Why does my mother come up with so many excuses for not walking moving around her apt?

As many of us (not old/er, we have excuses). It takes effort and recovery exercises can feel like they 'hurt,' even if they are doing us good, and are needed for recovery.

Aspects of resistance could include:

* Dementia
* Depression
* Feeling overwhelm
* Lack of will
* Anxiety

Best to talk with her about how she feels instead / not 'push' her.
She won't respond well to any pushing or most likely telling her the why she needs to do xxx for recovery and if she doesn't xxx will happen (i.e., go back to the way it was, worse, lose muscle mass). "This 'logic talk' doesn't help in my experience (although not a parent; it was a client).

I'd bet that this was your mom's MO for some or most of her life 'blaming others.' People do that when they aren't (able) / ready to take responsibility for their feelings and/or behavior. Ultimately, she will do what she wants and suffer the consequences of her actions or inactions.

I wonder if she'd benefit form someone doing them with her?
Not that that is easy to do / accomplish.

If there is a 'carrot on the stick' that will get her going, use it.
Along with this, I would try to relax / express calmness towards her.
She'll pick up on your stress and frustration which won't help either of you.

Take her hand, smile, look in her eyes. Just be with her.
Perhaps with this quality connection with you, she'll be more motivated to do what is in her best interest. She is likely suffering (tired, depressed, etc) If you can focus on this - a bit - perhaps she will respond. Although be careful to not over-do it... she may 'just' want the attention and be baiting you for that. I don't know. It is often a fine dance and we just have to try different approaches until something might click / work ... and then know when to rest / stop / accept what is. It isn't easy. We do what we can and then step back.

Gena / Touch Matters

I have had so much PT in the last 35 years in order to stay mobile with Multiple Sclerosis. I have always enjoyed P.T. but after discharges I did not exercise in the same way. I personally love yoga and swimming equally for pleasure and exercise on my own. But, that is not your mother's case. I was highly motivated to remain independent and raise my young family.

Try to discover something she values that you can link to exercise as a reward or benefit. Is there a higher level of independence she would like to achieve? Help with sleep? Help manage pain? Improve appetite? Socialize?

Perhaps there is a walking club at her AL. Or, could you walk and talk when you visit? You can claim you need to stroll a bit because you've been sitting all day.

The therapist in me (retired) thinks perhaps a clue as to what is going on with mom lies in her focus on dad not exercising. She could be deflecting. Are your parents generally inseparable? She may be wrestling with grief over your dad's health status and her own. That may be another angle to consider. You might engage her in some way that you frame as beneficial her and your dad.

Best wishes. I think you will get some good advice here.

lavigata: I cannot hazard a guess as to why your mother isn't participating in PT/OT.

My own mother, who was 94 years young, did participate in Physical Therapy on 5 consecutive occasions. It was not very strenuous at all since it was tailored to her age and she benefited from it.

Accept that she doesn't want to do the exercises. Maybe she felt sore or tired afterwards. Maybe she didn't enjoy the exercise or the therapist. See if she wants to regain mobility and strength. Remind her that not exercising, leads to permanent physical problems. I would recommend doing her exercises with her or see if there is group activities that mimic the exercises she was doing. Sometimes doing things as a group works better.

My mom's anxiety won't let her sit, and she over does it all the time , drives me nutty.

So I goes no matter what we can't win.

Can't control them , all we can do is try to make there space as safe as we can , maybe some encouragement, but I gave up wishing mom would just sit, specially after a swelling ankle, so back, ext......

I tried to lead by example, if me back is sore I'm going to sit for a bit and rest, then I got grief for being lazy. Probably a no win situation with your mom too

As an elderly person (83) I will try to tell you why I don't do the PT exercises other than when the therapist is here. I HATE to exercise and always have, and I have a daughter who taught exercise, She gave me all the CD's for low impact workouts and encouraged me a lot. Did NO good. Being alone does not help. Yes, I have mild pain constantly from my various medical conditions and use that as an excuse along with being on the computer so much. I am now looking to transfer from my home to a Senior Independent/Assisted Living facility. I am hoping that being able to do PT of some type with a group will provide the motivation to keep me on my feet. I will have to walk to the main dining room and other common areas for clubs, music events, etc. I also liked the idea of the PT playing music while exercising. Wish me luck, Friends.

My mom was the opposite of yours. She did exceptionally well with rehab and home health. Her OT and PT staff were incredibly supportive and motivated my mother.

Mom’s favorite singer was Frank Sinatra and her physical therapist played Sinatra for her while she exercised.

Her physical therapist was so kind and extremely handsome. My mom may have been old but she knew a good looking guy when she saw one! 😝

Somehow, even in her 90’s, with Parkinson’s disease, Mom managed to stay out of a wheelchair.

She did rely on her walker but wasn’t bed bound until shortly before her death (age 95) in an ‘end of life’ hospice care home.

I am sorry that your mom isn’t able to become motivated to do her exercises. Is she experiencing significant pain that could be preventing her from trying to do her best?

Wishing you and your family well.

