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My mom has showered every day of her life that I can remember. She vaguely knows who I am now and has lost so much of her words that make sense. Lately she will not cooperate when we want to put her in the shower. She has a shower bench, etc. but no luck now.

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My Dad stopped bathing regularly or changing his clothes about two years ago (when I finally had to move him to my city to be with me). He gets his days mixed up and would always say that he had already showered. I'm not sure what stage of Dementia he has.

He didn't start bathing again until I put him in Adult Day Care and they showered him. The director of the center told Dad that the facility would lose money if he didn't accept the shower services. That worked. Have you tried getting someone else to try to convince Mom to shower?
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My mother has dementia- not an ALZ diagnois. Not showering/bathing was one of her first signs for her. Not understanding dementia I totally missed this as that - just thought my eccentric mother had developed a new quirk.
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Sometimes a person with dementia develops a fear of water. It is a very strong fear. So, I started to wash my husband with huggies. It worked!! AND, we avoided making him more anxious and upset than he already was.
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Dear SmileAtLife;
Please know it is a common problem with those having Alzheimer's to want to shower. Everyone is different, however, looking back I would say my husband started to refuse showering in Stage 2 of Alzheimer's. Not only showering but shaving, brushing teeth, combing hair, etc. Hygiene went south along with bathing. You will find there is unyielding response to activities and daily routines. Sad to say...your mom will never be the person you remembered years ago---it will be no more. Arguments about trivial matters will become more frequent with obstinate behavior, inflexible headstrong deviance, self-denial and stubborness. I would suggest attempting to go very light with bathing. Start with hand washing mom's face, then her arms, and continue adding just a little more bathing. Talk to her and tell her how pretty she will look and how nice she will smell once she bathes. She may accept this as a very special time and become more agreeable. Provide soft, fluffy towels and perhaps fragrant shower gel. Please know it may not work. If it doesn't, do not be disappointed. My spouse, having Alzheimer's for over 10 years, refuses most routines. He curses, asks me who I am at times, laughs at absolutely nothing, slurs his words...if they are words and usually makes no sense. Television is on, he doesn't know what he is watching...just stares into space. He screams if I try to put clean clothes on him, he lies and fantasizes about everything in life and is 24/7 care. He can't listen, doesn't comprehend and if I attempt to plead with him not to do something for his own good, he will go ahead and do it anyway. Caregivers come to "live with strangers within." At some point, you will start to wonder who really has Alzheimer's---you or your love one. Showering every day will become less important and simply surviving will be foremost. There will be days you will not care, days of loneliness, bitterness and days that nothing will matter. Being a caregiver is the hardest, most unrewarding job there is. And, yes, it takes a toll---a mighty emotional toll. God bless you. Love your mom, take care of her the best you can. Embrace and accept your situation, however, above all else, know when enough is enough. Alzheimer's can, and does, suck the life out of normalcy. Take care of yourself first. Make decisions and do not second guess them. Never look back and question... what if. Remember, you also deserve a quality life.
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My mom used to fight me tooth and nail when I even suggested she needed a washup. She's still resistant (has lived with me 3 years) and still doesn't like it. I do well to get her in there once per week and even then, she wants out before 10 minutes are up. In between, I can use a warm washcloth after BMs. So I just concentrate on the parts needing it. I have the shower chair that she will rarely sit down on. Funny, she will always say how good the water feels. But I'm lucky if she will let me get her face wet, clean her ears, etc., before a doctor's appointment. She's also not fond of brushing her teeth, so that's another chore that doesn't happen daily.
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Without language skills, she probably is in her later stages of dementia. Don't fight with the shower. Try sponge bathing, and if she does not recognize you, you are a stranger, and who would want to get into a shower with a stranger? Also, ASU's research shows running water in a shower is like fire coming out of the faucet to someone with dementia. So, take it slow and let her lead you.
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My husband of over 35 years says , he hasn't done anything to get dirty, so why take a shower. I have to conjole him into taking one once a week. Washing his face and arms seems to make him feel good on a daily basis. Good Luck.
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My father takes a daily morning shower with no soap and no shampoo now for almost 3 years. He is wearing the same jeans I told him to change in to from April. There are no words to describe his smell, maybe putrid. With my mother, who got things done, gone, I've been trying to get him to clean himself all this time and trying to get someone besides me to get him some help. He finally agreed to testing when we were at his psych nurse after repeatedly saying no, and "there's nothing wrong with me." I made him an appt for a geriatric PCP for Thurs, if he doesn't cancel when they call with the reminder. It's his first regular doctor visit in almost 3 years. Now, I'm having trouble getting anyone to set up cognitive testing. Since he was tested 3 years ago, they don't think he needs it again. I get so frustrated. I have to tell them he's a zombie. Grammy's description sounds a lot like my dad. I hope to have him diagnosed because as she said, I'm thinking I'm the one who's losing it. He was staring at cartoons this morning. He hates cartoons! Couple that with my 7-year-old cat dying of kidney lymphoma and the presidential race, and I think I'm going insane.
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What can happen at any stage CAN happen at any stage.
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What about getting a hose for the shower? Get her to strip from the waist down and sit on the bench. Warm the bathroom until you're sweating, and turn the water on and ask her to check the temperature. Water that is too hot, too cold, or too forceful can be uncomfortable. Tell her she doesn't need a shower, but she needs a clean bottom!

