Follow
Share

My mother 86 is living in a small independent retirement building {80 apartments} for the past 8 weeks. The building has common halls, common lobby etc. We, the family caregivers, are given temp checks, wear masks to go in and fill out paperwork every time we enter the building. What I find interesting and scary is these old folks can get in their car and go into the community to shop despite being delivered meals to their doors 3x a day plus snack delivery 3x a day! They are not restricted. Virginia has a stay in place order until June 10. My mom has hooked up with an old boy and he goes to shop at Food Lion and then goes in my mom's apartment and spends hours with my mom who also says they sleep together! She has known him 4 weeks. My brother and I order groceries online and have stayed very isolated for weeks to protect her. So we protect mom but she is exposing us potentially to the virus! That really makes me angry. She feels she is old enough to die but appears to not care about us. We are in our 60’s. I have talked to her numerous times. She has some dementia but has many clear days and hours. She can discuss the virus. We are considering an assisted living move for her. It appears she can not make good decisions. Any thoughts?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
You and your brother are putting yourselves at great risk if you continue to visit your mother. Stop immediately. And look at this -- your state and your city are doing very badly with social distancing.

https://www.unacast.com/covid19/social-distancing-scoreboard
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

This is a very dangerous pandemic and both you and she are in the group most in danger. I don't know that she will be able to move now without 14 day isolation prior to move. She feels that she is ready to die? Then I would be as certain as I am able to see she has access to food delivered, and would protect myself from her. She likely has not the capability of knowing fully what she is doing, but she IS doing it, and you must protect yourselves.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Why on earth are you going to visit and take her food? She is competent and is taking care of her own needs. Take care of YOURS!

Order for her online but don't go to the facility.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

When you said 'we are considering an assisted living move,' I thought Bingo!  and add memory care. 

She still has a car?  Get rid of that as quickly as possible.  Post again on that, and everyone can help advise you, ok?

Your only choice is to make decisions for her to insure her safety and well being or do nothing.  Sleeping with the old boy who shops for her at Food Lion?  Really?  These sound like stories of dementia to me, but I'm no Dr.

Get all her papers in order and her signature/approval to talk to whoever you need to talk to Now .. utilities, insurance, drs., everything.

It'll be hardest now with the virus, but get shopping Now for an ALF with memory care before it worsens and so you can get her moved to a home that's safe and will care for her properly.

Good luck.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
JoAnn29 Apr 2020
Without proof of incompetence, they cannot take Mom's car or move her.
(2)
Report
Stop visiting her. If she is competent then you can’t move her or take away her car. Social distance from her. Don’t go visit her during this corona virus!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I agree with all other responses...stop going to the facility for your safety. Also, right now is not a good time to try to get her into an AL or NH due to this virus and the large spread of it in long-term care facilities. IL management can't stop residents from leaving the facility..it's senior living but not a Memory Care facilty that might lock doors to keep AD patients from wandering.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter