I am beside myself.
I was taking mom for an afternoon medical appointment - yes even on a Sunday, and went out to get the car open for her. I turn around and she's on the garage floor. I cried, I got upset, I helped her up to a sitting position, but of course I've thrown my back out and can't get her up. She refused 911 so I called my husband across town to help me get her.
He and I did get her up, put her in her rolling walker and got her back inside. Aside from a nasty cut on her hand she was mad/upset but otherwise unhurt. Of course, this is a patient on blood thinners so you know that falls are just terrific for someone like that. Her mobility with neuropathy is declining and she feels that the doctors are not doing enough to "reverse it and make me well again."
A couple of years ago she "crashed" and was in the hospital for days, and was discharged with "a family member to stay with patient until she is stronger." That family member was me. I told her gently but firmly if it happened again I could not do that level of care she needed - think cursing at me when emptying her commode and cursing at me trying to find her clothes, and accusing me of throwing things away when all I did was clean and straighten. Two months of that hell for me, before they threw her into a rehab because she would not improve or get well. She has no dementia or memory issues. She's been verbally and emotionally abusive all my life.
So I drew a boundary once I knew she was stable and ok that I went back home to my house with my husband and dog. Now she wants my brother to come out to "give (me) a break." My brother lives in a covid hotspot across the country and although he's taking every precaution, a 5 hour plane ride might change that quickly for him.
I will NOT take care of her physically. I've told her to get her depression and rage under control before I even approach that again - and I won't, even at that.
My nerves are shot. I'm a wreck. I've done this for too long. If she hadn't been so abusive all my life I bet I'd do more. But I can't. I do love my mom, but I just can't give my soul away again. I can't be cussed at while emptying her toilet again. All I did was help.
Thanks for listening.