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I'm new here. My whine today is: My mom's complaining about every possible medical ailment in the medical book that she has hidden near the recliner. She has PD. She told me that she needs to retake her thyroid blood test b/c the test she took on March 6th, 2016 is too old - It's still March! Her blisters on her leg popped fluid across the room earlier today. Her tooth broke and told me to make her an appointment at the dentist. Her hand hurts where she had a suspicious spot removed last Friday at the dermatologist. She thinks she needs plastic surgery on her face b/c she has picked her skin. She needs her hair dyed sometime soon. These are the complaints as of this morning. I will take her to the dentist on Thursday of this week, and after that I will pick up my new dental night guard because I grind my teeth from stress. This will be my 4th or 5th night guard in about 3 years from the dentist. Help.
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I hear you, riseup. It sounds like a day in my life. If you're like me, I'm exhausted by the time the morning is finished. All those symptoms and needs will wear you out.
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Gershun, I know that sense of remorse. Interesting that I alluded to a time when I was going through a panic attack when my brother dropped in this evening, like you, I wish I had never brought it up; it brought back the embarrassment and sense of shame, which was compounded by my brother's recollection of his friend who called him. At times like this I think the only way to move beyond it is remembering what someone once told me, "If that's the only mistake you make in life, you're laughing." You were writing from the heart; it was an emotional release, and in the light of day when the feelings dissipate there is always some sheepishness. Your brother's reaction did not help; just dug the knife in a little deeper. Sometimes we need to protect ourselves from being hurt and distance ourselves from those who hurt us, even if it's family.

This evening has been quite a tumultuous one. I came home after work, made dinner for mom and explained verbally and in writing that I was going to the library for a business meeting. I invited her to come to the library but she declined. Unfortunately I forgot to transfer my cell phone from my backpack to my purse and we went over the time I anticipated that it would take by about 45 minutes. When I got home, mom was in a state, saying someone told her something happened to my brother and sister and niece and they were dead. Of course I called my brother right away and he answered and explained mom had called her in a panic thinking something really bad has happened and, I think, I was dead. He told me he and my sister were on the way over. Eventually mom calmed down and we talked about her need to have someone come to at least visit her when I'm out, but she was saying she was fine, why were they here, didn't remember her calling my brother. She was always bad but not this bad, it was like a psychotic break. I will be contacting support services for seniors tomorrow and getting respite relief whether she likes it or not.
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riseup, great post and welcome to the site.
I'm worn out, too! I have both parents, dad
has PD and is on a feeding tube, mom with full blown
AD. I'm exhausted.
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Globe you are right. My problems are pretty trivial compared to some. I'm sorry to hear about your evening. I remember the days when I would go rushing over to my Mom's freaking out cause she wasn't answering her phone. Mind you as much as I recall hating those days I still would trade the grief I feel now for that. :(
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Gershun, I am finding that I still have very bad moments and bad days since my Mom died. It sounds to me though that your siblings are tryng to bury their own feelings or guilt. Please take care of yourself.

I was so busy in the month and a half afterward and then the depression hit hard. It also doesn't help that I hate my new glasses. My husband is often impatient with my depression, and I hate to have him or anyone else see me this way. Maybe I still need a little more alone time to sort it all out. I am still wondering what the heck happened to my normally smart, logical, in control Mom and my own life the last 2 years
I wonder about PTSD after experiencing the normally logical parent lose the ability to be an adult...How many times do we feel "this can't be happening !" or "she didn't just say that, did she?" And then there are the worrisome physical changes.

