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My father needs 24/7 care and can't be left alone. I am primary but don't get paid. My probation requires that I work. They won't transfer it and threatened to violate my probation unless I show documentation that I am caregiver. I don't know what to do. I have less than a year to complete probation. And I'm not even supposed to be out of the county. I drive back and forth 400 miles roundtrip. There is no one else to care for him.

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Your father needs a higher level of care.

Talk to your probation officer about what is going on and solicit her/his help is getting social services involved in getting him placed,

You need a proper job.
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Jennifertillman Mar 2022
I wish that my probation officer would or could assist or help me but she has not been help at all. She told me, "I know you said your taking care of your dad and all but I don't understand what you are doing with your time? And why you have fallen behind on 200 hrs of community service and are not working yet". No matter how I've explained my dad's needs she either just doesn't care to understand or has no idea the hours and help which is required. Bit also keep in mind, she doesn't know that I am traveling back and forth for 400 miles. So she doesn't understand why if I was local, have I fallen behind. I NEED THE TRANSFER! I don't understand the problem with that? Its just one thing after another.
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I don't think you can give your dad the care he needs.

Sounds like you are focousing on dad instead of yourself and what you need to do to get your life back on track.

If you were still in prison how would your dad be getting help today?

If dad needs 24/7 care more than likely he should be in a care home.

Another solution why not move dad to where you live rather than going to dad 400 miles away.
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"My father needs 24/7 care and can't be left alone".

What would he do if you didn't come?

If you lived in a remote corner of the world, of out of phone contact? Or you were too ill & undergoing cancer treatment?

He would be forced to CHANGE his life. That's what.

He may be using you as an excuse not to change his life. It may work... maybe you will both enjoy living together. Or not. Maybe your own life will get sucked away & you will both be living HIS life.

I say find a job you like. In a town you like. Build the life you want.
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Jennifertillman Mar 2022
Yes, your right. What would he do? I remind him of that when he's being grumpy or not wanting to cooperate. I remind him of the rules I'm breaking and life I'm bending and that I don't have to. And the doctors all tell him hes very lucky to have me willing and able and ready to
help. And my dad does know that, he does consider what sacrifices I've made. And he has worked and supported our family all our lives. Right now, this is as new to him as it is to myself and my little brother. He just barely retired early for reason of his glaucoma and he became legally blind according to the system. He is only 64 and his sight was the only thing that was effecting him, up until about 2 yrs ago. His health has depleted very fast. The doctors blame mostly the "Poison" he's been ingesting for so many years has took it's most definite toll on him. And has led to a number of his health problems. Anyway, just last year or maybe 2 yrs now, he's been receiving SSDI. Just this October his Medicare A/B/D started. And it's so hard to understand and get right. I stay on the phone trying to establish what's covered, not covered, who sent home care and why his MRI hasn't been approved yet, etc.... So many problems and so many issues going on, from my side with probation and his with all the medical appts. And things. I'm sure maybe when we get rolling we will maybe find programs to aid and assist in care and be more knowledgeable but as of now, I am all he's got. If I wasn't here, no one would be. He'd be most likely on the floor, and alone. At least till my brother went by to check on him. As for daily, 24/7 care, it's just me. It is very hard. Don't get me wrong. I do need time and info need my own money and career path and life in general. But for now this is what I have to do. I so appreciate your concern and your advise and opinion on the matters. And you are absolutely right. But it's the only way I know for the moment.
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Jennifer, Pam is unfortunately right. You have to move back and then work it out with the po. You could get violated for merely having a turn signal out if you’re out of county. Then who’d retrieve the car, him?
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I would get a written statement from father and you that he wants you as his caregiver. And that time is of the essence because he’s so far way. Whatever the State believes is the minimum employment is what dad should officially pay. It’s not against the law to just give it back to him minus restitution.

besides that tho. At 24/7, elders oft have day to day issues like needing to be toileted or bathed. Stuff that gets ppl to snap. When you were in, did you program with the programs that teach this kind of patience, such as the ducats that shower and change residents at San Quentin or Stockton? A program rehabbing pound dogs for adoption? Those things would greatly help.
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Jennifertillman Mar 2022
So what do I do.... Kind of start my own "business" as a caregiver? Like just for purpose of this issue? Self employed as a caregiver and get some sort of pay receipt or something? Probation said they wanted paychecks when I did get a job so I guess I would need to open a bank acct and he'd need to write checks to me. That seems like too much and I don't know that my dad would do that. He doesn't even have a check book. He uses his debit only. But that may work. Seems overkill to just prove I'm his caregiver/ my job . But it's an idea.
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You would probably need to show the PO an official caregiving agreement drawn up by an attorney and notarized. Even that may not be good enough as he would likely want to see you earning an income. Ask the PO if that would be sufficient. If not, you then need to get a job as the PO requires and then need to call APS in your father's state and report a vulnerable adult.
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Jennifertillman Mar 2022
Well, my dad isn't paying me directly or by the hour. But, since I've been here, he has picked up my expenses if at the time they are due, I haven't been able to pay. Don't get me wrong, it has been no where near l what I'd earn at a regular full time or even part time job. Monthly expenses like my storage unit, my probation fees and my phone bill. I get state assistance right now for groceries. But I am living with him, so that's room n board. Its just, PO doesn't know that I am here(because she has been reluctant in the transfer). So I am getting some kind of income. I pay my probation fees $110.00 a month and I tell her my dad or friend helps by lending or making pymnts. So I don't see why she wouldn't consider that as an income of sorts. I guess my next move is Monday morning going to talk to my dad's doctor in person. We are there so often and he knows the care my dad requires that his awareness may help in the situation as for as giving me some kind of documentation or advise. Then I will submit anything I have to the probation officer. If she will not transfer me I will probly go to a superior. I don't know if it will help or hurt my situation but, it's all I can do. Something's gotta give.
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Jennifer sooner or later your PO will figure out what is going on, and then the crap will hit the fan either way. Think about that,,, you will be back in jail and your Dad will still have no help. And your" less than a year " will be MORE than a year. Can he afford in home help for awhile? Can you find a paying job in his area? You really are between a rock and a hard place, and your future may depend on playing by the rules for a few more months.
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sp19690 Mar 2022
She can't get a job in her dad's area because he lives in another county and she is already violating her parole by crossing the county line to care for him.

