I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
I think I am having that or just bad cold.
Just wait it out with Facebook. They go through this nonsense every so often when everyone gets suspended over nothing then they get normal again. Facebook is crap anyway these days. Join Bluesky. It's way better than Facebook.
Facebook? And you're there for Sourdough? I am there for Art, Cooking (Wyse Guide is my favorite), Books, Movies (recommends of which from Red Carpet I get at my library), gardening, crafts, sewing and fashion exploration, museums, libraries. I love it. Have only about 60-some friends, and know each one.
As to being suspended? Make it clear that if you ever are you will make a new profile. Then do so. Simple. New email, new profile and you are back. Because FB doesn't care. It just wants you there. You are another number for them. Feel free to use them. They fully understand being used. And my recommend, never use your real name or any other real information on it. Consider it the same way you would consider a playground if you were 6 years old. Don't take it too seriously.
Good luck getting back on.
Ugh on Facebook. So frustrating!! Thx for info on the hardwired alarms. They are all brand new, installed in March. Batteries have all been changed and the alarms were all dusted out recently too in case that was the problem. I'm starting to think it's something about the electrical work itself which I hope it's not and that getting new ones will solve it.
I've also read the new ones are extremely photosensitive and can be triggered even by changes in temperature which is why it's always in the middle of the night!!
The electrician is not great imo and then I'll have to back to the general contactor which I'm not great at. They are so unresponsive.
Hope the fb issue gets resolved soon and I'm glad you have a group unrelated to anything to do with caregiving!!!
There is no way to fix it unless you process an appeal, then appeal that appeal that is then reviewed by the same AI that generated the suspension. There is absolutely no customer service or way to find out exactly what the issue is, I would fix it. Now I have to wait on human review which could take weeks. There must be a better way.
My husband started dementia behaviors 8 years ago when he was 62. It took me 5 years to attribute it to dementia which his mom had at 75. Then I started the dementia preparation, doctors, moved from Florida back north to be near our children, etc. etc. etc. At first, I thought this will develop slowly as his mom lived to 91. No it did not.
He is about to turn 71 and he isn't really here anymore. He is still the careful, kind man I married 36 years ago, but has no cognitive abilities left. We have 6 children (middle aged now) and only 2 of them are involved with us anymore. I thinik the others can't take it.
I do not need to go through the litany of behaviors because I'm guessing you all know them. But, last November he began nightly dangerous activities (no, he doesn't sleep much, maybe 2-3 hours). I woke up to the smell of gas. He had turned on the gas stove but the burner had not lit. I have no idea how long it was on but it had filled the house. There were other things he did and does as well but nothing that dangerous IMO. Like when he closed the drain to the sink, had the water on full blast and the master bath and bedroom flooded (we had gone out for about 3 hours). That was a good time.
I began then to work on getting him 24-hr care. And I am still working on it. Closer but still months away. Part of that is I recall the vows and the love for who he was. But more, it is extremely expensive and there are many I wouldn't let my dog stay in. Apologies to the dog lovers...
We have a system in place now that is a wee bit better but the nights are still a crap shoot. He has extreme OCD where he puts things places. I finally said to myself, so what? Whatever the items are, I just say to myself, I don't have one of those. While I take the paper plate filled with food out of the dish cabinet...
For the others: He wears diapers 24-7 but has never gone in them. I buy those wet rags for adults to wipe him after he does #2 cause he actually wipes his hip. Highly recommend. He showers every 2 days with my constant help but it is getting too much as I think the water scares him. He struggles a lot with sitting on the toilet (he is 6'5"). I am working on getting a lifter for the toilets to help with that. His taste buds are completely different so I cook homemade meals that I know he likes (spaghetti, chili, burgers, etc.) but all the rest are hungryman or mega meals.
Weirdly, the thing I dread the most is shaving him. I envision it cutting him everytime and blood going everywhere. So....I hired a caregiver for 4 hours a week and her primary duty is to shave him. And I leave so I don't get traumatized if he does get a cut from it!
So...find what you can live with and do not lose your joy no matter what. I refuse to give up 36 years of a wonderful marraige to this horrific disease, you shouldn't either.
