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I'm not a medical professional but it's clear that my mother's headed down that path. She gets very angry if anyone, in any way, suggests she might be elderly. The couple times I have suggested maybe she might not be acting rationally or that it would be good to plan for aging she gets very, very agitated and is in complete denial, "I am not old." "I am not crazy!" "I am not losing my mind!" "I do not forget things!" She lives with my dad who is more friendly but has always been utterly passive and is now disabled with memory issues of his own.


Is there any point to getting her to a psychiatrist or neurologist for a dementia diagnosis? She will be very, very angry at both the doctor and me. Already there is a total lack of trust when it comes to family, though she is all too happy to trust friendly strangers and keeps falling for scams, so it's not like I'd be losing that.

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I'm sorry, but from what you described, I think your mother is beyond dementia. The forgetfulness coupled with her growing lack of trust of family and gravitation to strangers along with her elevated agitation are all signs of Alzheimer's. Does she go to the doctor regularly? These behaviors should be addressed. Also, there is a stigma attached to mental cognitive issues and aging among people your mom's age. Just look at the way it is depicted in old movies; she is afraid of becoming that and being subjected to the horrors of what nursing homes used to be.
Years of arguments questioning mom's behavior prompted me to get her assessed (it's how they hide the symptoms, I've read). She hid it so well, I thought it was dementia, until it suddenly accelerated. Now that I know, I take her comments and outbursts less personally and my side of conversations take an easier path to avoid some of the conflict. It's hard "knowing", but she is actually a little calmer now; so am I. She's late stage now, . . . just a waiting game at this point.
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agedbook Oct 2018
I hadn't thought about Alzheimer's but her sister has been diagnosed. My mom, of course, says her own sister is faking it and acting that way to get attention.
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The point of getting your mother in front of an older age psychiatrist, for choice, if you've got one handy, is that these people know their territory. They are *used* equally to people who come to them seeking answers, and people who flatly refuse to accept there is even a question. It will be an opportunity for you to find out where you stand and what your options are from here; and if your mother doesn't want to hear about it then nobody will force her to.

It may also be a step towards getting the legal authority you may need to protect and support both of your parents in future. Go for it. You've nothing to lose.
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Also, there are medications she may be needing that she won’t have access to without a diagnosis.
Is she getting any medical care now? Her regular doctor should be noticing the symptoms and giving advice on her mental state.
Does she have other physical problems that she is in denial about?
She may be hiding those as well in an effort to not appear to be “old. “
Everyone should be seeing a doctor for checkups.
Good luck.
Charlotte
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For some people, they may not want to know, but, most of the time, a diagnosis of dementia, as well as WHAT IS CAUSING the dementia, is good information to have. For example, is it Alzheimers, Vascular, Lewy Bodies. etc.? The patient often is not interested in a diagnosis and even resists one, if given, so, it's mainly for the family and the doctor's knowledge, so they can help the patient.

That info could be used to explain a person's behavior and enable the doctor to know what medication might help. Some conditions are not amenable to medications for dementia and you wouldn't want to have those conditions and take the wrong med.

Also, with dementia, the patient may qualify for certain programs, facilities or other services, that a person without dementia wouldn't.

The information would help with the courts if the patient is living alone and unsafely. It could help convince the court to appoint them a guardian.

And, it's good to know the cause for sure, because the patient may have a vitamin deficiency, UTI, brain tumor or pressure, or some other condition that could be treated. That's why I took my LO to her primary and then to a neurologist. I wanted to rule out things like brain tumors.

I would let the fact that your LO might get upset dissuade you. Sometimes, they have to be taken care of, even if they are not on board with it. Especially, if she is the caretaker of her husband, who has more advanced dementia. I'd see to it that he is safe as well.
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jjmummert Oct 2018
I arranged for my mom's primary dr to refer mom to a neuropsychologist for assessment. That way I could play dumb when she asked about the appointment. " I'm not sure, but your dr wants you to havd this appointment. I hear it's a routine thing for many folks over 70."
Mom had the assessment...was furious with the results for about a week or so, and then forgot about the whole thing. I had a detailed report with official diagnosis that helped with placement to a memory care assisted living community as well as future medical appointments. In the past 2 months shd has had falls, pneumonia, and a broken shoulder. She is too risky for assisted living and is now in a well staffed, new skilled nursing community where the food is wonderful and she will receive physical, speech, and occupational therapies.
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Is there someone besides family she does trust? In my husband's case, he refused to see his primary physician to get a diagnosis, but he had regular appointments with his heart doctor, and he did trust and like him. I wrote a letter explaining the circumstances and gave it to the doctor's nurse when I took my husband for his check up. I told him I had made an appointment with my husband's primary doctor, but that he would not listen to me. I also included some of the symptoms which were worrying me about his behavior. His heart doctor convinced my husband that he needed to have a check up, and we therefore got the diagnosis of dementia, and he was told to stop driving and give up his driver's license. As for the medications, they really did not slow down the disease itself, but perhaps some help for your mother's anxiety could be prescribed. So often family are the last people our loved ones with dementia want to trust, when they need our help so very much, so any outside help you can get, take advantage of it. Hope this helps. HettaK96
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I think a diagnosis is very important. I'm dealing with this with my mother and took her to a neurologist. While it was definitely diagnosed thru MRI & tests, the dr was able to prescribe medication that helps some and support for me. Its sad, there to see your parent decline, knowing there is no cure. But there is a lot of comfort in knowing i am doing everything i can to make it easier for her.
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Yes, and no. The diagnosis helps you prepare what lies ahead, and start planning on her wandering and trying to escape out of the house and falling in the middle of the street. Get financial affairs in order and anticipate full-time care or putting them in a nursing home. I have been dealing with my mom's Alzheimer's for nearly ten years now and the last four were severe. She is total care now. I have to do everything for her including toilet her.
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I agree with everything already said -- you folks are the best! -- and I would add: what if it's something simple that can be addressed? One commenter mentioned brain tumor, but there's also: urinary or other infection; post-shingles, post-polio, or even post-herpes brain issues; and the simplest of all -- vitamin deficiency!

A competent screening exam and some more-than-routine bloodwork would go a long way toward finding out if this is treatable or permanent.
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agedbook Oct 2018
I'm afraid it's not very sudden, but has been sort of a decline for a few years. It's just reached the point of "wierd" like thinking not understanding how old the grandkids are or showing up at the wrong time for doctors appointments - multiple times. I had to take over my father's medication since she just about killed him with double doses.
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Our GP actually advised against getting a neurological assessment for my husband because there was no reason to stress him out and lower his self-esteem. There’s no reason to give my husband a reality check on how far down the path he is. And me? I’d love to know, but I also know it would be devastating for my husband.

Your situation is a bit different. Good luck. It’s not easy.
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DrBenshir Oct 2018
You just convinced me to make a different choice from you. Without a diagnosis you can’t plan any effective treatment. I want to do everything possible to slow the deterioration and have as many good years together as we can squeeze out before he is no longer able to be a partner in any sense. Good luck to all of us.
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Some here have said they told a LO they had to go to the doctor because insurance required it. Medicare does ask you get a yearly check up, so could use that too.

Mom needs a full check up. Its probably a Dementia but could be other things too. A UTI, she could be diabetic, etc.
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Yes-and Yes!!! I had to take my mother for a series of testing. I put it off for a while then finally it was put to her like it was brain games /brain strengthening exercises and she went right along as the Dr recommended it and she used to love to go to the Dr.s
I debated this one a while and was surprised when it came down to the cognitive impairment results. She was able to act/carry on quite well but come to find out she also thought it was 1990 something and there were some other areas I was unaware of. She was able to hide quite a bit. The results prepared me for what was coming/advancing and made me realize legally it was necessary as well.
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Go to Dr with your issue(s). Request a memory test be given. She won't know why, they will just tell her that due to her age Medicare requires tests done that she hasn't had before. She's going to get pissed so be ready. Tge Dr will have her taken from the exam room to have blood panels done, your time to talk about the test results.
My Mom had NOT SEEN HER DR FOR OVER A YEAR when I went home. I had talked to Dr's nurse assistant about this. This test was done and when her Dr came into the exam room (had to tell step-sister to get out) he told Mom she only had 5 marbles left and if she loses 1 more he would place her in a nursing home. Talk about getting pissed, sailor mouth!! He told me afterward that she only had 1 card left 1. She will not make it to her appointment in July 2. 1 more hospital stay, she goes into a home.
SHOCKER TO ME 3) get a letter explaining all of her mental/physical in incapabilities. My siblings had not told me about any of this, but they dumped it on my one day in March! I have worked my butt off and extremely stressed over this and crap Step-siblings are causing that I haven't had time to discuss with my therapist, I have extreme fibromyalgia and depression. Mom has become 1st in my life even though I live out of State. I'm her Guardian/Conservator so I am required to see her once a month, I'm happy to do that and take care of their finances. Mom used that last card and step-father has Alzheimer's with dementia so I had to place both in assisted living group home.
Shuck it up Buttercup (just to help you smile) and get things rolling as it's going to get worse. This is the easiest part.
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agedbook Oct 2018
I AM buttercup, hear me roar!

