My mother-in-law is 97 years old. She refuses all help from Medicaid, or doctors. She won't use a walker or cane as she says those are for old people. Any suggestions?

Looks like you will need to file eviction papers to get her out of your home.

Send her to the helpful family member.

I have this one question I would ask every caregiver.
Whose life is more important? Some might argue both, possibly. I would say caregiving should not be about sacrificing your health or your life!
Time to put yourself first. You have every right and responsibility to yourself.
You had heart attack, your own physician should be first person to say no stress or strenuous activities.

Tell her she IS an old person. If it makes her angry, maybe she’ll leave.
If she doesn’t leave, tell she’s an old person who needs to leave immediately.
Whatever works! You and your husband aren’t required to provide her with a home. I hope you find a solution to this problem soon.

Its irritating when old people won't use their walker or other devices to help them walk because they say those things are for old people. News flash at 97 you are not only old you are practically ancient, so check your ego and utilize the resources to help prevent a fall.

Here's a thought.

Book a month long absence. (Vacation, cruise, cheap motel, Airbnb)

Report her to Adult Protective Services as a vulnerable adult.

If she is found to be competent, start eviction proceedings.

Unless she is living in her own home and you've moved in with her.

In that case, simply leave.

FedupinCO, welcome to the forum. Learn to say "I can't possibly do that" over and over until it becomes second nature. Have your spouse do the same. Whatever Mom-in-law wants, you will get to it later, unless it is urgent.

Do you or your spouse still work? If yes, good as it helps with one's sanity. I was still in my 70's and continued with my career, same with my spouse. Work was also a good "excuse". Oh, the stress is still there because the weekends are no longer fun weekends... [sigh].

Many of us here had to wait for a medical emergency where 911 is called, parent goes into the hospital, then into rehab, and then into senior living. That was the only way I was able to get my own Mom [also was in her late 90's] to go into senior living, she had a bad fall because she also wouldn't use walker or her cane. Dad was the opposite, he sold their house after Mom passed as he wanted to move into senior living.

Oh, for heaven's sake. Just pick her up and cart her off to the place the Social Worker found for her. Sign the papers, whatever you need to do.

What's she going to do -- file a lawsuit for wrongful eviction??

Do not let her ruin your marriage. What type of setting is appropriate for her? Assisted living, nursing home, memory care? Hubby needs to sit down with her and tell her it's time to make a choice, if she is still competent. Otherwise, he hopefully has POA and can make the decision for her.

Time for you and hubby to go on vacation - I like that idea. If is safe for her to be alone, then do that. Otherwise, hire more care and do not be available to her for ruining your vacation. Or have her go to respite care.

So sorry for your very difficult situation.

Call the social worker and say you can no
longer care for MIL and there is going to be no more outside help coming .

I’m assuming the social worker has already determined that MIL can’t live alone since you posted that the social worker can find her a place . Hopefully the social worker can arrange to have her removed from your home by a big scary dude .
( I was in a similar situation as well with my mother when a family member did the same thing . I had a social worker come from APS and she determined Mom could not be home alone , she needed 24 hour supervision . A week before the social worker was due to come back with the scary dude to take mom out of the house, my dumb sister told my aunt . My aunt called up my mother and told her that her kids were dumping her in a nursing home and that she didn’t have to go. Mom ended up having a mini mental breakdown on top of her Dementia. Called 911 , Mom wouldn’t go ,so EMTs left . Then mom said she had chest pain. Called 911 again , this time they took her to the ER. No heart attack , but I told them the story. They admitted her for observation . From there she went to her room at AL that she was scheduled to go to.)

Or if the social worker says she is safe to live on her own which I doubt, you start eviction notice.

Or family member with big mouth takes her in .
You have rights , it’s your house .

Op has 3 separate posts going at once. Here is the other one:

We don't know how to deal with her bad behaviour. Does a medical durable poa allow us to place her anywhere?