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I have written here a few times. Been thinking of pulling away from family members we have a POA for. It's my husband's aunt and uncle. They adopted him as a child and have no other kids. His uncle has dementia and the aunt cares for him. The uncle drove other family members away with confrontational and weird behavior, and we are all they have left. Right now, I need to take care of us first, but I still very much worry for them. They are a day's drive away, and they are isolated.


There have been a few glimpses that make me feel they could be at least in danger, but also the wife may be getting injured or abused by the husband. She's gotten hurt a few times and even told us he "accidentally" hurt her, but she downplayed it a lot. I was wondering if there are any good articles about this or if anyone has experience with this with other family members, I would like to read others' experiences.


I'm considering calling outside help, but not totally sure if I should or not. DH is worried it could make things worse even though the local department of aging seems to be run by compassionate and intelligent professionals. The aunt has repeatedly said she doesn't want people coming to their house. My conscience says to take a chance on getting someone to check in on them, but I worry about upsetting everyone and potentially making them stressed out or even sick if they catch COVID19.

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Let's turn this around, okay? Ask yourself this; if he by some remote chance hurts her badly, or God forbid, she dies at his hand, how much guilt are you gonna carry bout that? The authorities will see it as neglect on your part, that you didn't bring someone in to start with. I'm a care giver for Alzheimer's/dementia seniors, and these people can sometimes be stronger than superman.! Please, protect yourself, and you relative, you know the right thing to do, that little voice in your heart is telling you to made some calls, get help for you, and the relatives. Help is out there...find yours....and do it now...
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The alarms are going off in your head for a good reason. I hope you act on it. They’re blessed that you care.
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She's primary caregiver to a man with dementia. She has sustained injuries, and on at least one occasion "explained" that the injury was accidentally caused by her husband.

How bad does it have to get before DH will agree that experienced, trained and - your impression - compassionate and intelligent professionals can't possibly make it any worse?

Call them for advice. It's a good first step.
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