wanted.

Some people in life feel more guilty at just about everything. Sheesh, I know I do. Heck if I don't take my dogs for some sort of fun time a few times a week I feel guilty. Guilt should be my middle name and I've been this way all my life. Some describe it as being tenderhearted and it's a good quality to have. Ha, it's a bad quality to have if it's interfering with your life. Go on and live your life now. Grieve and heal at the same time and push those thoughts from your head. I understand though...I really do. (((hugs)))

oops, I meant probably not properly.

I started taking an antidepressant shortly before my Mom died and I find it really masks feelings which worries me a bit. I'm thinking I am not grieving properly for my Mom and maybe it would be better if I could just feel what I am supposed to feel.

I know this is properly a stupid thought but I sometimes think my Mom is looking down from heaven and thinking Donna (my real name) is not as sad for me as I thought she would be. Which is definitely not the case. I am devastated but almost in a detached way. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?