My mom had PT after her many surgeries. And she was compliant until the day that the PT guy stopped coming. I walked him out and asked him "what are the chances mom is going to continue on when you're not coming" and he said "100% she will never use those exercise bands or do one single exercise on her own."

I thought he was being facetious, but he was right. The exercise band sat on the kitchen counter until they rotted away. She never once did her exercises.

She was able to walk, but each successive surgery left her more and more unable to move about. Both my grandmothers walked without aids to the day they died--(both in their 90's).

Your mother does not wish to partake in PT/OT, that's why. So she'll likely wind up in a wheelchair like my mother did, losing core strength and needing help in and out of bed, the toilet, and the chair. No use telling her that either, because dementia prevents the message from getting through.

It is what it is. Accept it and don't ruin your relationship with mom by constantly nagging her. That's my suggestion.

”I don’t want to and you can’t make me.”

After 2 years of refusing to stand or walk (she was an avid walker until the day she stopped) my mother (99) is still certain that, if she wants to, she can hop right out of bed, walk down the stairs and drive away in her car (which is long gone). She yelled at the physiotherapists to leave her alone. I think she truly believes that, when she feels like it, she’ll just pick up where she left off 2 years ago. Another dementia delusion.

Beatty, you made me snort. ‘11) No-one ever told me I need to walk.’

I asked my mother why she was being spoon fed instead of feeding herself. She informed me that nobody told her to feed herself. So I told her to pick up the cutlery and feed herself. She did. That was 2 years ago. She still feeds herself some days. Depends on her mood.

We can't know why. We can only guess that there is pain, exhaustion, some other condition of aging involved here.

It may be a time when a move to assisted living is in order for this couple. Often the activities, even just the moving to the common areas for meals three times a day, will get people up and moving a bit more than the easy chair at home.

I wish you good luck.

My mother has stopped doing her physician prescribed PT exercises. She says she doesn’t have time; or the day goes by and then she doesn’t feel like it at the day’s end. She says she understands the benefits. She has told me that my brother would lecture her (maybe that’s how she took it but my guess is he simply encouraged her). She says he has stopped talking to her about this. I have encouraged her also but have given up because it’s the same conversation, complaining, etc. She can barely walk (with her walker) and says she understands the next step is a wheelchair.

So, who knows why? Could be she thinks hobbling around is good enough. Could be she’s ready for a wheelchair (I doubt this). I have decided to let it take its course. I fear she’s going to fall.

No one LIKES to "exercise".
If she is getting meals delivered to the apartment can you have them stop doing that? (See if you can request that they only have meals in the dining room, maybe it would help if it were a doctor's order)
That might take care of 1 aspect.
But only your parents can make the decision to follow through with what PT and OT has been doing.
I don't know if stressing that the next step will be from walking with a walker to a wheelchair then it is but a short move to Skilled Nursing when either one can not be transferred safely from the wheelchair. And if 1 needs Skilled Nursing and not the other they will not be together.
Maybe that might make a difference.
And if it does make a difference it might for just a short period of time, we all fall back into old habits.
Think about all the New Year's Resolutions that fall by the wayside by the February 1st.

In my MIL's case, her medical team suggested that she may not be getting enough pain relief to make the PT more bearable. We were really worried about her taking the opioids. So we did agree to up the dosage. After my knee replacement I can tell you that the pain was definitely a deterant but I was highly motivate because I wanted to return to tennis. The older one is, the more aches and pains in general one has to deal with daily, on top of the injury pain.

Do your parents have memory issues? Is it possible they aren't remembering to take any pain meds?

How old are your parents? Why were they in PT/OT?

Trying to get them to be people they aren't (and maybe never were) is like pushing a boulder up a hill.

If she wasn't allowed meals in her room she would need to get to the dining room, where is the AL staff in all of this and why isn't she being firmly encouraged to do so?

Pain. Fear of falling. Lacking motivation. Depression.

Way, I'll add one more your list.
11) No-one ever told me I need to walk.

She just doesn't want to. Period. Her mental status may not allow her to understand the consequences. She might say she does, but she can't if her brain is broken.

The reasons I’ve been told ….
1) PT doesn’t work
2) I don’t believe in PT
3) OT is stupid , she makes me hang up clothes hangers in the closet, which I don’t need because the laundry staff does that for me here ( in ALF).
4) I’m fine , I don’t need that cr4p
5) Leave me alone , I need to rest ( after a stroke ).
6) They are just wasting Medicare money.
7) I don’t want to
8) I’m tired .
9) They come too early .
10) I’m not old like the rest of these people .

It boils down to they either don’t understand , have no energy , or don’t care ( depressed) or all of the above .

Irrationality and illogic are features of dementia. Might she have it? My MIL also didn't do any rehab after surgery to repair a broken back. We tried everything to encourage/incentivize her, as did the staff. To no avail. She has short-term memory impairment.

Sounds like my mother! Mine does horrible with PT and tries to move as little as humanly possible. And makes lame excuses for not going down to meals at her ALF. Why do they do it?? Good question!