My mother who is 83 and has dementia and alzheimers is in the hospital with pneumonia. She is having difficulty breathing and keeps moaning. When she eats, she takes a mouth and then does not swallow for a very long time. Sometimes she does not want to eat. Am I doing right by trying to force her into eating? I kept her in a nursing home a couple of years ago and they did not make an attempt to feed her if she refused to eat. She was there for PT after a broken hip and so was more 'together' at that time. Now she is very weak from pneumonia and I am not sure if I should just leave her alone if she does not want to eat. She is getting IV fluids along with her antibiotics at the hospital.
Is anyone there having similar questions or issues?
Thanks in advance for you time..
I'm a nurse and I've seen families try to force feed their loved ones and it's maddening. I had a patient who was on hospice. This gentleman was being kept comfortable with morphine an Ativan. He wasn't conscious any more but his grown daughters would drag him out of bed, force him to sit up, and try to shove soft food and juice down his throat. I know they meant well and when someone has gotten to the point where they don't want to eat anymore we sometimes worry that they're going to starve to death, we want to help. But it's all a part of the process. The body knows what it needs. Think about having a bad flu. You've been vomiting, having diarrhea, in and out of weird sleeping patterns, high fever.....When I get sick like this the last thing I want is food and my body does fine without it for the time being. Once I'm well again I regain my appetite. If your mom gets a little stronger she will let you know if she would like something to eat. And as I said, if it makes you feel better try to give her half a teaspoon of something very soft. See if she swallows it, watch her throat. If she doesn't or if she spits it back out don't try to feed her. A half a teaspoon of applesauce, if left in the mouth, will dissolve and not choke her. If she does swallow it try another half teaspoon.
I think it was a mistake and I would not do it again. It is not comfortable and why really are we trying to keep them alive? In my father's case he was never going to get "well" again, his emphysema was too severe.
If I were in your shoes and she was my mother, I would talk to the doctor about letting her go. I would have my mom placed on meds to keep her comfortable and I would just let her go.
Good Luck and God Bless You Both!