I dread my visits now. I visit my mom weekly in the nursing home. My visits are usually quick, lasting only 10 to 30 minutes. She has Dementia and we don't have a lot to talk about. I bring her a small gift each week but she complains about what I didn't bring or how bad the nurses are to her (which I know is not true). I am having a hard time adjusting to her condition and never knowing if she will know me when she sees me or not. Then she makes me feel guilty becasue I don't visit longer. I try to explain how busy I am, but she pouts like a small child. Am I a bad person for making such short visits?? I love her but it kills me to see her the way she is. How do I deal with the guilt?
As for guilt, you take the burden she puts on your shoulders and you let it hang like a boulder upon you. If it were as easy as telling you to just get rid of it, I'd do that, but you and I both know that's not how guilt works.
Do your best. You can keep telling her something like, "I'd rather visit short more often than just wait for a long visit and just never visit." If you say that often enough, depending on her condition, she might remember it -- or, she might now. It's worth a try, though.
This is part of the disease and the process. Not many are happy in a nursing home and usually it is directed at the child/caregiver they are closest to. Mom is very negative about the staff, but when I question her, she really can't give me details.
I hate the entire situation, but it's out of our hands. We just keep doing the best we can. You aren't alone.
Does she have other visitors? I'm curious if she does the same thing to them..It would be nice to know that "you're not the only one"..
I need to try that with my parents any time they complain about something and throw the old guilt trip on me. I don't handle guilt well as I am someone who never had an over due library book and try to do everything right.
I know it seems like the guilt trip is a never ending ride :[