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went to see my mom on her 5 day at rehab she is doing better eating better actually making friends there my mom was very isolated ( due to her own decisions ) did not want to see anyone be alone shades closed obviously she does suffer from depression but now at this rehab center when we walk her in wheel chair around the facility she actually said lets go see that woman etc... I am shocked and of course happy at same time! my mom was never like that at all she is actually talking to people now BUT of cours as i leave her from visiting and i go home i feel so sad and i get teary knowing my mom is getting old and she will not be here forever it hits me like a ton of bricks sometimes people tell me enjoy the moments with her dont think that way now but its hard for me not to its like i am preparing myself just in case does that sound weird??? to anyone??? i think its me coping that if godforbid something does happen i am prepared i am soooooo scared of losing her i am so close to her. Maybe i need to start reading books on this and actually i just started praying more too. WHAT DOES everyone do to cope with this matter??? anything helps thank you!!

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First your mom could easily live another 15 years or so, so perhaps it is you that is suffering from some kind of depression, and should seek out some counseling, to find out why you are focused on her death and dying, instead of life and living.
You should be filled with joy that your mom who otherwise was quite isolated is now enjoying her time in rehab, and meeting new people. This should give you and her some insight as to where she now needs to go once she leaves rehab, like perhaps an assisted living facility, where she will be around other folks her age and get to have fun and enjoy whatever time she has left here on earth.
We all are going to die one day, that is a given, and since you say that you pray then you know that when we do die, that we that are Christians are going to a better place when we leave here anyway, and that my dear should give you yet another reason to rejoice, and not be sad.
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My daughter and I actually talk about death, how we feel about the loss, quite often. I am 80 and she is 60. At this point she is ready for me to go in the sense she feels in charge of her own life. You know, if you are honest, it comes to the point where the old DO become more a burden than a blessing. Death is inevitable. Perhaps it is my career as a nurse that makes me know death is a part of our life, something yes, to be talked about, acknowledged. And a good long life is to be celebrated, not mourned. I think your Mom will always be with you in many ways, just as my own is in my memory so alive. Losing a parent when the parent, or when YOU are you, is a tragedy. Losing them after a good long life is of course still sad, but not a tragedy, and a part of life. We all go there. I think it is perhaps the "unknown" of "how will I feel". You may surprise yourself. When my father died at 92 I felt relief. That I never had to see him sadder, in pain. That I never had to worry for him again, that he was at peace. He had told me he was tired. He was ready. So was my Mom. And indeed, so was my brother, knowing he had a probable early Lewy's dementia he wanted not to live long enough to suffer so many losses of control. So I guess you could say what did I ever have to kick about in these losses.
You really can't know how you will feel. But allow yourself to feel whatever you DO feel. And address the end of life in the way that helps you the most. There is no "right way.
I wish you the best.
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My mother is 95, so dry your tears & live every day with joy & gratitude, that's my suggestion. Realize that nothing is guaranteed for ANY of us; while you're worrying mom could die tomorrow, it can actually be YOU that does instead. I always remind myself of that very thing while I try to appreciate each day as the gift it truly is.

Go online or to the bookstore next & pick up a copy of this book, by Eben Alexander, Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon's Near-Death Experience and Journey into the Afterlife

A Harvard-trained neurosurgeon's minute-by-minute account of his own near-death experience - and what he discovered in the heavenly realm beyond life.

On November 10, 2008, Dr. Eben Alexander was driven into coma by a disease so lethal that only 1 in 10,000,000 survive. Seven days later, he awakened with memories of a fantastic odyssey deep into another realm that were more real than this earthly one - memories that included meeting a deceased birth sister he had never known existed.

Dr. Alexander deployed all his knowledge as a scientist to find out whether his mind could have played a trick on him. In its shutdown state, there was no way it could have functioned at all. That left only one conclusion: that we are conscious in spite of our brains - that, in fact, consciousness is at the root of all existence.

The evidence supporting Dr. Alexander's experience transformed him into a believer in God's unconditional love and brought reconciliation to his family - and will upend our ideas about human consciousness and spirituality.
**********
This book may alleviate any fears you have of death and allow you to live the rest of your life, and your mother's life, with joy & anticipation of what's to come.

There are many, many more like it out there to read, too; this one was extra special in my opinion and Dr Alexander confirmed my feelings when I got to meet him in person at a talk he gave here in Denver a few years ago.

Wishing you the best of luck.
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Riverdale Feb 2022
I along with you I believe have felt my mother was on deaths door so many times. I was even told so twice by palliative care doctors. The end was near,nothing more to be done,prepare and accept this etc. Well she is still here and is complaining how boring life is in the compromised condition she is in. She keeps forgetting or refuses to accept the fact that she will not walk again. She couldn't walk before the massive bedsore she has.

I bring her books because I know for myself that a good book is a wonderful escape. I don't tell her over and over she will not improve. There are times I feel frustrated and want to repeat the reality but there is no point. She must be willing herself to go on living. It is simply amazing all that she has survived especially as she didn't start the aging journey in facilities in good health.

To the OP I would just advise to take each day as it is. I wish I had done more of that. She frustrated me so often with what now seems so trivial. My mother's world has now become so small. There is only the tray table over her bed she has any control over. Her previous conditions made me sad but the present is the saddest of all.
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