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I had hip replacement 4 months ago. Unfortunately I need to get my second hip done. I suffered in pain for 9 months prior to surgery. My only support group is my caregiver. She is awesome, but weekends are not good. I am working on finding a caregiver for at least 4 hrs a day for weekends. My husband is lost, doesn’t know me and cannot find normal household things…refrigerators microwaves, bedrooms, bathroom, etc. he has Lewy body dementia. He is very sweet, we have been married for 54 years. I am mentally and emotionally drained since any thing that he needs, when the caregiver is not here is my responsibility. I cannot walk without a walker. Luckily we have long term insurance that covers him for at least 5 years plus savings and a we own our home free and clear. Advice on how to cope?

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Lily, welcome!

It seems pretty clear to me that you need to place your husband at least temporarily in Memory Care while you recover.

Can you get your doctor to recommend a rehab stay for your second hip?
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So sorry about your husband.

How long do you have to wait to get your second hip done? At that point, you should try to go to rehab and have hubby go somewhere for respite care so you can get the care you need. Even if you come straight home, still put him in respite care so you can recover.

Find yourself a weekend helper ASAP. Do you have any leads? Does your caregiver? They often have friends in the business too. I don't really think that 4 hours a day is enough on the weekends. This is a LOT on you and you are not in the physical condition to be able to currently handle it. Emotionally it's very difficult too so more help is better.

Have you thought about the two of you going into assisted living? You could at least have some support - meals, cleaning, laundry, etc.
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Try a nursing school. Our local Community College has a nursing program. Maybe one of the students would like some extra money to help pay for school.

I agree, find a place that will take husband temporarily. You may find he acclimates well there and he can stay. LD is one of the hard ones. They can become violent and aggressive.
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Oh my gosh, I feel for you. I don’t know how you are managing to care for yourself and your husband. I hope that you are able to find additional help.

It’s obvious how much you love him but you have to take care of yourself too.

Please consider placing your husband in a facility so you can heal properly. Some facilities offer respite care. This would be a good way to see if this is the best fit for him in the long run.

Best wishes to you and your husband. Take care.
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Respite care so that you can recover after the operation sounds exactly what it was designed for. Unless you feel that the time has come for permanent placement.
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My suggestion would be to consider a live-in caregiver. You can get one through an agency that provides that type of service. You would have to have them for consecutive days but you can decide how many. It doesn’t have to be 7 days/week. It can be 3 or 4 days for example. The fees can range between 250-350/day. If you have LTC insurance to help with the fee it might be doable. You could get respite that way. If desired you can combine that with having a second person who’s hourly that you privately hire for days the live in isn’t there.
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KaleyBug Feb 2023
That was going to be my suggestion, especially just after your surgery. The live in rate is cheaper then the 24hr rate. Because 24 stays awake. The live in gets sleep time and breakfast, lunch and dinner breaks. Basically you are paying for 14 hrs of care with a live in. You could do a live in Saturday 8 am thru Monday 8am when you normal lady comes in and then find someone to fill in extra hours during the week while you heal.
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Lily you are doing so much. I admire your love and care for your husband. I'm currently caring for my Mom in our home for the last 13 months..she has some dementia, and recently fell and fractured her pelvis. She's recovering well but I'm getting so worn out attending to her all day. If you could get a local person to come in do some errands, light housekeeping, and care for your husband, this would give you a break. Check out Care.com for caregivers in your area. You can become a member for 3 months at a minimal cost. I interviewed a woman to help care for my mom, when I must be leave. I'm not using her full time because I'm one of those people...but now I do have have a backup. Good luck to you..your going to feel so much better once your done with your hip replacements.
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Until you can recover from 2 surgeries, you basically need 24 hour help. Talk to insurance about 24 hr care in the home for right now since you have the long term insurance policy. It's possible, you may have to place him in NH/memory care facility until you are able to get back to your old way of taking care of him yourself.

The only other alternative I can think of is self pay home care for all of his waking hours so someone else provides his needs. I say this because you didn't mention any relatives that could come in and fill in the blanks for your current caregiver.
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Sounds like you both can benefit from caregiver assistance. You'll need help after surgery. Are there any friends or family that can help out temporarily? Best of luck finding a solution. 24hr care might be needed for awhile
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Lilylynn2u: Perhaps your DH (Dear Husband), who unfortunately suffers from Lewy Body Dementia, requires placement in a managed care facility. This may allow you to focus on your health needs and your required second hip surgery. It is not advisable to suffer in pain for a second nine month duration.
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