(((((Hugs))))))
Smoke detectors in their apt keep going off. They are all brand new. Hardwired. Nice. Let's give the 80 year olds a heart attack at 2 am. Oh landlord responsibly. Who's the landlord. Me. The electrician has been useless, and I have a fitness inspection coming soon. Supposedly he's ordered all new alarms to exchange them out.
The latest this morning was dad was convinced the faux hardwood floor imitation grain were watermarks from leaks. Apt renovation ptsd. (the pipes burst 2 years ago). But honestly he looks for problems.
Mom's OTC Tylenol she ordered didn't arrive from Amazon and she only has 8 left. Let's have a breakdown about that even tho I can get them from any pharmacy. And sure dad let's mention it several times a day to get her all wound up. Super helpful, thanks.
Dad's obsession now is with parking in the driveway. Who is going to park where. (the tenant upstairs has, started bringing his work truck home so it's a change and has dad's brain on fire). It's all making me insane.
No solutions or "it's your choice" I know all that just venting. It's "my whine moment"
Llama - I'm sorry that you get it too. Nasty!!!
I've had a hard time identifying the causes beyond the usual gluten and dairy but I think finally I am getting somewhere with that.
Processed meats e.g from the deli, sausages, premade burgers can cause a problem. I'm not sure if there are any of these I can eat. It's a slow painful process identifying them.
Then yesterday I think tomato sauce was causing me an issue. I can eat tomatoes, no problem.
There are processed foods I can eat - bacon for example, thank goodness.
I hardly dare think ahead if I have to be in a facility as they generally don't cater to people with allergies.
and sorry Beatty HHF, Alva. Meant of course thank you not tank you.
Alva,
I think your medical system is still not as broken as ours. But care seems to be better here, basic idea is not to punish (exact words used)other spouse when separation is nobody’s fault and not a choice.
They really care about caregivers and recognize it, respite, therapy.
And if hubby ends up in hospital and unable to come back placement is immediate. I am not even involved in that.
I just read yesterday on this forum how one poster cannot deal with husband with dementia, no respite, she is afraid she will live in poverty if she place him.
One person cannot do what well rested staff can do, working 8 hours and getting 16 hours between shifts, two days off or however their schedule works.
This is a ground shaking adjustment for you both.
(((hugs)))
I would give anything to see the kind of care Canada provides for the cost it provides it in our own country. Our citizens used to make the choice to keep our poor care saying "I want to be able to keep my own doctor". Result? NO DOCTOR and lucky to see a Nurse Practitioner in about a month.
I am so sorry for all you are going through in this but in all truth I am so relieved that this placement is going to happen, because there really isn't another answer.
My thoughts with you.
Major change like this takes energy. I think feeling numb can be protective.. to allow your mind, body & heart adjustment time.
It is a tough adjustment for both of you . It has to be much harder living apart from a spouse than placing a parent .
(((Hugs)))
Placing mother was easy and not expensive, and I am very grateful for that.
You both are entering a new phase in your lives, this time separate. I know it's hard but I believe it is for the best. Wishing you the best - keep us updated.
I just feel numb after almost all arrangements are made for husband to go to AL. It could happen almost immediately and as I drove to nearby facility I actually felt like crying.
He will be living 3-5 drive from me, what kind of life is that? Feels strange to think about it.
I knew most of procedure but cannot help to make comparisons between USA and Canada.
Now, no doubt USA has much better medical care than Canada.
But here in Canada our system of placing in facilities is very easy.
And inexpensive and my money ( even if I had millions) don’t count.
And husband’s payment is only half of his basic pension for facility, not considering any other assets.
I wanted him to go to good one, turns out he can, they are private and NHS covers the difference it could cost 5-6 grand he only pays $2500 per month.
I could get guaranteed income supplement to have $2200 a month if needed.
The system will become overwhelmed with all boomers and silent generation living longer, we all know statistics.
I think USA is more sustainable yet it will potentially with splitting assets impoverish so many women.
I am referring to females because we are still economically disadvantaged and over 70% are caregivers. Some seem to struggle to keep husbands at home.
I guess there is no perfect solution.