Follow
Share

My mom is 85 has been in the nursing home for 18 months now. She broke her hip in March and has steady gone done hill mentally since then. I went to see her today, I go everyday during the week and take weekends off. She was in her room today with her door shut a little. I walked in she was in her wheelchair and her dress was all bunched up. I said let me fix your dress she said its wet..I told her ok then we will change it. I lifted it up over her head and she didn't have a pull-up on. I said where are your pants she said I went to the bathroom and I couldn't find them. She was just fine without her pants on...it broke my heart. My mother has always been a very proud woman. Matter of a fact, she takes herself to the bathroom and I told them that they would never be able to stop her from doing it unless they tie her to the chair and I don't want that. I got an aide to help me get her pants on. Her mind is just fading fast since she broke her hip and I am just lost. The head nurse talked to me and she said to be thankful that my mom isn't aware of her surroundings or bothered by not having her pants on She is going to make sure the CNA's watch her closer because they have been so accustomed to her independence...they are going to check her for a UTI but I don't believe she has one. I do not want any extreme measures taken with my mom. I don't want her to end up being a rag in a chair. I am an only child I am the only person who sees her that doesn't get paid to. I hate this so much. I am just at a lost. She is becoming more and more reclusive and happy to be so. My instinct is to fix her but I know she is content. I think conversation causes her to get upset because she does not comprehend like she use to. Her roommate is comatose and tube-fed and my mom loves hers. She says that she talks to her. Her roommate requires nothing from her...this is by far one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. My dad died suddenly when I was 22 that was hard but NOTHING like this. She was under hospice care but they stopped it not because she was better but because she had not gotten any worse. She felt thrown away and it just messed her up that her routine changed that was probably 8 months ago. The broken hip started a downward spiral and in 4 months she is a different person. Mentally, she has been delusional for years, but she remembered things and could carry on conversation. I am rambling now, but today at this moment I am just lost, hurt, scared and just want to run away from it all...When I told the nurse today if she had a UTI just leave it alone I didn't mean it I called them back and said if she does to treat it I don't want her uncomfortable...but I really do not believe she had one . Her urine doesn't smell strong etc... also she has stopped eating, they are giving her ensure but she has not appetite.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Get her back on Hospice, because when they can no longer eat, the time is very short. Having just lost my daughter, who was ill a long time, I will tell you that when she passes your feelings will be mixed. Relief for her, relief for your own hard work, but at the same time many tears, and a strange feeling every morning that you need to be doing something. Gotta check on------and then you reset your thoughts. And you cry. You cry so loud your dog howls right along with you. Then you gather your thoughts and move on.
Helpful Answer (11)
Report

No one can tell you like someone who has been there. Panstegman hit It on the head. I believe hospice is the next decision. If mom won't eat, her body is telling her something. You are already grieving for her. If mom is content, there is nothing to fix. Try, try, try to enjoy the your time with mom. Have no regrets. Bless you in this journey. You can do this
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

We are really bad at recognizing when enough has been enough as a society. All the doctors are terrified of being sued by family for not stopping time and rolling back the effects of disease.

My mom has been up, down, up, down, up like a yoyo for decades. Physically she's never been better due to the controlled medication she gets and dietetic meals. Mentally, the tinkertoys are all over the floor. And she has Alzheimers to boot. She hates everything and everybody.

If it were up to me, I'd jack up her happy pills, take her off everything else, let her eat & drink what she will, and let nature take its course.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

my aunts dementia is getting quite late stage . i must agree shes not in much emotional pain . sometimes we sit outside the nh and dont even need conversation . shes just content with my company . time means nothing . depending on her desires we may sit there for 5 minutes or 2 hours .
your mother doesnt have to be with it to be content and happy . just small things -- a warm sweater , freshened up drink , etc . a smile , pat on the hand , etc ..
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

dont hover and pester to try and make her happy , just try to sense her immediate comfort needs..
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

2tsnana, I second Dof4's nomination - you are a great daughter. I'm sorry you're going through this heart-rending experience. You're right, see what tomorrow brings: you can only do one day at a time.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

2, no better advice than Pams, just stay well and strong.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

2, be strong for you Mom and post back here for support!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Let your mother's remaining days be in comfort and happiness. Her not eating is a sign she is nearing the end. Being lost, hurt and scared is a normal reaction to a loved ones pending death. I have been through it. It is never easy, but I made sure my mother didn't suffer and she passed away peacefully.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

2tsnana, You are a great daughter. It is hard to watch anyone slowly pass to new life. There is a natural order with parents, they are suppose to go before their children to be on the other side waiting and free of pain.
Like pamstegman, I too buried a child. A boy age 13 1/2. He had a serious heart condition but died from a virus. A slow painful death. My dad passed and it was sad but feel in the normal range, my mother in the nursing home and slowly going is sad but normal. My son's death is overwhelming each and everyday and I can't seem to wrap around it. My dad and soon to be mom's death goes in a natural order. I love my parents dearly and it is very painful but the pain of my son's death is times one million. Even though I believe in the afterlife I am still overwhelmed with emotion..
With you being an only daughter I am sure you feel pressure. Just know I send you strength and love on this journey even though it is through a computer the good and strong thoughts are surrounding you right this moment....
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter