Follow
Share

Mom has been having some changes in comprehension lately. She is unable to do bill pay, and her ability to do some simple daily tasks come and go. The last 2 weeks she is obsessed with straightening up things (closets, desk) etc. She has been losing things daily and multiple times a day. Now she is paranoid that someone is stealing her things and is accusing me. She has an appt with a doctor and I want to go with her to let him know what is going on. Don’t know if she will let me. How should I approach the md without making her sound bad? These symptoms are all new from last couple months and she has not been seen by this doctor before. At times you can’t tell there is a problem and I'm afraid that if she goes alone, nothing will be checked. Thanks for helping!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
You could write a note to the doctor along the lines of what you have written here. Fax it to the doctor before going in or hand it to the nurse before the appointment. Include on the note that the doctor should request your presence if mom doesn’t want you in or just trust that the doctor has the notes to guide him/her as to your concerns. If you make it into the exam room, try to position yourself slightly out of moms vision so you can indicate when she is fibbing or nod when the doctor is on the right track
Ask for a UTI test as an infection could be the cause of her symptoms. put that in the note. Don’t worry about making her sound bad. She needs to know if she has a problem. The doctor needs to know more than they can see in 15 min. Many (most) elders will say they are fine. They will be a little nervous and somehow a bit sharper than normal. It’s called showtiming. A first appointment is an excellent time for the doctor to get a baseline test which would tell them if she needs a referral to a neurologist.
On this forum there is a list of care topics. Click on that. Then look up Activities of Daily Living. What you have written indicates mom is having trouble with her ADLs. Notice the levels. This is helpful for you to be aware of so you can track how she is doing over time. Also read the one on Paranoia.
That might help. Good luck on the appointment.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Ariadnee Feb 2022
Yep. I like the fax idea. Otherwise, I think a first visit you get more than 15 minutes. The local hospital here has increased elderly patient visits to nearly a half hour.
Track your mom's behaviors. I keep a calander of my husband's health issues and changes, helpful for me to have a baseline to work from and to bring to his medical appointments, as he tends to gloss over all kinds of problems or (naturally) does not remember when things like nearly falling or periods of prolong sleep happen.
(1)
Report
We always wrote out a list of things we wanted to discuss or have the doctor check and sent it to her about three days before the appointment. It worked very well, jecause the doctor usually just sat there and let my mom ramble as long as she wanted, but because she had dementia (something we'd yet to put a name to), she wouldn't think to mention the issues that had brought us there in the first place. If we brought them up during the appointment she'd get mad, so we decided to give the doctor all the information before we ever walked in the door.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Write down a diary of incidents such as "tidied out all bedroom closets" or "tidied out the same desk four times" "was unable to find car keys, stated family member had taken them, keys found by mother ten minutes later in purse after prompting to look there."

Do NOT use judgmental or loaded words - come to that, try to avoid forming the thoughts - such as obsessed, paranoid, accusing.

The symptoms are the facts, the statements about what is taking place.

The descriptions are your fears about might what be causing the symptoms. If you don't want her to "sound bad," and more particularly if you don't want to make her feel bad, as in afraid or accused in her turn, don't show that you're jumping to any conclusions about what's going on.

So to the MD: "we've become concerned about mother's ability to manage day-to-day routines because we have noticed some changes recently. For example: X, Y, Z."
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

thank you all so much for the responses. i did write a message to the md and hope that he will read it prior to the visit. we will see how this goes.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I would go to the appointment with her. Do not make a big deal about it. Treat this as a regular office visit-which it pretty much is. Your mother may do very well and not have any problems. You did not mention how old your mother is. Otherwise, once in the exam room, let your mom do all the talking. Don't try to correct her. If her decline is acute as you have described, chances are that will be revealed with this visit. If not, I'd place a discreet call to the doctor and explain your concerns and if possible a refferal to a neurologist for a formal evaulation of your mother's condition.
Here's why I suggest not saying much when your mother is being interviewed by the physician. I did this when my husband was at his doctor's appointment, and he started to ramble on about someone, something about it was all a funny joke, laughing to himself and it was as if he was the only one in the exam room....totally off topic from what was being discussed at the time. I did not say a word-the look on the doctor's face was worth my silence, he was a bit taken aback about the way my husband was behaving, but did not say a word to my husband about his behavior, and steered him back to the topic at hand. So....best to let nature run its course, and see how your visit goes. Of course if your mom tells a whopper of a "lie" (this is her reality now) then you might offer a different version of what happened. But-I'd just let her chat and see what happens.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter