My brother adds no one appointed me caretaker. He says I am in poor health and shouldn't be caring for her. I feel fine. So can I be held liable if she dies? I take her to the hospital or Doctor if she is feeling ill or has issues. Thanks.
I would ignore him. If you have done good …reasonable care there is nothing to worry about. Or pack her up and drop her at his place with suitcase in hand…..outsiders do not understand how hard this job is!
Liable for what? The only way you could be held responsible would be if she was being abused or her needs are being neglected to such an extent that it causes her death, and that would be a criminal matter. Why is your brother catastrophizing, is he concerned for your well being or does he have some other reason? That said it would be wise for a 90 year old to have her legal ducks in a row. Has your mother assigned you or anyone else have POA for health and finance? Has she signed HIPAA forms to allow you access to her medical info? Has she made a will? A living will?
Of course you will be liable, you’re perfectly capable of indefinitely preventing death for a very elderly person, right? People don’t just grow old and die of natural causes…
Is he trying to get you to put her in a nursing home? Does he want to take over her care and/or bank account? Who's going to do the work if you don't do it?
My siblings threatened me and now they are stuck caring for our mom. They wanted the power and now they are sorry that they got what they wanted. I only do the things I feel like doing and they have to be polite or I don't do anything.
Only God is liable when someone dies, unless there is malpractice involved from the medical community. Your brother is blowing hot air and should be thanking you for your help instead of issuing threats!😑
Does your brother have enough money to pay $500 an hour to a lawyer to pursue an unwinnable case? That no lawyer would take anyway? People this age die quite often of their own accord. Your brother is intimidating you. So stop talking to him altogether. You don't have to put up with bullies. He means you harm, evidently, so don't let him harm you. If you don't already have medical power-of-attorney, ask mom's doctor if they can help you get it. There is a separate power-of-attorney called a POA. That puts you in charge of managing mom's affairs. If you don't have one in place, time to get one.
If you want to get snarky and play with his head a little, tell him you will countersue for making false claims and defamation of character. That should set him back on his heels a little. Sometimes it can be fun to taunt fools. Well, there goes my Christmas gifts from Santa, I don't think Santa likes it I get snarky and advise others to do so, too.
Seriously, though, your brother has no legal recourse unless he has evidence of outright neglect, which doesn't sound like he has. In short, he's blowing hot air.
It sounds as if your brother's concern is for you as well as for your mother.
I doubt the question of liability really matters, does it. He's just chosen the most forceful way he can think of to express his opinion that this isn't good for either of you, and whether or not that opinion is valid is what you should consider.
What kind of poor health is he talking about? What does he suggest would be better than the current situation?
Just keep on keeping on and caring for mom for as long as you can, otherwise, he can take over, but he won't. Tell him to go kick rocks and stop bothering you.
Depending on the Will, remind him that your caring for your mother is saving vast amounts of her estate that will likely be provided.
If his verbal abuse continues, consult some aging services and see about obtaining a restraining order to keep him away from you and mom, an extreme measure, but you don't need the added stress.
If you have done nothing to hasten her death If you have done everything you can do to keep her safe and cared for I doubt any lawyer would take a lawsuit against you. Do your best to care for her. If you find that it is unsafe for you to do so then you can make other decisions.
Wow, really?! Just when you need help and support yourself, Brother says stuff like this. Sounds like my son.....just full of judgement, threats, and criticism. Would your Mom be able to afford an Elder Care Attorney? You need legal advice and protection. Who is Power of Attorney? If she can't afford one, have her apply to an agency that gives legal advice from attorneys for an affordable price. Is he saying that you would be liable for her death? He is nothing but trouble.
I doubt your brothers opinion would matter more than any medical professionals stating cause of death. He will have to present some facts, not just mere opinion, courts base or dismiss cases based on facts supported by medical statements. I would ignore his nonsense or tell him to help or take care of Mom if he think he can do better job. Then again who would appoint him a caregiver?
Your brother is an idiot. What exactly is he going to sue you for? What does he think he will accomplish by suing you when she dies - which she will - because she's 90 years old? Has he always been an ass?
That said, do you actually have authority over your mother? Meaning, are you her named durable power of attorney for both medical and financial? Does she have all her important paperwork in order i.e. will and advance directives/living will? In my opinion, it is a bad idea for anyone to take on the responsibility of caregiving for any adult without having the legal authority to do so.
Don't let your brother bully you! Stand up for yourself and let him know that you will not tolerate him harassing you or your mother.
Well, if you want to get into the weeds with him, you can point out that as he'd have no evidence of your responsibility if a 90-year-old dies, you intend to lawyer up with the best attorney money can buy, have a detailed autopsy performed to determine a cause of death, and HE will be required to pay your attorney's fees and expenses when he loses.
Otherwise, just laugh at him, tell him he's hilarious (or an idiot -- your choice), then point out that every day your 90-year-old mother is still on this earth is likely due to your care, not in spite of it.
Isn’t this when you seriously wish that you were an only child? Many of us who went through issues with siblings have had daydreams of being an only child!
Your brother is being a bully. He has no idea of how you are handling the care of your mother because he doesn’t live with you. He’s speculating without any evidence.
I hope this unfortunate situation will blow over soon. Caregiving is stressful enough without additional nonsense thrown in.
Just a word from an only child: it is, and always has been the "pits." Now, I am caregiver and have no one to help me directly or indirectly. All my life, only was missing the L which should be the first letter of the word. If you can afford t, NeedHelpWith Mom, consult and get a lawyer on standby. (Maybe even petition for guardianship of Mom if you haven't done that already.) Good luck and God Bless.
Tell your brother to go pound sand. If your mother is adequately cared for, eats good food, isn't filthy, doesn't live in a disgusting, hoarded mess and receives regular medical care then you are doing just fine as her caregiver. No, you cannot be held liable if she dies. Your mom is 90 years old. She's had a long life. You aren't responsible if she were to pass away. So tell your brother he'll have to sue God. He should be grateful to you for keeping mom out of a nursing home and in turn also preserving potential assets. What you should do is take mom to a lawyer and get made her POA if you haven't already.
I agree with NeedHelpWithMom, wishing you were an only child. I come from a large family with various issues with all my siblings. Mostly for not sharing the caregiving responsibilities, but also criticizing me for various things on top of it. Blaming me if something happens to my mom is definitely within their realm. If anyone wants to know more, you can read my earlier posts, as most of the time I don't even like talking about it. Just like to lock it away, wishing they'd just go away.
Firstly I think that's a totally ahole thing to do from a sibling. Putting that kind of stress and pressure on someone that is managing someone's life. i.e caregiving. It is not an easy job. I gather there's some history between you and your brother, otherwise he would be more supportive and even help you.
I am not sure about the law on this, but if you feel fine caregiving and other's know you taking care of your mom in the best way you can, the doctors, any medical facility, friends, and so on, that's all that matters.
I have not read all the answers but may someone else has commented on legal advice.
I support you, in your role as caregiver, and back your side.
Your brother is a selfish moron. Tell him that his verbal abuse may earn him a banishment. Kick him out or hang up on him if he ever talks nonsense like that to you again. First remind him that if he ever does "sue" you, when (not if) he loses iin couourt he may also have to pay your legal fees as well as his own. Idiot.
That said it would be wise for a 90 year old to have her legal ducks in a row. Has your mother assigned you or anyone else have POA for health and finance? Has she signed HIPAA forms to allow you access to her medical info? Has she made a will? A living will?
Your brother is an idiot
My siblings threatened me and now they are stuck caring for our mom. They wanted the power and now they are sorry that they got what they wanted. I only do the things I feel like doing and they have to be polite or I don't do anything.
Your brother is being a jerk.
Seriously, though, your brother has no legal recourse unless he has evidence of outright neglect, which doesn't sound like he has. In short, he's blowing hot air.
I doubt the question of liability really matters, does it. He's just chosen the most forceful way he can think of to express his opinion that this isn't good for either of you, and whether or not that opinion is valid is what you should consider.
What kind of poor health is he talking about? What does he suggest would be better than the current situation?
Hold you liable?! She's 90 for Pete's sake!
Depending on the Will, remind him that your caring for your mother is saving vast amounts of her estate that will likely be provided.
If his verbal abuse continues, consult some aging services and see about obtaining a restraining order to keep him away from you and mom, an extreme measure, but you don't need the added stress.
Wishing you peace and strength.
If you have done everything you can do to keep her safe and cared for
I doubt any lawyer would take a lawsuit against you.
Do your best to care for her. If you find that it is unsafe for you to do so then you can make other decisions.
Are you being paid to care for her (I should hope that you are!).
What would he like to have happen?
Don't allow siblings and others to manipulate you with their w o r d s .
Years later, I am so very grateful that I did not listen to nor respond to these words from a sibling:
"But you have to!"
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
"Said with an emotional, demanding, loud plea).
He will have to present some facts, not just mere opinion, courts base or dismiss cases based on facts supported by medical statements.
I would ignore his nonsense or tell him to help or take care of Mom if he think he can do better job.
Then again who would appoint him a caregiver?
That said, do you actually have authority over your mother? Meaning, are you her named durable power of attorney for both medical and financial? Does she have all her important paperwork in order i.e. will and advance directives/living will? In my opinion, it is a bad idea for anyone to take on the responsibility of caregiving for any adult without having the legal authority to do so.
Don't let your brother bully you! Stand up for yourself and let him know that you will not tolerate him harassing you or your mother.
Otherwise, just laugh at him, tell him he's hilarious (or an idiot -- your choice), then point out that every day your 90-year-old mother is still on this earth is likely due to your care, not in spite of it.
Mess with his head and tell him he’ll be held liable for failing to provide his share of her care.
Your brother is being a bully. He has no idea of how you are handling the care of your mother because he doesn’t live with you. He’s speculating without any evidence.
I hope this unfortunate situation will blow over soon. Caregiving is stressful enough without additional nonsense thrown in.
Wishing you and your mom all the best.
No, you cannot be held liable if she dies. Your mom is 90 years old. She's had a long life. You aren't responsible if she were to pass away. So tell your brother he'll have to sue God.
He should be grateful to you for keeping mom out of a nursing home and in turn also preserving potential assets. What you should do is take mom to a lawyer and get made her POA if you haven't already.
Firstly I think that's a totally ahole thing to do from a sibling. Putting that kind of stress and pressure on someone that is managing someone's life. i.e caregiving. It is not an easy job. I gather there's some history between you and your brother, otherwise he would be more supportive and even help you.
I am not sure about the law on this, but if you feel fine caregiving and other's know you taking care of your mom in the best way you can, the doctors, any medical facility, friends, and so on, that's all that matters.
I have not read all the answers but may someone else has commented on legal advice.
I support you, in your role as caregiver, and back your side.
Love & Peace.
Kepp a history of his threats including witnesses just in case, but I doubt any lawyer would take him on