How long do you wait with angry, stubborn parents? My parents are beyond angry with my brother and I. We had a sort of intervention with them and told them that we are happy to help them in any way we can to live up here in Canada, but that we will not assist them to go back down to Florida where they will have no help and no healthcare insurance. Short history: they are snowbirds, have spent 30+ years in Florida spending 6 months of the year down there. They are now in their late 80s and both have stage 3 COPD and bronchiectasis. They are very sick and frail, and very stubborn. They hate Canada in the winter and are determined to go back down to Florida and don't understand that they could lose all their savings if they had to be hospitalized. My father keeps saying "if your mother gets sick I can drive her home in 24 hours" as if he could drive from Florida to Canada with a sick wife in that time! Also he is not considering if HE is the one who gets sick, she is early stage Alzheimers! They are FURIOUS with my brother and I. Apparently we are terrible, disrespectful children. Now they won't speak to us, or if they do it's just yelling at us and telling us what terrible children we are. I just don't know how much effort I should be putting out to try to help them calm down. My husband keeps saying "You should keep phoning them" but when I do, they yell at me, scream at me and tell me I'm a horrible daughter. It's very upsetting for me. How much am I supposed to take? How many times do I phone them? How many times do I knock on their door?
I also know many from the northeastern USA who come down and move mom or pop back to NY, NJ, or whatever. Just can't continue to live here. Some stay in homes with no one to check on them or visit. That doesn't sound very pleasant does it?
Don't beat yourself up over this. It is true that at some point we become the parents, the roles reverse.
I have heard many stories of parents getting on I-95 and driving to who knows where. They get disoriented and can't remember where they are going. Or, like I saw just yesterday, someone driving the wrong way in the wrong lane!!!!
We all need to know at some point we will be dependent again if we live long enough. My thoughts are with you.
You have to put a stop to the games. I am so glad that you are now better prepared to deal with them, and have adjusted how you will allow yourself to be treated. Take care Joan
How about writing a letter. Sometimes reading the words without the visual and emotional tone of voice and face can be a good thing. It would give them something tangible to read again and again. Make it loving and caring, expressing the concerns, that you want to be there for them and how difficult the distance makes that. I know you have explained that, Face to face, they get to interject their own thoughts and possibly hear only what they want. Stay home! I don't know, it was just a thought. If you think it would work, mail the letter and wait a week or so before calling.
I wish you all the best!
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