When it rains, there’s a hurricane, tornadoes, and sharks everywhere! Anyone else deal with multiple people to care for all at once?

Hello Liz,
I take care of my mom 24/7. I have a brother that has a learning diability. He needs lots of direction. Recently an aide was obtained 5 days per week by his agency and his insurance pays for the services. Assisting with bathing, cleaning his room and laundry and a nurse to do his nightly meds 7 days per week. Family does them in the morning but the meds are already in the med box .This is a major help to us all .I am less stressed. I was having a difficult time keeping up with everything and getting irritated because his room was a mess, I had to bug him to shower and clean his room. Makes all the difference if you can hire some help. Cut down on other expenses if possible.I hope your dad gets better soon. You have a lot on your plate and hope you can get some good help soon.

There is no way for one person to handle all of this all on their own. Is it possible for you to stay at your father's home so you don't have to spend $200 a night at a hotel? Is there any other family in town where your father lives? If there are then they may be available so you can go home to your kids. Also, the hospital will keep you up to date on your father's condition.
Next, in a while start looking for an appropriate care facility for your MIL. In the meantime, bring in some outside hired caregivers to help with her. You have kids at home and taking on the care of an elderly is too much for anyone's plate.
Think of this what happens if something happens to you because you're trying to keep all the plates spinning on your own? Everyone will be out of luck then. Go home. Stay in communication with the hospital. Good luck and I hope your father improves.

You need to focus on your main responsibilities, your children and husband. Your father is well cared for in the hospital. If you visit him as much as you can, that should be sufficient. But plan for when he is released. He'll need care during his recovery. Consider an assisted living facility or skilled nursing, depending on his condition. If the doctors think he'll get completely better, he can be in a temporary rehab facility. Does your MIL need to be with you? Can she afford to have aides come in to help, so that you can have breaks? Would she consider moving to assisted living? You are taking on too much. Try to find ways to lighten your burden!

Take a deep breath. Do this until any panicky feelings subside.

Now, let's look at priorities. As an RN, I have cared for multiple clients during an 8-12 hour shift. I have to prioritize care and I have to schedule care to make sure everybody's needs are met. You can do the same:

#1 - Your spouse, You married this person and probably made some vows to love and cherish and weather the storms of life together. Talk frequently and make time for just the two of you since this is not only a spouse, but your partner in caring tasks.

#2 - Your children. Until your children are adults, they need you and your spouse to nurture them and guide them. You can temporarily get others to step in, but ultimately the responsibility for raising the children are yours and your spouse. I can say this since my hubby and I were active duty soldiers and I know the difficulties of finding great sitters. Sitters, even family, do not necessarily teach the values and life lessons you want your children to learn.

#3 - Yourself. Some people may make "yourself" the highest priority, but I know most women have a problem doing that. The deal is if you don't make the time to care for yourself, you can't care well for others. It's kind of like hospital staff that don't get lunch breaks, potty breaks, or enough sleep and expecting them to be on top of everything. We expect those people to burnout quickly; they do. Make sure to take care of your essential needs and then add some "time off" for fun.

#4 - Everybody else. This includes senior parents with aging issues, medical emergencies... If you are having too much on your plate caring for #1 through #3, then you definitely need more people involved in caring of all the "others". This is why hospitals have invested in social services departments. They realize that most families and clients need a bigger network of helpers than they currently have. While you are at the hospital, get nursing staff to arrange a meeting with a social worker. Let this person know all the help you need and take their advise. Social service workers know all the resources available for help. That is why they are there.

Quick thought, have someone set up a private Facebook page that is invite only. Post updates on your Dad's condition daily and tell people to check there for info instead of calling you. Or do ONE daily group text with any new info.

And if ANYONE asks if they can help say YES! prepare a list of things you are willing to designate and start handing out assignments. Meals, grocery trips, errands, school pickup, etc. See if someone can sit down with your Mom and sort out what needs done at her house, prepare a schedule etc. She

The world will not end if things aren’t perfect. Focus on what is really important. Gather your village and good luck.

Lizbitty: Praying for you.

Liz,
When things calm down, can you get some in-home care?

It would need to be paid for by your parents’s funds.

Someone to help with the house chores-maybe a couple of hours a day?

Your family doesn’t need you to be so overwhelmed, that YOU break, as well.

Best wishes.

Liz (((((hugs)))))).

How far a drive is it from your home to the hospital?

Have you asked the hospital if there is any subsidized housing available? Special rates at a nearby hotel? If you have a religious affiliation, call the local parish and find out if they have any ideas.

If none of that works, talk to the hotel management. Years ago, a friend flew to Florida with her husband and 7 year old to adopt a baby. The proceedings, which were supposed to take 5 days, got postponed several times. The manager, who was an adoptee himself, moved them to a larger unit withva kitchen at no extra charge. Ask!!

Your mom is likely focussing on the little stuff so she doesn't have to think about sick dad is!

Are your kids going back to school soon? Can you get a neighbor to double up on school supply shopping or just do an Amazon order for the basics.

Remember to eat, hydrate and breathe. Check in here when you can.

I'm sending an Angel to keep you and guide you. To help and strengthen you. To protect and preserve you. Relax. Give it to God! HE will give you what you NEED! God's GOT this.

And, WE are here to support you and to send you love and (((Hugggs)))

I get it. My mother was rushed to the hospital with internal bleeding the same HOUR my FIL was rushed to a hospital at the other end of the state with a brain bleed. Fortunately, my last kid was in college, so I didn't have to worry about him, but my husband and I went in separate directions and did what we had to do. My FIL did not survive his brain bleed, however.

These health crisis rollercoasters are going to be a part of your life for a long time, so strap in, get your priorities in line now (kids and husband/wife first, parents safe and cared for but not necessarily by you), and only do what you can.