I don't know what I would have done without all the great caregivers here on this site while my Mom was in decline and then in my home bedridden 24/7. It helped me to have contact with others who know exactly what it means to be going through this. I also made myself take things just one day at a time. You are all incredibly beautiful people for all you do and have gone through, and I wish for strength and all the best for all caregivers!
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Katie/Gershun - Please don't feel guilty about missing your loved ones or grieving or feeling depressed. No one grieves the same way - some people "wear the black" for a lost spouse for decades, some get remarried the same year. I rarely think about my father, but I miss my mother and look at her picture every day. As a cancer survivor twice myself, I just have to be glad for the ones I still have here and celebrate the lives of those who aren't here any more. I put every caregiver here in the category of those I'm grateful for. Please take care of you.
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Welcome to the site, riseup! :-)
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It's hard to remember sometimes that there are others in far worse shape than we are, ourselves.

I had a big kick in the pants on Sunday about that. I was mentally grumping and grousing about being the only one that bothers to make the holidays special for Mom, taking her out for a ride, making her a special meal, getting her an Easter basket, etc. Fussing mentally about the bills and finances that were especially rough this week (pay the NH for Mom's private room or pay off the vehicle before it gets repossessed?? Hmm...what a choice.) So, while I was outwardly happy and calm with Mom, to make the day special for her - but inwardly a maelstrom of emotions and decisions whirling around, with no answers or relief in sight.

We stopped to get gas in the van for our ride, and saw one of our local residents going through the trash for pop cans to return for the $0.10 deposit that's on them. He looked like he was on his last legs, was elderly, dirty, dressed in shabby clothes - and all I could think was, "I'm such a moron." I didn't know his backstory - maybe he was a drunk, maybe mentally ill, maybe homeless - I don't know. All I knew is I suddenly felt very stupid and selfish.

I have a home to live in.
I have a vehicle to drive.
I have food in the fridge and freezer to eat.
I have clean clothing to wear and the ability to wash it when it gets dirty.
I can take a hot shower every morning.

Maybe things aren't perfect. Maybe some days, I feel like they're very, very far from perfect. But I am not rummaging through trash cans to pull $0.10 worth of aluminum out of what others have thrown away.
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Yes, we don't have to look far beyond our own neighbourhoods to find someone worse off than we are.
Last month when I was still feeling awful from fighting bronchitis I bumped into an old friend from high school days. She casually mentioned that she had been following a healthier diet since her diagnosis and shared a recipe for a smoothie that she thought would be helpful to me. Since I hadn't seen her for years I asked about her illness, was it new? and she told me all about the tests and biopsies that had been needed last summer to discover fibrosis of the lungs. OMG, and I was complaining about bronchitis.
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It can be such a wake up call, can't it, cwillie? There's always someone worse off than we are, no matter how bad it seems at the time.
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Yes Katie my husband is getting fed up with my grief and depression too. While part of me gets mad at him and thinks he should be more understanding I also have to try and put myself in his shoes. He wants the old cheerful me back.

I relate to all the comments about how good we have it compared to others. When I saw my mother struggle with the simplest things, like putting her own shoes on or just getting out of bed on her own. We take so much for granted in our life. I was all bummed out this week cause my coffee maker was on the fritz. Geeze.........big deal. What really makes me sad is when I see seniors digging around in the trash bins. Or the time I saw the security at the department store escorting this little old lady out of the store for shop lifting a candy bar. While I don't agree with stealing, who knows what her situation at home was.

