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I finally got the mobile Dr to put in a referral for a neurologist. To test and officially put in writing that she has dementia and cannot take care of herself.


The mobile Dr did a simple dementia test. My mom said the year was 2007. She couldn't draw hands on a clock to indicate 2:00 O'clock. She missed all the questions except her name. She has some pretty wild hallucinations. Gave her SS# to some scam artist on the phone a few days ago. Says some guy stayed in the house and took naps. It goes on and on.


I can't/won't take her to the appt. She refuses to bathe or let someone help her. Smokes like a chimney and is dual incontinent. Refuse to change her depends. You get the picture.


What has anyone found when ordering a transport? Does Medicare pay for it? I know I can call her ins. But every second of my life spent dealing with her B.S. upsets me. My ulcerative colitis has been in a flare for the last 6 months because of her.


And yes I realize she has dementia.


She was a nasty unloving narcissist my whole life.


I have no problem paying for the transport myself if she can finally get a letter and I can get her into a NH where I know she's safe. Right now she has care givers for 5 hours a day and isn't real happy about that.


I just love this forum. I guess misery loves company?


I have gotten such great information from everyone here.


Peace to all of you dealing with Vessels of Evil.

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Step away from the burning building.

It is her right to live the way she wants. You have no obligation to provide care for her.

The only way she is going to get the care she needs is if you stop killing yourself to provide what she doesnt want.
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SoVery, I've not experienced your circumstances but I am wondering why you don't step away and allow the county to take guardianship of her? She will be placed in a facility, get fed, get medical attention, and be in a safe place. Have you thought about this path? I know it creates inner conflict for many in your shoes but you are obviously so very unhappy and stressed and your own health is being impacted. In the end your mom will need to be in a facility anyway, so what difference does it make who puts her there? Under county guardianship you can carry on (or not) any relationship with her as before, only you won't be privy to her medical or financial state or decision-making. That sounds like a solution for the both of you. May you receive peace in your heart as you ponder this.
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I read your previous posts, and you simply MUST break free from dealing with your mother!!!

"My brother who has never helped 1 day is coming from out of state in 2 weeks to figure a way to get her into a NH." I guess since she is still deemed to be competent, that nothing can be done until there is a crisis? I am unclear; does she live with you? As Barb just posted, you are killing yourself. You MUST find a way to remove yourself from her issues.
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Thank you. My brother already had adult protective services come out.
They said even with dementia it is her right to stay in her home. I am executor once she is deemed incompetent. We just want to get her some place that will see to it that she is safe, fed decent food and given her meds.
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Geaton777 Jan 2020
An executor is the one who carries out the wishes laid out in the LO's Last Will and Testament and this person only has authority when the LO passes. You probably mean you are Power of Attorney? This person only has legal authority while the LO is alive. It ends the very second the LO passes. If you are PoA then you will need to provide the original notarized document that you and your mother signed in front of witnesses. If you do not have this, you are not PoA. I would check to see which you are. No one will be able to advocate for her if she has not created legal a document assigning PoA to anyone. That's where the county must come in.
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She lives in the same house that she has been in for over 60 years. I have backed way off from dealing with her. I am the exector/trustee once she 1> dies 2> is deemed incompetent. I have POA.
unfortunately I can not access her funds to pay for her care. She has enough in her checking for maybe another 2 months. The rest is in annuities. I didn't see her on Thanksgiving or Christmas thanks to wonderful advice here. My husband has been going over once a week to refill her pills. So my stress level has lessened.
The annuities are mine and my brothers inheritance. We don't care at this point. We just want to move her and know she is safe. Sigh.......
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Are the annuities in payout?

Have you consulted with an eldercare attorney, using her funds?
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