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Thanks Barb, the pain is not unbearable. I am due in the morning to have the stitches removed. It's a bit of a trek and my husband has appointments today. Even though it's my left foot I don't feel up to driving. I don't have any temperature. Nothing has oozed out since the day of surgery when blood dripped out on my way from the car to the bedroom. Just can't wait to get this dressing off with all the dried blood on it which is really only visible from underneath. The clotting took effect later the same day. I will make it. Less than a full day away. Presently not feeling any pain.
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TG,

Very happy for you! So often, it takes a person to become sick and tired of being sick and tired before giving up caregiving.

Now, you as well as I can testify to the fact that the sacrifices we made were not worth the heartache.

Of course, some people do feel that continuing to be an at home caregiver is worth the sacrifice. I totally respect their decision even if I disagree with it.

Wishing you well as you continue to be your dad’s advocate.
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TG
Excellent news from you. Yes nature abhors a vacuum. Might should have downsized when dad left. 🤨 Just kind of teasing.

You have come out of “the trance” and life is good. Enjoy!
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So happy for you, TG!
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Hate to be the one to say we told you so TG but ...
Glad you and your family are in a better place now and things are working out.
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I didn't realize how much of a stress it was to have a parent live in our home. moved Dad to a retirement facility where he is cared for has his meals provided, medical everything. It's been almost 6 months. Since then, our daughter moved back home (another stress). But my wife has been much happier, and my BP is down. I am eating better, and my work life is much better being out of the basement. I still manage dad but from a far now. Just issues with family trying to intervein but that is manageable. After 13 years of taking care for family it's been a rough road. Even with daughter home we can get away once in a while.
I am starting to lose weight and get my health inline. I did not realize how much stress taking in and caring of an adult cause. To all the care givers out there, I salute you.
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Riverdale; I am guided in this by an article that Jane Brody, science writer for the New York Times wrote when she was in her early 80s.

She had knee replacement surgery at what is arguably the best hospital (HSS) with a respected surgeon. She had thoroughly researched her options.

She came home and was in dreadful pain. Called the surgeon, who said it was normal. Called again two days later, again, told it was expected.

She finally called another doctor who say her immediately.

She had a massive infection in the bone.

Her advice to us all was to listen to the pain and make sure that the doc LOOKS at what is going on,
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Riverdale,
You are good at saying what this pain is like, but the doc needs to assess this to make certain all is healing normally. That pulse like "toothache" throbbing is/can be normal. But pain forms a kind of pathway in the brain, and often anything with opioids in it not only helps for a bit, but CAUSES more pain later in a kind of rebound manner. Docs are hesitant now to give these meds. They often do more harm than good.

So given they check what the healing is like, learn to accept there will be this pain, and it may waken you. Turn on the computer and write us on the Forum! Read. Ask doc about elevations and whether that's good. About heat, about ice. He may order them intermittantly. You are going to have to trick the brain which is wanting to give you this forming of a path. Pain can actually become chronic long after healing, and pain meds apparently have been contributing to that in terms of back pain and so on.

Pain is a beast. As a nurse I went into bad back at once point to the point it was close to considering surgery. I recall so much advice that conflicted. I finally got so looking at the back my entire left side was all pulled together and shortened with spasms and it looked like I was walking short legged. I was working then at a desk job checking charts and documentation at night, worst choice ever for a bad back. It got worse and worse until finally I decided to disobey everything, took myself off all meds, went out in the garden and sat on the ground weeding. Couldn't even get up and had to call the kids to haul me to my feet. At first it got a tad worse, but then slowly, with the stretching and movement it got better and better, and finally I was mended.

It taught me one thing. For a cancer you are looking at pain meds. Pure and simple. It hits the bones and you need fentaynl. But for most other things, surgical pain, back pain, muscles, it is not the answer, pain medication.

Talk with your doctor. Make sure nothing is going WRONG here. Once you know that, find out what to expect. Perhaps ask for PT consult. They are sometimes masterful with pain and other issues.

I sure hope this gets better. You are real level headed and I trust all you say about this, but get off the pain meds quick as you can.
Anyway, take this with a grain of salt. You know your body best.
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Hoping that you will feel better soon, River. I agree with Barb.
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Riverdale, I would not wait until tomorrow.

A throbbing pain after surgery that awakens you (try to place it on a 1-20 scale) is a possible indication of infection or something that's gone awry.

Call the doctor today to report what's going on.

I'm so sorry this is going on.
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I am having frequent but not constant pain from foot surgery. The stitches come out this Tuesday. I was given pain medication but not alot. I asked for a refill and was given a weaker medication which can help but again not alot.

I know there is such a situation to not give narcotics. I only take them when the pain is bad. I am not one who simply wants to stay drugged up. I will see the doctor Tuesday. I wanted to ask for a different medication that is actually a step down in intensity from the previous two. My husband has some and gave me them twice and it really helped.

I am not sure how to get across to the doctor that I still need some medication for the times I feel pain. It was not so bad yesterday but this morning I was awoken with throbbing pain. I am just not sure how to get my point across without seeming like someone who just wants more pain medication. I have 3 pins in 3 toes and at times they cause great discomfort. I take the over the counter medication they suggested to help stave off the pain but that frequently is not much help.