I am going to try to live in the spirit of gratefulness for what I do have.
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Gershun, I didn't mean your problems are trivial; sorry it came across that way. What I meant was that we often feel such a sense of shame for what we consider weaknesses, when in fact they are not really that bad at all.
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Wow Tacy.. have fun with that! Good luck!
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Welcome, Riseup, yes, it can be trying listening to it non-stop. With my mom, it's her negativity. She is angry, blames God and everything/one else for her life turning out the way it did, laments about how lonely, bored and depressed she is but won't let anyone visit her or partake in any activities. After a while you just feel like giving up.
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Mina, that is Amazing, that your lovely neighbors thought and planned ahead! I know you will miss them, but heck ya , go and visit them!
Susan, Fun Size! Lol, that's so funny and true, looking at the same here in my mirror, and I Used to be 5'8, now I'm only 5'5, according to my Dr, and I'm only 56, could this be true? I did have a 2 level neck surgery, but 3 inches? Now I'm short and fat! Crummy knees too, Gheez!
Luckylu, I hope everything went well today!
Jessie, I'm happy to hear that you are staying fit!
Worldsaddened, I am sorry your Mom broke her wrist, but I doubt that 2 airplane size bottles of wine was the culprit, unless she's stock piling them, but even if it were, hopefully it didn't hurt so much! I don't think we can take every fun thing away from our Loved ones, crimminy, what fun would that be? It's not your fault, she drinks them! It seems most of us are taking care of crabby old folks, who blame everything on everybody else, I know I am! Welcome to you if you are new, as I haven't seen you post much, yet! This is a great place to vent, but also to learn a heck of a lot!
Gershun, I love donuts too! Maple bars are my favorite! Through the lips and onto the hips! I need to stop that!
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GAAA..
i hyperextended an ankle today and im having no luck convincing myself that it doesnt hurt like hell .
on a bright note my youngest son is making with a grandkid in just a few months . ive raised two boys , i hope he has a little girl . i think ill call her awesomeface metalsplosion ..
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Remember r.i.c.e. Cap; rest, ice, compression and elevation. Don't be a hero, take a couple of days off!
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Gershun, I understand you about the email thing to your siblings, but why ever wouldn't they understand and respect you, especially if you are having rough time of it with your grieving process? That is just so wrong! I'm so sorry you are not getting the respect you deserve! People can be so cruel!
Tacy, I'm with you on the tattoo front, although 3 of our 4 kids went behind our backs and got tattoos at age 18, and hid them, as long as they could, Lol! Serves them right if they regret them now! Luckily, no Hep B, how frightening! They are all now in their 30's. Number 1 son, has not yet gotten a totoo, to my knowledge, but he's a leery type who holds back and watches others make mistakes, IMO. And my daughter got her tongue pierced, how dumb was that!? Long gone, but still, gheez! I definitely lucked out in the kid department, mine are all 30-35, straight up hard working, go-getters, who are all doing well for themselves, Thank God! Those days of worrying about teenagers is well past and we don't have to worry about them!
Tacy and Susan, you both are Real Hard workers, good for you!
Susan, I wish your siblings would step up and help you more with your Mom! Why does it always fall to one? Or at least the majority of all the work? A phone call just isn't enough to make much of a difference now does it, especially when they can see how hard it is!
Good job, I'm proud of you both!
Hi Send, did you ever find your list? I hope all is well with you Sweetie! It's been gorgeous these past few days here in the PNW! So I'm getting my Vit D, just sitting outside! Yay!
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Rats. My mother says she has another UTI. We just went through it last week. Storms are moving in tonight and tomorrow. There is a warning of flash floods. I certainly don't want to deal with this again.

Tonight she didn't want to bathe. I have to keep on her now to get two baths a week. I try to tell her that the UTIs come from germs, but she thinks it was caused by an allergy to something in the yard. (Where's my helmet?) There's no talking sense about things, since she knows more than anyone on earth knows.

