I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Oh, that chicken was very tender indeed. There was a little anger in that chicken parm last night. That's what made it just a bit spicy too.
Now you've got me thinking chicken parm tonight. I've got two chicken breasts in the fridge.
@golden23
Not me. I don't like cleaning, but I do it. I scrub the pans crazy when I'm mad. Might as well do something productive with the anger.
Daisy - that would work too. The best chicken parm I ever had was in a small out of the way restaurant in Assisi, Italy. I still remember it.
I'll be scrubbing more pots and pans in the near future. My voice mail suddenly started speaking in Chinese so I am chasing a fix which isn't straightforward. I have gone full circle with the dishwasher. Emailed Bosch Germany and they referred it back to the same guy in Bosch Canada who persists in addressing me as Mr B...... Shows that he doesn't read my emails as I sent him the correction. Apparently they have the part in stock but there is a glitch getting it to the repairman. The service manager is working on it. I will be updated. Yeah right. This is not rocket science!!!
OMG, you scrub the pots and pans too? It's nice to know someone else does this.
I've had my pots and pans through two marriages several moves and they usually see daily use. They look like they've never been used.
Speaking of appropriate use of anger, I emailed Bosch Canada on March 26 for an update as I have heard nothing about a repair. I have had no response to that. So I used my "energy" to hunt around the web and found that Bosch Canada service is rated at 1.5 stars out of 5. I think I would rate it lower than that. I also found a new phone number and email for contact. I used the email and from the automated response I think I got Bosch Germany. We will see what comes of that. I said since a repair in a reasonable time was obviously not possible, I wanted a replacement or a repair. I'm rethinking the replacement since service is so bad. Pity as I gather they make good dishwashers.
Just sometimes my anger gets the best of me, they will be fewer and farther between.
You weren't scammed by your mother's bullsh*t. Don't think of it like that because if you do then you're punishing yourself and you don't deserve that.
In this life you're either winning or learning. You learned that your mother likes to gaslight and engage in cute little manipulative mind games with you. So you decided to stop playing. Good for you, honey. You did good. You went to your mom's house and she's being normal because she knows you won't play her games anymore. Her gaslighting and mentally abusive tactics don't work on you anymore.
You should be celebrating this, not being angry about the past. You did good. Give yourself some credit for that.
I hope you're snow disappears quickly, when the weather gets warmer! Little better today, I gotta take Mom to the foot doctor this morning. Then rain or shine I'm taking a long fast walk, use my anger in a good way.
The anger you feel is justified. You were manipulated and used. And by your own mother - the person who should have cared for you. It's not a nice reality than many of us here have had to face. I think it is important to feel the anger and acknowledge the hurtful things to then be able to put them behind you. it's a process and takes a while. Sounds like you are getting through it. Well done!
I’m so sorry you’ve been treated badly .
Me swallowing when she tried to treat me like her 5 year old, walking into the bathroom and screaming in a towel. Telling me she needs cleaning done, but watching every step I made to make sure I clean the right way, God forbid if I used the wrong rag!! Bottom line treating me like crap so she can get her own way. To the point that I thought she had dementia, because the gaslighting was so #&@$& bad . Normal people don't act this way!! One day I said to her about thinking to long when I ask her a question, and it feels like her brain is slowing down. Guess what happened? Next time she is right on the ball, every question, with a snap of a finger. I figured out what was taking so long, was because she was trying to figure out the best manipulated answer to give me.
Now, I don't allow any of the crap from her, she is completely normal!!!
I'm angry, I've been HAD , by my own mother, she didn't care how crazy she was making me! She didn't care a bit, as long as she got what she wanted out of me. I know for my own mental health I can't carry this anger, and I won't, but right now I just need to feel it and vent a little, or a lot.
My whine!!!!! The last week has felt more like February. I keep smiling saying to myself, nice weather will come!! Starting to get to me now. Rainy, freezing rain during the night. My positive thinking is not so positive right now! 😡
Krzy18 - welcome to Aging Care. I am so sorry you are feeling overwhelmed, inadequate and resentful. I presume you are hands-on caregiving a senior relative. Caregivers must look after themselves. The caregiving job is a very difficult one and it is easy to put the needs of others before your own needs, so you end up burned out. You matter too!!! Please let us know a little more about your situation. It helps us to respond in a way that may be helpful. Meanwhile take some small breaks for yourself and consider whether or not you can continue in this role. There are alternatives. Not everyone is cut out to be a hands-on caregiver. I certainly am not. Others here are not too. here is no shame in that. If I am off the mark, I'm sorry -let us know more about your issues.