I just wonder if anyone has any suggestions to properly communicate my concerns with the doctor. I do not drink alcohol ever and try to be vigilant about my health.
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Good for dogs too!
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Alva - steamed or boiled sweet potato and similar veggies are good for cats. I feed mine butternut squash mixed in with her wet food and she loves it. It's supposed to help with constipation and I think it does. Rocky prefers her food dry. She even waits till her wet food dries out. Go figure!
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Did anyone hear of sweet potato being good for cats when older, for intestinal issues? I heard of it way back when I had my beloved Allie. Never got the need to use it but know a woman with a manx (guess they with their short tails and humped back spines are notorious for costipation) and she swore on it.

I hope daughter does well, Barb. Most are recovering nicely though my own daughters co-teacher has felt ill over a month and now worrying about long covid.
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Hope your daughter recovers soon, Barb.
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Barb: Well done!
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Barb,
When my DH had his last surgery ( he’s had MANY ) , I resorted to telling him “ You are going to do what you are supposed to do to recover safely because I’ve invested a lot in keeping you alive the last 40 years !!! “ The first surgery I took him for, we were 19 and dating !!

The last surgery was a cancer scare , where they told him it was BAD according to MRI . It turned out to be benign . So DH was wanting to forget the whole ordeal and act like nothing happened while he was supposed to be recovering .

Men , sheez .🙄🥺🤔
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Barb, awesome job with the tough love ❤️ Just sliced on through the denial 🤺

The 'I don't need help'...
Separating the current just-home-from-hospital situation from the want of regaining independance.
*Now Vs Goal*
It IS a burden on the caregiver when people stay in that 'no help needed' mindset & the caregiver lacks the ability to cut through the denial or push assertively forward anyway. (My folks are still grappling with this).

Sorry to hear your daughter has Covid - avoid visits! Seems to be a milder strain these days so hopefully she'll be right very soon.
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Oh dear, Barb. Hope your kitty is OK. I'm not sure Rocky is doing it more often, just in different places. Back home she always left her fur balls in the basement on the mat her litter box was on. She started that here and now is spreading her "gifts" around. This is new behaviour, but then it is a new environment.

I am so sorry that your dd has covid. Wish that darn bug would go away, I don't think it is as serious as before but still bad enough. Your plate is more than full!
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Golden, our cat is throwing up more often to. And drinking too ons of water I need to get him to the vet soon.

Did I mention that my middle daughter just tested positive for COVID?
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Barb - Great job at getting through the denial! So glad your hub is getting what he needs. He's very fortunate to have you.

My whine today - I got up for the usual middle of the night task and stepped on a furball with my bare feet. Yuck, yuck, yuck! Rocky seems to change her preferred place for upchucking and my bedroom rugs are it right now. 😝
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Yes, Alva. Thankfully, he remembers none of the ER and maybe 10% of 6 days in ICU.

Look, I am grateful to have learned from my mom (not someone I had a great relationship with) how to say "this is beyond my skills."

At the end of my dad's journey with leukemia and the resulting kidney failure , she stoutly stood up to both him and the hospital discharge folks and said "I cannot care for him at home unless he gets stronger."

Even when you love someone, you need to know the limits of your skills.
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@ Barb,
I, like Need, think you are one of the most valuable people on this Forum, always the voice of reason, always kind and patient, always spot on. I trust you to use that with Hubby, too, and sounds like you did. No anger, no argument, just QUESTIONS, which is the way to go, and making him work through it in his mind. He KNOWS only about one half of what you are/what you did, because there is an amnesia that goes along with ICU. Just look it up. It's a REAL THING. Amnesia and ICU will get you tons of info. Let alone that fact, he had such a low blood count half the time that the O2 going to his head was not worth much, gaga or not. He wasn't clear headed. And had he been he would have looked over at you in all that chaos and said "Hey, Barb, you ARE taking your blood pressure meds, aren't you???"

Glad you made him work it out for himself, and listen to you.
You are one great private duty nurse, registered or NOT!
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Barb, you can congratulate your DH on having his brains intact. All he needs to do now is to use them!
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Barb,

I bet traveling to a beautiful, far away place would be delightful just about now.

I think you got your point across to your DH very well!
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Interestingly, I had a very serious discussion with DH last night, who, like lots of folks, thinks of himself as invulnerable and denies serious diagnoses.

I told him that he needed these services from VNS and that he was not going to minimize his needs. Because that would result in ME doing more. And I am SO in over my head and above my pay grade.

He seemed to think that he was completely independent.

So I said, so if I leave on a plane for Bermuda tomorrow, that'll be fine? (And man, am so ready to do that..)

He paused. And said no. So I asked him-- are you diabetic? He hedged.

Bermuda

Yes, he is diabetic.

Have you had 2 strokes?

Well, I'm not (makes gesture indicating someone who is gaga).

I waited. Yes, the MRIs show that I've had strokes.

Me: so, you are going to talk about the fact that you're not ready to walk two blocks to PT yet?

Yes

We've gotten to a good place here.
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Barb,

You are one of the best examples of advocacy on this forum.

You evaluate the situation and then proceed with finding the proper resources regarding workable solutions.

I have complete faith that you will oversee these transitioning times and encourage your husband to do whatever is necessary for him to regain his strength.

Wishing you and hubby all the best!
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Barb, Hoping your DH gets back on his feet quickly and back walking those NYC streets very soon. All the best to you both.
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Sounds like good followup for hubby Barb. So glad you are BOTH home and recovering from it all.
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DH had his first visit from VNS! They are setting up some nursing visits to monitor him and will give in-home PT and OT.

He can walk well indoor and in our quiet parking lot, but the quality of his gait is still quite stiff and guarded. It doesn't appear that walking on NYC sidewalks is where he should be just yet
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