My husband and I are legal immigrants. We got married and had a child early. I'm now 24 with a 3-year-old. Both of us are the only child of our parents. To support us, my dear mom sold her apartment in our home country and bought a house here for us. She is the sole owner, but we are living in it. My dad is 57 and my mom is 55, both of them working and making money (over average but not rich) in our home country. My ungrateful mother-in-law, on the other hand, was in and out of prison for around 15 years since my husband was a little boy. The reason being, she set her mind into something our government doesn't approve of. This thing yielded to nothing (no money or fame gained, nothing) but ruining her own family. When she finally came out of jail, she came to the US seeking asylum. She was reluctant to come here as she was brainwashed in prison. We were also reluctant to take her in because who wants an ex-con to live with one's child? Especially we know very well that she always got herself and her family into unpleasant situations. Selfish, ungrateful, and lowly. I should add that it is more than a tradition for us that parents support their adult children when they get married and/or have children both physically and financially. It's like you got to eat food every day. It does not change when people move abroad. My mom sure has done her bit and I am so so grateful. My grandparents did the same thing. My mother-in-law, who has been staying with us 2 years is stopping to meet expectations in living here. All we want from her is doing light housework and cooking meals on time. Please understand that we have to take into consideration that this is her chance to make up to my husband. Everyone who has little care for her tells her that she should really make it up to her son and it is for her own good. But it is extremely difficult to make her do anything. The reason is the thing that got her into jail is still being pursued by her. Her understanding of this thing is that everything is just ghost, especially family, the only thing that matters is to go out there and give people flyers telling them how bad our home government is and how they are being unfairly and brutally treated. But really, she lives like a ghost - always whining, always! Crawling up in a corner and holding her dear book (written by the creator of this thing) and mumbling. When she is sitting or standing, she always put her hands in her legs and makes a hunchback - this is exactly how she looks like. Everyone she met, she had to tell them her uncommon experience, which really scared away other people. Really pain in the ass when our friends came by. We've seen and talked to people who also practice this thing - they all seem very calm and lead pleasant lives and have wonderful family and children to care for (this is what this thing is really about - to make peace with everything). She is definitely going about this the wrong way. She also has hearing-loss but refused to go to a doctor. There have been many times she took my child without my permission to send out flyers like a rat, which she thinks that by doing so, my child is receiving a bless, when the truth is she is bringing disgrace on my child. My mother-in-law refuses to receive treatment for her hearing-loss, refuses to live like a normal person, and thinks that we owe her a great deal because she sometimes cooked awfully tasted lunch at 3pm and dinner at 9pm, because she attended to my child when I was not available by letting her watch bright screen in dark environment, because she brought us to watch a show (sponsored by that thing) that costs $500 when it was completely paid for by my husband who at that time was only receiving $1800 a month as a graduate student and we were severely in deficit but still accompanied her and stood by her belief by watching that show with her. It is also extremely difficult to communicate with her as we have to write down what we want to express and she can talk back. After many battles, we want to give up. We do not want her to live with us anymore. She can either find her own living here or she can go back to our home country - I don't care. We've heard a great deal of how she dislikes living with us, dislikes this country, and how she wants to go back to her home country. Now that I made it clear that I wish to evict her, she shamelessly wouldn't go! I know why - because she doesn't have means to provide for herself. Now she does nothing and stays in the house my mom bought. That is not okay. Why should my mom pay for her living? I don't care about how this thing will look - I just need her to go. She is only 54 - people at this age still work and many even have teenage kids to support! But she is just shamelessly relying on us, and on my mom's grace! How do I evict her from my home without negative legal consequences coming back on me? I don't care if she just dies out there. I just want to be legally safe is all.
Maybe your husband needs to be the one to talk his mom, and to find help for her. If he is being passive and relies on you to move things forward, you might end up resenting each other. Plus it sounds like you are maxed out. I wish your family luck in finding options that will bring out the best in all of you, and will help your mother-in-law feel more safe and at home in our country.
A lawyer will be able to determine which procedure you must use, and handle the eviction. An eviction takes about a month in California. I agree with Katie, that waiting period could get very uncomfortable while she is still living there. Be sure to tell the lawyer that she has taken your child from the home without permission.
Even though she pays nothing...once her residence became your home, you must treat her as a tenant...she is a legal resident.
The lawyer will handle the eviction.
This is going to be really difficult and unpleasant. While you are evicting her she will still live there! I would worry that she might turn vindictive and destroy stuff while you are not home. Worry about your family safety. Tell the lawyer all your concerns about her during the eviction process. It can take a couple months in some places.