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I do not have a caregiver because I can get around pretty well myself. My family lives far away. They call, but are of no help here at home. I am starting to worry about showering alone, have some dizziness. My food is delivered from the grocery near by. Things are not going to get better, so I want suggestions about keeping hair and body clean, safely! Also, how to grow older 'gracefully' with some sense of dignity. I have a friend, we live miles apart, but she has many of the same concerns, We cannot live together (it's too complicated to explain). She is in her early 80's. The humor group on here may be of some help! :) A pick me up!

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I am an educator with a background in neuroscience and cognitive psychology. I have been my 89yo mother's support to age in her home near me, and have supported other aging family members. I have also written education grants to support aging in place.

Here is my advice (though not everyone folows it):
1. Make the changes you WILL need BEFORE you need it. Get a fall detection button with GPS to work wherever you are. Renovate your bathroom to have a zero entry shower. Be mindful that appliances grow old and break and can be expensive to replace and challenging to relearn - plan ahead for these changes, too.

2. Talk with your family and set up a team of support. Make sure you have medical directives clear. Assign financial and medical powers of attorney. Agree on a support team including: a family practice attorney to keep your legal documents up to date, a CPA to do your taxes, and a Fanancial Advisor/fiduciary to manage investments. Ensure your Geriatric Dr and local hospital have the papers they need on file.

3. Learn about the technology that can help your family support you. These things may include:
Smart doorbells that someone in any location can monitor and answer.
Dusk to dawn lightbulbs inside and out to keep your home well lit for your safety and security.
An Alexa device that can be programmed to remind you of medication, and calendar your events.
A tracker on your phone so it (or you) can be found if you are lost.
Smoke alarms - new standards have a 10 year life without changing the battery, and can even talk to each other so if an alarm goes off in one part of the house (like the basement) the smoke alarm on the 2nd floor goes off to tell you there's a problem.

Be mindful that your technology can and should be integrated into your aging plan to turn over to a family member to manage. For example, I manage my mom's calendar which is connected to both my phone, her phone, and her alexa. She gets reminders before appointments or activities which really helps her memory. I also manage her smart thermostat so I can adjust the temperature from my phone if she can't do it herself, and I can see if the system is running inefficiently or needs the filter changed.

4. In my experience, it can be difficult for people to age in the home they have lived in for years. Suburbs that may have been great to raise a family may not have the medical care needed for older people, and communities of young working families can be very isolating during the day when no one is home in the neighborhood.
Make a plan for where you can age in place with safety, health and social factors all in mind. Plan this with your family so they know what you want and when you want it. Be mindful that age really is just a number and health can change rapidly. So, when to make a change cannot be determined by a number, but by physical and cogntive abilities. This is one reason to use a Geriatric Specialist for primary care because they are very skilled at assessing more than just basic physical health.

5. Do not make a plan to rely on paid care givers. House keepers, gardeners, hair stylists, yes. But, I trust the people who provide these services to my mom, and I still make sure they see me and know I am watching over her. I have personally witnessed family members be conned by that "oh so friendly" chuch member or "handyman" next door neighbor. Even good in-home caregivers get sick or need time off, so relying on them cannot be a long-term plan. Be mindful that in home care becomes very expensive and is not the cost savings people first think it is.