That fibromyalgia is something awful, my step MIL had it - I'm amazed you could do so much!
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IMHO, I’d first look at her nutrition, what is she eating and drinking? GMO processed foods? Or healthy organic meats, fats and fruits& veggies. Second look at what she’s drinking, is it tap water, soda or fruit juices loaded with sugar and chemicals.
Although many will find fault in my thinking, it’s best to get to the “root” of the problem and todays doctors are definitely not the answer as they have no knowledge in nutrition. Poor nutrition is the number one cause of any disease.
Vitamin deficiencies can cause a whole host of unwanted illnesses. Low-fat no fat diets wreck havoc on the aging brain. The brain needs fat to function! Good wholesome grass fed fats and butter.
Many seniors today have serious vitamin D , B and magnesium deficiencies which lead to a whole host of problems.
Also check on what medications she is taking, statin and antidepressants have devastating side effects and rob those who take them of their mind and memory.
If it were me I get a full blood panel to rule out any deficiencies and then get her on a clean organic eating plan with clean filtered water without fluoride. Then supplement with food based vitamins for those she is lacking. And then wean her of all pharmaceuticals.
Just because someone is older does not mean they are losing their mind, stop pigeon holing seniors. Instead try helping them with, love, kindness, compassion and most of all good nutrition!
In the long run it’s much cheaper, without side effects and wasted time in doctors offices.
Too many families today would just rather put their parents away, so to speak or drug them into oblivion to solve their problems the easy way, which to me is pure selfishness. They need to remember they too will be older some day.
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anonymous444729 Oct 2018
Actually a great thought and idea in a perfect world where your elderly loved one is not allergic to many foods and can easily digest fresh things without spending entire evenings pooing them across the house. I only say this in defense of families who do cook fresh and healthy things but it is not practical when those bodies just cannot process the same anymore.
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Yes- if anything...the neuropsychological exam (which is like 2-3 hours long) gets a feel for what the “normal” behavioral patterns are, then measures the decline, and suggests therapies to address the areas of concern. If there’s something that can be done to calm down the yelling/arguments, anxiety, irrational behaviors, or something to strengthen limbs, or slow memory deterioration, it’s worth it. While I guess it doesn’t matter what it’s officially called (dementia, MCI etc) what matters is how it’s treated.
The goal of the test is not to “diagnose a problem” but to provide treatments to help the symptoms that are problematic.
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For me, it just confirmed what I thought.  We were able to start meds for the dementia, which I thought weren't really helping all that much, until she got off them for a period of about 1 1\2 weeks (due to a mess up by me and the pharmacy).  She got really agitated and irate, but after getting her back on the meds after about 2 weeks she calmed down.  Bad 2 weeks!!! 

For my mom, she doesn't accept the diagnosis anyway.  So, it would probably be helpful for you to get a diagnosis, so that meds could be started.  Your mom may never be convinced she has a problem.  I have a problem getting my mom to go to the doctor now because she tells me they are 'just going to make up something about me and put me on more medicine". 

This is a completely frustrating condition that makes ME and MOM both feel crazy.  I wish you good luck!
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agedbook Oct 2018
Hope you're taking care of yourself. In my mom's case there's also mental illness so I have some practice with detachment, but still get frustrated when she pulls a ridiculous stunt
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Your should go ahead and get the diagnosis. What she's eating/drinking etc does not have anything to do with dementia or Alzheimer's. My Mom has Diabetes 3 Alzheimer's....how many people have heard this one? Her GP was a research Dr in this field as the medical area is finding that there are more and more things effecting the human brain.
These illnesses were known as just what happens when one gets old. These illnesses have been around for centuries. One is either wired or they're not.
With my Mom, hers is caused by Diabetes. Why? The brain is the last organ diabetes is able to attack. It's slow and Drs check it off to be something else until it has taken over. I look at it like I have a disability that no one can see, but it is still a disability.
Get the diagnosis because you're going to need it later if you have to go to Court to become Guardian/conservator. Start getting your ducks in a row. Would you rather have the control of care or let it get to the point that the Dr makes the decision?
Been there, am there and it is very hard to face and act upon the decisions that need to be made.
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agedbook Oct 2018
Wow I had no idea diabetes and dementia could be tied together in any way. I'm starting to get the impression that geriatrics is like the final unexplored frontier in medicine ya know?
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