I am on the fence about placing mom in a memory care facility.

Have you looked into any Board and Care facilities in the area?
I would try that. Often a more home like situation with fewer people. Often family run.
I would not, under any circumstances, bring her home.
What you witness when you visit is a mind that is so introspective now that she is likely very little aware of the circumstances around her. She is too much care at this point for you to attempt safely at home in my own humble opinion.

I would begin to explore other places available where you are.
And I would hope (and pray were I a believer) for peace for your mom if I were you.
This is so very sad, and I can't imagine the suffering it causes you, but do know that it is unlikely she is experiencing it the way you are.

Don’t bring her back home. You’ll be sorry that you did and constantly worry about her. Remember why you placed her. You were concerned about safety issues.

If your mom’s facility isn’t up to par, look into placing her elsewhere. Tour a few different places and ask lots of questions. Check out the reviews on each of them.

Best wishes to you and your mom.

The flooring at the memory care I am moving my mom to is sticky on purpose, so people are less likely to fall. I haven't been in a memory care yet that didn't smell a bit like the residents' diapers. They should invent a drink that makes pee and poo smell like fresh air.
As for the food, maybe it's gross looking but easier for dementia patients to swallow, I don't know.
My mother is delusional, and she was scared and miserable in her home, scared and miserable in her nice independent-living apartment, and I reckon she'll be scared and miserable in memory care.
If she were in my house, she and my husband and I would all three be scared and miserable.

Spend your free time looking for a better place. They aren’t all as you describe.
Contact the home health you had coming in to bath her. Ask their social worker to help you find a place. Call your Area Agency on Aging and ask for their help. After experiencing where she is now you will have a better idea of what to look for when you visit and make a better choice for her. It is nice to have her within 10 min but not the most important thing. It’s a fine balance.

findhelp.org might be a good place to start. It’s part of Area Agency on Aging and no charge.

You're actually "on the fence" about taking your mom out of her current memory care facility, and bringing her back to your home, and not the other way around right?
First I will say that there is NO perfect nursing facility of any kind, so you have to choose what you consider the best option available in your moms price that she can afford.
And then I'm sure you're already aware that your mom now has a 24/7 staff of many people looking after her, where you are but one person, so if you were to bring her back into your home, you would be doing the work of at least 5-6 people all by yourself, and that is after running on little to no sleep.
Can it be done? Of course if you're willing to risk your job and your health all for your moms care.
Know that 40% of dementia caregivers will die before the one they're caring for, from stress related issues. I'm sure your mom would not want you killing yourself(literally)because of her.
So if your not happy about her current living conditions, start looking for other memory care options, as there are plenty out there, before you even consider bringing her back into your home.
Best wishes in getting this all figured out.

I know it's hard to see (and smell)....
but please don't go backwards, keep moving forward. You may need to sacrifice convenience for what you consider a better place.

She sounds like she is already getting worse. She is not safe in your home with stairs and kitchen access. You need your sleep. In home care costs a fortune.

Is she crying for you to take her back to your home when you visit?
Look for a better place, with activities. MC facilities are not five star hotels.
You want her safe, fed and kept clean. I don't think she is totally miserable or expects a hotel atmosphere. By the time bathing is needed done for her, total luxury is not in her thought process.

Sorry you are having doubts. Ask brother to help you find a better place.

There are some excellent MCs out there. Perhaps you should look again

Home care is difficult to sustain. The things you mention, such as people coming in and out of your house and getting her to a care facility for day care, take time and management. It can’t run smoothly, ever. She might refuse to go to day care. Yes, there are night caregivers. They don’t always show up, and then what will you do? Managing home care leaves little time for anything else. Find a better memory care place for mom.

As for food for dementia patients, many have lost their sense of taste and smell. That affects what they can or will eat. They may not have a full set of teeth or be able to wear dentures. Sometimes their food needs to be cut in small pieces or be mushy because they have no idea that stuffing a huge piece of meat in their mouth will choke them. They may not know how to use a knife or be allowed to have one. Yes, that may be what’s ahead for your mom. How would you handle it at home?

I hope you find a good solution.

If you bring her home give her 400 mg magnesium glycinate around 6 or 8 pm. It will help her sleep through the night. Make sure to get the glycinate version to prevent loose stool.

I told myself that I would keep my Husband at home as long as it was safe for HIM and as long as it was safe for ME.
So put that thought in your head.
Now..What is your "Line In The Sand" by that I mean at what point will you say "I can't do this anymore" for whatever reason. This is YOUR personal "thing"
Now put that in your mind.

Yes there are Adult Day Programs that will keep her occupied for a good portion of the day. Most pick up in the morning, provide a breakfast, a lunch and a snack and bring the participant back home around 3 or 4 PM. Great option. As long as she can participate, as long as she is compliant, as long as she does not get kicked out. (my Husband was kicked out of the Adult Day Program for trying to leave)

You can hire caregivers that can help out during the day.
This can be a great solution. Use moms assets to pay for the caregivers.
You do not need the services of a Nurse, a "companion" caregiver will be less expensive. Check with agencies in your area and they can assess need and the price will vary depending on what level of care is needed. I would guess minimum would be $25.00 per hour and it will go up from there.

Check with your local Agency on Aging and or the local Senior Service Center and see if mom qualifies for any services.
If mom is a Veteran she may qualify for help from the VA If her husband is a Veteran she may qualify for services as well. Contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission and they can answer questions and help determine what benefits she would qualify for.

I would not put a gat at the top of the stairs. If she tries to climb over the gate the risk of her falling down the stairs is VERY high.
If possible a door would work better.
Moving her bedroom to the first floor would be even better.
There are alarms that you can put under the door, they look like an old fashioned doorstop and if the door is opened the alarm will sound. (Lots of people use these when traveling and put by a hotel door)

For some people a black rug in front of a door or set of stairs might look like there is a hole in the floor and they will not step on it. (might be an option for a door you do not want her to use like basement stairs)

Placing "fake" door knobs on a door will confuse someone, they will not know what doorknob to turn to open the door.