6. Consider that your quality of life is most important. I have had family members refuse to leave their home at the expense of their safety, security, and physical/mental/emotional health. A home does not make someone happy. Being around people, feeling safe and secure, living as healthily as possible does make people happy.
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I'm in a situation similar to yours. 80 yrs old and living alone. Get yourself a shower chair...one with arms. Best invention yet! You can shower standing or sitting. If dizzy standing, simply sit to complete shower. At our age, dizziness in the shower is common. Not always a medical problem. See a doctor if dizziness is frequent under other conditions.
Make sure you have sturdy grab bars to hang on to getting in and out of shower. Any hardware store has them and any handyman can install them. Make sure your living area is free of hazards. Safety is THE most important concern if you plan to continue living independently.
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I will be 87 with no family for years and I became disabled. It was hell for me but I coped by thinking out of the box and looking to make sure that my affairs were l00% in perfect order (updated every six months). I checked out every possible option for all kinds of situations to be prepared and I did succeed. It is not easy but you have to face the fact that if you are alone, YOU are the one who must find a way to take care of yourself. No one else will do it unless you are lucky. If possible, get some possible "friends" in place to step in if things happen. Also talk to the Office on Aging who can help. I hate being all alone but I am managing just fine 99.9% of the time. I REFUSE TO GIVE UP.
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Winniebe, After reading everyones responses I agree to see your Doctor regarding the dizziness. While you are there mention your concerns about starting to worry about showering alone and growing older "gracefully". Express your fears to the Doctor. You are both over 65 and I'm sure have medicare or medicaid. These services were put in place to help the over 65 crowd. Tell the Doctor you do not feel steady on your feet and would like some physical therapy, this will open up a case for you and you will be evaluated. First a nurse comes to the house and makes sure you are safe if she feels you need a raised toilet seat she will order it and medicare/medicaid will pay for it that also goes for a shower chair, walker, cane and anything else she feels you need to make living at your home easier for you. Physical therapy comes in and does some exercise with probably for only 5-10 sessions depends on the individual. You may also qualify for an aid two to 3 times a week for a couple of hours. If you want you can have them stay near the bathroom so you have peace of mind while you shower they do not have to be in there watching you. I take care of 3 oldsters.. haha 94,93, and 82. Two of them have a 24/7 aid the 93 yr old lives alone. The 93 yr old wears a medical alert device everyone talked about on this forum I think its a great idea. She too has a friend and they call each other every morning to make sure each one of them is still alive.. her words not mine...She still has a good mind and her decision making is still good. If you feel that you are forgetting things then please tell the doctor that too and same with your friend. As far as the pet issue... its a lot of work taking care of a dog but it was suggested by people here because its unconditional love its company. The 93 yr old watches a neighbors dog for a few hrs a week and she loves it.. it has become her baby lol she rubs his belly and she talks about him to me for hours. Maybe you can dog sit for an older dog for a few hrs for a neighbor, just a suggestion. As for the shower... I feel twice a week is fine unless their is some incontinence, then of course more cleaning is needed. You can just shower your body one day and they do hair over the sink the next day if doing it all at once is too tiring. When my mother told me she was afraid to be alone in the house that is when I got an aid for her. She is 82 with moderate memory decline. I took all the valuables out of the house so she wouldn't worry that she was being robbed when she was in shower. I am telling you all this because getting help now on your terms is better than falling, breaking a hip and then getting anyone to help because you have no choice. You said yourself "Things are not going to get better" so plan for it. I wish you and you friend all the best.
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For dizziness try vit 12 a fast dissolve or even B-12 shots are found to help. Older folks do not absorb B-12 in their stomach. I have some that comes in a spray. Ask your doc. Also do anything furniture wise that can make you life safer.
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Arwen31 Oct 2020
I'm using Vitamin B12 5000mcg in the sublingual version for my mom 3 times a week. It improved her levels a lot, which were very low ( and no doctor ever checked!). The sublingual version gets absorbed in the blood directly and bypasses the gastrointestinal problems of absorption which are very common in elderly people. I can recommed the brand if needed.
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Doctors are often too aggressive in prescribing meds for older people for hypertension or diabetes. Ask your doctor if that could be contributing to your dizziness. It is unrealistic, IMO, for the medical profession to try to get an older person's numbers in the range of what is considered normal for a young adult. It does more harm than good.
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I have nothing to add except maybe if your family members are willing you can have a camera in your home (like the baby cams) and they can check up on you with their phones. You may feel this is an invasion of your privacy though so I just reinforce a medic alert that you can wear in a shower, shower bars etc.
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Check out the dizziness with your doctor. Could be allergies/ear issues, medicines you take, or something else. You certainly don't want to fall in the shower or anywhere else.

Get yourself an alert button and get in the habit of wearing it every single day with recharge unit next to bed so it is near you as you sleep. I highly recommend Great Call 5star unit. You can go anywhere with it on. Your family could look online to see where you are if you aren't answering the phone. If you fall or need any kind of help AT ALL, they answer very quickly when you push the button. You can get the unit at Walmart, online, etc. If you happen to fall, you can get help right away. Too many people fall and lay on a cold floor for long time and their chance of recovery goes down the longer they lay there.

