I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
This evening has been quite a tumultuous one. I came home after work, made dinner for mom and explained verbally and in writing that I was going to the library for a business meeting. I invited her to come to the library but she declined. Unfortunately I forgot to transfer my cell phone from my backpack to my purse and we went over the time I anticipated that it would take by about 45 minutes. When I got home, mom was in a state, saying someone told her something happened to my brother and sister and niece and they were dead. Of course I called my brother right away and he answered and explained mom had called her in a panic thinking something really bad has happened and, I think, I was dead. He told me he and my sister were on the way over. Eventually mom calmed down and we talked about her need to have someone come to at least visit her when I'm out, but she was saying she was fine, why were they here, didn't remember her calling my brother. She was always bad but not this bad, it was like a psychotic break. I will be contacting support services for seniors tomorrow and getting respite relief whether she likes it or not.
I'm worn out, too! I have both parents, dad
has PD and is on a feeding tube, mom with full blown
AD. I'm exhausted.
I was so busy in the month and a half afterward and then the depression hit hard. It also doesn't help that I hate my new glasses. My husband is often impatient with my depression, and I hate to have him or anyone else see me this way. Maybe I still need a little more alone time to sort it all out. I am still wondering what the heck happened to my normally smart, logical, in control Mom and my own life the last 2 years
I wonder about PTSD after experiencing the normally logical parent lose the ability to be an adult...How many times do we feel "this can't be happening !" or "she didn't just say that, did she?" And then there are the worrisome physical changes.
I don't know what I would have done without all the great caregivers here on this site while my Mom was in decline and then in my home bedridden 24/7. It helped me to have contact with others who know exactly what it means to be going through this. I also made myself take things just one day at a time. You are all incredibly beautiful people for all you do and have gone through, and I wish for strength and all the best for all caregivers!
I had a big kick in the pants on Sunday about that. I was mentally grumping and grousing about being the only one that bothers to make the holidays special for Mom, taking her out for a ride, making her a special meal, getting her an Easter basket, etc. Fussing mentally about the bills and finances that were especially rough this week (pay the NH for Mom's private room or pay off the vehicle before it gets repossessed?? Hmm...what a choice.) So, while I was outwardly happy and calm with Mom, to make the day special for her - but inwardly a maelstrom of emotions and decisions whirling around, with no answers or relief in sight.
We stopped to get gas in the van for our ride, and saw one of our local residents going through the trash for pop cans to return for the $0.10 deposit that's on them. He looked like he was on his last legs, was elderly, dirty, dressed in shabby clothes - and all I could think was, "I'm such a moron." I didn't know his backstory - maybe he was a drunk, maybe mentally ill, maybe homeless - I don't know. All I knew is I suddenly felt very stupid and selfish.
I have a home to live in.
I have a vehicle to drive.
I have food in the fridge and freezer to eat.
I have clean clothing to wear and the ability to wash it when it gets dirty.
I can take a hot shower every morning.
Maybe things aren't perfect. Maybe some days, I feel like they're very, very far from perfect. But I am not rummaging through trash cans to pull $0.10 worth of aluminum out of what others have thrown away.
Last month when I was still feeling awful from fighting bronchitis I bumped into an old friend from high school days. She casually mentioned that she had been following a healthier diet since her diagnosis and shared a recipe for a smoothie that she thought would be helpful to me. Since I hadn't seen her for years I asked about her illness, was it new? and she told me all about the tests and biopsies that had been needed last summer to discover fibrosis of the lungs. OMG, and I was complaining about bronchitis.
I relate to all the comments about how good we have it compared to others. When I saw my mother struggle with the simplest things, like putting her own shoes on or just getting out of bed on her own. We take so much for granted in our life. I was all bummed out this week cause my coffee maker was on the fritz. Geeze.........big deal. What really makes me sad is when I see seniors digging around in the trash bins. Or the time I saw the security at the department store escorting this little old lady out of the store for shop lifting a candy bar. While I don't agree with stealing, who knows what her situation at home was.
I am going to try to live in the spirit of gratefulness for what I do have.
Susan, Fun Size! Lol, that's so funny and true, looking at the same here in my mirror, and I Used to be 5'8, now I'm only 5'5, according to my Dr, and I'm only 56, could this be true? I did have a 2 level neck surgery, but 3 inches? Now I'm short and fat! Crummy knees too, Gheez!
Luckylu, I hope everything went well today!
Jessie, I'm happy to hear that you are staying fit!
Worldsaddened, I am sorry your Mom broke her wrist, but I doubt that 2 airplane size bottles of wine was the culprit, unless she's stock piling them, but even if it were, hopefully it didn't hurt so much! I don't think we can take every fun thing away from our Loved ones, crimminy, what fun would that be? It's not your fault, she drinks them! It seems most of us are taking care of crabby old folks, who blame everything on everybody else, I know I am! Welcome to you if you are new, as I haven't seen you post much, yet! This is a great place to vent, but also to learn a heck of a lot!
