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I am confused about what I should do. Since last December my mother has complained of itching. We went to her PCP two or three times and a dermatologist once. They told her nothing was wrong and told her to use hydrocortisone creme. She also had some feminine itching, so she made an appointment with a gynecologist, who found nothing wrong and prescribed a hydrocortisone creme. For the last two weeks she has been wanting to go to the doctor again for her itching. I told her we had gone several times and I wouldn't take her again. She denied even going to the doctor, though I don't think she believes her denials. My mother loves to visit doctors.

This evening we received a recorded call from the dermatologists office to confirm the appointment on Friday. I don't know what to do. I haven't mentioned it to her. I know she will expect me to take her even after I told her I wouldn't. I know it is a waste of our time and Medicare dollars.

I haven't mentioned to her that I know yet, because I haven't decided what I should do. I thought I would ask what the people here would do. I dread another battle, but I am embarrassed to keep running to the doctors when they can't help.

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Wow, Always, I'm impressed that you found something that worked! Way to go, and good for your son! (Sounds like he's picked up some of Grampa's pride.)

My grandmother never drove but she managed to get anywhere she wanted to go in the city by using public transit. Then the city fathers decided to make bus rides free for senior citizens. Gramma was distressed. "Just because I'm old doesn't mean I'm a charity case!" She was too old to get by with just not showing the free bus pass. Bus drivers automatically put their hand over the money collector machine when she came on. Those who knew her said "I can't collect from you." And, sadly, she actually reduced her bus riding considerably.

Isn't it funny how some elderly refuse to accept "charity" even when it is perfectly reasonable, and others aren't the least concerned about ripping off an overburdened system? Too bad we can't take those attitudes, blend them thoroughly, and redistribute a happy medium to everyone!
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JessieBelle, I totally get it trying to tell your mom about overusing Medicare. I tried telling my mom the same. She told me she was old and everyone owed her and she would take whatever was out there to take. (My proud father had to be rolling in his grave!) When my son heard her say this, he had a royal fit and told her to knock it off with these unneeded doctor appts. She actually woke up and stopped making so many, that coupled with my telling her I wouldn't take her unless I approved. She was on oxygen and it was too difficult to take a taxi. She also was tight with her money and pretty lazy. She always got the required medical attention she needed but she considered these appts "social occasions" as weird as that was. We took her in the car somewhere about 4 times a week so I never figured out why she thought that.
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Is she really itching? Because if she is, that would drive me crazy if it were me. I have a friend whose mother had a stroke years ago, and is itching like mad at the moment. Her mom scratched her shoulder while she was sleeping one night, to the point that when my friend went to get her mother up the next morning, she was covered in blood. With the blood thinners her mom is on, it took half an hour and a chat with the nurse at Kaiser on the phone to get it stopped. She recently had her mom's skin biopsied to see what the heck is going on. If I were you, and I knew that mom was REALLY itching and going crazy, I'd keep on those doctors till someone figured it out. Good luck.
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jeannegibbs, yes my son took after my dad a lot. He puts up with nonsense from no one which included his grandmother. He shamed her for saying she would take handouts. He said as long as you have us, your family, you will never take anything that is meant for the unfortunate. We take care of our own. I wholeheartedly agreed with him.
It took me a lifetime but I finally quit being a doormat and I taught my kids to not allow it either. That was what my mom couldn't handle. She wanted us to do for her whenever she snapped her fingers. We would've been in the doctors' office every day if we hadn't set limits. She eventually had enough of not getting her way and disowned us. It was her decision, a very STUPID one, but it's in the past now.
Where my we lived the bus ride is free for elders. But it's a huge city and riding the bus was not safe for anyone much less an elder so that wasn't an option or believe you me, mom would've been riding all over town on a free pass. And I could never figure out where this attitude came into being because my parents never had that mindset.
Happy medium would be grand!!
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Thank you JessieBelle. My father was a wonderful, loving, generous, humble Southern gentle man. For my son to be like him is the best compliment. My dad got Alz in his 50s and left this world way too soon. He was my rock. Then there's my mom...at least I was fortunate and blessed to have one of the best fathers ever. Why some parents have to be so hateful and cruel like my mother is the biggest mystery of my life.
Hang in there with your mom. I'm sure she has some legitimate reasons for visiting the doctor. But it sounds to me as if she enjoys the attention, good and bad, all this activity results in. That's what is so offsetting and frustrating, it was with my mom. I'm a loner but my mom wanted or needed lots of attention so we never meshed on that topic.
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I'm enjoying your conversation, Mary, Jessie, & Jeanne. Feeding my Mother dinner, listening to Nat King Cole, reading:) My Grandmother took me to downtown Los Angeles on the Red Car a few times before try shut it down. We would go to Bullock's Wilshire and buy butter toffee peanuts for the ride home. I think it was a nickel, but I'm dating myself. WhooHoo !
Have a good evening, all. xoxo
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AlwaysMyDuty, there is the Caregiver's Stories section which is supposed to be for brief, uplifting stories. (Sometimes it gets off track.) Setting a good example there would be most welcome!
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I do understand, Jessie. There is having health conditions and there is using one's heath conditions for attention. Mother does a lot of that, and I believe loses credibility from doing so. A manipulator will use anything for attention. It is hard to know where to draw the line. (((((hugs))))
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Christina, lovely story about your grandmother! Sounds like you're having a good evening. I think it'd be nice for someone to start a thread to share positive uplifting stories about loved ones we spent our childhoods with, if that's allowed on here. It would be a diversion to a lot of the sadness. Smiling for the soul so to speak. :-).
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Nice idea, Mary. Have you started a thread yet? Hint, hint. xo
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