What do you do when someone keeps having UTIs? She is already on a schedule of 3 Bactrim a week to try to prevent them. And really I don't think she may have one. She likes to go to doctors a lot, so I never know when it's real and when it isn't.
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Sheradale, not to leave you out Love, how's your knees doing? I know when I get Cortisone injections in my knees, it takes several days to take effect, and usually does help for about 6 weeks, before it starts to diminish. I'm trying a plan of attack, for my daughters wedding, and will get my Cortisone shots 1 week before, and I'm considering those hyaluronic gel shotsvtoo. Did you know that they make that out of chicken combs? Weird huh?!! Insurance doesn't always pay for those too, so check your insurance! There have been several studies that show that they aren't everything they thought they would be, so its 50%50, on whether they will cover those anymore. Waa! I'll try anything, if it means less pain! I've never had a problem with Cortisone injections though! I like to get both knees done at the same time, that way you get a all over anti-inflammatory response, but we all know that steroids aren't good for you too much! I get knee shots, a couple of times a year, that's it. Before Christmas, and before summer time, when I have to be more active.
I hope everyone is doing well! We been having a rough patch with my FIL of late, and hope to get him some in home help soon! We have a Dr's appointment on the 5th to discuss treatment for him. Fingers crossed that this is a gateway for transitioning him into a respite stay and then into an AL situation! Hopefully!
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Tacy, isn't your ex boyfriend's Mom still alive? Why ever isn't she responsible for the debt? This sure puts you in an uncomfortable position. I am glad you have distanced yourself from that family, but its nice you two can still get on alright!
Jessie, when I worked in Family Medicine, there were always those little ole ladies who just Loved going to the Dr's for No reason. At the time, it was sort of cute, but now I'm like you, having to practically carry the Old Man into the Dr's office, as he is so weak from sitting around all day every day! I begged him to talk with the Dr about PT 3 months ago, and I even called the Dr, right after my husband and he left for that appointment, but they glossed over it, saying they would revisit it in 3 months, so here we are now, 3 months later, and his condition has of course worsened, and he has fallen 3 or 4 times! Grrr, men, can't live with them, cant shoot um!
Katie, Me thinks it's time for you and your Hunny to take a trip somewhere Sunny to reconnect and have a little Fun! You too Gershun! I know it's been rough losing your Mom's, but I promise it will get better! It did for me, but definitely it's a time thing, and everyone is on a different timeline. I wish it was easier!
Captain, congratulations on your upcoming Grand baby! Grandies are the gest! They get to go home at the end of every visit, and you get to spoil them rotten! Ay first, the new parents are all protective, and won't allow chocolate or Mcnuggets, then on the second one, all of that gets chucked out the window, and then the Fun really begins! I Love to Spoil them Rotten! My Grandies are so Yummy, and the Love of my Life!
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Cap, rest that ankle. It won't get better otherwise.
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Oh and congrats on the grandbaby!!
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Mom just fell in the kitchen on the hard tile floor. Hopefully nothing is broken, hope I can wait until morning to have her checked.
I am exhausted. This feels like a marathon with no end in sight.
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((((yogagirl)))) I hope she is okay. Did she hit her head? or does it look like any bones are out of line? If she didn't hit her head and seems okay, I would just keep an eye on her. If she hit her head, I don't know...
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omg thats awful, what happened! I hope all is well. the say with kids to keep her awake 6 hours if she hit her head. Poor You Poor Her :0(
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Jessie, Revers, Thank you so much for your care and concern.
Thankfully she did not hit her head.
Her leg is sore when she moves. I plan to take her to her orthopedic surgeon's office in the morning.
He knows us by now due to her osteoporosis and history of fractures.
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Gershun, Sorry you are feeling sadness and grief.
I'm still so wrapped up in the daily struggle, but I can only imagine the void you must feel. You always share great advice and encouragement. Sending you extra hugs!!
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Update on my lovely 86 and 87 YO neighbors who voluntarily went into ALF...
Ran into my wonderful, across the street neighbor, R....we were getting our mail, met up halfway ....

R tells me J and P are having some "adjustment" problems.....they spent 40 years working, raising kids, living in a big 2 story house, w/big yard and garden out back....now....they are in a 1BR apt in an IL complex.....these are still, despite their ages, smart, very active, elderly people.....STILL SHARP AS CAN BE MENTALLY.....but facing physical problems.....

So.....not surprising to me, they are having BIG space problems.....in the house, J and P could work this out, peacefully....in all that big space....both indoors and out.....they could each have their own spaces....in or out....NOW....suddenly, they are in this much, much smaller space....together....24/7....

It's getting on their nerves.....

Good News: P has totally recovered from the broken hip....wants her car back....wants to bowl and golf and continue her painting lessons....

Bad News: P doesn't really want to spend more time than necessary w/ "the Big Grump"....AKA...J...

Jeez....
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