Follow
Share

My brother and mother lived in another state. He cared for her, although she was quite mobile, then he died in 2017. I visited her and spoke with her regularly and then she continued to tell me a niece I’ve not met was helping her that live nearby. Eventually I was cut off from communication, I felt niece was answering the emails. My mom's little sister blasted me when I contacted her to stay out of their lives yet mom said she rarely called. I have a disability myself but I have traveled up and I have not seen her over the last three years, I just found out the house is quietly for sale and my mother is no longer there based on estate sale. I did find that she’s in a nursing home but I am not allowed to see her. I never had any issues with my mother, but my mother's niece by marriage, her little sisters child’s wife, has control. I do feel my mother inherited a large amount of money when my father died of a disease. I’m wondering if there’s anything I can do at this point. A few distant relatives went to the estate sale and bought the family photos for me, what a tragedy. I know if my mother had a say in it, she wouldn’t want her things sold that way, so my guess is she’s gravely ill or has dementia. It’s unfortunate I’ve had health problems in another state, but I did see her twice in 2018, I have always sent letters, flowers, gifts, candy, sent emails, text, phone calls to no avail. I feel very sad that the last years I’ve tried, but I will not have an opportunity to see her. I do see the greed in this family, as they want everything that is my mothers. The last will I was given was in 2009, but I do know that was changed after my father died in 2010 as a great deal of money came to my mother. My now deceased younger brother wanted all of the money in his name to take care of mother. I didn’t fight that. My guess is she signed over everything to niece after my younger brother died in 2017... It was hard to look at the estate sale photos as I just found out the night before, all of the memories that belong to myself in my deceased older brother's children, etc. Although, my efforts would be to go see my mother, but it’s a long journey to go and not see her from airport and not be allowed to finally hug her. If nothing else, I’m venting. Thank you for any response you may have.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
For whatever reasons (no one is here to judge your reasons at all) you have been out of contact. You feel that some in the family have cut you off from what contact you COULD have. And now Mom is in care. Clearly someone is appointed conservator, POA or guardian and you do not know who that is. As I understand it you are/remain too ill to attempt a visit with your Mom without reassurance you can actually SEE her upon arrival. And you are are not in touch with those who are caring for her. I hope I got all that right.
If the communication is to be about wills and estate while Mom remains alive I doubt they will speak with you at all. Or let you visit Mom. Full stop.
BUT
if any talk of home sales, wills, estates are left out when you see Mom, and if you ask if you might please speak with your Mom to tell her ONLY that you love her and will always have good memories of her, I think that is worth a try.
You might consider a lawyer letter to the person you hope is in charge, asking for accompanied visit to your Mom, meaning that whomever the family appoints to attend Mom with you would be there to monitor the visit, to make certain that any visiting with Mom is not about wills, estates and etc. but simply a visit to say you love her.
You might also try a letter on your own to beg to be allowed to do this with a monitor of their choice present.
As to inheritance? I would "guess" that they are selling the estate in order to provide costly care to Mom in her last time on earth. As you can't know any of these details there is really no sense in trying to know them. It is a waste of time and energy.
If your Mom has a Trust then upon her death nothing will be published and the only way you will know whether you are an heir or not is to wait and see if you are notified you are a beneficiary. This must be done by law. If it is a will it will be published in probate court and you can access it after your Mom's death.
I am truly sorry, but in circumstances of long estrangement there is little other than this that you can do that I know of.
I think only a very evil person would be denying your Mom a visit from her daughter at this point IF they are completely reassured that this visit isn't about MONEY.
If those folks who gave you the pictures (bless them) know Mom's condition I hope they will bring peace to your mind in letting you know how she fares. If she is no longer present mentally at all you can relieve your mind that a visit is worthless and of no value to anyone.
As to inheritance? That is best just forgotten about, I think. Relieve your mind of thought of it. Should you ever receive one it will be a happy surprise. But at this point I think there is little you can do.
You might consider a one visit with an elder law attorney for advice.
Best to you. I am sorry for all this sadness.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I am so sorry you are experiencing this. It would have been nice if this niece (who really is not a blood relative)had kept u in the loop. There would have been no way you could of cared for her or had POA but would have been nice to contact you.

There are some children that should never be involved with a parents care because they are toxic so a POA has the right to keep them away. But I don't think its right to keep a child away from a parent because you have POA. Not allowing that child basic info on the parent.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Do you know the location that your mother is living now? If so could you visit without discussing in advance with the niece or other family? Most nursing homes welcome visitors for their residents. Unless you don’t know the exact location or have been placed on a no contact list, I’d bet you could visit
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Consult an elder care attorney - there’s such a thing as undue influence. Unless you are a danger to your mom or your mom refuses to see or talk to you , no one - especially the POA - has the right to keep you from talking or seeing your mom. That’s definitely not part of her authority as a POA. I think a consult would be worth your time and give you peace of mind to know what your options are.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter