My mother never had a big appetite. As she aged, she ate less and les. She was very thin. She couldn’t eat a lot of food at one time. She nibbled here and there.
My mother seemed to do better with drinking than eating. She actually told me once that she only ate because she knew that she had to. She claimed that she was hardly ever hungry.
Most people will lose their appetite as they get older. If she can have treats bring her ice cream or other high calorie foods.
Not ideal but when my father stopped eating I bought him those meal in a drink with vitamins the small bottles I later found out my father had tooth denture issues but didn’t say which made things easy! (Not!) so check there isn’t anything physically wrong first overall as elderly decline I read it’s a natural progression this not eating malarkey! I switched to small very soft meals that didn’t need chewing or could give issues swallowing and I stood by him talking as he was made to finish the drink its not easy maybe you eating at the same time and acting like you’re not monitoring may help and check out issues with chewing and swallowing tho as well good luck /stay strong
My mother was refusing meds & food, drink last summer when Dr put her on appetite stimulant meds . After that she ate , drank & gained back lost weight.
If you are in charge of her care, take her to ER for admission. If you are not in charge of her care, talk to the person who is - so he/she will take her to ER for admission. If she is in final stages of her dementia, this is understandable behavior. However, this behavior will lead to death if extended.
The only advice I can give is for you to find a way to accept the situation.
That's difficult because we want to do as much as we can and it feels like neglect when we can't persuade our loved ones to eat. However, your mum (like mine) is in decline. There is no getting better.
My mum stopped eating properly after a stroke. Now, 13 years later, with vascular dementia, my mum rarely eats at all. Some days she'll eat an ice cream lolly, or half a toasted teacake, but mostly she eats nothing all day.
Mum will reluctantly drink the supplement milkshakes, and she's still swallowing her many tablets, but it's getting more difficult for her to do so. She sleeps most of the time and it's a real effort for her to take notice of what's going on around her.
That's no life.
When my mum finally refuses to swallow the milkshakes (she hates them) and/or her tablets, I will know that she will soon be leaving us. I'm not going to force her to swallow, or give her them another way, and I'm trying to get her husband on the same page.
I want my mum to go as peacefully as possible, and for her to have as dignified an end as possible.
Both of my parents lost weight, refused medicines, then food, shortly thereafter..They were ready to move on to their next chapter.🕊️🕊️ Hospice taught me how end of life unfolds peacefully..I miss my Mom & Dad, but know they are in a better place & whole again.❤️😇
After 27 yrs working in dementia and nursing homes as the nutrition counselor..I realize stopping eating and refusing meds is how our elderly are saying..I AM DONE! I plan to step back and let my mom choose when to go! She is in year 6 of Lewy Body dementia. P.S, Living in some family homes where neglect and anger reside is way worse than being in a loving AL, MC or nursing home!
Sadinroanokeva, Not all family homes are filled with anger and neglect. But the caregiver must also have respite time. This is a more than full time 24/7 job. It’s a major commitment putting everything else like vacation, full time work, on hold. It’s not for everyone & you have to get a financial & caregiver plan. As a side note, imho, I don’t think these facilities are loving. They get paid & it’s a job. Family doesn’t get paid & does everything anyway.
Many of these answers are spot on, you're lucky that her weight decline took so long, I've seen people come in and within a couple weeks or months they have lost lots of weight and as a consequence lose mental and physical abilities, then they are put into a wheelchair if not in one already. The end does involve not eating and more sleeping, perhaps if you went there and tried to feed her at one of her meals you'd get more of a handle on what the situation is. Most care workers, home and otherwise, are underpaid and constantly understaffed, CEOs and ladder climbers want to show they can create more profits. I'd go often and at different times to see if an effort is being put into her care or if it's nature taking it's course. I'm sorry you're going through this.
My Mother had dementia and decided to quit eating. I was told by the Nursing director it was nature way of letting go of life. She began sleeping around the clock. I would read Psalm to her. She ending up dying peacefully in her sleep just the way she always said she wanted to go home.
It's not always possible to keep them out. In a perfect world, but sadly we don't live in a perfect world. People have to work , there are tons of reasons. Everyone wishes this wasn't so, it just isn't.
jackie... With dementia people do begin to eat less. There are problems with swallowing. There are problems with chewing. Towards the end of life a person will stop eating, stop drinking. This is normal and it is not painful. As the body shuts down it does not need the nutrients the body can not process food that it would if it were fully functioning. To do a feeding tube would do more harm than good as the body could not process it.
If she is not eating because she is not on the medications that she should be most medications can be dosed as a patch, suppository or a liquid. Any of these could be administered more easily than trying to get her to take an oral medication.
What I would suggest is that you have her evaluated by Hospice. They can let you know where she is, educate you on exactly what is happening so that you have fewer concerns.
Same thing with my mom and her sister. After several months, they wither away and it is usually from their bodies not wanting to eat. One was fully intact mentally and the other had dementia. Both expressed to me that they would not be around next year or much longer and they kept their promise. Both went on hospice and lived only a few days after that. I get the sense that once on hospice, they were at peace with themselves
Is the medication Available in a patch? Maybe she could drink her nutrition in a protein shake..Sometimes loss of appetite could be end of life.Hospice can be very helpful.
When my Mom refused to take her medication, one of the nurses decided to crush the pill into chocolate ice cream, sure enough my Mom ate the ice cream/pill. Afterwards, any time I served chocolate ice cream to Mom (without the pill) she didn't like the taste. Guess the crush pill enhanced the flavor :)
Note: not all pills can be prepared this way. The pill printout should say if the pill is crushable or not.
"I am caring for my mother Deanna, who is 74 years old, living in my home with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, depression, diabetes, and sleep disorder."
Are you her PoA or legal guardian? If not, then I don't think you can remove her from the NH without the permission of whoever is legally managing her affairs. Not sure you even have the authority to request a doctor visit in the facility for her.
Your first discussion should be with her PoA or legal guardian. If she doesn't have one, or you are it, then the lead nurse for her floor, then the admins of the facility.
Please understand that the staff cannot legally force someone to take meds or eat. The most they can do is come up with creative ways to encourage her to do those things. But if you see her regularly and have noticed her weight loss, this is a problem. If you are just now visiting her after a year, then maybe this isn't the emergency you think it is.
People with ALZ do come to a point where they eat less and sleep more and disengage (my cousin won't open her eyes, even when she talks to you, she's very thin and in hospice care at 71).
Maybe it's time for hospice care for your Mom. But her PoA or legal guardian is the one that sets this all up.
More info about who is legally able to make decicions on her behalf would be helpful.
She constantly thinks of food
interesting how different it affects people
My mother seemed to do better with drinking than eating. She actually told me once that she only ate because she knew that she had to. She claimed that she was hardly ever hungry.
Most people will lose their appetite as they get older. If she can have treats bring her ice cream or other high calorie foods.
those meal in a drink with vitamins
the small bottles
I later found out my father had tooth denture issues but didn’t say which made things easy! (Not!)
so check there isn’t anything physically wrong first
overall as elderly decline I read it’s a natural progression this not eating malarkey!
I switched to small very soft meals
that didn’t need chewing or could give issues swallowing
and I stood by him talking as he was made to finish the drink
its not easy
maybe you eating at the same time and acting like you’re not monitoring may help
and check out issues with chewing and swallowing tho as well
good luck /stay strong
That's difficult because we want to do as much as we can and it feels like neglect when we can't persuade our loved ones to eat. However, your mum (like mine) is in decline. There is no getting better.
My mum stopped eating properly after a stroke. Now, 13 years later, with vascular dementia, my mum rarely eats at all. Some days she'll eat an ice cream lolly, or half a toasted teacake, but mostly she eats nothing all day.
Mum will reluctantly drink the supplement milkshakes, and she's still swallowing her many tablets, but it's getting more difficult for her to do so.
She sleeps most of the time and it's a real effort for her to take notice of what's going on around her.
That's no life.
When my mum finally refuses to swallow the milkshakes (she hates them) and/or her tablets, I will know that she will soon be leaving us. I'm not going to force her to swallow, or give her them another way, and I'm trying to get her husband on the same page.
I want my mum to go as peacefully as possible, and for her to have as dignified an end as possible.
She deserves that.
Both of my parents lost weight, refused medicines, then food, shortly thereafter..They were ready to move on to their next chapter.🕊️🕊️ Hospice taught me how end of life unfolds peacefully..I miss my Mom & Dad, but know they are in a better place & whole again.❤️😇
With dementia people do begin to eat less.
There are problems with swallowing.
There are problems with chewing.
Towards the end of life a person will stop eating, stop drinking. This is normal and it is not painful. As the body shuts down it does not need the nutrients the body can not process food that it would if it were fully functioning. To do a feeding tube would do more harm than good as the body could not process it.
If she is not eating because she is not on the medications that she should be most medications can be dosed as a patch, suppository or a liquid. Any of these could be administered more easily than trying to get her to take an oral medication.
What I would suggest is that you have her evaluated by Hospice. They can let you know where she is, educate you on exactly what is happening so that you have fewer concerns.
Maybe she could drink her nutrition in a protein shake..Sometimes loss of appetite could be end of life.Hospice can be very helpful.
Note: not all pills can be prepared this way. The pill printout should say if the pill is crushable or not.
What discussion have you had with your mother's doctors?
What recommendations/choices/options have they discussed with you?
"I am caring for my mother Deanna, who is 74 years old, living in my home with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, depression, diabetes, and sleep disorder."
Are you her PoA or legal guardian? If not, then I don't think you can remove her from the NH without the permission of whoever is legally managing her affairs. Not sure you even have the authority to request a doctor visit in the facility for her.
Your first discussion should be with her PoA or legal guardian. If she doesn't have one, or you are it, then the lead nurse for her floor, then the admins of the facility.
Please understand that the staff cannot legally force someone to take meds or eat. The most they can do is come up with creative ways to encourage her to do those things. But if you see her regularly and have noticed her weight loss, this is a problem. If you are just now visiting her after a year, then maybe this isn't the emergency you think it is.
People with ALZ do come to a point where they eat less and sleep more and disengage (my cousin won't open her eyes, even when she talks to you, she's very thin and in hospice care at 71).
Maybe it's time for hospice care for your Mom. But her PoA or legal guardian is the one that sets this all up.
More info about who is legally able to make decicions on her behalf would be helpful.