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My 91 year old father lived alone but has increasing trouble with forgetfulness and daily needs. He can dress himself, walk on his own, play the piano and be very charming and with it but then he forgets what happened in the present. He makes numerous phone calls to all our siblings because he can't remember that he just called.This caregiver is trying to train my father to rely solely on him and to change things that my father used to do and that brought him comfort. My brother stayed upstairs in the evenings and the caregiver wants him out and wants us not to pick up my fathers phone calls . I

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2 year old post and resolved.
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Heck no!
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Get that caretaker out of there as fast as you can. Especially if no one in the family has POA for your dad. Very suspicious.
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I just lost my edit button on the last post but I thought of something else so I'll just start a new post.

Another thing I noticed you mentioned is this person is actually a "new" caregiver. This is a sure sign of financial abuse or at very least planned action of it. Vultures planning attack first to make preparations by keeping everyone away from the victim, this is exactly what happened to my foster dad. I actually had two different dad's, a bio dad and a foster dad later on because my bio dad was never much of a father to me. I may not have the money to fight the professional guardian to remove her and overturn the guardianship me or dad even saw coming, but I can sure get my story out there and tell everyone what happened and expose this person for who she really is. The last time I saw him, he was being handled roughly and there was definitely tension in the air that particular day. This was the second abuse I saw at that same nursing home from that same particular ward.

Now, you can take steps to protect your loved one's finances, and I hope this elderly person who is being targeted isn't carrying any cash in their wallet. If they are, get a hold of that wallet and put their cash in their bank account and leave it there. Lock up any and all check box and expensive jewelry. I would talk to the bank and let them know what's going on but try to find out if this victim has a joint bank account with this abuser. If so, tell them what's going on and what you told us here, they should be of great help.
By law banks mandatory reporters. You can also call the APS and report what you told us here and you can even remain anonymous. When you check the person's wallet, grab all cards and lock them up, I personally would go for a safety deposit box at a bank you trust but go for the victim's bank and speak with the bank manager privately and then have the manager take the victim privately by themselves into their office but you wait in the lobby after speaking with the manager. That way, the manager sees you're not up to no good if you're willing to wait for your loved one in the lobby and let the manager deal with this. They're supposed to know their customers' banking patterns, which is a way they help protect you. I can't stress enough how important it is to keep all of your money in the bank and just go all digital. Going digital means there's a record kept with your bank of every one of your transactions. This is partly why I don't carry cash no more or do any business with cash only places. Cash can also get lost or stolen, (especially if you happen to accidentally lose your wallet). Also situations like yours are perfect examples of why it's best to keep it all in the bank. That way, if a vulture happens to show up, they'll quickly fly the coop when they realize they can't get nothing from you. It seems funny when you run into wealth, you have friends and even so-called relatives, out of the cracks until that wealth is gone and they vanish. I don't know if you have any idea how important it really is to protect yourself, especially as you get older. The earlier you start, the better because the smarter you'll become especially after doing your homework and learning what others have been through. You never really know how serious this is until you yourself have a situation fall into your own lap when it gets that close to home. That's when you start wising up and I think what happened with my bio dad is exactly what it took for me to wise up and start getting smarter with my own money. It's not the money I use to pay the bills, it's my extra money after bills and groceries that I had to become smarter with. It's good to enjoy shopping, but people often overspend until they're broke. If you ever wonder why America is in financial ruins, that's only one good example. It took a vulture secretly taking advantage of my vulnerable dad to realize how important it is for me to start preparing for my own future. When you're in a situation where no one will finance you for a car alone just because you don't When you're in a situation where no one will finance you for a car alone just because you don't make enough money have enough income have enough income, you come to the point of realizing you don't have no other choice but to cut out all extra spending and not spend another dime until you get a car. It's not until you have something hit close to home that you realize sometimes you hit situations that require desperate actions. When you get desperate, your actions show it.
Right now, someone needs to take over the finances for this elder who needs their money for their own needs. It sounds like this person probably needs to be in a facility where they can get the right help but be careful, not all nursing homes are equal. Set your standards high and only go for five star rating and nothing less. It seems funny the vulture in this person's life must know they have something or they wouldn't be pulling this trick you're describing. If this person can't manage their own finances no more, someone trustworthy needs to do it for them before all the money and valuables are gone. Apparently this vulture knows something, and when vultures find out what you have, then they make their move but not until they find something they want. This is why you really need to round up everything of value and get a hold of it before the vulture does, even if you need to take the police with you to help you get this done. When handling someone else's wealth, don't be tempted. For too many people this is easier said than done but you're actually better to hire a guardian who really doesn't need the money. Of course having a guardian is always a risk even if they don't need the money because professional guardians can also be vultures. Sometimes you just don't have a choice if someone develops dementia or Alzheimer's, but I'm glad new medications and other treatments are being discovered to slow down progress and keep patients independent longer. What I would do now is see about researching to see how diet may also be able to help slow down or even reverse mental decline. The more you can have this person restored, the better
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I see exactly what's going on and you have an abuser on your hands! That person if you noticed is preventing any contact with the elder, that's called isolation (first sign of abuse).