You and the friend can help each other by calling several times a day to make sure things are ok. AM call at usual wake up time, maybe around lunch, and for sure at bed time to let each other know you've made it to bedroom and ready for bed. I always did am and pm with my mom to be sure things were ok. And I got her the alert button.

Shower is wet, creates even more fall risk than other rooms in the house. Get a shower bench that extends over edge of tub a little. You sit from outside and then put feet over edge of tub to get in. Safer than a bath chair where you have to step in to sit down - more risk of a slip. Later on, you might consider changing a bathtub out for a shower stall only to eliminate trying to get legs over a tub edge.

If you have trouble getting around - get the walker/rollator w/seat Don't be a stubborn old fool who doesn't want people to think they are 'disabled'. Get over it. When you fall and break something, they won't think you're disabled - they'll know you are. And don't limit getting out of the house because you know you can't walk as far as you used to when a rollator could afford you the ability to get around, sit a while, and roll again. Avoiding using things to keep you moving is a crazy sort of vanity.

If you've been one of those people who climbs on the roof to clean the gutters - it's time to stop. (I could write a book on things my grandmother's neighbors would tell us she was doing). You may well be able to climb the ladder or drag the hose up there with you, but there may come a day that you come down the ladder much faster than you went up. Instead of proving to the world you can still do it, prove to them that you plan to avoid falls so you can live longer with all your bones intact.

If you aren't doing any kind of strength exercises - start. If you're going to hang around into old(er) age, you might as well do it in the strongest body you can build. Have fun doing whatever it is you enjoy doing. And, my biggest suggestion is get a pet! Even an older senior dog who has been dumped in a shelter would appreciate a little kindness in the years they have left.
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Imho, please ask your doctor why you are having bouts of some dizziness. I, too, recently suffered from this and knew the reason immediately. My ear specialist worked within my ear far too deep and caused vertigo. Please do not let yourself have a fall event. Also, a medical alert bracelet/necklace may be advisable for you. Prayers sent and bless you for being proactive inlieu of reactive regarding your health.
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You probably should get one of those medical alert services with bracelets or necklaces (like one that can be worn 24/7 and waterproof.)
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Have you checked with your doctor to see why you are dizzy? It isn't natural.

I am 86 and hubby 88. So here is some ideas.

Exercise! keep your strength up. This includes lifting weights.
Have grab bars all over the bathroom.
Have a place at eye level to store shampoo and stuff. So you don't bend over and straighten up.
When the time comes, use a shower chair.
Don't be too proud to use cane, walker, rollator, whatever. (I have a real problem with this).
I am not there yet, but I have a box for my rollator that I can put dirty clothes in when I take them to the washing machine.
Get a personal safety device (help I have fallen down and can't get up). You can wear it in the shower.
If you try to cut corners and hurry, Remember, do you want some good looking firefighter seeing you buck naked? So, take your time.
I am sure others have some very good ideas.
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Do get dizziness evaluated by the doctor to account for medications, dehydration, hypostatic positional dizziness, low blood pressure etc. When nothing obvious is found, dizziness is sometimes due to "misplaced otoliths" in the inner ear. (Look up BPPV-Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo). There are a number of treatments for BPPV. I am unable to do the more formal "Epley Maneuver," but my PCP gave me some simple head movements (vestibular exercises) to do morning and evening, and that is enough to keep my own dizziness at bay.

I have a shower chair I can use if I feel weak or dizzy, but most of the time it serves as a "shelf" for my shampoo and soap. I just leave it in the shower.

When I am not feeling dizzy, I often forget my vestibular exercises, so thanks for reminding me to do them today. I am also in my late 70's and living alone, so I understand your awareness of problem areas.
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So many wonderful ideas and the only thing I can add is get up slowly. Sit for a minute before rising. Another idea is to keep crackers and a juice box on your nightstand. Dizziness may be related to sugar issues. You may feel more steady having a light snack before getting up in the morning.
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Dehydration and direct drug interactions are only 2 of many possibilities;

if you're ingesting anything that you've been faithfully using your entire life, you'll need to talk to your doctor or pharmacist about how those drugs fail to operate as they did years ago.