Gershun, I love donuts too! Maple bars are my favorite! Through the lips and onto the hips! I need to stop that!
i hyperextended an ankle today and im having no luck convincing myself that it doesnt hurt like hell .
on a bright note my youngest son is making with a grandkid in just a few months . ive raised two boys , i hope he has a little girl . i think ill call her awesomeface metalsplosion ..
Tacy, I'm with you on the tattoo front, although 3 of our 4 kids went behind our backs and got tattoos at age 18, and hid them, as long as they could, Lol! Serves them right if they regret them now! Luckily, no Hep B, how frightening! They are all now in their 30's. Number 1 son, has not yet gotten a totoo, to my knowledge, but he's a leery type who holds back and watches others make mistakes, IMO. And my daughter got her tongue pierced, how dumb was that!? Long gone, but still, gheez! I definitely lucked out in the kid department, mine are all 30-35, straight up hard working, go-getters, who are all doing well for themselves, Thank God! Those days of worrying about teenagers is well past and we don't have to worry about them!
Tacy and Susan, you both are Real Hard workers, good for you!
Susan, I wish your siblings would step up and help you more with your Mom! Why does it always fall to one? Or at least the majority of all the work? A phone call just isn't enough to make much of a difference now does it, especially when they can see how hard it is!
Good job, I'm proud of you both!
Hi Send, did you ever find your list? I hope all is well with you Sweetie! It's been gorgeous these past few days here in the PNW! So I'm getting my Vit D, just sitting outside! Yay!
Tonight she didn't want to bathe. I have to keep on her now to get two baths a week. I try to tell her that the UTIs come from germs, but she thinks it was caused by an allergy to something in the yard. (Where's my helmet?) There's no talking sense about things, since she knows more than anyone on earth knows.
What do you do when someone keeps having UTIs? She is already on a schedule of 3 Bactrim a week to try to prevent them. And really I don't think she may have one. She likes to go to doctors a lot, so I never know when it's real and when it isn't.
I hope everyone is doing well! We been having a rough patch with my FIL of late, and hope to get him some in home help soon! We have a Dr's appointment on the 5th to discuss treatment for him. Fingers crossed that this is a gateway for transitioning him into a respite stay and then into an AL situation! Hopefully!
Jessie, when I worked in Family Medicine, there were always those little ole ladies who just Loved going to the Dr's for No reason. At the time, it was sort of cute, but now I'm like you, having to practically carry the Old Man into the Dr's office, as he is so weak from sitting around all day every day! I begged him to talk with the Dr about PT 3 months ago, and I even called the Dr, right after my husband and he left for that appointment, but they glossed over it, saying they would revisit it in 3 months, so here we are now, 3 months later, and his condition has of course worsened, and he has fallen 3 or 4 times! Grrr, men, can't live with them, cant shoot um!
Katie, Me thinks it's time for you and your Hunny to take a trip somewhere Sunny to reconnect and have a little Fun! You too Gershun! I know it's been rough losing your Mom's, but I promise it will get better! It did for me, but definitely it's a time thing, and everyone is on a different timeline. I wish it was easier!
Captain, congratulations on your upcoming Grand baby! Grandies are the gest! They get to go home at the end of every visit, and you get to spoil them rotten! Ay first, the new parents are all protective, and won't allow chocolate or Mcnuggets, then on the second one, all of that gets chucked out the window, and then the Fun really begins! I Love to Spoil them Rotten! My Grandies are so Yummy, and the Love of my Life!
I am exhausted. This feels like a marathon with no end in sight.
Thankfully she did not hit her head.
Her leg is sore when she moves. I plan to take her to her orthopedic surgeon's office in the morning.
He knows us by now due to her osteoporosis and history of fractures.
I'm still so wrapped up in the daily struggle, but I can only imagine the void you must feel. You always share great advice and encouragement. Sending you extra hugs!!
Ran into my wonderful, across the street neighbor, R....we were getting our mail, met up halfway ....
R tells me J and P are having some "adjustment" problems.....they spent 40 years working, raising kids, living in a big 2 story house, w/big yard and garden out back....now....they are in a 1BR apt in an IL complex.....these are still, despite their ages, smart, very active, elderly people.....STILL SHARP AS CAN BE MENTALLY.....but facing physical problems.....
So.....not surprising to me, they are having BIG space problems.....in the house, J and P could work this out, peacefully....in all that big space....both indoors and out.....they could each have their own spaces....in or out....NOW....suddenly, they are in this much, much smaller space....together....24/7....
It's getting on their nerves.....
Good News: P has totally recovered from the broken hip....wants her car back....wants to bowl and golf and continue her painting lessons....
Bad News: P doesn't really want to spend more time than necessary w/ "the Big Grump"....AKA...J...
Jeez....