Now, you mentioned they want to "train" the elder, (what they really want to do is coerce them out of everything they have that's of any value). You really need to do your homework and wise up about elder abuse, including but not limited to elder financial abuse. Abuse can happen to anyone at any age from any life stage

Special warning:

I don't know where your elder is located, but if this happens to be anywhere within Lorain county Ohio, you may want to have a heads up because there's a lady in her 50s who also took advantage of my bio dad home later developed Alzheimer's. She became his POA, moved in with him, then took advantage of him when she used her POA to change the beneficiary on his ford motor life insurance policy through UniCARE. I'm dealing with the aftermath of this right now as we speak, there's a pending lawsuit. Please don't end up in the same situation I'm dealing with right now, these types of cases can be long and aggravating. I'm just warning you from experience because I'm dealing with the aftermath of elder financial abuse.

Apparently your elder has some money/assets or this vulture wouldn't be doing what they're doing to gain everything and benefit themselves. This person doesn't care about your loved one, you can bet this person has other plans.

What you want to do is immediately fire this vulture. I don't know how long they've been working for you, but I wouldn't give them another dime.

Does this vulture work for an agency? If so, immediately call the agency and report it now before it's too late and your elder ends up broke, it will happen. If this is just a private individual, I would definitely make a police report. If this person has a car, get the license plate number so that you have a better reference of who this person is and then go for a permanent restraining order.

Now, do a background check and look in the public records to see if this person has been in trouble before. If so, post it all over every social media service out there and warn everyone, especially if you can get a picture of this person to include in those posts. You don't know how many more people this person has actually targeted and everyone unsuspecting who has not yet been hit really needs a fair warning that'll prevent exactly what others have already been through
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"so he can TRAIN the elder person"!!!!! Something is seriously wrong here!!
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Well, I might not have the answer you wish to hear. But, I am assuming you checked the background of this caregiver. Also, the company who sent him. YOU hired a caregiver to do what neither of you can do for whatever the reason. I would imagine it would be a GREAT idea to leave the caregiver alone at least for the first couple of weeks. READ your referrals and information about the caregiver. Do you want your father to rely on his children when they are not there? I know this sounds harsh. But, if everything has been checked out and after maybe about 3 days, of visiting of the family, leave the caregiver alone and let your family member grow to trust the caregiver in order for a peaceful time for your loved one. RELAX. All will be well as long as you have done all your homework.
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Something is seriously wrong with this caregiver. Get that caregiver out immediately. Call the company he works for and request a new one and complain. He has no business trying to train your father. I would seriously wonder if the caregiver is abusing the father in some way or by taking advantage. The caregiver could be hitting your father. The caregiver may be stealing his medications or money. And it sounds like the caregiver is mentally abusing your father. It could be much worse than trying to keep family away behind closed doors. Something is wrong. Make sure to do something about it.
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Get rid of that caregiver. Contact an elder law attorney to discuss your options. Hopefully there are powers of attorney in place otherwise you may need to seek a conservatorship to stop the undue influence which one of the many forms of elder abuse.
madridlawgroup.com
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Throw out this caregiver with the trash
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Years ago I had a dear friend. Her "caregiver" took over completely causing my friend to not want to see anyone except the caretaker. Long story but finally the family and I found out the caregiver was robbing her blind. I took over her care as a POA and went through months of pure hell (working full time) to get back "lost" pension and social security checks, forged checks, etc. GET RID OF ANYONE WHO WANTS TO BE SO CONTROLLING AT ONCE.......DANGER LOOMS.....DON'T WAIT. When I was trying to get money back that was stolen (and, yes, another $l00,000 out of her bank account), my life was threatened by the caregiver. GET HELP IF YOU NEED IT BUT GET THIS CARETAKER AWAY FOR GOOD - NOW - BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!
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A caregiver does not "train" the person he or she is caring for. Period.
Perhaps a few restricted tasks might necessitate some work with the patient, but nothing to the extent that would require seclusion from family.
This not only sets up red flags.  It should scare any family members silly.
I would fire this person IMMEDIATELY.
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We have cared for my mom, now 94, in our home for 15 years. Sometimes, after initially training a new caregiver, I intentionally leave the house to return about 3 hours later, to see how things are going. Initially I never leave them long enough to go to my office for 8 hours. But, if any caregiver acted like the one "under inquiry" -- I would have him/her out of my house IMMEDIATELY.
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No, I dont think you should trust this carer. Your father
Is incredibly vunerable. You and your siblings should be able to drop in at any time and every thing should feel right and look right when you do.
What is this carer trying to keep hidden that cant be observed by family
Something, not right about it.
Chòse another carer who is fine with family popping in.
Openness is more trustworthy.
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Never. A caretaker I hired for my mom wound up stealing from her, friend of a relative. After moving in with my brother, I got a letter from a lawyer saying I was to have no contact with my father. After getting POA, stole everything. No recourse to recover anything.
This caretaker should be replaced.
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I'd get rid of the caregiver and Fast!! Think about it..When you search for a child day care they say that you as a parent should be able to walk in anytime during the day without calling, well, the same should be done for your elder parent. I wouldn't trust this person and you have to ask yourself why he's doing this. Nope, get him out and away from your father!!! A lot of elder abuse goes on behind the scenes...Same as with children!! Good Luck!!!
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I just lost my mom (after caring for her before and during dementia for 7+ years) and I can tell ~ unequivocally ~ that I would NEVER have agreed to such an arrangement with a new caregiver. In fact, I didn't leave her alone in the hospital or with an unknown caregiver until I got to know them and how they behaved ... meaning at least one morning or afternoon together then maybe a few hours alone but not enough to do damage until I knew how they behaved with her. If you are not in such a situation, PLEASE install cameras without the knowledge of the new caregiver AND lock up your home tightly except the immediate area of care. This sounds like nefarious behavior, especially if dementia is involved. Abuse, neglect and/or theft could be in play, in addition to coercion (i.e., getting elderly person to sign over POA, etc.) to new caregiver. Also, if dementia is involved, you have no way to verify the truth regarding who did what to whom and when.
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I would've fired his a** day one
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I hope someone hid the valuables, checkbooks, bank statements, jewelry, silver, etc. If it were me, I'd give this guy the heave-ho in short order. Seriously.
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I became a POA and guardian for a dear friend and did this for 28 years. In the beginning, it was pure hell. She was scammed by an Avon representative, money stolen, locks changed to keep family out. It was a true horror story and when the family and I realized what was happening, I literally went to hell and back to get these people out of the lady's life. I can tell you without a shred of doubt - this is a DEADLY SITUATION. FIRE THAT CARETAKER AT ONCE - BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE. I speak from experience. Once I took over, there was peace among the family and the lady and me and she was well taken care of until she died at age 98. Do not let this person into the home ever again - get rid of that caretaker now before it is too late.
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Good to see things have been taken care of. I'd still report that guy to Sr. Services and/or his agency or whoever referred him...
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I wouldn't allow ANYONE to take complete control and expel me from my Mom's life! Stuff that crap! (Sorry - this is just BS!@) Report this guy to whoever gave you the reference, Do run a background check of your own, even if an agency claims they did, and YES - install a very discrete but good "nanny" cam to check things out! I'd also go in and remove any valuables (papers, records, jewelry, etc.) from the house, and ban the guy from any knowledge or input into your Dad's financial situation. GET HIM OUT OF THERE! You could also inquire about this situation from the Sr. Protective Services ofc. in your state/city - they might be very interested in this "caretaker"! You need to keep a total overview of everything and everybody involved in your Dad’s care.