Search "refuse to shower" on this website to find THOUSANDS of answers.

Look for Teepa Snow videos on Youtube. Best wishes to you!
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Sounds to me, with "vaguely" knowing you and little verbal expression, that she's in much later stages. My MIL is in about Stage 4 and won't go anywhere without showering. However, she doesn't want to be told when it's time to (by well-meaning siblings who spend so little time with her that they have no idea what her regular habits are) because she still has enough of her faculties to still have her regular grooming routine and resents being treated like a child. She's not that far gone yet. Blessings and patience to all as you deal with these issues.
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Do NOT force her. As we age, we are less likely to sweat. Maybe a shower bothers her. Try giving her a wet cloth and ask if she would prefer that. Or ask her to just wipe under her arms and her lower parts. I am 66 have very early stage Alzheimers; it runs on my maternal side. I have done a tremendous amount of research. NEVER EVER FORCE ANYONE WITH THIS DISEASE TO DO ANYTHING THEY REFUSE TO DO.
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SmileAtLife: Go to Alzheimer's Association. There is a lengthy piece on there about the horrors (to the patient) of taking a bath or shower. I just looked at it.
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It is difficult to try to determine Dad's particular stage as every person exhibits different symptoms at different times. We simply take one day at a time.
It has taken a very long time to get Dad to where he will clean as much of himself as he does (with a little assistance). Minimally, every two days I gently remind him that it is time to change his clothes - unless there is an urgent need to do so even sooner. He has adapted to the routine quite well and rarely resists, but it does tire him so much that the rest of the day is spent napping off and on.
Previous attempts at showering were met with great resistance despite the fact that we modified his bathroom with a walk-in shower complete with wall-mounted pull down safety seat, grab bars and hand held shower sprayer.
At this point, something is better than nothing!
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I got some very nice perfumed shampoo and conditioner. ("Hello" by Harvey Prince...smells awesome!) She loves it and loves being told how nice she smells afterward. The actual shower is still a battle, though. Also, Walgreens has a cap that is waterless and does a good job of washing hair. You heat it in the microwave and put the cap on her head... scrub it around a bit.. then towel dry her hair. For those days when you just aren't up for a fight..
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I have been caregiver for my husband , who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's for over two years. He is currently in rehab therapy in a Nursing Home until next week, when he will come home again after a two-week stay in ICU for his kidneys shutting down and potassium levels dangerous. He sat out in the 95 degree heat on Father's Day and refused to come in to drink. He had been physically abusive to me as well. He landed in the Hospital and in ICU. I am about burned out already, and talked to the Director of Nursing at the Nursing Home he is in. She told me not to wait until I was burned out as it would do no good to have both of us down. I suggest the same for you. When I feel it is too much for me to handle any more, I will put him in a long-term Nursing Facility. I love him dearly, and it will be the worst thing to be apart from him, but I know my limitations. Medicaid will look at it as "no one home to care for him", if I am unable to do it. I am 72 years old, and incapable of helping him if he falls. He is also a fall risk. It is a devastating disease which robs the victim and the caregivers of any quality of life. Good Luck and God Bless You. Bonnie O.
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I am my husbands caregiver and he has Leweys Body Dementia ( there are 7 types of dementia, Alzheimer's being the most known) and I don't think that it's really the disease but more a fear of safety. My husband was reaching a point where he refused bathing and with talking to him I found it wasn't because he thought he'd already bathed, but because he feared falling. Also, he prefers the shower tub combo instead of the master bath shower which is smaller. He didn't feel he had enough room in it and in the shower tub combo he had difficulty lifting his feet into the tub. I've gotten him a shower transfer chair to help him use it.
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Mom is 95, has MCI with short-term memory loss and has had CNAs on a daily baisis for almost 3 years, starting with 4 hours in the morning (shower, dress, breakfast, lunch) to now 24/7. We now when she refuses a shower that she's got a problem, whether UTI (confusion) or simply not liking the CNA on duty that day. Showering is a very personal activity (getting naked with a caretaker). Some days Mom wakes up "not feeling good" and wants to go back to sleep, but the CNAs gently reminder that she'll feel much better after a shower, and she usually complies. Since her bathroom and shower are upstairs, she knows she's not going to get breakfast until she showers first!
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There seems to be something about the water that frightens them. It takes a lot of patience and conversations to truly get to the bottom of the situation. I had a case where the gentleman refused to take showers/ baths - overnight he became frightened. In talking with his family, he had a brother that drowned when he was a small boy. This memory was in the resident's mind as if it had happened recently. Family and staff were able to have conversations with resident about how that happened many years ago and all of the new things that were in place to keep resident from drowning.
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My husband will wash himself with liquid soap on a wash cloth, I then give him a wipe to do his bottom. It seems to work for now on his good days On his off days he seems to think he's already washed, but I can still get him to get it done.He's negative about it but it gets done. I have to watch him like a hawk or he will get dressed without washing and the struggle begins. It's always something.
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SmileAtLife (btw - really love your positivity in name! :-)) - you have the empathy and understanding of many others in this forum with Alzheimer's/Dementia afflicted loved ones. You will find numerous postings on this subject and a wealth of suggestions for how best to deal (or, sadly in some instances, not) with this situation, as well as much needed support as you navigate other challenging issues. Sending blessings and hugs to you........
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Llamalover - is this the article you referred to from the Alzheimer's association:

