I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
This is a ground shaking adjustment for you both.
(((hugs)))
I would give anything to see the kind of care Canada provides for the cost it provides it in our own country. Our citizens used to make the choice to keep our poor care saying "I want to be able to keep my own doctor". Result? NO DOCTOR and lucky to see a Nurse Practitioner in about a month.
I am so sorry for all you are going through in this but in all truth I am so relieved that this placement is going to happen, because there really isn't another answer.
My thoughts with you.
Major change like this takes energy. I think feeling numb can be protective.. to allow your mind, body & heart adjustment time.
It is a tough adjustment for both of you . It has to be much harder living apart from a spouse than placing a parent .
(((Hugs)))
Placing mother was easy and not expensive, and I am very grateful for that.
You both are entering a new phase in your lives, this time separate. I know it's hard but I believe it is for the best. Wishing you the best - keep us updated.
I just feel numb after almost all arrangements are made for husband to go to AL. It could happen almost immediately and as I drove to nearby facility I actually felt like crying.
He will be living 3-5 drive from me, what kind of life is that? Feels strange to think about it.
I knew most of procedure but cannot help to make comparisons between USA and Canada.
Now, no doubt USA has much better medical care than Canada.
But here in Canada our system of placing in facilities is very easy.
And inexpensive and my money ( even if I had millions) don’t count.
And husband’s payment is only half of his basic pension for facility, not considering any other assets.
I wanted him to go to good one, turns out he can, they are private and NHS covers the difference it could cost 5-6 grand he only pays $2500 per month.
I could get guaranteed income supplement to have $2200 a month if needed.
The system will become overwhelmed with all boomers and silent generation living longer, we all know statistics.
I think USA is more sustainable yet it will potentially with splitting assets impoverish so many women.
I am referring to females because we are still economically disadvantaged and over 70% are caregivers. Some seem to struggle to keep husbands at home.
I guess there is no perfect solution.
To add to my post below .
Don’t fall into the vat of stew that you did not create . Let Mom boil over without you. You can’t fix her.
I know it’s hard , but I now realize I should have , much sooner, stopped letting my Mom expect me to solve her problems .
Lower your expectations of others . Assume that Mom’s behavior will not improve . Sometimes we need to assume their usual worst from certain people and then go grey rock . Try not to react to them .
This will help with the frustrations .
I pretty much just assume certain people in general will disappoint and/or try to suck us into their dysfunction .
Also don’t always answer the phone . Let Mom leave a message . You don’t always have to respond to texts either or call back .
I remember years ago when I was upset about someone's behaviour who was very much acting as they usually did, and mother said to me, "What do you expect?" Despite her problems there were times when she was right on the mark.
I thought about it and realized I should expect that kind of behaviour from that person = acceptance of how they were. From then on it got easier. When that person did upsetting things. I accepted it better and was less bothered by it.
Also they settled down. Got a text from mom later saying she felt much better.
I don't/won't run over there the way I used to for this things that don't need me or can wait. It's the emotional turmoil I need to work on next. Although.... The spat I'd just had with the hubster put me at an emotional disadvantage!! So actually. I prevailed (as Mrs. Russell might say! Gilded Age lol I'm obsessed. Just finished Season 2)
I was over there earlier for my "shift" as usual and the air was full of anxiety over the arrival time of the dog, how many toys are out, where he's going to sleep etc etc. I went grocery shopping, got home, blew up at my husband over other issues. Just got a frantic call from my mother saying "I need you to come over here" bc she has diarrhea and the dog is there but she needs my father to give her some immodium thru her tube but dad needs to take the dog out so he can go and she's "not going to make it thru this..."
I said I don't understand why you need me there. The dog will sit there while dad gives you the pills right? Takes two minutes. The dog will hold it until he's done then Dad will take him out back. The dog is not a toddler he's not going to wander off and fall and bump his head. I'm sure my father's got her all worked up about the effing dog. She did calm down a bit once I reasoned her thru it.
Like what did she think was going to happen. It's gonna be a long night for them but I am NOT going back over there. She can call her psych nurse if she's having an anxiety attack. I absolutely HATE feeling this way about it and feel heartless but I'm not doing it.
Well this is the LAST dog sitting episode for them (they used to watch him quite often). I feel bad about not going over there but also I don't. It would have been ridiculous. By the time I get there (8 minutes) the pills will be given and the dog will have done his business.
I don't know why this is a whine, but I passed my driver's medical so I'm good for another 2 years. I guess it would have been if I hadn't. 😊
beatty - glad the trip perked your dh up and he feels better. Around 25C (78F) is lovely. I wouldn't like the storm season either.
eba -I love sitting on the balcony. I'm going to need a blanket around me soon. So thankful for not as many wildfires here as last years and little smoke. The east is really suffering with them.
Daisy - wondering how you are. Hope the smoke is not too bad.
Please send some warmer weather here.
Golden,
True, some mornings I sat on balcony wearing sweater.
But then we are not having many fires. Unfortunately too many all over Canada.
The Northeast feels like Florida this year , including the freaky rain storms and humidity .
As I mentioned in my other post, Alva and Golden are wise persons.
I like to whine about weather!
We are having cold summer!
Your wisdom rings true - no need to have distressing conversations.
Form done (out of sight). No need for future revisions.
Mother would NOT engage with this a year ago. Oh the tears... both M & D.. I said let's do that another day & quietly completed it to her known values out of sight.
Then it was updated when D was very ill. She wanted everything - Full resus, all tubes, all treatments.. so she could survive & look after him. Now he is a memory in our hearts 💙 & I have to complete that d@%n form again.
I have to decide.. to use the long & firmly held values & wishes my prior Mother had (do no harm, nothing futile, nothing painful, let nature take it's course) or the newer ideas of this new version of Mother, whatever they are on that day! 😑
Guess I will need to broach the subject.. tbc
Unfortunately, there are not many professionals anymore and shoddy work is the norm across all industries. Sad times for America and the future.
The attorney sent a botched up the letter to the nursing home. Instead of asking for my father's PRI, he asked them for my mother's. I pointed out to him that she's been dead for 14 months now. I asked that he correct this, and did not hear anything back. Not one damn word.
I already paid for his services, otherwise I would hire another attorney. Real shoddy work. It makes him and me look like idiots. I know a paralegal sent out the email and form letter but there should be some sort of oversight.
Just more stress and anxiety. I'm so tired of dealing with my father's crap. I wish he was gone already. It would be a relief. I don't need this.