It makes me think of a friend of mine who was 92 and lived by herself, renting an old mobile on an acre of land. We weren't really personally close, but I brought her water every month for 5 years when her well went bad, so saw her at least that often. She was a wonderful old gal - had an entire room set up with professional-level machines and bales of material and spent her time making small quilts to give away to nursing homes, safe houses, hospices, etc. Anyway, a "friend" from church moved in with her to "help" (It didn't seem like she really needed someone there all the time, and I'm guessing it was more they said they needed some place to stay...). The woman was only there for about 4 or 5 months, but since she was there I wasn't regularly bringing the water... I did stop by to visit several times, though, and didn’t get a really good feeling of being welcomed by the “helper”, and Mettie didn’t seem really happy. The third time I was told Mettie had died - just toppled over and gone! The "friend" had then arranged with the owner/landlord of the property to stay on in the mobile, and was really busy hauling all of Mettie's stuff to the dump or Goodwill when I stopped by. Of course, she hadn't bothered to call me (or probably anyone else) to let me know what had happened... I so wish there had been someone responsible watching out for Mettie, and I am still suspicious of the whole thing. Some people can be rotten!
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No. Fire them immediately and check for stolen items. Check to make sure they didn't have him sign over checking accounts, poas etc to them. Consult an attorney.
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Thank you vicky64. I missed that.
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Green jean and sojoinny, if you go back 4-5 posts you will find that the caretaker has been replaced and the current one is acceptable to all! Hopefully, that situation will remain a good one!
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Josephine24 please tell me this "caregiver" has been fired! Way too many red flags. Changing a dementia persons environment is not good, removing the family is hugely suspect - all the comments are spot on - get him out of there. This is not a healthy scenario and will end poorly. Praying for you - have the strength to take control and tell your siblings he is out - find a new person.
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Happy Fourth of July!
If anything, you and your siblings had to get together on this! And Dad is okay!
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Thanks for finally letting us know something. Hope all works out well for you and your family and especially your father.
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Hi Everyone,

Thank you for your concern and my apologies for not responding sooner. Thanks to your advice, my siblings and I have had many conversations and discussions. We now have a new caregiver for my father who has been satisfactory so far. We are still considering moving him to an outside facility in the future, but so far things are ok. Thank you again.
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Josephine? How is it going?
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