If you find you're having lots of dizziness, please consult your doctor, who can can evaluate if your over the counter OTC drugs and/or Prescription Rx meds aren the source of dizziness.

An appointment with your General Practitioner GP, is 100% needed, who might refer you to a neurologist, for an evaluation.

Aging in place means you must be in contact with your regular doctor. Stay away from "essential oils," and other ongoing fads.
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Maybe you have already done this or others have suggested the same, but I would suggest you write all your concerns down and make an appointment with your doctor to discuss. You may want to ask for referrals to other professionals (such as neurologist, physical therapist, occupational therapist, etc.). You may also want to ask your doctor to consider any side effects or drug interactions from any medications or supplements you are taking (such as dizziness). These days they can find out all possible issues on a computer program which is what my doctor did for me and discovered the antidepressant I was on had the potential to cause serious issues down the road because of other medications I am on. A neurologist can evaluate your cognitive and neurological health. Physical therapy can help you work on strength, balance, some home adaptations and ways of doing things safely and occupational therapy can help you on these same things as well as making your environment safer and help you figure out ways of doing activities of daily living in ways that are safe, conserve energy and more efficient. Also exploring ways to enjoy things you are interested in or discover new interests to maximize your life satisfaction. Such things as grab bars, solid handrails for staircases, good lighting, a shower seat, getting rid of throw rugs or other tripping hazards, etc. can make a great deal of difference in your independence and safety. Having a cane to use when needed is a great help for being able to safely navigate your environment. I have a cane I use only rarely for when I am having pain in my hips or knees. I also have walking/hiking sticks which make trails less strenuous, safer and more accessible. Plus I get exercise, improve strength and endurance, and the immense pleasure from being in nature.
Obviously all of these things cost money but if you are a veteran you may be able to get some veterans benefits, or contacting local offices (like county or municipal) for the aging may help. Despite the high cost of an eldercare lawyer they can save you tons of money in the end. Your doctor may be able to help you get the assistance you need. Make sure your doctor’s office knows you have a number of concerns to discuss with him or her so they will give you enough time. Be sure to write down the doctors responses or better still bring someone along to write things down. You don’t want a quick in and out appointment to have your blood pressure checked, and a quick listening to of lung and abdominal sounds.
I wish you much health and happiness.
Rosemary S Marcus, MS/OT
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Great getting grocery delivery is great. You can have everything delivered from Costco, Drug Stores, Liquor and Amazon, etc. Learn how to use online deliver, Instacart, and while you can curbside pickup is wonderful and less expensive. Find a good trusted house cleaner to come in minimum twice a month. Learn how to use the apps for Uber and Lyft on your phone so that when it comes time to give up your car you are ready. Young kids in neighborhood may help and earn money with bringing groceries in, dog walking, short errands. Make your house as safe as you can, get rid of clutter, trip hazards and simplify everything. Good Luck you sound like you will do just fine.
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Lots of good ideas here. My only suggestion is a shower bench, instead of a shower chair, along with grab bars, if your bathroom has room.
I am 72, like my 92 year old Mom says, getting older aint for sissies!
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A lot of times dizziness has to do with changes in positions: getting up from bed, getting up from a chair... especially if you take blood pressure medications. The deal with blood measure medications is that they keep your heart from reacting as quickly to a need for a "push" of more blood to the brain during those moments. The best advice I can give (I am an RN), is to change positions slowly and have something to hold onto until the light-headedness passes. In the shower, you might want to consider getting a shower chair - the one with arms and a back - so you can comfortable sit while bathing. The plastic chairs are easier to keep clean and can easily be sprayed with your shower cleaner products. A handheld shower attachment makes it easier to rinse off - we've been using ones for decades (I'm in my 50's). Try to get one that allows you to "pause" the water flow while you are soaping up.

A lot of older people think they can bathe less often since they sweat less, but body microorganisms continue to grow and thrive on the skin. They need to be cleansed off regularly. Same goes for cleaning the hair. Use mild soaps or body washes DAILY (I use St. Ives Oatmeal with Shea) since they don't dry the skin out as much. Wash hair 2-3 times a week with mild shampoo and don't forget conditioner. After drying off, apply a mild body lotion to keep your skin soft and supple.