She has asked her PO for a transfer to the new county where dad lives but so far PO has been dragging their feet on it. Her PO said she needs to have a job by the time she meets with her PO again otherwise she is in violation.

Something will have to give. Either she stays in her county and finds a job or keeps staying at dad's, violating parole and risks going back to prison.
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Jennifertillman, since your Dad need 24/7 care, that would mean you would be "working" 168 hours per week with zero time off. You are doing the work of 3 caregivers doing 8 hour shifts each day.

Please note up to 40% of caregivers die leaving behind the love one they were taking care. What would your Dad do?

I see from his profile he is only 64 years old, but like your said his drinking has accelerated his medical issues. Can your Dad budget for senior living like living in Independent Living where he has to take care of himself, but there are Staff available if he needs help. And you are too young not to have a career for yourself so you can be ready for retirement at a later time.

Contact the Texas Department of Medicaid [Medicare is something else] to see what options your Dad may have for his care. If he was in the military, he might find living at a VA facility the best thing for him.
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Jennifertillman Mar 2022
I do agree that I need a career of my own. I've always worked and quit a good job to relocated to help him. When I made that decision and first moved he was not in the condition he is now. He decline very fast and the recovery plan his doctor has set up has kept me very busy taking dad to Dr referrals to this specialist and tests and labs and scans.
Right now he has so much going on with his health that his primary care phys sees him once a week. Just this week I have assisted my dad in submitting an application of assistance for Medicaid through the states DDHS office. I plan to call and try to get an advisor of some kind from that office and talk to them about it. Thank you for you advise
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I always got a note from Moms doctor saying I was her Caregiver. Got me out of Jury Duty.😊

Maybe you need to have APS (Adult Protection Services) in Dads county to come in and evaluate Dad for 24/7 care. Then they can write your PO a letter saying that Dad needs a Caregiver and since he has no money to pay for it, you need to be that Caregiver. Can you have your probation switched over to the county Dad lives in? Then u can live with or near him.

I can't believe a PO could be that callous. It may just be he is doing his job which is you abiding by the probation rules.
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Jennifertillman Mar 2022
Ive already pressed for the transfer. And if. Officer asked for me to complete certain requirements first. That was a 90 day program. I have completed it with a satisfied discharge. And now, as part of my probation requirements, she says I need a job by the time I report next or will be violated. I have explained that I am taking care of my dad and I live with him. (Actually, I've lied and said he has come to stay with me for the time being because I am not supposed to leave the county without a travel permit and permission). I have all my things in a storage and have moved in with him permanently now and travel back n forth as needed for probation and counselling. My dad does receive monthly SSID income and pretty much, I do get paid for the care. Since I've been here, he has helped me financially when needed he has paid my storage bills, or my probation fees and my phone bill sometimes. But it's only as needed. I have sold lots of assets for income and have a friend that has some times helped on my travel costs back n forth as well. If the department would just grant me the transfer it wouldn't be such a problem. I could possibly get a local part time job in the new county. Under current circumstances, I couldn't get a job and keep it with all the travel I'd have to take off work for anyway. I don't know what to do at this point. I can ask his doctor and for some type of documentation Monday and see what he says he can do if anything. Thanks
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So you have moved and have managed to switch your probation to where you moved (in order to help your parent).
My advice would be to ask your new probation officer what they would require for you. This may be problematic as you will not be paid, if I am correct, and I believe they want you to have a paid job. Otherwise how can you live?
In any case, ask your new probation officer. Then you may need to get a letter from your parent and your parent's MD indicating that they require someone doing in home help.
Quite honestly, if probation says there's no answer to this, then there isn't, and your parent may need to go into care, at least while you finish probation. It may be better to let parent be a ward of the state through the courts as they will assign a fiduciary to find safe in home OR placement, and will handle applications to medicaid and so on if needed.
I am sorry. This won't be easy, but I suspect throwing yourself on your probation officer's mercy is about the best you can do right now. I sure wish you luck.
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Jennifertillman Mar 2022
No, I have moved and probation refuses pretty much to transfer. My officer says she wants me to complete certain things, I do what she requested and she says something else. This has went on for over 90 days now. SlShe is aware of everything except that I am now living with my father being his full-time caregiver. She thinks I have moved him with me, in the county I have probated. It is a violation for me to leave the county without permission. So I am traveling 400 miles to report to probation and to do counselling etc. But the issue at hand for the time being is I don't have a job. Unable to leave my father for the time being to go to work. Taking care of him is pretty much my job. I don't get directly paid but he does halo me out with my few monthly finances I still have. I need some kind of documentation stating that he needs the care and that I provide it to him. I guess...... Hell I don't know, I really need my probation transfered more than anything. But this is her new reason for not doing so, "I am still not employed".
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