You don't know if Alder1525's uncle is being taken advantage of at all. Maybe he just likes to eat well and enjoys the company of his caregiver/neighbor. What's wrong with that? Even if a person has dementia they have a right to good food and companionship.
I used to get this kind of hassle from some client's adult children. They'd get upset because they didn't think mom and dad should be having expensive groceries. They didn't think their 'loved one' should be eating out in any restaurants better than a fast-food joint. This was because the grocery and restaurant bills that the client was paying for was cutting into their future inheritance.
I remember one care client in particular I worked for. He was an old Italian man from the old country too. His kids were concerned because he wasn't eating. He started eating when dishes like veal piccata and seafood fra diavolo started showing up in the house and he had someone to eat with and speak Italian with. I often brought him food from home that I cooked too. All of this had to be paid for and that upset his kids.
They thought he should just happily eat the garbage that Meals-on-Wheels sent and not spend any of his own money on himself. We gave that to the dog. He didn't drive so I'd take him to the Italian club he belonged to because he liked to play cards and they always had games going. We'd take him to the casino with my then FIL a couple times a month because he liked to play the slots. He paid me for gas because it was more than a hour's drive from his house. He always treated us to lunch or dinner at the casino and would give me a few bucks to play with. No was taking advantage of him. These trips were not on my work hours either.
He didn't spend excessive amounts of money, but he liked to live well and could afford it. So why shouldn't he have? He had all his ducks in a row much to the anger of his adult children. The lawyer who did his POA should have gotten a medal because he did it so that his kids couldn't just swoop in and take over. The guy enjoyed the last few years of his life. Should he have stayed lonely eating gross food so his kids could inherit more? He left them plenty.
About 10 years ago my friend’s mother had a “ trusted handyman “ whom she used for many years . Then the woman developed dementia. My friend was in the difficult position of not having POA, nor able to get her Mom to be diagnosed ( mom refused testing ) . My friend got a hold of her Mom’s check book . Her Mom had been writing VERY large checks to her “ handyman “ for , driving her to get her hair done and to the grocery store , as well as mowing and trimming bushes .
For example $300 per outing to go to the grocery store . $500 a week to mow .
Now recently you have come into the situation. However you are concerned as she buys some expensive items and keeps the change from shopping.
I think I need a little more information before responding much more. Did your uncle ask for your help? Are you his POA/health proxy or simply a concerned family member? Has your uncle been diagnosed with dementia? Has your uncle actually hired this neighbour to be his caregiver as in he pays her to do this?
We do see cases where seniors are taken advantage of by people who are "helping" them and family tries to intervene. I don't know if that is what is going on here. If your uncle is "of sound mind" he can make any arrangement he likes even if you think he is being taken advantage of. It can be hard for family to see this. If he has dementia and you are POA then you have an obligation to protect him and his resources. If he has dementia and you don't have POA it is much harder for you to have any influence..
You say you are chipping away at making some changes. A grocery card sounds like a very good idea. By no means should you be spending any of your own money. I'm not clear if your offer to buy his groceries for him means that you do it with your money or his - hopefully his.
Obviously your uncle enjoys having this lady do things for him and share meals with him. That's not small thing in a senior's life. I'd be very careful about trying to come between them as he is defending her. I am sure you want to be on his right side too.
More information helps us to respond more appropriately. This is a tricky situation. Good luck to you.
Are you personally paying for your uncle's groceries of your own pocket?
If you're not paying for the groceries and your uncle is fine with what's being spent and has no problem with it, then really it's none of your business and you don't need to worry about it.
I was a homecare worker for 25 years and now am in the business of it. I've known many family members like you who were "concerned" because their elderly loved one were spending too much on their groceries. Did it ever occur to you that your uncle likes good food? Maybe this neighbor/caregiver (now there's dynamic right there) prepares the meals and eats with your uncle for company and he enjoys the company?
Maybe you should stop "chipping away" at your uncle about how he's spending his money. No one is asking you to shop, pay for or prepare his food. Instead of "chipping away" at him why not go have a meal with him and his caregiver. I bet he'd love the company.
The weather it is a-changin.
I’m new here and have had lots of issues with this situation. Just decided I needed a place to vent for those times I’m ready to hit the roof. Thanks for “listening.”
Golden, I will share our weather with you. We are cooking and could use some of that white stuff.
My whine is I had back to back colds which have bloomed into sinusitis . Meanwhile this is all kicking up the asthma as well . And tree pollen is moderate . Staying inside . Based on how I feel I will have to give in and start allergy shots . Allergy meds haven’t been working the last 6 months . I’m allergic to the world basically .