If you find you are having a lot of dizziness episodes, please consult your doctor. He/she can make sure your medications are not causing problems or address anything other condition that may be causing this.
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jacobsonbob Oct 2020
Bathing every day is probably a bit excessive (unless you are engaged in activity that causes much perspiration or simply causes you to get dirty or have some issue with your skin). The skin has beneficial microflora and excessive bathing tends to remove essential oils, etc. In addition, daily bathing increases the opportunity for falls.

Care facilities typically only bathe the residents twice a week.
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I’m in my early seventies and live alone. Doing relatively well and my POA lives a few miles away, works every day, but class almost everyday. I do get dizzy once in a while - ususally it’s low blood pressure because I’ve become dehydrated.

I installed grab bars and have a shower seat. I keep lots of nutrition shakes on hand in case I don’t feel up to cooking. I wash hair once a week, and with the pandemic, not getting out means sponge baths instead of showering sometimes.

Having a cuff-type blood pressure monitor on hand is helpful, as I check blood pressure now and then, especially if I’m dizzy. Sure enough, it’s too low when dizziness starts. Drinking water and eating something salty (helps retain fluid when fluid is needed) usually brings my blood pressure back up.

if you have to walk to a mailbox, ask your doctor to write a note that indicates you’re a fall risk. Take it to the post office and they’ll deliver your mail to your door (you’ll need a mail receptacle mounted near door, but you won’t have to risk falling - especially if you get ice and snow - to go out for mail.

If possible, arrange with a neighbor some type of daily visible signal that conveys you’re up and around (as raising a window shade, turn on outdoor light, etc). Ask neighbor to check on you when signal isn’t given.

Also, keep your cell phone within reach when showering and in a pocket while you’re walking around your house. I have an I-phone and my Apple I-watch detects movement indicating a possible fall. It’ll call 911 if you don’t respond to the phone’s text. Make sure your phone plan includes your watch’s capability to call out.

If you you can afford it, a move to a continuous care community will greatly assist you. You’re at the average age to start off with independent living in such a community.
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jacobsonbob Oct 2020
When my grandfather was living alone (in his mid-80's) he and a neighbor had an agreement that the bedroom shade would be down at night, and he would raise it when he got up. (However, he forgot to raise it one day, and then--true to form--he got a bit irritated when she came over to check on him!)
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There's a wealth of information here but I'll add a few things that helped with both my husband and my Mom:

Chair height toilets
Toilet safety rails - this is free standing, goes around the toilet (looks like a walker with no wheels). It also helps in the shower around a shower chair
Life Alert necklace with a fall sensor
Dry shampoo and body wipes or foaming cleaner - for between showers
I put chairs in spots that they would get winded, so they could stop and sit for a few minutes
Recliner/lift chairs

Being alone, do you have a group of friends or family members who could phone you every day at a certain time? My friend has a "round-robin" sort of telephone system in place with a group of friends who check on each other daily.

Obviously, maintaining good health is the best way to age gracefully but alot of these suggestions are also helpful for anyone facing surgery or recovering from an illness.

Best wishes!
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Use a Shower Chair and have hold on bars installed in your shower to steady yourself.

You should deffiently have a Call button installed in the bathroom and wear a First Alert in case you do fall you'll have a button to push for help.

As far as your dizziness goes, you should check with your Dr first as it could be just water or ear wax that is the culprit.
You should also be taking a one a day vitamin as my Dr just told me because my blood test showed I was low in iron and I was having dizziness. Also drink plenty of fluids, like 8 glasses but it can include milk, coffee, tea, ect as I find it hard to drink that much water.

Also, dremamimine, the pills you take fir sea sickness can help with the dizziness.

Juse get a check up first to see if there is an underlying problem.

