Why do I get blamed?

Gas-X and a geriatric psychiatrist.

You get blamed because you are there. What can you control? Your presence in the situation. Get yourself out of there.

There are many of us here who come from exceptionally abusive parents, and are now in a caregiving role, or expected to be the caregiver. So we know of what we speak.

The very, very simple answer is to not be there with her. I'm sure it's much more complicated than this. Without any information about your mom's medical situation it's hard to make other recommendations.

Have her see a doctor for the gas, and a geriatric psychiatrist for her mental issues. Gas that bad can come from many different causes. Her diet, her meds, a real medical problem.

Sounds like there's a lot of enmeshed problems that you both need help with.
The first thing I'd do is find somewhere else to live though.

Congratulations, you are now the proud parent of a five-year-old adult child.
Gosh, talk to your friends about how to handle toddler tantrums, because that is strikingly similar to what you are dealing with. No you don't sleep with her any more than you would a small child. Draw the line there.
On the other hand, the farts are produced by what you eat. Cut back on the beans and onions. Buy some Bean-O or Gas -X.
Put a bay leaf under your arm. It won't stop you from sweating but you will smell like soup. LOL.

On a different note, I slept with my mom every night so my dad could get some rest. In the early days I was up the whole night but once getting the overactive bladder MEDS and seroquel the nights became better. Some of the best moments and memories i had with my mom was while we were laying in bed. My mom was much more talkative at night. These are memories I will treasure forever. When it was i longer possible for mom in law to stay alone i suggested to sister for safety reasons for her to sleep with mom. She was appalled! However she was forced to sleep in same bed so mom didn't fall when nature called. After mom died she came to me crying saying that her best memories of her mom will be those late night conversations when they were able to have one on one time.
You definitely deserve your alone time and I fully understand the farting and burping in public but I have learned to make light of the situation "oh sorry, dad had bean soup for lunch" type comments and have never had anyone be mean or derogatory. Your "me time" is for your sanity, absolutely do not give that up or let your mom make you feel guilty. Hang in there, hopefully it will get better.
Being

I think that we, as caregivers, are afraid of what is to come and I think our parents feel the same way. Losing their independence must be do hard, I know my mom was so afraid of many things and Hope 22 my dad is like yours, he just wants to see me. It is a whole new world for both us and our parents and, in my opinion, we need to remember that everything we do we must try to be motivated by love not fear.

Fancy404, Who exactly is blaming you, are there family members who think you are not a good caregiver?
Regardless, if there are other family that could be sharing the duties, make it clear you need help. If they can't or won't help, does mom have funds to pay a companion caregiver? Or maybe she would feel less lonely in a senior apartment. I don't know much details about her needs, but obviously youre overburdened by caring for her. One thing is for sure, Change requires Change. You need to make a change.

Patrice, when we first brought Mama home from rehab after her horrific accident, I also slept beside Mama because I did not want her falling out of her bed or falling if she started getting up during the night....I found some of those bedrails that you can attach to any regular bed that later on I bought because she told me I was keeping her awake and turned too much..haha...oh how I long for those days now....you are right, precious precious moments.....Once I got the bed rails and one of those bed alarms, I was able to sleep better knowing if she started getting up I would be alerted and the rails kept her in the bed til I could get there...Those items were a lifesaver...I see the rails in there now and the alarm, and I know I will never need them again. Mama is now so frail and totally bedfast that she can't lift her arms, let alone get up or roll out of her hospital bed.

I do agree there are some other things probably going on for you Fancy..and the GasX and Beano could help with her gastric issues, but there could be a more serious medical problem going on...You are young and it sounds like you are frustrated and maybe a little fearful of losing your own life. I know that is how I felt back when I first started doing this..Heck, I still feel that way at times ..but it also sounds like your Mom just wants to be close to you...Don't give up having time to yourself, but it could be your Mom just loves you so much she wants to be close to you and having you there next to her makes her feel secure....

I remember when Daddy was getting pretty sick, he got to where he wanted me there with him all the time, where he could see me. If I got out of his sight he was calling for me. I loved Daddy as much as any daughter ever loved their Daddy, and I was so afraid of losing him, but he wanted me close so much and I knew it was because he loved me so much, but it became maddening. I remember one time (and this was when I still had my own home and lived over two hours away) but I was there visiting him and I went to the kitchen and he started calling for me. I told Mama...Dear Lord I am losing my mind Mama, I can't sit in there 24/7 with him...She very calmly told me I know that dear, but he just wants to see you...he just wants to know you are near...and I remember getting very upset and telling her I can't fix it..I can't make him well..he is driving me out of my mind...and I went in there and looked at him, and he was lying there looking so pitiful...and I walked away....oh God, I walked away....even though I wasn't gone long, I went back and stayed in there with him, but I will never forget walking away..that was over 18 years ago and it still haunts me...I am possibly getting off topic, I'm sorry..I just have that memory and just thinking out loud maybe she is kind of like my Daddy, she just wants to know you're there...and looking at why I walked away? I knew he was getting more and more frail and I could not save him, and I knew I was going to lose him and it was scaring me so much I didn't want to admit it...without more info I don't know how far advanced your Mom's sickness is, but as mentioned maybe she just wants to be near you... ((Hugs)) but I do understand.

Agreed Patrice :) It is odd how much I don't fear my own passing but I am so afraid of losing Mama.....It almost killed me losing Daddy but Mama was here for me then. When she is gone, I will then assume the role of one of the elder adults in the family..where in the world did all those years go? It is so hard on them becoming frail and unable to do for themselves...The loss of privacy, etc. even if they can't acknowledge it I know it has to be unsettling. Mama responds to gentle touches so much. When I bathe her I usually sing to her and I can see how soothing it is to her...probably not my voice so much as in being in tune :) but just hearing my voice..And since I have calmed myself down and stopped panicking so much, I seem to see a calmer demeanor in her...We will make it through all this...there are just so many factors going on all at once....

Today she has had shoulder replacement surgery. I'm the only one here. NO one showed up but they have been texting me to see if "I'm alright" and then ask about my mom. I don't know.

These next few days will be a break for me though. I'm going to go to the gym and work out, chill at Starbucks, meander in the store without having to rush back. I'm going to talk to perfect strangers and smile. I may even flirt with somebody - LOL!