The last few days/weekends have been tough trying to help my father. If you follow my story, then you know our relationship has been a strained one. To make a very long story short, lately he has had an attitude with me but with no one else. He become so mad a few weeks ago, that he told me did not care if I ever came back. So, that particular day, I finished with what I was doing and left. Then as I was leaving, he says.. "So you are not coming back even if get really bad sick?" I told him that because of the type of person Iam, that I will continue to help him but I will never feel the same when I'm at his house. Thank God for the lady who helps out as well because I could not do this alone plus I work.
I have been trying to find ways to cope. Including giving myself a time limit to get tasks done at his house and then I leave and I also attend counseling when I have the extra money, but I'm searching for other ways. I also pray all the time. I salute all of you who are caregivers!!!!
My marbles are sure not round anymore lol! I love to watch movies. It is a great way to relax.
I would have said " No Dad I am not coming back even if you get bad sick. After all I have done for you and you treat me the way you do. I am done"
I am with Waytomisery. He knows you will keep coming no matter what he says. I also feel I have a good heart but I would never allow someone to abuse me who I helped. There has to be respect on both sides.
I am glad you are stepping back. Let him call you, don't call him. I would want an apology. If you do help him again, as soon as he gets angry or abusive, stop what your doing and walk out the door. Same if he calls and gets started, hang up. Caring for him is on your terms not his and he needs to be told this. He has no right to dictate how things will be.
Do you know what I hear in your words? You’re running out on autopilot. Your heart is not in this.
Honestly. I don’t blame you. You don’t have a warm and fuzzy relationship with your dad.
You certainly have a beautiful heart. Anyone can see your lovely heart in your words.
Please don’t stretch yourself too thinly. Always be true to yourself. Don’t transform yourself for anyone, not even your dad. Especially, a dad that you’re not especially close to.
You know that you can’t change your dad’s behavior. He has a crappy attitude.
So, do whatever brings you peace. Don’t do something because it’s expected of you. Hire additional help without looking for your dad’s approval. You’re in charge, not him.
Wishing you all the best.
I am thinking of disabling it! LOL 😆
This lets him think that no matter what he does you will come back. That’s giving him the upper hand . He doesn’t care that you don’t feel the same when you go to his house.
Also don’t let him know that what he says upsets you . He will keep pushing your buttons . At times I would just pretend my abusive mother was a stranger , it helped me cope.
And when he gets mad, so what? . Then you leave and tell him if he doesn’t straighten up his act you will refuse to come over . He’s still getting under your skin and he knows it . When he starts his nonsense leave no matter what you are doing , don’t stay to finish . So what if the floor isn’t swept or mopped ? Turn the tables on him.
If it was a stranger you wouldn’t stick around for abuse , why do it for anyone?
I have definitely had enough and I told him so. I'm 54 and I feel like my life is passing me by. I do not want to run out of time so I will be making some changes.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
I have been looking at all agencys and he is on the waiting list for one of them. I'm definitely better at setting boundaries than I use to be which I think is what has made him even angrier towards me. He is also angry because I will not quit my job and move in with him.
And if he isn't at all impaired mentally I would not put up with this treatment.
For me it would be one or the other.
If Dad has dementia, then when he is in a bad mood I would leave at once and tell him "Love you Dad; I'll be back when you're in a better mood".
If he has no dementia I would pretty much do the same; tell him I am leaving, but in that case would say "see you in a couple of weeks" and that's what I would do.
You say it has been a couple of bad weeks, but they will be a whole lot better if you severely limit the amount of time spent with him, and do no arguing whatsoever with him.
It isn't like he is going to change.
Nothing will be won by argument.
It is just the same unbroken cycle that's always been unproductive.
Wishing you the best, Beauty.
I pray you are doing well! You are right, nothing will ever be won by an argument because when I try to talk to him about how he treats me, he says I treat him the same way. His words are awful. I really do not believe it is dementia because this is how he has always talked to me. I will limit my time.