I just bought a nice wood shower chair but there are less ecoensive plastic molded ones for sell at Walmart or any medical supply place.
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If you have the funds, contact your local agency on aging and maybe they can help in finding someone to come and put in safety grab bars in your shower area, get rid of throw rugs (causes falls), can you afford to have a caregiver come in 3 times a week to help you bath/shower your hair, etc.  Its good to hear that you are thinking of keeping yourself safe.  Also if you are having some dizziness issues, maybe speak with your doctor to make sure something else not happening.  Of course as we age, we do lose some balance so try to do some kind of exercises also to keep your balance.  I am sure you can "google" about balancing exercises for the elderly.  Wishing you luck.
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Use a shower chair and get grab bars installed for your shower. may want to hire someone to install the grab bars for you. You may want to invest in Life Alert or other alarm system if you fall you can press a button. I'm glad I do not have kids. They are mostly of no use. If you do not have a pet, keep it that way. They can become a trip hazard. Also keep your house uncluttered.

If things get so bad you may want to sell your house and use those proceeds to help with assisted living facility.
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Bridger46146 Oct 2020
Great that you mentioned not having a pet. Just something else to take care of.
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Exercise everyday, eat healthy, take vitamin D with K1 & K2 from "Innate Response." I take this one everyday. Shower everyday, get some essential oils
and a pet(dog or cat) and keep a network of friends and people who can do things for you. People who can help you. Get your hair done, smell good, feel good.
Age is just a number. Yoga and pool exercising is great to lift your spirits to want
to take care of yourself more plus you socialize.
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jacobsonbob Oct 2020
Having a dog or cat adds an extra responsibility that makes life more complicated (and that's assuming a person actually wants one). It's an inconvenience when one wants to travel. However, I guess if one is essentially a "stay at home" person then it's less of a problem.
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Please remember that one person cannot do it all! You must have a network of family/ paid caregivers to rely on.
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Ok, remember that unless you are involved in some dirty activity you probably only need to take a shower or bath - once a week; that probably includes your hair. I have stool by my bathroom sink and I do sink bath in between my shower; Although that I don't do daily. My face, and teeth are done daily.

Growing old gracefully. in my mind; means doing exactly what you are doing -- making choices about what you can and can't do and making changes in our life before they are forced on us.
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I still consider 70 pretty young... :-) I have coworkers that are almost 70.

You don't mention what your health issues are.  Have you talked with your doctor about the dizziness?  There are senior apartment communities and there is always assisted living.  The senior apartment communities are not so ridiculously priced like assisted living is, but with either of those, you would have more opportunity for socialization and friendships.  Friends in the same boat tend to look out for one another and that is always helpful.  Both of those living situations are typically set up with widened doorways to accommodate the width of wheelchairs and walkers.  They are also built with grab bars in the bathrooms/showers....etc.  I think the key is to not keep yourself isolated.  Declutter your home...get rid of all the excess so that you have less to clean and less stuff to maneuver around which could be a tripping hazard.  See if there is a senior community center near by.  Many of those centers can arrange transportation.   Having somewhere to go and something to do gives you purpose and a schedule and I always find that helpful. 

Take care Winniebe.
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Shower chair and seeing Dr are first steps as others. said. Plus reading up.
I would add... Get a good fall detection bracklet or necklace. Phillips worked well for my mom. She fell and it alerted 911 and I was just in the yard a few minutes. And it alerted me inside, when she fell getting her mail. She would not have told me.
Just Push button.. .. No. You have to be able to push for help. Fall detection is worth it for your independence and safety.
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Mary9999 Oct 2020
There is a free service called Snug Safely I've learned of. They have an informative website. You check in (by using the app on your smart phone) within a 10-minute period daily. (You set which 10-minute period.) If you don't check in, they text your emergency contact. They also have a service that was $9.99 a month or $99.00 a year, that will contact a list you've set, including medical personnel, etc. From what I've read, it's legitimate. I'm signing up for the free service, so far, although for seniors living alone, the paid plan is probably well worth it.
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Others have shared very good ideas on shower safety like sturdy grab bars, low entry, hand held shower head and shower stool. I know these things are expensive but it's worth it.

And don't get the suction cup grab bars. They are not strong enough. There's no point having a grab bar that won't hold your weight.

One thing my dad had that made him feel better was an emergency button. He lived in a facility that provided the button. But i think you can get a service to provide this at home. Then if you fall you can call for help.
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Keep in touch with life
Join a church, group or organization. Take a class in something you like. Make new friends. Live like never before. Network do online things. Volunteer to help others. Make the best of each day.
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LakeErie Oct 2020
Most of these things are closed due to virus.
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