http://www.alz.org/cacentral/documents/Dementia_Care_32-_The_Battle_of_the_Bathing.pdf
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How do you convince a son that won't speak to me because I put his dad in
a facility?? I took care of him for 6 years and doctors said I should place him.
They were worried about my health. I am going to be 81 this month.
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Just throwing this out there for comments. Has anyone tried, or would anyone even recommend, having a parent with dementia or Alzheimer's who's still able to communicate fairly well (there are apparently many of us with loved ones in this state) read the article from the Alzheimer's Assoc.? I ask because I have little doubt my mother would be able to read and understand it, I just don't know if it would do more harm than good. Anyway, just curious as the thought crossed my mind after reading it.
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Imb1234: Yes, that is the article. SmileAtLife (and yes, what an upbeat screen name), look at the article that Imb1234 uploaded. I agree; water hitting their bodies does seem to frighten them.
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My 88 year old mother, with dementia, does not NEED to take a shower. Why? Because she said SHE JUST TOOK ONE. LOL I live with my mother and this topic used to be our main argument? Guess what? I decided it's not worth it. It's not worth the arguments and all the other stuff that goes with it. She is "dirty" right now and I'm just hoping one day soon she will get in the d@mn shower. I have given up on that topic. I'm done.
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I'm sorry to say that elders do have an odor about them, not all, but some. And why? They lack the strength to bathe well, even if they have bathed at all! Say they have a shower chair that they sit on in the shower stall...guess what DOESN'T get washed...you guessed it, the rear end. That's the one part that needs the most cleanup! So I can relate to your post, SuePeace! I'm sorry, but I really couldn't get that close to my mother...phew...just about knocked me over! I hope as I age that someone tells me "hey lady, you stink!" LOL! ROFL!
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Well, if nothing else (like getting my mother to actually bathe), I'm getting some chuckles out of SuePeace and Llamalover47's posts. Many hands (or in this case, many soulmates) lighten the load, so to speak.
Tric6748 - very sorry you have to deal with the situation you are describing, and everyone on this forum is so supportive so you've come to the right place. But you would probably get more "on target" advice by asking a new question that relates to just these issues. Hugs for comfort - at 81 you deserve some rest!
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There are shower chairs that have holes in them like a commode. They use these type chairs in nursing homes, however, the nursing homes use very large, wheeled ones that they just wheel the resident right into the shower. For the home, go to your local home care or surgical supply store. I feel your pain as it took me almost 3 hours from start to finish to shower my Mom. She passed away 3 1/2 months ago but it brings back good memories to know I made her feel so much better after her "pampering".
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Hubby is 93. I'm 74. I shower him every 4 days. He puts up no argument. It's also been suggested to me that every day is detrimental as it dries the skin out to much. And the shower chair, I can understand how that part of the body doesn't get washed especially if the person can't stand up. Water doesn't frighten him either. He will actually stick his head under the shower without my asking. So, maybe I'm lucky. He's in the part of dementia where he finds it hard to remember words. God bless you folks who are having such a hard time!
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